Title: Submit, a South Park fanfic by Karmastition
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Hell, I'm lucky I even own cable to even watch the damn show. :D
Summary: Sure, most guys like to be on top when they're doing it, but Kenny, on the other hand... Nothing can turn him on more than someone pushing him against a wall, grunting and thrusting over him. And oddly enough, he absolutely loved the idea of his best friend, Eric Cartman, doing just that.


Everybody knew that I, Kenny McCormick, loved to be dominated. As you know, almost all guys prefer being on top as opposed to the bottom, probably because it made them feel manlier and in control, but me, on the other hand... Nothing turned me on more than some chick or some dude, pushing me against a wall, grunting and thrusting over me.

Don't get me wrong; I don't mind showing a virgin or a sexually shy person how it's done, but I love the idea of someone just letting loose and fucking me where the sun don't shine, and as sick as it sounds, I especially love the idea of Eric Cartman doing just that.

If Cartman wanted top, he'd get it, even if it meant fighting for it, and I'm attracted to that sort of thing; rough, dirty sex, the kind that would leave me limping and unable to sit the next morning. How I'd need to get on my knees and beg for it. In fact, I'm attracted to anything that breaths and has a pulse, but I digress.

Sure, he's a big guy, and yeah, he shows every last known symptom of a sociopath, and even though everybody else would think my opinion is biased, should I ever tell them, and forever dub me as a pussy, I bet he'd be a fucking animal in bed. Oddly enough, the thought of him screaming, "You like that, don't 'cha, bitch?" was quite appealing to me.

So when I was at his house, plopped on the couch next to him while he munched on Cheesy Poofs, chuckling at whatever joke was just told on The Soup, I knew I had to ask him.

"Cartman, which would you prefer: Top or bottom?" I asked, half waiting for him to slap me and tell me to 'get the fuck out, you poor piece of crap,' but he didn't.

"I like the bottom bunk better," Cartman said, not bothering to make any eye contact with me and he just kept watching TV without another word.

"No, not like that. Like, when you're fucking, do you like to be on top or on the bottom?" I asked once more, hoping to clarify what I meant. He looked at me with a distorted expression, a thin, brown brow raised questioningly.

"I hate you, Kenny..." Cartman said simply, turning his attention back to the television, "Now will you shut up? I'm trying to watch The Soup."

"No, really. I'm just curious," I tried again, and I knew I was walking on very thin ice, because surprisingly, at the moment, he was actually pretty calm...That was until his cat jumped onto the couch with a long, loud 'meooooooow?'

"NO, Kitteh, these are mah Cheesy Poofs!" He yelled, but the cat never left from it's spot on the couch, meowing once more.

"NO KITTY! THAT'S A BAD KITTY!" Cartman yelled once more, making the cat's hairs stand up straight, running away with a loud and rather obnoxious 'RAWWWWRRRMMM!'

"Kenny, I'm seriously! If you don't let me watch The Soup right this minute, I'm going to make you go home to your alcoholic father so he can shove metal baseball bats up your ass!" Even though I knew Cartman would go through with his threat of sending me home, I couldn't help but laugh.

"So what; you've never laid anyone before?" I asked him, and his expression softened.

"O-of course I did!" He stuttered, and I gave him a knowing look.

"Who?" I asked.

"Kenny, that is none of your business! Now shut your mouth like a good little boy!" Cartman yelled, and I noticed that he was shaking with what was sure to be anger.

"I'm just curious, though...I'm your best friend; I won't laugh at you," I said with the most serious voice I could cook up at the moment, given the situation.

Cartman seemed to calm down, putting what I said into consideration. He put the box of Cheesy Poofs to the side with a sigh, though he still didn't bother looking at me.

He crossed his arms to his chest with a huff, "No, Kenny, I've never laid anyone before," He said simply, staring at the television, although I knew he wasn't actually paying attention to whatever was going on, but thinking about murdering me instead. Yeah, I knew Cartman enough to know exactly what was going through his mind right now; every insane thought that he never seemed to regret. You see, we all have a certain set of feelings that we all experience: Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, and regret. And for Eric Cartman, remorse was simply disregarded.

I had to hold my breath to stop myself from bursting with laughter, but eventually, I ended up covering my mouth with my hand.

"...Kenny, you can laugh if you really want to," Cartman said with a sigh, but I knew if I did laugh, he'd go against his word and pounce on me. And when I say he would pounce on me, I don't mean it in the good way, either.

I managed to calm myself down, inhaling and exhaling. "'Ya know, Cartman..." I said, turning to him with a smirk.

"...What." His question came out more like a statement as he closed his eyes in annoyance.

"I'd take your virginity any day," I said simply, climbing of the couch, my feet hitting the floor with a thud.

"...What!?" Cartman yelled, looking at me with wide, blue eyes.

"I know, I know, you don't need to tell me; I'll get out," I started, going to the coat rack where I left my shoes, slipping on my beat up converse that I got from the garage sale down the street, "Just remember, though; the offer still stands." I waved at him with a smile before putting the hood of my parka up.

Cartman looked at me with the same shocked, wide eyes as I the door and walked out, not even bothering to close it behind me. But as I left, I swore I heard him say something along the lines of, "Touché, Kenny... Touché."

...Nah. Couldn't be.


Hah. ;D I was free writing, meaning I didn't have any particular topic in mind, and this is what I came up with. Eventually, I want to start writing chaptered stories, because the ones I've been writing are a bit too short for my liking. So yeah, look out for those. :D

R&R, bishes, or I will take a shit in your breakfast cereal and watch you eat it. :o Seriously, though, tell me how you like it. :