For those who have not yet read this series (new subscribers of mine), you might not get what's going on if you've never heard of "The Interrupter" (Character from The Conan O'Brian Show). If this is the case, I recommend you Google "the interrupter" and watch a few of the videos before continuing.
Also, I own nothing.
"Jasper, I wouldn't leave the room if I were you. Edward is out there waiting and I just had a vision that involved you taking-"
I cut Alice off, not in the mood to hear another one of her visions. "Alice, honey, don't worry about me. I can handle the little creep."I liked not knowing what was around every corner, it kept things interesting.
"I don't know…" she trailed off, not sounding convinced, knowing that I would leave the room anyway, despite her warning.
I bent down to kiss her forehead, "Really Sweet pea, I'll be fine." I assured her before I sauntered out the bedroom door and into the hallway. I only made it a few hundred feet before the little maggot jumped out in front of me.
"Hi Edward." I said, not even attempting to sound friendly. I walked around him and continued down the hall.
"Hi Jaz!" He greeted me and started to follow.
I stopped abruptly and turned to face him "Seriously, kid, stop calling me Jaz. My name is Jasper. Jas-per."
He smiled at me, "Okay Jaz."
While I was fighting the urge to dismember him, I finally noticed what he was wearing and I started to laugh. The little freak was wearing a fishnet wife-beater and a banana hammock – nothing else unless I counted the makeup on his face.
"Damn kid, what the hell-"
"Am I wearing?"
"Yes, and stop-"
"Seriously, stop that. It's-"
"Yes. Besides, I told you to-"
"Stay the hell away from you."
"Exactly. Can't you tell-?"
"That no one wants me around? Yes, I am well aware of that."
"You must be the-"
"World's loneliest vampire."
"I bet you spend most nights-"
"sneaking into Rosalie's closet so I can try on every single one of her wedding dresses."
"Wow, that is both-"
"Creepy and heartbreaking."
"I'm guessing you've never had a-"
"Meaningful sexual experience."
"Unless you consider-"
"Hugging Esme a meaningful sexual experience. Yes I do."
I was really getting freaked out and I needed to get away from him. So I started to walk away but he just followed so I continued to talk.
"Strangely okay with that."
"Is there even a-"
"Psychological term for someone like me?"
"Or do therapists just say you're-"
"Proof that God doesn't exist."
"Look, Edward, I'm feeling-"
"Really uncomfortable right now."
"You really should-"
"leave you alone."
"Seriously, I've got a-"
"Lighter and you won't hesitate to use it."
"Yes. You'd literally-"
"Combust into flames."
"You must think I'm-"
"Just kidding around here."
"I'm warning you, anymore-"
I cut him off, "And it's-"
He interrupted me yet again, "Bye-bye immortality."
"Okay, I'm about to-"
"light me on fire."
"Don't want to do this."
"Left you no other choice."
The little bastard had it coming. No one would blame me for putting an end to him, I was sure. I was just about to flip the top of my lighter, causing a little flame to ignite, when Alice jumped out into the hallway and called out, "Edward! Come this way! I really want to give you a makeover! NOW! Oh! I've got a pair of fishnet stockings that will match that…um…fetching shirt you're wearing right now. Besides, I want to hear more about that new girl at school."
"Her name is Bella and her hair smells like strawberries!" He exclaimed as he turned all his attention to Alice and started skipping down the hall, away from me. Unfortunately, his banana hammock was also a thong and I got a full view of his pasty-white ass. I shuttered and then looked at Alice. "Thank you honey. I really appreciate it. I almost-"
Alice interrupted me, "I know what you almost did."
"I also know what you almost did." Edward called out as he reached Alice. "Makeover time!" he exclaimed as he entered the room.
"Damn, that kid needs to get some!" I muttered under my breath before making my way down the stairs.
A/N:Sorry that I'm kinda picking on Edward but he sort of deserves it. The guy became so girly in Breaking Dawn. Besides, I've been team Jacob since New Moon.
So, I've been feeling pretty uninspired as of late because of the upcoming election here in the US. I've been following this upcoming election for the past two years and now I'm SICK of hearing about it. I can't wait until it's all over. ANYWAY, I need some new music to listen to so I might get my mind off the election, the horrendous economy and help me get past my writers block. Please feel free to leave suggestions. I especially like music from the UK (I love Kate Nash) but any and all suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks!!!