It's cold

It's cold. We are sitting in the middle of a Bali cosplay, but I'm freezing. I sit here, I sit here watching you talk to him. I don't know what about, but what I do know is that I feel weird, wrong and confused. What is this feeling that has been plaguing me since I saw you change into that … delightful costume? He sits there next to you, holding you, caressing your cheek, jaw and lips. Able to touch your bare skin without it looking suspicious.

It's an act. Him whispering sweet nothings in your ear, while all I do is watch and take notes. I hope it's an act. Not for your sake, but for mine. You don't notice my stares. Always on you, or at least as long as I can without it causing rumours or disruptions in your act. That would be a sin. I love it and hate it at the same time. You think it's for money. You thought it was for money. That's what you said anyway. Whether or not that is what you think, as long as your voice is directed at me I don't care what your saying. That's a lie. I do care, I care so much it hurts.

I don't show it. I hide behind the well constructed mask I bring up. It never drops. It gets harder, harder, harder around you. While I wish the layers could peel away, they just keep building up. I don't want it, I hate it. I hate you. I love you. I want you. It can't happen, not here, not now, not ever. But it did, it does.

As I hold you in my arms, I tell you. I tell you that I never want to let you go. I whisper. I whisper the sweet nothings in your ear, but they mean something. Something to me anyway. I try to tell the truth but with these layers, people find it hard to believe me. Your not people though. My mask might as well not be there at all. It's transparent. I ask you this. I ask you everything, you answer. You answer my call before his. Coincidence? No, he has your attention far too much. I hold your hand, stroke your cheek, and run my fingers through your fiery hair. Red. Like his. Eyes, golden. Just like his. Their not, not at all. You're the same, but so different. That's what you want. Contradictory, I know. That's who you are.

It's so hot. I sit across the room from you. You think I don't notice. I do, I can't help but notice you staring my way. Before I can meet your gaze you've moved on. I don't like it. As I sit here with my brother, I talk and act for the customers. I see your eyes on me. My pale, exposed skin. As Hikaru holds me, I see the anger, confusion, sadness in your eyes.

It's an act. I hope you believe that. I love my brother, I love him so much. Not like that, never like that. Our love remains what it's always been. Brotherly. You should see your face. Your so cute when your jealous. No one else sees it though. You hid your true self, your gorgeous true self with that mask. Layer upon layer. I hope I can crack it. Peel away those layers. Expose you.

Profit. That's what I see in your eyes, what I saw anyway. You think that that's my perception of you. Cold and calculating. You're wrong. I see beauty and loneliness. I don't tell you though. That's the only thing I keep from you. You ask me things. Anything and everything. I answer. How could I not? Your voice is the melody my harts sings to. Cliché, I know. You should hear it.

As you hold me in your arms, I wonder if your being totally honest with me. You say that you never want to let me go. I'm doubtful, but one look in those onyx eyes says the truth. I don't doubt you after that. You call my name. When I answer you look so happy. It makes me smile. I hold your hand and sit there while the other explores my face, body and hair. When you look at me you see me. Not one half of the Hitachiin twins. Me. And it feels so wonderful, all I can do is smile. The truth is, I'm not Hikaru. We're similar, but so different. I like it like that. It's so contradictory, I could laugh, but that's who I am.

As we lean closer, I feel your warm breath on my skin. The ice of my mask starts to melt. I cup your face, then our lips meet.

I see the ice in your eyes melt, before my own flutter close. The kiss is short, but it couldn't have been more perfect.

Leaning back, I notice that your not disappointed. You smile. My heart melts as well. You just look so kawaii when your flustered.

I love your concern that you wished you provided more. Satisfied we lean back onto the sofa we're occupying. Just us.

It's so cold in here. With you, however, Kaoru, I feel that the world just got a little brighter, warmer and a lot more lovable.