We not own Harry Potter. Although we would like to be able to claim Books 1-6 and make money off of them, we would like it to be indisputably known that we would never wish our names to be in any way related to, tied to, or associated with the illogical farce that is entited "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."
This drabble is a part of the R.U.I.N.S: Can't Stand Deathly Hallows drabble project over on FictionAlley. This story is a compilation of scenes from Deathly Hallows that we feel merit further examination, and each chapter will contain several different scenes. To read more drabbles or for more information on the drabble project, please visit our author's profile page.
And then the source of the light stepped out from behind an oak. It was a silver white doe, moon-bright and dazzling, picking her way over the ground, still silent, and leaving no hoof prints in the fine powdering of snow. She stepped toward him, her beautiful head with its wide, long-lashed eyes held high.
Harry stared at the creature, filled with wonder, not at her strangeness, but her inexplicable familiarity. He felt that he had been waiting for her to come, but that he had forgotten, until this moment, that they had arranged to meet. His impulse to shout for Hermione, which had been so strong a moment ago, had gone. He knew, he would have staked his life on it, that she had come for him, and him alone.
They gazed at each other for several long moments and--
Hold on. Why had he suddenly decided not to alert Hermione? Isn't that the first thing he should do? What's the point of his standing guard if he was going to toddle off and leave Hermione asleep and vulnerable? What was it they said - "divide and conquer"? Harry wasn't too well versed in affairs of tactics and strategy - after all, Dumbledore had chosen to spend all of his 'training' time the previous year looking at memories of what young Tom Riddle had eaten for breakfast at the orphanage rather than actually give Harry substantial preparation for the seventh book - but even he knew it would be foolish to leave Hermione defenseless back in the tent. What sort of friend would he be if he did that?
And "inexplicable familiarity"? What was that nonsense? He barely knew what a doe was ... he'd thought it was a horned goat at first. Why the recognition? Why the sudden loss of his formerly "so strong" urge to call for Hermione? It was almost as if --
FOLLOW THE DOE.
Harry gave a start as the booming voice echoed across the clearing. Once again the sound seemed to come from nowhere ... but everywhere.
The silvery doe didn't seem to know what it was either. At least Harry didn't have to worry about the mystery of a talking silver white doe! A silver white doe of the standard non-speaking variety was bad enough.
But then he remembered that earlier time, back on page 141 ...
"Ah," said Harry, "I thought it might be you! So this is what Ron experienced, when he had his sudden epiphany over Vol-- You-know-who's name on page 141? You're trying to insert thoughts in my head, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?"
UHM ... YES.
"Well, I won't have it!" proclaimed Harry. "I'm going to go back and fetch Hermione right this instant!"
NO. YOU MUST NOT.
"But why not?" asked Harry. "It just doesn't make sense for me to wander around this dark and dangerous forest all on my own ... and to leave Hermione likewise open to attack! Why did you have me believe that the doe had 'come for me, and me alone'?"
I HAVE A SURPRISE IN STORE FOR YOU HARRY ... BUT IT WON'T WORK IF HERMIONE IS WITH YOU. AND I CAN'T THINK OF A REAL REASON FOR YOU NOT TO CALL HER ... SO I NEEDED YOU TO JUST HAVE A 'FEELING' THAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO SO. PLEASE FOLLOW THE DOE.
Well, the book was called "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", after all, mused Harry, not "Harry Potter and Hermione Granger and the Deathly Hallows", so it was reasonable that the action should focus exclusively on him ... even though he still had no idea yet as to what the "Deathly Hallows" part of the novel's title meant. Hermione had looked up "Hallow" as soon as the Trio had been told the name of the final novel but her dictionaries only gave definitions of the word as a verb, not a noun. Silly sort of word, really. Maybe the doe was a Hallow?
Pondering the mystery of a book whose title was a conundrum even at the midway point, Harry set off in pursuit of the doe ...
Well, he could have done without the freezing dip in the frozen pond - a bloke could catch his death of pneumonia on a quest like this, and Harry certainly had no intention of dying in this book - but now he understood why the mysterious voice had commanded him to foolishly follow the doe on his lonesome. Had Hermione been with him she likely would have thought of a brilliant way to fetch the sword without risking his life. Or - remembering her excited chatter about the full set of "Lord of the Rings" novels she'd received for a Christmas present at the end of fifth year - she would have probably reminded Harry to take off the locket, given the (purely coincidental of course) similarities between it and the One Ring. Certainly she would have immediately dived in after him, just like Ron had - she was his best friend, after all, and a fellow Gryffindor!
Had Hermione been with him then Ron's return would have been anti-climatic ... and the mysterious voice probably didn't want that. Harry understood this; he was as much in favour of melodrama as any other teenager.
"Come here," he said and he led the way, brushed snow from the rock's surface, and held out his hand for the horcrux. When Ron offered the sword, however, Harry shook his head.
"No, you should do it."
"Me?" said Ron, looking shocked. "Why?"
"Because you got the sword out of the pool. I think it's supposed to be you."
He was not being kind or generous. As certainly as he had known that the doe was benign, he knew that Ron had to be the one to wield the sword. Dumbledore had at least taught Harry something about certain kinds of magic, of the incalculable power of ...
Waitaminute. Dumbledore had done no such thing. All he'd been interested in was looking at memories of a young Tom Riddle in his childhood back at the orphanage, discovering what he ate for breakfast, what colour his pajamas were ... sometimes Harry wondered about Professor Dumbledore ...
Harry shook his head from side to side. It was happening again! "As certainly as he had known that the doe was benign" ...
"Okay," he said out loud, cocking his head and directing his voice up into the sky. "What is it this time? The book's named after me ... why shouldn't I be the one to wield the sword and destroy the horcrux? It's been five years since I clobbered the last one! The readers expect to see me demolish them all! I've got the job experience!"
RON SHOULD DESTROY THE HORCRUX.
"But why?" queried Harry again.
IT'S ANOTHER SURPRISE. BUT IT ONLY MAKES SENSE IF RON DESTROYS THE LOCKET. SINCE THERE'S NO REASON I CAN THINK OF FOR RON TO BE THE LOGICAL CHOICE I NEEDED YOU TO FEEL THAT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
"By implanting a false memory of a lesson that Dumbledore never delivered?"
Harry turned to Ron. "What do you reckon, mate?"
"Well ..." pondered Ron out loud, "it did make you stop saying the Dark Lord's name, for no reason and totally against your character and the precedent of the last six books, which made me feel a whole lot more comfortable, thank you very much, so ... yeah, why not? I've always wanted to be the hero!"
"I'm going to open it," said Harry, "and you will stab it. Straight away, okay? Because whatever's in there will put up a fight. The bit of Riddle in the Diary tried to kill me." Which is why he thought that he should still be the one to destroy the locket, but ... he'd agreed that Ron should have his go.
"How are you going to open it?" asked Ron. He looked terrified.
"I'm going to ask it to open, using Parseltongue," said Harry. The answer came so readily to his lips that he thought that he had always known it, deep dow--"
"OKAY, that's IT!" he screamed into the air. "NO MORE of these vapid feelings and decisions out of thin air, 'deep down' or otherwise! YOU HEAR ME?!"
Complete silence was Harry's only reply, disturbed only by the sound of water dripping from Ron's hair.
"You hear me!?" shouted Harry again. "I demand an explanation!! Something that will cause the readers to accept all of these decisions that we're making to move the plot in various directions for no reason! They're not dummies you know! Some of them won't stand for this shoddy plotting!"
VERY WELL. USE PARSELTONGUE TO OPEN THE LOCKET AND THE AIMLESS PLOT COURSE CHANGES WILL BE JUSTIFIED.
"It had better bloody well be justified," fumed Harry. "This is supposed to be a series which deserves its bestseller status; novels of excellence, of high quality! I didn't sign on for this sort of rubbish!"
"If you ask me, mate," said Ron, weighing in, "things have been on a bit of a downward spiral the last couple of books. Still, without the series, where would we be, yeah? Shall we get on with it?"
"Okay," said Harry, "but I'm looking forward to having these mysterious feelings and sudden flashes of insight explained. I don't know why I'm doing things half the time, so what do you reckon the readers are thinking?"
He breathed in and out deeply a few times to settle himself and calm his nerves.
"On three ..."
"Well, I could have done without THAT", said Ron. "Are you sure the mysterious voice is on my side?"
"I think," suggested Harry, "the voice wanted to make things really easy for you, mate. And make things absolutely clear to the readers as well, particularly those pesky H/Hr weirdos. Deliver Hermione to you on a platter, as it were. I mean, it would have been awkward if you'd had me as competition for her, wouldn't it? I am the hero, and Hermione is the leading lady! There would have been drama, romantic tension, Hermione would have been faced with a difficult choice, the Trio could have been split (again), you would have had to struggle against your selfish desires and inferiority complex ... as it is, I've suddenly declared that I love Hermione "like a sister" - we'll put aside the fact that I was raised in a cupboard and have no idea of what true "love" really is, be it for a 'sister' or a really hot chick with firewhiskey kisses - and the path is wide open for you to make goo-goo eyes at Hermione. She's already intimidated by the voice, she'll do whatever it tells her to do, so she's not going anywhere ... she'll wait until you've matured and are ready for a proper relationship."
"And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, Romulus?"
"I'd tell him we're all with him in spirit," said Lupin, then hesitated slightly. "And I'd tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right."
Harry looked at Hermione, whose eyes were full of tears.
"Nearly always right," she repeated.
"Yeah, except when they're wrong," snorted Harry. "Really! Is that the best you could do!?" he shouted into the sky. "What sort of justification is that? It's bollocks!"
By now Hermione and Ron were well used to Harry's tantrums and exchanges with the mysterious voice, so they calmly sat and waited for the response.
THE READERS WILL ACCEPT IT.
"But it explains nothing!" shouted Harry. "Remus telling me I should 'trust my instincts' is simply pushing the mystery of these 'feelings' one level further back. What, have you taken over Remus now? All those things Ron and I did, just based on a fancy, a whim, for no proper reason ... so now you try and justify it all, based on Remus's say-so ... which itself has no good reasoning? 'My instincts are nearly always right'?? For Merlin's sake!! You're making recklessness and stupidity and wishful thinking admirable character traits in your lazy rush to push the plot along! Do you really think the readers will cop that?"
Harry looked desperately to Hermione for suppport; she, after all, was the brains of the Trio. But Hermione bit her lip and then, shamefaced, turned away, still terrified of a regression to her sixth-year personality from spiteful authorial fiat. Harry knew he would get no help from that quarter. And Ron was still happy that he hadn't had to hear the word 'Voldemort' for over 200 pages.
Maybe the book would work out after all. If Hermione wasn't able or allowed to denounce the plot holes and lack of substantial storyline ... perhaps the readers wouldn't notice after all?
Written by Brad. Check out the profile page for more drabbles by him and by other authors, and keep checking back since we post new drabbles regularly.
This story is based on a real-life plot hole from "Deathly Hallows." If you would like more information on this plot hole, or any other plot holes or related problems, please feel free to peruse our "Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread (more details of which are on our author's profile page). Be forewarned that you must be willing to dedicate untold amounts of time to reading through our posts, since there are so many problems in "Deathly Hallows" that we are still finding new ones each and every day. We will not be held responsible for eyestrain, carpal tunnel syndrome, headaches, tears, or any cases of severe depression you might have after reading our thread.