TITLE: The BEST Naruto fanfic EVA!!
I DO NOT OWN!!
I would like to thank anonymous naruhinafan for being the wonderful inspiration for me to write this...
I'm sorry to those people who have noticed the C2 this story is on. Apparently the moron who put together that C2 is a coward (did you notice they won't post their own stories? I mean, where is the show of credentials? Who are they, and what gives them the right to judge my work?) Alright - perhaps I can't complain. I wrote this story in quite literally less than five minutes. So if you saw what C2 this is on, I'm sorry! I guess some people can't read the big, bold letters...
THIS IS A CRACK-FIC!!
Summary: Yeah, this story is totally Orochipants/Naruto paired. Orochimaru is his big bad self, totally snakelike, when Naruto stumbles upon him all injured and stuff. So Naruto, being the kind, forgiving type he is even though Orochimaru totally stole his best friend-slash-lover (Sasuke) Naruto takes him in and cares for him. M-preg, yaoi, yuri, het, and of course, Naruto gets his own co-ed harem. Mainly Naru/Orochi, but also has NaruKO/Sakura/NaruTO, NaruKO/Ino/NaruTO, NaruKO/Sasuke/NaruTO, NaruKO/Hinata/NaruTO, NaruKO/Gaara/NaruTO… various other pairings contained within…
Once upon a time, Naruto went down to the river where upon he found a snakelike man. This man was no ordinary man. No, he was a transvestite... Well, there was no other way to describe him, because he did his woogly-poogly chakra technique and snatched the body of some young woman thinking it would bring him eternal life.
Well, it didn't work quite so well... it pretty much just backfired because then he had to deal with having menstrual problems and of course being a man in a woman's body AND gay didn't help much after he'd screwed (or been screwed by) a completely fertile, NON-sterile guy named Kabuto...
Now, our heroine-slash-hero named Orochipants (he changed it after becoming a girl) was sadly pregnant, resulting in male pregnancy of the sort that you wouldn't even BELIEVE.
The child growing in him happened to also be a fox demon container for the fox demon Kyuubi's mate Georgia! No one is really sure how that happened, but the child also has Sharingan AND Byakugan capabilities! If it sounds amazing, that's because it is!
And to top that off, the father of the baby really isn't Kabuto! Its Naruto! Although I don't know how that happened either, but it did and upon finding this transvestite, Naruto took her home with him and asked her to marry him.
"Oh yes, I will, Naruto-kun!" Orochipants said, giggly at first before screaming in a loud, possessed and demonic voice, "AFTER I CONSUME YOUR BODY AND SOUL!!" She hiccupped as Naruto backed away looking a bit frazzled. "Sorry... I have gas." she excused him/herself with a blush.
"I can fart better!" Naruto boasted and tooted loud enough to rattle the windows. It really began to smell in their apartment so they went out for ramen at Ichiraku's.
Upon arriving, they saw Sasuke was stirring his ramen with some strange expression on his face. "SASUKE-KUN I WILL STEAL YOUR BODY AND USE THE SHARINGAN TO DESTROY THE WORLD!" Orochipants said suddenly.
Sasuke glanced blankly at Orochipants before saying slowly, "Whose the broad?"
Naruto chirped, "My wife. Sorry, (s)he has gas, I guess."
Sasuke glared balefully at Naruto before getting purposefully off the stool and slamming Naruto into a wall. They kissed for like... I don't know... Ten minutes sounds good, complete with tongue and teeth and biting and moaning and hickies and all the good stuff that kissing tends to involve - because we all like it when someone sucks on our teeth of course...
Orochipants just giggled. "Will you be coming for dinner SO I CAN CONSUME YOU Sasuke-chan?" he/she asked.
Sasuke blinked. "Maybe tomorrow. But rest assured, I will betray you all."
"Oh okay Sasuke! See you later!" Naruto panted, a bit winded while Sasuke was as cool as broiled chicken.
"Yeah, sure," Sasuke muttered. "Ino wants to make out tonight, but I don't feel like going so I have to go convince Sakura to go for me. See ya."
Meanwhile, Orochipants and Naruto ate dinner and then - after a very extended period fraternizing atop Ichiraku's countertop - went to some kind of club where there was cool and crazy people left and right, blaring music that crushed a deaf man's hearing, and strobe lights that gave the dead a stroke.
There they found... that the story was to be continued.