A/N: This story is old and I never posted it anywhere, but I made some modifications on it and decided to post it here and now. I honestly don't know if it's good enough, but there's been a long time since last I wrote anything and I wanted to do something for a change. And yes, maybe Roxas is again OOC, but I just can't see him being as fragile and sweet as people often deliver it so.
Summary: Axel had to get Roxas on a bad day for them to have their first time… M for swearing and implications of aggressive sex.
Disclaimers: They are so far from my reach... And my pocket is empty, not even a single coin, so don't waste your time suing me.
It all started with my curiosity and his typical bad mood...
"Why are you always so cranky?"
"For the same reason you're always so annoying. Some things just can't be changed."
And for some other reason I used to think that his crankiness was just another adding to his loveable personality…
What a joke. Aside from me, there was no one else inside this castle that would put up with him and his "I have to know" shit… Unless there was a motive. A "He can do something for me and save me from the effort." like motive.
Big fucking bunch of useless pieces of flesh. That's what they are. All of them. He is the only one worth the trouble. No one wanted him here. But I did.
How? Well, damn, there was the obvious way… And there were so many others… Sometimes I just wanted him by my side. Just to talk, you know? Because I talk too much. Or so I've been told before.
That day I followed him around like a good dog following his owner. It doesn't do much for my self-esteem, but who said I had one in the first place? Ego and self-esteem are entirely different things. And he kept chasing me away like I was some nasty bacteria trying to get him sick.
It was always like that. But on that particular morning, for some particular reason I still haven't got a clue, he got pissed off. For real, I mean. Majorly, royally pissed off. Like in, scary shit pissed off.
He grabbed my coat by the collar and pulled me around shoving my skinny body to a wall nearby. Boy, that kid is stronger than one might think based on his size. But then, appearances can fool you anytime, you just wait and see. Well, there I was, pinned by a very, very furious kid, and trying to pretend I was finding all that quite funny. But I wasn't. Don't tell anyone, but I was in fact scared shitless. Never seen him like that. Then he began to speak.
"Ok… Now you tell me, why in the name of the seven hells do you always have to get on my nerves like that? Do you find that amusing or are you just plain dumb like all the others? Oh, sorry… You're probably worse than the others."
He lowered his head, still maintaining his grip on me. I kept my eyes down, staring at him like that entire act wasn't impressive by the least.
"I just want to be by your side. Is that so hard to understand or are you too stupid to memorize that… Roxy?"
The fiery blue of his eyes burned inside his head, his anger leaking through them like water from a hole in the wall.
"No. That isn't so hard to understand. I think you are the one that cannot understand something: I. Don't. Want. You. Around. ME!"
I lifted my left hand and touched his cheek softly, a whisper of skin against skin.
"Why can't you just give it a try? I promise I will be a good boy."
He laughed, sarcasm dripping from each sound that came out of his throat.
"Give it a try? Ok… But learn this, Axel. Be careful with what you want. You might actually get it."
That's when things got twisted and I don't know how exactly they turned out like that. He yanked me off my feet and a portal of shadows opened right behind my back. Next I knew I was being roughly shoved down to a mattress. I had a few seconds to breathe and recognize the place as being his room. It was very dark inside it, but I always had a good dark vision.
"Ok… I will give it a try… And you memorize this: you promised to be good…"
He crushed his silky lips down to mine, an angry, bruising kiss, stealing my breath away and making my skin burn like I was being consumed by my own flames. I felt his teeth biting down my lower lip forcefully, and the metallic taste of blood followed shortly after the pain.
"I will make sure you keep that promise."
Now, understand this. It's not like I didn't have the strength to stop him. He was stronger than he looked like, but not that strong. The point is… I wanted that. Let it be rough, let there be pain. Let there be cruelty.
When you've got little to start with, you take what you can, you know?
And MAN! He sure made me bleed! His fingernails carved down rivers of skin and blood down my back. His teeth marked me everywhere you think it's possible. The bruises didn't leave me for a whole fucking month. And it took me three days to sit down properly.
I can still remember it, like a fresh memory just out of the oven. That first kiss was the prelude of what I should expect from him.
"Do you want more? Or are you ready to keep your feet a mile away from me?"
I thought for a brief moment if there was a chance I might regret that. Not a fat one.
"A mile away is too… Aah… Far…" He bit down hard on my collarbone, after breaking the zipper and pulling the coat off my shoulder. Who could have guessed that there was such aggressiveness in him? I grabbed fistfuls of sheets when his bites trailed down my chest and upper part of my belly, leaving red angry round marks on my white skin. He opened the rest of my coat and gained access to lower parts of my body, squeezing me down slowly and hard through my pants, getting me as hard as I could get. Painfully hard.
"Is this what you've wanted all along?"
And yes, I could've said 'No, I wanted so much more… So much… More…". But my voice came out strangled by the sensations invading me. He forced out a moan from me when he ripped my pants open and engulfed me with his hot sweet mouth. And it was the first time that night I felt he was being careful. Maybe he just didn't want to end the playing so soon, and he knew that if he hurt that specific part of my anatomy, it would be it. Finite. Capuff. Gone for good. At least that's what it seemed back then.
And I cried. I cried and cried. I cried because I didn't want it to be like this, but I wanted it, and I wasn't understanding why he was hurting me so much and why I was letting him do it to me and why I wasn't doing anything to stop him.
I wasn't caring too much at this point whether he was going to leave me in one piece or shredded to a bunch of them at the end of this. Sweet slaughter, they say. His voice brought chills down to my spine. I was feeling overwhelmed by all this. When he asked me if I wanted him inside of me, all I managed to utter was something unintelligible and I believe he took it for a yes. To tell the truth, I think I could have recited the entire collection of Zexion's books and he would have taken it for a yes anyway.
He got me writhing and moaning so fast and reduced me to pile of flesh and limbs willing to obey any order coming from him in such a way that I couldn't recognize myself. I had finally surrendered, because I had no way out, nowhere to escape. I felt it building from the base of my spine to the last bit of my head. It felt like electricity coursing through my veins, and when it exploded, I understood the full meaning of that saying "seeing stars". My head went back with such force that I strained the muscles of my neck and shoulders. It still hurts from time to time. And I screamed. Like I never had before. I wonder if the rest of the castle heard me. And honestly, I don't give a damn shit about it. I'm not any singer, but I sure have strong lungs.
The sensation was blissful torture. He gathered what he could of my cum on his hand and used that to ease the passage of the fingers he inserted into me. He used up to three fingers before he thought I was ready. When I felt him finally getting inside of me… Fully inside… It's not as painful as one might hear or read about. Just a little bit, if the other takes time in preparing you. It might feel… Strange… At the beginning. But when you get accustomed to it, it feels like there are things touching your insides right on the perfect places, all over your body. The sensation spreads through your legs and arms and everywhere. You don't know what real magic is until you experiment that.
And then he got me all confused. Because suddenly he was being all careful and loving to me. I decided to put the confusion aside and give all of myself to him. He took hold of my hands and intertwined our fingers, his small body over mine. I could feel his breath on my neck, hot and moist. He started moaning too, and I cried again. This time because… He was moaning my name. My name. When I thought he just wanted to make me regret stalking him, he showed me he wasn't made of stone and shadows. I don't know if we have hearts, if we can feel anything at all. But I know that what we were doing, what we were feeling was real.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
He kept whispering that and spraying apologetic kisses all over my neck and jaw and lips and cheeks and nose and whatever he could reach of my face. I came for the second time that night, more from the careful lovemaking he was trying to give me than for the sex itself… Yes, they are different things. Try both and you know the difference.
Xemnas says we can't feel anything. I don't believe him. Why? Because that warmness I felt when he cuddled me when it was all over cannot be classified as nothing. If it is love? Geez, I don't know. But it sure is more than "nothing". A lot more. He kissed me a few times after that. We slept together. But he was gone before morning came. And he's been running away from me since then. I think I'm just going to have to give him some time.
I think he doesn't know what to do with what happened between us.
If he had a heart, I bet his would be a battle ground right now.