Kingdom Come and We'll be Screwed

I don't own the Warners but it love them a ton!

SUM: Everyone but the Warners loved the results of getting them a nanny. So, they try again, and this time, a shocking discovery is made. This one actually works! So what's her secret? Must be the alcohol.

One-shot: Kingdom Come and We'll Be Screwed.

Studio Executive Thaddeus Plotz (resident weirdo if you asked three certain creatures) sat in his chair and placidly flicked a rolled up piece of paper of someone's raise besides his own into the trash bin. Scratchy, Hello Nurse and even Ralph were there, each looking a little bit more normal since their last meeting.

"Director," Dr. Scratchy started, "Do you zink zis vas a good idea? Zink about our virst meeting wiz the girl."

It had been one of those rainy days in Burbank, when the new Nanny for the Warner's had showed up. Maybe it had been because she was somewhat pretty, or because she was only 19, or it might have been because she didn't break out into song about Scratchandsniff's poison oak attack, but Plotz had hired her and her alone, one calm looking girl named Jamee.

"Just Jamee." She had responded with a half smile when she introduced herself and at that Warner's had proceeded to take the next half and hour to try and figure out what on earth her last name was. They still hadn't found out as far as Plotz knew.

And when you can keep the Warner brothers and sister guessing, than you're already a candidate for watching after the little rabble rousers in Plotz's book.

Ralph had installed a camera in the water tower, (until Wakko found it and proceeded to eat it) to monitor the girl and her charges and one day he picked up a moment when Jamme was reading to the siblings. When the girl was finished, she closed the huge dusty History book and commented, "Remember kids: most of the great people of history couldn't even read.….And most of them were gay." Plotz's jaw hat hit the floor when Ralph replayed the tape for him, but it wasn't out of shock at what Jamme said at the end, it was the fact the Warner's were sitting down at her feet, (with the exception of Wakko, who was in her lap) quietly and not making a peep until the book was done.

Of course it hadn't started out that way, with the Warner's being calm and collected sometimes. They tried their hardest to rid of the girl.

Apparently one night Yakko had woken Jamee up and questioned her on a rather sensitive subject. This was sure to annoy her and confuse her so much Yakko felt confidant she'd stop pestering them. She was only a kid, like them, after all.

"Where do babies come from?"

Never missing beat, though she was groggy and exhausted from her first day of Warner watching, Jamee replied. "Lottery tickets. Now lemmie sleep."

They still weren't deterred. But the next morning when she made them breakfast they were slowed down a bit. Unlike Prunella-What's-Her-Name, Jamee actually knew a thing or two about cooking.

"Okay guys, whaddya want for breakfast?"

"What can we have?" Asked Yakko.

"Not oatmeal." Dot blanched.

"I want roast beef!" Wakko declared.

Jamee frowned shrugging. "I dunno. How about breakfast foods? Eggs, bacon? Chocolate Chip Pancakes A La Mode?" Wakko licked his lips at the first things, being as hungry as ever, but Dot frowned, "What's A La Mode?"

She grinned, "It means with ice cream."

The Warners were sold on breakfast from then on in.

But that didn't mean they still didn't want too learn how far they could push her. And what her last name was.

The only reason they hadn't gone to Slappy yet was because they figured they could handle her, she hadn't broken out in song, but she let them play with her iPod. They even broke it by throwing it onto a set with Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny, where it got blown to smithereens by all the dynamite used but it turned out that had been her spare. They went after her last iPod at that when they realized it had Yakko's Nation's song on it and Wakko's States of America on it. They considered her carefully now and left the music player as be.

It turns out that if they had asked Slappy to have her blown her to Kingdom come, (wherever that was) she would have been killed. The Warners were shocked to discover she was human. Breakable.

Of course they found this out the hard way when they began playing on top of the Water Tower and pretending to fall off.

While trying to get them down she had gone and actually fallen off the tower, and if it were not for the fact the Water Tower itself, (which had grown very fond of her, actually) caught her with one of its four legs, than she might have broken more than her right arm.

The Warners felt unease at this, if the Tower itself liked her, and the other cartoons liked her, and they felt something funny when she showed up the next day with a cast on her arm, then they knew they were in trouble.

They were actually losing this battle.

But the war wasn't over yet.

They tried to get her to yell at them, or hit them, which meant that then they could go all out with their shenanigans, but the only time Jamee yelled at them was when they went missing for over four hours and when she had yelled, she had actually been near to tears in worry. For once they had someone worrying about them as people and not what they were going to pull next.

They tried ridiculous nicknames, Yakko took it upon himself to call Jamee 'James' in front of people when he talked about her, and then Jamee had to explain to most of the people she met that she certinaly didn't have one of those surgeries.

Hundreds of things abruptly went haywire in Jamee's life, but she was used to it. She opened her book bag one day to find chocolate pudding in it, her hair got pulled from it's ponytail every time she turned her back on the Warners, they refused to go to sleep, keeping her up, and when the weekends came for Jamee to go home and visit her parents she was somewhat grateful for it.

Yakko had come up with something no one else had thought about yet though, and it made them very suspicious, "If she actually likes it here than that must mean it's worse for her at home, wouldn't you say Sibs?"

It was unanimous for them to follow her home one Friday and discover what she went through every Saturday and Sunday. When they peeked in her window they were somewhat startled to discover her mother ignored her and her father wasn't even alive.

The only acknowledgement she received was a punch in the arm by her older brother who apparently lived at home still. It hadn't been one of those playful punches either, Jamee was rubbing her arm and when she rolled up her sleeve a dark bruise was already forming.

For some reason not even Dr. Otto could figure out this seriously made the Warners' upset. Their behavior went wild that weekend and when Jamee arrived back the Warners ludicrous consistent behavior….stopped in its tracks.

Since that day Jamee found living with the Warners was much more enjoyable. They still acted up wherever they went, but to a lesser degree and many people and cartoons became to respect James, as Yakko started fondly calling her, for her ability to keep the brothers and sisters in check for certain things.

The only trait Jamee could not dispose of was Yakko's and Wakko's….weird habits. Anyone and anything that stood in Jamee's way or opposed her went nearly insane a day later. Her history teacher gave her a c minus on a report that had taken so much of her time she had to cancel the plans she'd made with the siblings and the next day he had disappeared, apparently dropping his member as staff of the college and going to Peru to study monkeys.

One of Ralph's guard friends had gotten overly friendly with Jamee and Wakko had bitten him right in from of Jamee. That had been one thing, but it was where Wakko had tried to take a bit out of him that concerned Jamee. Jamee noticed that when she scolded him he didn't look at all sorry about his behavior.

Plus, now it was easier for the Warner's to learn a few things.

Ralph had even managed to tape the Warner's learning about saying their prayers one night too. That had gone….interestingly.

"You don't have to say these guys, I just do it because it's in my religion. You know I don't even think you three were given one, were you?" Jamee had said as she got the three ready for bed.

"No, no, hold on. I think the sibs and I should at least try it once." Yakko answered as the three of them flipped through a bible. Jamee laughed and took the book from them, "Guys, here's the one I use every night."

"Now I lay me down to rest,

A pile of books upon my chest,

If I should die before I wake,

That's one less test I'll have to take!"

Now it was the only 'prayer' the Warner's would say before bed. Even if they didn't go to school and or like to take tests, they liked that one best.

Plotz snapped out of his mullings when the door suddenly creaked open. Everyone in the room swallowed and leaned into each other at the though, what if it was all rumors? What if the reason Jamee spent four straight days in the Water Tower was because she….had finally gone insane from the sibling's actions?

That was why they had requested, well, had Ralph leave a note tapped to the Water Tower's legs, that asked Jamee to bring the Warners by Plotz' office for checking in that she was still alive. And well.

Quite frankly, at this point the best thing they could hope would be her alive.

Jamee walked in, Wakko sitting on her shoulders and Yakko and Dot flanking her.

Three jaws hit the floor simultaneously as Jamee grinned heartily at the adults. "What's up Chief?" she asked Plotz.

"She…she looks just as normal as the day she came in! That's not possible!!" Hello Nurse all but shrieked.

"Hellllllloooooooooooooo Nurse!" Yakko and Wakko leapt at her.

"Guys, cool it, would ja?" Jamee crossed her arms.

"Chilled." Wakko backed down.

"Boys, go fig." Dot shrugged at her.

Yakko was back at her side in a split second. "Whatever you say James."

"James?" Plotz blinked. He shook it off, sighing heavily and keeping his anger in check.

"Imma girl, I swear." Jamee put up her hands in defense.

Dr. Scratchy stepped forward at this, "Vell, anvay, we've called you here to vask if you vere veady to step dovn vas Nanny vor ve Warners."

"Why would I want to quit, I like these guys." Jamee replied, letting Wakko swing from her arm and Yakko blew raspberries at Ralph, who immediately began to chase him about.

Yakko tackled Jamee and she sent such a glower at Ralph he stopped dead in his tracks and backed up with a sheepish look on his face.

Wakko licked his lips at Ralph. "What can possibly make you like these….things!?" Ralph backed away from Wakko, who leaned closer to him with half lidded eyes and a hungry look in response. The girl suddenly snapped her fingers and Wakko sat down right there in the floor.

Jamee shrugged. "For starts they made my older brother their 'Special Friend' which is great cause he's major jerk, and now he leaves me alone cause he's scared of them." The three adults shuddered, anyone who became the Warner's 'Special Friend' was better off dead.

Plotz turned to the siblings, who were standing in front of Jamee and looking upward with smiles on their faces and halos around their heads.

"And what is it you like about her that makes you not drive her to drink, hmm?" Something fishy was going on here. He wanted in it.

"She's pretty." Yakko shrugged.

"She's a good cook!" Wakko pointed upward in declaration.

"She lets me use her laptop to look at pictures of boys all day…" Dot sighed dreamily and both her brothers turned to stare at her with one raised eyebrow.

Jamee chuckled behind them. At this the threesome grinned and leapt into Jamee's arms, Wakko hung around her neck, Yakko her waist and Dot in her arm. They turned to Plotz with big wide puppy dog eyes. "Can we keep her pweaaaaaaaaaaaaasssseee?"

Plotz frowned, put his fingertips together and seemed to consider for a moment, before sighing, "Alright. Fine. I suppose so. Now leave." He grumbled.

"Well, we've got to go anywho, I need to study for my exams coming up."

Yakko leaned close to Plotz commenting with snarkily. "If the workload doesn't kill her, the finals will."

When they foursome had reached the Water Tower, Jamee had already had time to muse on over the words of the adults who hired her. What had they meant? Of course she was fond of the Warner's, and it wasn't that the job paid well, (because it didn't!) she just…liked them. The Warners' liked her she hoped, they didn't like anyone apparently, unless they could literally drive them insane. But she could somehow tell when their pranks and jokes were used affectionately, and when they were just plain out for revenge or looking to cause trouble.

Her questions were answered when she stumbled on the ladder up to the Water Tower and fell backwards, she closed her eyes, expecting the ground or the leg of the Tower to come up and catch her again, when something was suddenly around her ankles, effectively stopping her and letting her dangle.

She looked up to receive three angry glares from Yakko, Wakko and Dot. Dot hung onto the railing, Wakko hung onto her and Yakko hung on to him and her.

"Smooth move, James." Dot rolled her eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?" Yakko frowned.

"Yeah, you don't bounce like us, you'll go splat when you hit the ground!" Wakko exclaimed.

Jamee grinned sheepishly.

I wonder if I should keep this going?