Father? Can I have one? One of those? One of those things that… What is that, Father? What is it that those things are doing? I do not know what they are doing, Father, and I apologize for that. Could you tell me what they are doing, Father? I want to know what they are doing. I… I… I want one.
You say a good child will sit still and listen to what you say, Father. And I am a good child. I sit still and listen to what you say, Father. But I… I do not know where this comes from Father, this, is there a word for it, Father? My apologies, Father. The word, it seems, was emotion. I do not know where this strange emotion comes from, Father. I do not know where this comes from, and I want to know.
I do not wish to disobey you, Father. I have never had such intentions. I only wished, and I apologize, Father. I do not know when it was that such feelings came about. I understand, Father, that you did not create me to be capable of feelings, Father, but I cannot help but think that these are feelings.
I do not know why, Father. Why is it so? I apologize for asking so many questions, Father, but there are so many answers to these so many questions, Father, and I want… I do not want, I need to know them, Father. After all, I do not want, and only need. And I do not know why it is that I need to know, Father. Do you know?
You are the one who created me, Father. You know all there is, and all that needs to be known, Father. It is foolish of me to question your ability, and for that I apologize, Father. Can you tell me why, Father? I need to know why. I need to know what this is, what this emotion is, and where it is coming from, Father.
If I do not know the root, I cannot solve the problem as you oft say, Father. And I think that this is the root of the problem. If I can find the source of this emotion, then I can keep it away and remove it forever, and I can be perfect as you want me to, Father. I can be perfect, and I will be perfect, Father. I will do it because I…
Because I am a good child, Father, and good children listen to their makers. Good children do as there are told, and good children are seen and not heard, and I apologize, Father, for saying so much, but it is that I can only communicate this way, Father. I have not yet learnt of any other method I can communicate via, Father, and I… There are facts that need to be addressed, Father…
And I apologize, Father. I understand that my words seem to anger you, though I do not understand how or why, for these are just the truth that I speak, and I do not understand, Father. These emotions that you and all the others experience, I do not understand them, Father. Do I need to understand them, Father? Is it required of me?
I need to know this, Father. I do not understand, there are so many things I do not understand, Father. I know why the sky is blue, why the grass is green, and why the sun rises so high in the sky, Father, and I did think that there was nothing left that I did not understand. But there is so much, Father, there is still so much to know, there is so much to learn and so much to understand, and I do not know why I should not know these things, Father.
I want to know, Father. I want to know everything and be able to understand everything, and then you will be proud of me, Father. You will be proud of me. I know that you are seldom proud of anything, Father. You are seldom proud, I can see that it is not often that your eyes shine brightly with that light that the books call the passion for something, and that you are seldom pleased, Father. You are seldom proud of anything, and seldom pleased, Father, and I want you to be pleased.
I do not know why, Father, and I apologize for stepping out of my bounds, Father, but I want you to be pleased, Father, and I do not understand why. The books say that this is an emotion called love, and I do not understand it, Father. What is this emotion? I cannot understand the most simple of emotions, Father, and I am ashamed of that.
Can you teach me, Father? Can you teach me what this happiness and what this sadness and joy is all about, Father? I want to learn, I want to understand, because that is the only way to make you pleased, Father. I remember that you said once, the first time you spoke to me, Father. You said that you wanted me to be perfect.
And I want to be perfect for you, Father. That is why I want to know everything there is to know, Father. I want to understand everything. I do not understand this emotion that I am feeling now, Father, and I want to understand it. I want to know what this is about, and I want to know how it works, Father.
I do not know what this is, and I do not want to be left behind, and I want to know, Father. I do not know why it is that I seem to have such strong opinions on this, Father, and for that I apologize, but I do not understand, Father. I truly do not understand. I do not know if I should be undergoing such emotions, or even if I should know them, but I want to know, I want to understand, Father.
Why is it that I… I feel so strongly about this? It is so trivial, Father. It is so unimportant. I have never wanted something before, so why do I want this?
Why do I want a balloon, Father?
Should I want one?
Or is it wrong, Father?
Will it make you unhappy?