Title: The Joke's On You
Genre: Humor, romance, fluff, general
Disclaimer: This is merely a piece of fanfiction and I do not own the characters or places mentioned in it. They belong to Square Enix etc.
Warnings: Yaoi, fake-mpreg. And sarcasm. If you don't get sarcasm and irony, you probably don't get half of my jokes. XD
Summary: Full of Cloud's brooding and Reno's pranks, Tifa, Rude and the others decide to play a trick on the two.
A/N: ... XDD Okay? I have no idea where this came from but whatever...
"Alright, where the heck is Reno?"
Tifa and the rest of Avalanche, along with Rufus Shinra and the Turks, raised their eyes and ceased their conversations as the door of Seventh Heaven was thrown open and a very angry, dripping wet Cloud Strife stomped into the room with a wet-through card board box in his hands.
"'M right here, baby!" the redheaded Turk called cheerily from his table where he was playing cards with Cid and Barret. "Miss me already?"
"Terribly." Cloud marched over to Reno, ignoring everyone else in the room, and landed the wet box on the table. Heavily. "I couldn't find the damn address you sent this to, so the sender gets it back," he explained in a forced, calm voice.
Reno lifted the box a little to peer at his cards that had been on the table and decided that he didn't really want to play with those right now. "Wow, now, thanks for going trough the trouble," he chuckled, grinning at Cloud, who suddenly grabbed his collar and shook him a bit.
"Open. It," the blonde hissed dangerously.
"Whoa! Take it easy, Spiky," Barret laughed, appearing to be very amused by the scene.
But Reno just smirked lazily and slowly opened the box. Everyone leaned forward, trying to see what was in it. They stared.
"Empty?" Tifa asked in confusion, voicing everybody's thoughts.
"Empty," Cloud confirmed, growling.
"Oh, my." Reno laughed. "Looks like the joke's on you, Cloudy!"
Cloud lifted the redhead from his chair by the collar, his mako eyes burning. "I swear to Gaia, Reno, next time you even try something like this, I'll hang your stuffed head above the damn fireplace!"
"Oh no, no need to! I mean, I appreciate that you want to keep my face always where you can look at it, and I really like your fireplace too, but I'm quite fond of having my head right where it is -" Reno managed to break free and made a run for it – to the stairs, because smart people always run upstairs or dead ends (or both) when someone is chasing them. Cloud darted after the Turk, drawing his sword as he went.
The rest of Avalanche and the Turks looked after them and then at each other. "This is getting ridiculous," Tifa sighed then, taking Reno's abandoned chair. "I can't believe the jerk actually made Cloud run such an errand in that weather with an empty box..."
"What's so unbelievable in that? Red's sure as hell done worse," Cid grumbled.
"Yeah, but I expected him to have a bit more of... you know, self protection instincts."
They all exhaled deeply, except for Vincent. "It's really bothersome, I must admit," Rufus Shinra made his opinion clear. "In the beginning it was amusing, but now..."
"The more pranks Reno pulls on him, the moodier Cloud gets, and the angrier Cloud is, the more amusing it's to Reno. And if Cloud just pretends to ignore all the tricks, Reno grows even more bored and starts pulling pranks on us," Yuffie summed up with a thoughtful expression on her face. "You know, they hate each other so much by now that it's almost like they like each other."
Elena frowned, nodding. "That's true! If we could make them work together, maybe they would realize it, too..."
Tseng shook his head. "What would they work on? We can't send Cloud on a Turk mission or Reno on a delivery with him. Besides, if it had anything to do with fighting, they'd kill each other in the process."
"There's a small possibility that they'd learn to fight side by side, but the risk is far too big," Rufus added.
They could hear a loud crash, a long list of curses and a scream. Marlene had woken up at the uproar they caused, and scared by seeing two fighting figures and a glimpse of a sword right after opening her eyes, had started screaming for help. Cloud and Reno's fight ended immediately, and they could hear the two trying to calm her down with plushies and soothing words. Apparently they feared that Barret would storm in and fry them both for waking up his precious little girl.
A blessed silence fell over Seventh Heaven as Marlene accepted the hugs and dolls from a very apologetic blonde and a rather freaked out redhead. Downstairs, everyone was staring at the roof.
Rude said calmly, "I have an idea."
After long, excited discussions and new thoughts thrown in, the idea was put to action right after the blonde and the redhead had returned downstairs. Tifa announced that since the two had managed to bring peace back to the house, she'd offer them free drinks for the rest of the night. Reno didn't need to be told twice, and they were relieved to find that Cloud welcomed the thought of alcohol as well, still shivering from the long drive in the pouring rain.
Reno had had years of practice and Cloud had more mako than blood in his veins, so it took quite a lot of strong shots, cocktails, and milder drinks to get them truly drunk, and when they started to confess their love to anything that looked lovable (this including Rude, a bottle of rum, Vincent, Rude, the bar counter, Tifa, Rude, and Cloud's Fenrir. And Rude.), almost everyone had gone to bed already.
"Alrighty!" Tifa said cheerily, clapping her hands. "Reno, how many fingers?" She held three fingers right in front of the Turk's eyes.
Reno stared and stared at the hand, cursing at the way it tended to sway from place to another. "Keep the damn hand in one place, damn it!" He narrowed his eyes. "... Niiiiine? Wait, there's jus' one hand, so there can't be nine fingers really... So I'm jus' seein' double!" He looked very pleased with his own logic. "Soooo... in reality, it gotta beeeee..." He made a quick count in his head. "... Three and half fingers!"
And after this amazing declaration, he passed out on the counter.
Cloud stared at his latest tequila shot as if trying to decide which of the three he saw was the one he should grab. He tried the one on the right side, but it vanished into thin air just when he was about to touch it. "Damn," he muttered, glaring at the remaining two with a challenging look in his eyes. This time he picked the right one, managed to take the salt on second try and downed the shot in one gulp. He didn't even realize he had forgotten the citron before he collapsed right next to the redhead.
"Finally!" Tifa rolled her eyes, deciding that she would never treat these two again when it came to alcohol. They had downed a good portion of the bar's storage in just a couple of hours! "Please get them to bed, I'll clean this mess," she added to Rude and Vincent, the only two who had stayed awake with her.
The Turk and the ex-Turk grabbed their friends, easily lifting them from their bar stools and carrying them upstairs. Tifa cleaned the bar and followed them, already feeling sleepy.
He found Reno and Cloud in Cloud's bed, neatly tucked under the same blanket. Vincent was just giving the image a finishing touch by placing Reno's head on Cloud's shoulder and the redhead's arm around the other man's waist. From what Tifa could see, Rude and Vincent had followed her order to leave them completely undressed.
"Excellent," she said, chuckling contently and – yes, even smugly. Rude and Vincent, two stoics as they were, hardly let a tiny smirk grace their lips, but it was there anyway. Payback time! She could only imagine the havoc the two would arrange in the morning. Poor guys! And that was just the first part of their master plan...
They woke up approximately at the same time. Cloud looked down to see what was the red, fluffy thing that tickled his chin, and Reno lifted his head to take a blurry-eyed look at his unusually hard and warm pillow.
They blinked. Twice.
Then Cloud realized that the red thing wasn't one of Marlene's plushies, and Reno realized that his soft, feather-filled pillow was very far from this place.
"WHAT THE --?!"
To be continued
Alright, so this is the first time I've published anything here, and I'm still getting to know the system and how everything works. It'll probably take some time... :D Anyways, thanks for reading and even bigger thanks if you take the time to review! I'd really appreciate that.