Author's note:

Hello all. I bet you're wondering why I've started yet another Joker fic when I'm only 2 chapters into my first. Well, you see, my friend and I are going as The Joker and Harley Quinn. I want a Harley that could be pictured in the Nolan-verse. Someone you could see standing at Joker's side. But I needed her MUCH darker than our favorite little Bronx Clown. So while designing the new costume, I started coming up with explanations for why she had a certain detail in the suit. Why she carried a hammer instead of a giant mallet. Then suddenly I had a full background story for her and the way she met My husband-cough I mean the Joker. (Freud was right)


I couldn't help myself after that, the story just started bubbling out on everything. So here it is, the first installment. This one might even go quicker because I have the first couple chapters mapped out. YAY!

Questions? Comments? Drop me a line.

Much love,


Heath's Harley

I know why he chose to keep me.

Let's get that strait right now. I'm not and never have been a stupid girl. Well, unless you count my taste in men…Man. There's only one, and there only ever will be one, because he is…how to describe perfection?

This began with an obsession, as so many do. What it became…I'm not really sure. I can't say love, not for both ends, but it did evolve and that's what counts, right?

The point is, I Harleen Quinzel have found my purpose. I've found the reason I was thrown into this harsh excuse for a world some call Gotham. Even if these assholes don't understand that.

"You need to tell us what he's planning, Harley." Enter Gordon, the mild-mannered, fatherly type. Ever dreaming of a perfect world. This man believes me to be nothing more than a confused child. He doesn't understand.

"Planning." I can't help my laugh and it seems to put him on edge. "You honestly think he's planning anything? Like this is all suddenly going to come together and make sense?" I shook my head. "Have you even been paying attention?"

Gordon touches his temple, a sign that once again I've drained him. You see, they've been at this all day. Keeping me in the pointlessly- large interrogation room. Asking me all sorts of stupid questions. I'd be irritated if it wasn't so fun watching them squirm.

"Listen, please. We know that he can't have been…pleasant to you-"

"You know that, do you?"

"But you have to believe that we can protect you. We can keep you safe long enough to put him away. But, Harley." Gordon leaned forward, everything in his posture imploring me to understand, "You have to tell us how to help."

I flick crimson and blond strands of hair from my vision and pretend to think about it for a moment. They say I'm being childish, so at this point, why not prove them right? I don't know how this will end, but I do know that I can make it damn hard for them.

"You can start by uncuffing me. Despite public opinion, blisters aren't the way to a girl's heart."

"No" the sudden voice made us both turn to see the squat cop bringing in coffee, "I hear torture and murder are in these days."

I narrowed my eyes, watching the tiny flash of something…was it fear?...light in his eyes. I made him uncomfortable. I could live with that.

"Davis." Gordon snapped, and the other cop mumbled an apology. To me, he shot a disgusted sneer and stalked over to the mirror window. I didn't know how many cops were watching this right now, but so far I'd counted 3 different faces excluding our beloved Commissioner.

Gordon sighed heavily and pulled a tiny set of keys from his pocket. I left my arms on the cold metal table and watched him unblinking. It always seemed to put people on edge, but that might have been the demented Harlequin face I had painted on. My lips were a brilliant red smear to the right. My eyes a mask of black and peeking white. I was the Joker's counterpart. His other half. Or so I liked to tell myself.

When the cuffs were gone, I made a show of rubbing my wrists, then flicked my crystal-blue gaze to Davis. He went slightly red and I smiled. Gordon cleared his throat to get my attention and I leaned back in my chair.

"We understand if you're afraid, Harley. Even if you can't admit it."

Something twinged deep inside me, but I kept my expression safely blank. So my Puddin' wasn't the softest guy in the world. I wasn't going to turn rat just for a few bruises.

"Why don't you just drop the act Gordon?" Davis suddenly burst out. His eyes were wild and furious. Disgusted by the girl he saw before him. "She's not going to turn on her little fuck-buddy. Some girl's are into that, you know. They like a guy who'll take 'em down a peg or two."

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" I asked him with a tiny grin. Again his face flashed red and he was suddenly in my face. Palms flat on the metal table and coffee-scented breath pouring over me.

"So what's the draw, little girl? How'd he get to you? He slap you around from day one, or at least pretend to care in the beginning?"

That was it.

Before either could react, I swept a fist across both his arms, grabbing his hair with my other hand and slamming his face down into the metal. He grunted, unable to move while I leapt up over the table, sliding down right beside him.

Gordon pulled his gun and the door buzzed for more officers to rush in, but I'd already grabbed the idiot's pistol and held it to his temple, lifting him by his hair so they could all see the bloody mess his face had become. Davis stumbled backwards at an awkward angle because he was slightly taller than me, but didn't try to get away.

"Lower the weapon!"

"Put the gun down!"

So many people were yelling and scurrying about. By now there were 6 cops, all with guns drawn surrounding me, shouting. Davis yelled for them to just shoot me and I laughed. Finally things were getting interesting.

Wouldn't it be fun if I upped the stakes?

I cocked the gun and the room exploded in panic. More shouting and threats. Gordon wasn't so nice anymore and I focused on him, smiling encouragingly.

"There you are!" I called and the room fell into a tense sort of quiet. All listened and Gordon watched in confusion. "I've been waiting for you to show me something real."

He only stared. "Put the gun down, Harleen."

"Yes daddy." I snorted, then tightened my hold. The gun gave that soft almost click that comes with compressing the trigger, but I didn't fire it, not yet. I was enjoying this way too much. Gordon stiffened and I was about to comment when gloved fingers closed around the back of my neck.

The world froze around me and all I could hear was our breathing. This was the way he liked to hold me. When he led me, it was this way. I was ready to melt into the floor when I glanced sideways at the giant mirror.

"No." I breathed. All black, dressed like a flying rodent. That bastard had gotten me all excited for nothing. Damn.

"Let him go, Harley." Batman's voice, as always was deep. It resonated through my chest, vibrating through me because of his proximity. So close I could feel his cool armor. Which really was incentive enough.

"Oh, balls." I sighed and released Davis, holding up both hands in the classic don't shoot pose. The gun, I let dangle from my index finger until Gordon stepped forward and swiped it.

"I thought you said you could handle her." Batman growled "After all, she's only 19"

This smelled of old argument. Gordon grunted and motioned toward the broken-nosed idiot.

"We were fine until he lost his temper."

Batman forced me to walk back toward the table and sit down. "She's good at that."

"She gets it from him." Davis muttered and I beamed.

"Ya think so?" That was the best thing I'd heard all day. "Mr. J's gunna love that." I stared at my hands, thinking about the laugh he might get from this situation.

Batman killed my buzz.

"You really think you'll ever see him again?" He laughed mockingly. "He doesn't care about you. You did your part, Harley. He's done pretending to care."

My gaze snapped up to meet his but instead of loosing it, I laughed. Humor had always been my armor. When I couldn't handle something, or the pain was too much, I laughed it off. It's why the old kids had never really bothered me. The bullies were frightened of me. No matter how many times they hit me, all I did was laugh, even if I was lying broken in the dirt, I laughed.

I laughed now, because he couldn't see the fear in me. I didn't want him to know that I' been terrified of that exact thing since they caught me. What if Mr. J decided to cut his losses and leave me to my fate? What if I never saw him again? No! I couldn't let that happen, I'd get back to my Puddin' if I had to kill every cop in this building to do it.

"You're alone, Hero." I shook my head, "How would you understand anything about love?"

Gordon frowned at this and Batman shook his head.

"You're a fool, Harley. The Joker doesn't love you. He can't love anything, he's insane. He isn't capable."

"Every rule has an exception." I replied.

"You aren't his."

Three simple words and I was frozen. The pain and uncertainty there was almost suffocating. What if-but no. I loved him, and in his own twisted little way, he loved me too. I knew it.

We needed a new topic.

"Do you know the difference between a crazy man and a sane one?"

They both watched me, Gordon seemed to be paling. I leaned forward as if telling a secret and lowered my voice.

"One. Bad. Day." Each word was clear and precise. I turned to Batman, tilting my head with a tiny, knowing smile. "You had a bad day once. I mean, anyone who dresses like a giant bat every night has got to have some kind of problems." Again I smiled. "Tell me, Hero, what's your story? What made you cross the line?"

"You know you're old enough to go to Arkham now, Harleen." He said, ignoring my question. "If you can't help us you'll be locked away in a padded cell alone. What will you do then?" His tone was so final. So sure. It made me wish I still had that gun. The man was nicely shaped, and if his chin was any indication, he was a looker.

I wonder how pretty he'd be without his jaw.

"I'm sure she'll just cozy up to another freak." I'd forgotten Davis was in the room. So, apparently, had the rest of us. The other cops were back on the safe side of the two way mirror, he glared at me, clutching his broken nose. "Maybe she can make nice with Scarecrow, I hear he's better looking than your first beau."

I snorted. "Not hardly. And besides," I sank down in my chair adjusting the band of my fingerless glove. "Crane is a child who's found daddy's gun. He doesn't know what to do with the power he has." Now I grinned, "If you want to introduce us, though, I'm sure I could give him some ideas."

They weren't amused, so I leaned forward, locking eyes with Davis. "But no. I don't go small time. Cold-blooded killer is my only brand of Man-Candy, thank you very much."

"Davis, go outside." Gordon snapped and I gave a little wave, wiggling my fingers at him mockingly. The door buzzed shut and I turned back to the Batman.

"So, what now?" I asked

"I'm in no mood for games." He growled back. I laughed.

"Ooh. Break me off a switch son, I feel a whippin' coming on."


I rolled my eyes. "Fine, Hero. You win. What do you want to know?"

"What is The Joker planning?"

"AAEEINN!!" I made the game show buzzing sound and held out my invisible microphone. "I'm sorry, Bob, I didn't quite catch that."

The bat grit his teeth, "Where did he put the last two bombs?

"Wrong again, but you can still win the tupperware set."

He looked like he might hit me then, so I paused in my teasing. I suddenly understood Mr. J's respect for this man. He was fun.

Gordon jumped in, glancing between us, and held up a placating hand. "Fine. That's fine. You won't tell us." I nodded once, watching him. "Then tell me this. Why him? Off all the sick mind's in Gotham, why the most dangerous? What if he kills you, Harley?"

"There is no if." Batman said, but I ignored him.

"You want to know what I see in him? That's a long list. How I met him is a much shorter story."

"How did you keep him from simply killing you?"

I giggled and leaned forward, hands in my lap, legs crossed. "I don't know if you've noticed yet Commissioner, but I'm a stubborn girl. I wanted the chance to speak to him, so I did."

"How?" This time Batman was the one to demand my attention.

Settling down for story time, I smiled. "Once upon a time, there was a girl with a tiny obsession."

I thank the Killing Joke for 'one bad day' and the pleasure I got from reading it. Oh, Mistah J, you sure can get a girl smilin'

Anyway, there is to be Joker sure, kiddies, hope you enjoy.