This chapter's really two random ideas that have been floating around my mind for a while rolled into one. Many of the jokes in this chapter came from things my sister has said (the part about sand-kicking, referring to tackles as "flying hugs", etc).
I'm gonna try to lay off the walrus jokes for a bit, ya'll. Next overused joke: Breaking the forth wall! (Although I don't know about any of you, but breaking the forth wall is always funny to me, no matter how many times it occurs in my stories.)
There's also a half-obscured joke in here that you'll probably only understand if you've ever watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Hey look, another Autobot makes a guest appearance in this!
EDIT: You know what, fuck these dividers! I'm so sick of them fucking the layout up all the time!
Arrna asks: "What were you on when you wrote this stuff? And where can I get some?"
I answer: Mountain Dew, laced with a bit of Pepsi. I got it from a shady character at a local corner mart... I had to add the Pepsi myself, which I got from a pizza guy.
Blackout and Barricade both leaned against the side of a warehouse. Barricade was staring into space, drooling on himself. Blackout was holding his hand up and pinching his fingers together so that it looked as though he were crushing Starscream's head.
"I am so bored..." Blackout mumbled.
"Heh?" Barricade asked, so out of it that he barely understood him.
"Never mind," Blackout sighed.
"Heh?" Barricade repeated.
"How much longer are we going to be standing around, doing nothing?" Brawl groaned.
"I told you, we'll leave when I'm done!" Starscream snapped.
"Starscream, stop temporizing! I want to find Lord Megatron!" Blackout growled.
Starscream smiled inside, purposely withholding the fact that Blackout was actually supposed to be on the other side of the planet in Qatar with Scorponok, rather than here with them, in order to buy himself more time. "Go find a way to entertain yourselves until I'm done!"
"What are you even doing?" Bonecrusher demanded.
"I'm uh...doing important stuff! Big important stuff! More important than your inferior CPU's can comprehend!" he replied.
"Cop out! You're just poking a dead raccoon with a piece of metal!" Barricade snapped.
"When I'm the permanent ruler of the Decepticons, you'll all be the first to be publicly executed," Starscream mumbled.
Brawl sighed. He suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched. "Hey, what if our lives and everything we're doing right now is all a lie? What if everything we do is really just the product of a sadistic teenager on a sugar high with a wonky sense of humor and a pen, who takes on the persona of a frozen fruit? What if she's sitting on her bed right now, with her cat, a stuffed dog, and toy versions of some of the Autobots sitting around her, laughing while she's writing me breaking the forth wall into the story? What if maybe...maybe something horrible will happen soon that's hilarious to everyone except Barricade?"
"Brawl... Shut up," Bonecrusher growled. "You've been paranoid ever since that whole squirrel thing. None of what you said could ever happen."
"Why do I suddenly get the feeling that the cake is a lie?" Brawl wondered.
They all sat silently while Starscream did...whatever it was he was doing, and Brawl continued to break the forth wall. Barricade noticed the Autobot, Bumblebee, not too far away from them, probably trying to find a place with good reception so he could send a message to his companions.
"Hey look! It's that little wanker, Bumblebee!" he pointed out. "Let's go kick sand in his face!"
"Now Barricade, just because we don't like him, that doesn't mean we can kick sand in his face!" Blackout growled.
"Can I push him in the mud and sit on him then?" he asked.
"Much better. Go ahead!" Blackout motioned in the Autobot's direction.
Barricade cheered and ran off after the Autobot, who saw him and took off running in the opposite direction. "Where ya goin', Autobot? I'm not gonna hurt cha! I just want to rip out your optics and make them match your vocal processor!"
Blackout sat down and watched their violent "game" of what appeared to be a hybrid form of tag and tackle football. His symbiote crawled into his lap and watched with him, and even Bonecrusher seemed to stop acting emo enough to watch as well. He even allowed Frenzy to jump up on his shoulder.
"Hmm...the Autobot appears to be winning," Blackout observed.
"Barricade seems to be a bit out of practice," Bonecrusher added.
Barricade noticed an incoming message from Bumblebee and took a moment to read it. "Hey! My mother was not a hamster! And what the slag is an elderberry?!"
"I wonder how long they can keep this up for?" Bonecrusher asked.
"Eh, they'll both either get hungry or run out of fuel and pass out from exhaustion eventually," Blackout shrugged, petting Scorponok.
"I most certainly do NOT run like a snail with a broken leg!" Barricade replied to another of Bumblebee's text-encrypted taunts. "What?! Well I say it takes one to know one, Camaro!"
Barricade didn't realize that Bumblebee was leading him directly into a trap until the Autobot body slammed into a pile of junk in the next-door junkyard and sent it all tumbling down on the unsuspecting Mustang, pinning him to the ground. He struggled a bit, trying to pull himself free, and left slash marks on the ground where he clawed at it. Bumblebee stood a few feet away from him, smiling smugly, and kicked sand in his face before using a sound clip from Snakes on a Plane, "Who's your daddy now, bitch?!"
"I'm pretty sure he's the guy that screwed my mom," he replied, not really getting the joke. Bumblebee rolled his optics and scampered off.
Barricade continued struggling, and only managed to make more junk fall on top of him. To his horror, Blackout walked over and jumped on the pile, his added weight crushing Barricade's much smaller chassis.
"I can't believe you got your aft kicked by a sparkling!" Blackout laughed.
"He's not...a sparkling...! Now...get off me...! You're...crushing me...!" Barricade begged.
"Psh, he might as well be! He's the baby of the Autobots, and you just got your aft kicked by him!" the Pave Low teased maliciously.
"He cheated...! Get off...! Air vents...collapsing...suffocating...!!" His optics were beginning to pop out of his head.
"Hey everybody! Quick! Jump on the pile!" Blackout called to the others.
"That's...messed up...!" Barricade groaned. Scorponok scampered over and climbed up on the pile. Frenzy soon leapt up afterwards. "You...fragging...traitor...!" Barricade screamed at him. He whimpered when Bonecrusher climbed on top as well just for the hell of it.
"Hey, BC! What made you decide to climb up here with us?" Blackout asked.
"Boredom," he replied, unamused.
Barricade wanted to scream when Brawl, the heaviest of the group, ran over and took a flying dive onto the pile. To his relief, Starscream still had use for him.
"Get off of him," Starscream sighed.
"Aww, do we have to?" Blackout whined.
"Yes! Find some other way to entertain yourselves!"
They all jumped down and helped pull out Barricade, who miraculously had avoided being completely crushed. "Wow, Cade! I thought you'd come out looking like that cat we saw in the road earlier!" Blackout said upon noticing this as well. Barricade quickly forced his optics back into their sockets so that he could glare at him.
"So what do we do now?" Brawl asked.
"I don't know... How do the residents of this planet keep themselves entertained?" Blackout asked.
"Most of them just stare at this box with little people in it," Brawl replied.
"Oh yeah, what did that one person on the street call it again? A Boob Tube or something like that?" Bonecrusher said.
"Neh... I don't want to stare at something named after female body parts," Blackout stated.
"I would," Barricade interrupted.
"I want to actually do something," he continued.
-4 Hours Later-
The tree that Blackout was trying to climb up went flying over. "Ow..."
"Blackout... You're like over 50 feet tall... You weigh about 3 or 4 tons... You do realize that you're not gonna be able to hide in most of these places where you're trying to hide, right?" Bonecrusher pointed out.
"Dammit, I'll make something work!!" Blackout growled, jumping up to look for someplace else to hide.
"He's coming," Barricade said.
"Shit!" Blackout spun around quickly until he saw someplace.
Brawl ran around from the back of the warehouse. "Where is he, where is he, where is he?!" He looked up onto the roof of the warehouse. "There he is!!"
"Dammit!" Blackout shouted angrily, jumping down. "I hate human games!"
"You had a fun time playing football," Barricade pointed out.
"He wasn't even playing the game! He was just running around tackling everybody!" Bonecrusher snapped. "He tackled me, and I was on his fragging team!!"
-A little more than an hour ago-
"HIKE!" Barricade said as he hiked the ball.
"Blackout?" Bonecrusher looked around, but he couldn't see Blackout anywhere.
Suddenly, the light from the sun was blocked out, almost like a total solar eclipse, only darker. Bonecrusher looked up to see the Pave Low flying out at him.
"FLYING HUG!" Blackout screamed before crashing into Bonecrusher. Shortly afterwards, he jumped up, all pumped up with the robot equivalent of testosterone. "WHOO!! That was a good one, huh Bonecrusher?! Uh... Bonecrusher?" He looked down at the Decepticon he had just tackled and noticed that he wasn't moving anymore. "Uh, guys, I think I killed him..."
Blackout snickered sadistically at the memory.
Brawl looked around. Let's see... Bonecrusher and Barricade weren't playing (Barricade was still injured after nearly becoming a living pancake, made worse by the damage from the football game; Bonecrusher was recovering from having been knocked out for an hour by one of Blackout's "flying hugs"). Starscream was ignoring them all. That just meant he had to find Scorponok and Frenzy. Those two were difficult as Frenzy had size and stealth on his side and Scorponok was the master of hiding. He took off running to look for him.
By the third or forth time he ran past, Blackout, Bonecrusher and Barricade were snickering madly. He glared at Blackout. "You have him..."
Scorponok detached himself from Blackout and peered over his shoulder, irritated that he had been found. Blackout could hear a stream of swear words over their bond. "Better luck next time, Scorponok," Blackout nuzzled him.
"Now that just leaves Frenzy... Where is he?" Brawl turned around for a moment. The others tried hard to refrain from laughing again when they saw Frenzy sitting on him and waving back at them. He spun back around. "Snap, he's good!"
"Or maybe you're just really stupid and unobservant," Bonecrusher suggested.
And there was gonna be more, but I have to work on this project... You see, I have a month to start and finish it, and if I don't do it, I don't graduate high school this year. :( If you want to add more to this chapter yourself since it's technically incomplete and I don't think I'll bother finishing it, go ahead, knock yourself senseless. Just tell me afterwards so that I can read it.
Also, if you're wondering why Bonecrusher agreed to that game of football, he didn't. Blackout forced him to play so the teams would be even and he'd have more people to hurt.
On a lighter note, I found a Sunstreaker at Wal-Mart! It was the last one there! -More on this story later; must work on project NOW!!-