This song means a lot to me ... It was the song that got me into writing songs.

It made me think outside the box and made me look at things from so many angles. I just adore Adam Gontier ... The lead singer and song writer for Three Days Grace ... He spent his time in rehab for the second album and all of his songs just make me get goosebumps even thought on Itunes it says i have listened to it over 300 times lol ... still goosebumps so please just note he is a God lol!

Erm ... This song ... He wrote it about drug abuse ... But as some may know the video is about child abuse and i am going to take the video option ... so enjoy lol

Read and Review kids ... Do it just because you love Three Days Grace lol :P

WARNING! ... This is a big subject to cover ... it is not graphic in anyway just more feeling .. but still can offend .. my main reason is to show that there is people who understand ... and i have built up such a knowledge with these characters that i used Jeff Hardy ... But remember .. it's all fiction .. this in no way shape or form happened in real life!


ON WITH THE MADDNESS!

JEFF'S POV

This world will never be

What I expected

And if I don't belong

Who would have guessed it

I will not leave alone

Everything that I own

To make you feel like it's not too late

It's never too late

Fairy tales ... A prince and princess ... A frog that turns into a prince who saves the princess when in great danger.

Seven dwarf's ... A puppet that comes to life ... But don't worry ... There is always someone to save you ... No matter where you are. At the top of a tower ... At the top of a volcano ... In a cage ... Or over a pit of doom ... You will always have someone to save you no matter how old you are or where you are.

Let's just say i learnt that was a pile of bullshit at a young age.

We are waiting outside the doctors office right now ... Me, Matt and Mark. It gets repetitive you know ... Like i can't go a few weeks without been in this same waiting room and in the end giving the same answers. It's like they want there to be a problem, or they want you to have some form of pain and torture in your life ... So in the end they can say .. Yes! i knew it.

It sometimes seems like they are jealous of you. Jealous that you are the one getting the questions, not them. Then the silence. The nod. The hmmm and the write down then the look up and the glance of pity and then on to the next question. It's how it goes. From the minute you walk into the door, they seem to feel like they have this power of you. Like they are higher than you and that you are the weak one .. Ironically .. isn't that what I'm hear for?

Power.

It was all about the power. The power over someone else as you have no control over yourself. That was it to him. That's why he did it.

The feeling of worthlessness and hate so far down into yourself and your won soul that you lose control and try to regain that power by taking someones free will ... There choice.

Or .. In his case .. He takes your innocence. He takes what you have in life and abolishes it. He feels a greater self worth by gaining control over someone ... But forgetting that he has no control over himself.

Even if I say

It'll be alright

Still I hear you say

You want to end your life

Now and again we try

To just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it around

'Cause it's not too late

It's never too late

I hate talking about it. That's why i hate coming here. Why do i need to talk about it, when it's all over?

Why should i have to talk when i don't want to ... isn't that again forcing me into something?

Why do they want to know? Do they find a thrill in having to deal with someones else's pain?

Or is it that they have nothing left in their life and they feel that if they help others then that regains them into been a great person and cleans the dirty slate?

Asking the questions is fun ... Don't you think?

I hate having to go into there and talk like it's so easy to talk about.

To talk about how it still affects me. How little movements ... How a scene, A smell, A moment of deja vu can all set it back into my mind and make the moment of my life ... the moment of my hell.

No one will ever see

This side reflected

And if there's something wrong

Who would have guessed it

And I have left alone

Everything that I own

To make you feel like

It's not too late

It's never too late

It consumes you. To the point where it's all you think about. Questioning everything you have done or everything you have wanted to do.

Funny how you hate getting asked questions off some guy who gets payed way to much ... But in fact you put yourself through more torture as you know in full detail .. The answer.

He did it because he could. I hope ... Not because he wanted to ... I don't know which is worse.

He felt that i was the only way to grant him his power back. He had non ... He grew up powerless ... He lived his life powerless ... He got his job and he was powerless. Apart from when he talked to me.

Naive ... you can't help your innocence when your 10 ... You think everyone is your friend and you think that Santa is still real ... and that your parents know everything and will protect you from everything. By the age of 11 ... Some people ... Like me ... See the world a little different.

Psychologically he had too much power over me ... He looked after me. He told me he was my carer when my dad was away. He told me he was my friend. He told me that i could go to him for anything.

He forgot to say he would fuck me over so bad my life falls down even tho its 14 years on now.

But he never forgot to say that it was normal ... It's what i feel ... That it was real.

He forgot to say then ... that it was all lies.

Physically ... He makes me want to die. He never forgot a day ... He never forgot to say keep this between you and me. He never forgot to lie.

Even if I say

It'll be alright

Still I hear you say

You want to end your life

Now and again we try

To just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it around

'Cause it's not too late

It's never too late

The doctor always says it'll be alright ... But it wont ... It never will be ... How many of these doctors have been through it?

He told me he loved me. He said that he has arms wide open for me to come to when i need him ... Then he left.

He walked out and i died inside. I felt lost ... I needed him there ... He was the only honest person i could talk to and feel safe with. Sometimes it felt bad or sometimes hurt ... But he was the only one who cared.

At 12 years old ... And your idol walks out ... You break inside ... You feel anger hurt and unloved.

That isn't the worst part.

It's when you hit 15 -16 and you realize that you have lost your life to your "best friend" ... Your healer ... The person who you Trust ... The torturer ... The demon.

It's when you want vengeance on the world and yourself ... You want vengeance on the people who let it happen. You want your vengeance on the people who should of saw what was happening ... You want vengeance on him ... The person who caused the pain ... Mostly ... You want vengeance on yourself ... For letting it happen .. For not seeing it happen.

You place the power stolen from you into your own hands ... creating your own power to punish the person who needs to be punished ... You ... Me.

I placed the power in my hands and never let anyone have power over me again. No one made my choices.

They wanted me to eat ... No

They wanted me to talk ... No

They wanted me to smile ... No

They wanted me to do good in school ... No

They all want that power ... Over me and over my life .. I can control the food intake, the deepness of the cuts ... The way my body works and who sees it.

They want me to talk now and still ... No

The world we knew

Won't come back

The time we've lost

Can't get back

The life we had

Won't be ours again

I still feel it ... I still feel his hand on me.

I can see them. I can see his hands wrapping me in lies.

It's like he had paint on his hands ... And everything he touched ... There is his hand print ... Round my neck ... On my books ... On the side of my face ... On my bed and walls ... On my hair ... On my guitar. On everything. And the paint wont come off ...

... No matter how hard you wash

No matter how much you scream

No matter how much you cry

No matter how deep you cut

No matter how long the secret is yours

No matter how long you refuse to talk

No matter how long you lock yourself in you room

... Nothing works ... He is there and always will be. Until you find your closure.

This world will never be

What I expected

And if I don't belong

!!And if i don't belong ... Even if i say it'll be alright still i hear you say you want to end your life!!

My ipod is blearing in my ears ... I'm trying to calm myself for another session of chat with the randomer.

"Mr . Hardy ... You can go in now"

"Come on Jeff"

I walk up and into the room ... Suddenly it gets colder ... It's like the spare room ... Bland ... Fake ... A lie ...

Everyone with a spare room .. Makes it up nice ... Fake flowers and fake scents. A fake vibe ... When people stay ... When they stay in that room they think everything is perfect that everything they do from decorating to the nice fresh bath towels in the morning. But it's all fake ... Everything that is in that room is fake .. The fake flowers ... the fake air ... The fake friendship ... The hurt ... The pain ... The memories ... I wish were fake.

I remember one day i came from school. Bland day.

Hurtful day ... More people making comments about me .. The way i am ... Why im so quiet ... Everything they can find they will kill.

I came in angry ... I ran to my room and saw colour .. Yet felt trapped ... I ran into my brothers and dad's room .. Still nothing ... Then into the room i never go ... The memories ... I walk in and it even worse ... The fake perfection ... That can be dealt with

I ran into my room and grabbed paint .. anything ... paint .. spray paint .. chalk .. permanent marker pen ... and i started to draw ... From top to bottom .. i drew ... I threw pain everywhere .. i made the room colourful ... Showed how it was no where near perfection thanks to the tainted memories.

When my dad saw the room ... He herd the noise and saw me throwing pain and drawing ... He was shouting my name over and over .. but still nothing .. All i wanted was to get rid of the fake.

That's why i began seeing someone about my "problems" ... Me painting a room ... isn't a problem ... Why i did it is the problem.

Matt and Mark know .. By living with Mark who is so close to Matt ... It's cool to have my uncle and brother so close.

Sometimes i hate it ... So many arguments have been caused because of me and all of the problems. i don't mean to cause them it's just when i get so angry ... Well they are there and they help alot but ... Other times i just need someone to blame ... and i've blamed them so many times ... It's just not right but when my anger gets the better of me ... I don't think and i just hurt. They both know this in the end ... But i just feel guilty you know ... when ... really it's him ... still.

They want me to talk ... and they think this is for the best ... But it isn't.

Even if I say

It'll be alright

Still I hear you say

You want to end your life

Now and again we try

To just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it around

'Cause it's not too late

It's never too late

Maybe we'll turn it around

'Cause it's not too late

It's never too late (It's never too late)

It's not too late

It's never too late

To make it okay ... All i need is the people close to me to show me the truth .. but not take my power ... I need that ... In a way i think they ... him ... the person who done it to me ... They try to make you into them ... They try to make you powerless ... They give you no choice ... And make you suffer ... They take your power and innocence ... Just so they can regain all power that was lost from their lives.

Closure for me ... isn't seeing him die ... isn't seeing him get the same treatment and pain he caused me ... because if he dies ... He wont have to live with what he's done. If he gets the same treatment and pain he caused me ... I know that he would bounce back .. Because i did ... Letting him live with his powerless ways ... I got my power back ... and he has no control over himself ... The lack of self control is bad ... but as for me ... Regaining that self control and building from it ... Equals power.

"So Jeff ... How are you feeling today?"

"Fine"

"Okay ... Is there anything to discuss, that you want to before we start?"

"Nope"

"Okay Jeff ... Right today ... I'm going to give you this note pad and paper ... As you are good with words and writing ... How about you write down what you feel about the situation. Everything ... It can be a story ... It can be words ... It can be bullet points ... Anything you want, just take you time and let yourself think about it ... Take a half hour to write and think about it"

One minute later i was done.

"Done"

"Jeff. Why don't you take your time think about it and write again"

"I'm done"

"Okay let's look over what you have wrote"

"Even if I say It'll be alright, Still I hear you say You want to end your life, Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late. Maybe we'll turn it around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late (It's never too late) It's not too late It's never too late"

I smile at the end of my sentence ... Mark looks over and smile and Matt laughs.

Maybe people do understand ... But maybe it's the ones who don't ask the questions who find the answers.


Well that was that ... It was difficult to write .. Because that is just what i think ... I have let my friend read it and she has been throught the same thing and she said it was amazing so YEY! lol

But yeah this is such a harsh subject ... and i want to say what ever happens in Jeff Hardy's life happens in his life this is all fiction .. and to be honest i would love to make up a character and write it about them ... But i know i can't because Jeff Hardy is the only person that inspires me enough to write about them lol X much luv x

So if you kids love me :) ...Hint Hint!! :P ... READ AND REVIEW!!