A/N: This…is…something. Something odd, plot less and completely stupid, but crackatastic. Because after all, only Sakura could beat a Demon into submission…


Ow. Owowowowowow. That fucking hurts, dammit!

My head throbbed like Godzilla had picked it up, didn't like it's new toy and threw it back on the ground, then stomped on it for good measure. Yes, it hurt that fucking much.

Trying to ignore the constant throbbing (and failing horribly, I might add), I opened my eyes only to be confronted with light. Blinding, eyes-scorching light, the type that makes you think that God must have been some type of sadistic bastard for even inventing such a horrible degree of brightness.

Needless to say, my head disappeared right back into the crook of my arm, where dark and soothing shadows lay. Or, where my arm should be.

Instead, it was someone else's arm, someone with strong muscles and silky skin. Hesitantly, I opened by eyes, slowly so I wouldn't be blinded by that god-awful light.

Said person had golden skin and, as my gaze travelled upwards, I recognized him.

Naruto.

Or Kyuubi, as I should probably call him, if the dark, whisker like tattoos, red hair, blood red eyes or the wide, almost mischievous grin were anything to go by.

Those red eyes also were looking at me.

I could feel my eyes widening as I shoved my self backwards, and began awkwardly pushing myself back with my hands and feet.

Kyuubi slowly raised himself from the ground, his feral grin widening. It was then that I noticed the other people in the surrounding area; thankfully, the two were still asleep. Though one of them seemed a bit familiar…It took a second before I realized why; the small, swirly tattoos covering his chest (did I mention that the two guys were shirtless?) were eerily similar to those of Shukaku…

That's when the memories of yesterday decided to say hello.


"Naruto…" I groaned slightly, smiling as he failed again to catch a fish.

It was currently the spring festival, and Naruto had decided to bring me along to it. Well, he more like dragged me along, kicking and screaming, as I had wanted to stay at the hospital. After all, I couldn't allow patients to go untreated, could I?

Naruto had simply rolled his eyes and dragged me out by the feet.

Yes, by the feet. Because any other way meant I would brutally beat him up.

In the end, Tsunade-shishou herself came by and ordered me to attend the festival. She also continued to give me two weeks vacation, in which I was forbidden to even enter the hospital grounds unless I received life threatening injuries.

Also, Ino just happened to be around when she made that announcement, and with no excuse, she gleefully dragged me off shopping. I also made Naruto come along as punishment.

He was almost reduced to tears of boredom after the first hours, so I let him go.

So now decked in a beautiful yukata, I watched Naruto fail pathetically time and time again.

"I'll manage it this time, Sakura-chan, I swear I will!" He gave me a wide grin, the type that stretched his face so much that his eyes weren't even visible.

He didn't manage to catch the fish this time either.

So after a dozen attempts, I dragged Naruto away from the stand and the amused owner to find something else to do.

It was then that I saw something strange.

A tanned, blonde haired man was surrounded by Temari, Kankurou and the Kazekage, seemingly enraptured with the people walking down the streets. His mouth was hanging slightly open, revealing pointy and sharp looking fangs. A few swirly tattoos adorned his face.

That's when Temari spotted me. Her face showed overwhelming relief, and she beckoned me over with hurried gestures. Frowning slightly, I tugged Naruto along.

"Sakura, thank Kami you're here!" Almost immediately she engulfed me in a hug, before shoving something warm into my hands. A chain, I realized, chains connecting to the strange man.

"Great, Naruto's here too! They'll be more than enough to hold Shukaku!" With one last and relived grin, Temari tugged Kankurou away and disappeared into the crowd.

The Kazekage turned to the absent minded demon and tugged him down sharply down by the bangs until he was eyelevel with his host. "This is Sakura. Stay with her."

And with those curt words, the Kazekage followed his siblings and tugged Naruto along, gone so fast that Shukaku didn't even have enough time to protest to his unjust treatment.

Face blanking almost immediately, the Demon stalked off. "Hey, where are you going!?" I called after him, only reluctantly following.

"Away." Wow, another monosybilic one. Why were all the cute guys limited to single syllables?

"Why?"

"Because you're weak."

Oh no, he did not just say that.

Yanking the chains back hard enough that Shukaku actually fell down, the Demon seemed to finally realize the danger her was in. His eyes widened almost comically, but even Demon speed wasn't enough to save the Ichibi from meeting My fist.

Needless to say, Shukaku made sure to unfailingly polite to me for the rest of the evening. Or maybe he wasn't. I didn't really remember what happened after a happy looking Kyuubi and Naruto appeared, as lots and lots of alcohol followed.

Oh yeah, and there was dancing. Lots and lots of dancing.


Any sense of fear I had disappeared almost immediately. It was, after all, kind of hard to fear someone after you could still remember them dancing on a table.

I could almost feel his glare as I collapsed backwards, my lungs heaving against my rib cage as started laughing. Well, it was more like cackling, really. I certainly wouldn't be looking at coconuts the same way anytime soon…

"You- coconut- HAHAHAHAHA-." Um, yeah. See why I said cackling?

Poor Kyuubi was-…wait a sec…was he pouting? …He was pouting. The great Kyuubi no Youko was pouting, with his arm crossed and red hair ruffled.

He kinda looked like a kid.

He wasn't exactly helping my laughing fit.

Through my teary vision, I could see Shukaku sit up, slowly, like he wasn't even awake yet. He rubbed his eyes, looked around, seemingly decided that it was to early and went back down, clutching some half clothed brunette like she was some type of plushie.

That only made me laugh harder.

Kyuubi apparently decided that he wouldn't tolerate this any longer, as I could see him stalking over here.

Almost hesitantly, he poked me.

Yes, he poked me.

That only made me laugh harder. See, even the almighty Kyuubi didn't know what to do with me!

In the back of my mind, I wondered if I was slightly delirious. It wasn't even that funny! However, my subconscious retorted with the snappy remark of no, I'm not delirious, but still very, very drunk.

That fact was so sad it made me laugh harder, momentarily forgetting my throbbing body and aching headache, which had already disappeared. See, even the headaches don't like me anymore!

Kyuubi seemed very confuzzled, as he sat down in some type of half-crouch that I didn't think was very comfortable. He was frowning, too.

In the distance, I could hear Shukaku moan and throw something in my general direction. He threw something else, too, something that I realized was a clump of dirt and grass.

I shut up.

What the fuck did he just do?!

My eyes travelled down towards my clothes (or lack there of).

His clump of dirt had made a stain.

Mt beautiful, white and pretty Yukata was stained.

Demon or not, Shukaku was going down.

Almost robotically, I got up and stalked over towards Shukaku. I could feel the ground cracking beneath my feet, could see how realization dawned the Ichibi, and could almost taste his shock.

Because apparently, humans weren't supposed to be able to shove trees down and out of the way.

He had no time to even move before I had yanked him up by the hair, so that he was eye-level with me.

My right eye twitched.

"What-" Shake. "-the hell-" Shake. "-were-." Shake. "-you-" Shake. "-thinking!?"

"You wouldn't shut up!"He defended pathetically.

The twitching increased. I took a deep breath for a rant and started gathering chakra in my fists, before I heard a low snickering.

Behind me. Where Kyuubi was.

So, he thought that my expensive, pretty Yukata getting dirtied by Shukaku was funny, ne? And the fact that the multiple rips it had, due to him (the lower half was completely missing, revealing everything below my knees) were also fucking hilarious, ne?

Oh, I'll show them.

Before long, Kyuubi was also getting dragged around by the hair.

Unlike Shukaku, who seemed almost resigned to his fate, Kyuubi protested violently. He scratched, he kicked, and he swore so loudly I was surprised that my eardrums hadn't burst.

But he seemed to shut up by the time he got a well placed, bone-crunching kick to the ribs.

Even though the wound healed instantly, he seemed to get the point.

I left a trail of destruction behind me as I entered Konoha.

The Chuunins at the entrance stayed wisely out of my way.

It took a while for me to track down both Gaara and Naruto.

But both, however long it took me to find them, got a face full of fist and their demon respectively shoved into their faces.

I didn't stay around long enough to actually hear what happened hours ago, as I left for my apartment to get some real sleep. By now, the sun was just peeking over the horizon.

That when I decided to sleep for the next day and check my body tomorrow (or was it today?) for whatever happened. Surely I could find something to clear up my memories…

That's when I finally paid attention to my throbbing body, and for once, me and my Inner agreed on something; Bed, now.


It was two months later that I discovered that I and that brunette girl were pregnant.

I did her a favor and beat both Naruto and Gaara until they were barely alive.


It was seven months later when I gave birth to an adorable baby boy with red hair and fox ears.

Hiromi, however, had twin blondes, each with swirly markings and tanned skin. No extras there.

However, I beat both the Kazekage and the Rokudaime into submission and made them pay for new houses for both me and Hiromi.

Naturally, they did.

And me being me, I forced them both to use that ridiculous seal that caused all this trouble in the first place, just so I could beat their demons, too.

Shukaku ran off before I could get my hands on him. I later found him with Hiromi, being so sappily romantic it was sickening. Apparently, he had a thing for kids.

Kyuubi however, wasn't so lucky.

But after a time, he stopped complaining and played his part. Yoshitaka grew up to be a wonderful kid who broke way too many hearts, and was a bit too sarcastic, but he was my child, no matter in what circumstances he came to be. But we never told him about the coconut. Because there are somethings that kids just don't need to know.

Kyuubi agrees, if only to prevent more bruises.

I think he might be a bit scared of me.


A/N: …Why did I write a KyuSaku? …Hm. But you have to admit, Sakura's the only one who could beat a demon into submission…

Yup, I know it's unbelievable and poorly written, but whatever. It's also been sitting on my laptop for at least six months, so you people might as well enjoy it. And please, no flames; I know it's utter crap; you don't need to tell me.

I think I might have been drunk from reading to much crack when I wrote this….