Title: The smiling Buchou and the Frowning Tensai [Part 4/?]
Rating: PG for this chapter
Genre: Utter Crack, with lots and lots of nonsense.
Disclaimer: All I own is the cpu.
Warnings: THIS CHAPTER IS CONFUSING. You will need all your attention and imagination to read this chapter! Don't forget that whenever Tezuka talks, it is actually Fuji's voice that comes out!
Summary: Training camp turned into horror as Inui, or rather, Echizen decided that it was a better idea to start team-bonding.
A/N: DON'T FORGET, the names in italic are their real identities. It applies to ALL. and I mean ALL.
"Alright, camping, camping!" Eiji and Momo shouted as they gladly jumped off the bus after three long hours of sitting and doing nothing. After all, they claimed that boredom could kill them both if they stayed a second longer in that way-too-tranquil vehicle. Of course, coming from them, it couldn't have possibly been exaggerated.
As the rest of the Seigaku regulars made their way outside, they were one by one awed by the huge mansion that stood in front of them. White as marble, it shun like a diamond under the sun, temporarily blinding all of them with its brilliance. High of at least three stories, it was topped with what seemed to be an outside pool on the flat roof. The front yard, surrounded by freshly sculptured trees and while lilies, was firmly closed and locked by a fence, forbidding any unwelcomed visitors from entering the dream land. The regulars thought back at the repugnant little hut they had to sleep in last time they went camping and decided that this… this castle couldn't be real.It was way too good to be real.
Had he been less dazzled, Momoshiro would have remembered to drool.
As seconds turned to minutes, Fuji finally managed to push aside some stunned regulars and made his way out of the bus. To everyone's surprise, the Seigaku genius didn't even bother to look at the amazing building right in front of him; much less take pictures as he normally would have done. Instead, he slowly walked away into the deep woods that isolated the mansion.
Eiji quickly got his senses back. "Nya Fuji, where are you going?"
For the first time, the honey haired boy turned around to look at them questioningly. "To our camping house," he answered simply, pointing at a small wood cabin located not so far inside the woods, as if there was nothing more obvious in the world.
Momoshiro was the first one who protested. "Tezuka buchou… tell me this is not true! We can't possibly survive in that… that… cottage!"
Under the light, Tezuka's spectacles glinted mischievously. The captain said nothing and followed Fuji away from the unrealistic chateau.
And they heard the rest of the team wail.
Fuji cleared his throat and successfully caught everyone's attention. "I'll take this opportunity to thank Ryuuzaki-sensei for helping us find an accommodation big enough to have a bedroom of our own. Unfortunately we hadn't expected that five freshmen (he turned to look at respectively, Horio, Kachirou, Katsuo, Tomoka and Sakuno) would accompany us on our training; we are therefore short on chambers. Hence, it has been decided, that we share bedrooms to equalize it all."
Tezuka picked up a sheet of paper from the table and handed it to Fuji, confusing the regulars further through this action.
"The room orders are listed as so," the prodigy read directly from the document, "Ryuuzaki-sensei shall take the first room, followed by Osakada and Ryuuzaki in the second room, as Katsuo, Kachiro and Horio share the third." He paused to look up from his papers and made sure everyone had understood before continuing. "As for the regulars, the pairings are as follow: Echizen and Inui, Momoshirou and Kaidoh (he could already hear the disapproving hisses), Oishi and Eiji and finally me and Fu-- I mean Tezuka." He earned himself some questioning glances but paid no attention to it.
"When you are finished unloading your things, get ready to head outside. We will meet in twenty minutes in front of the main entrance. You are dismissed." The honey-haired boy was dragged away by none other than the bespectacled man as soon as he finished his speech and made a sprint towards their room.
The regulars stare at each other, dumbfounded by that little scene just now.
"Don't you think Fujiko is acting kinda weird, nya?"
"Tezuka-buchou too! He made Fuji-senpai read the whole thing in his stead!"
"What's going on?" Oishi cut in, the mother hen in him already worrying about Seigaku's two best player's condition.
"Buchou is acting like Fuji-senpai and Fuji-senpai like buchou" Echizen simply stated out.
"How about we spy on them, nya~?"
Already, the six tennis players were tip-toeing James Bond-style, towards their room, leaving their coach sweatdropping at their… subtlety.
"Tezuka, you can't just blow our covers like this" they all distinctively heard their captain's voice calling for himself.
The genius sighed. "Fuji, we can't continue like this. Everyone will find out sooner or later."
"And how do you think they will react when they find out we exchanged places?"
A pregnant silence followed and the self-proclaimed Seigaku spies quickly ran back to their headquarter: the bathroom. Hopefully, Tezuka and Fuji hadn't noticed their presence, or else laps of doom would definitely be assigned. Eiji and Momo shivered at the thought of running till sunset while Inui hastily scribbled in his notebook the precious information he had just collected. As for Oishi and Kaidoh, they just concentrated on running as far as possible lest of being found out eavesdropping. Ryoma followed reluctantly.
It was only when they were safe and secure, all squeezed in one same toilet cabin, did they dare to let out the breath they didn't know they were holding. As their hearts gradually slowed down their pumping, they had sufficiently calmed down to think about what they had just heard.
"So that was it all along! They switched places!" Momoshiro shouted, perhaps a little too loud for their proximity.
"Geez, they could have just told us. They made me worry so much!" Oishi was rather relieved.
Inui's glasses glinted dangerously as he closed his notebook and stared one by one at his new spying team. "Alright everyone, how about we give them a little… payback?"
Tezuka and Fuji rushed outside only to find the other regulars already practicing. Tezuka was rather surprised at his tennis club's sudden enthusiasm while Fuji… well, Fuji was just being Tezuka, expressionless. As they approached the tennis courts, they felt like something was amiss, out of place.
And then, it struck them.
Echizen was walking towards them with Inui's notebook in hand and his glasses on his nose. The freshman rookie eyed Fuji. "Tezuka, you should have just told us from the very start that you and Fuji switched places."
Fuji's eyes widened in disbelief. "You knew?" Tezuka asked incredulously. "And what did you just call me?"
Inui pulled Ryoma's small cap over his eyes. "Mada mada dane, Buchou, Fuji-senpai."
"I beg your pardon?" Tezuka felt a headache coming.
"As you see, we have found out your little scheme and we decided that it was good for team-bonding to pretend to be someone else: it helps us understand each other better and I decided to change my whole practice menu thanks to the both of you," Echizen, or rather Inui, in this case, explained, pushing the too large glasses up his nose bridge. "So for the rest of the training camp, I will be Inui-senpai and Inui-senpai will be me. The rest of the team approved of this kind of training, and if you are unable to act like your team mate, my deluxe juice will be waiting for you."
"Che, this is pointless, Inui-senpai" the tallest of the two complained, trying desperately to contain his laughter at Tezuka and Fuji's shocked faces.
Tezuka reluctantly looked around, just to find out that his worst nightmare had become reality, insane reality.
In the far corner, he saw Oishi in front of the net, performing acrobatics and shouting 'Kikumaru-beaaam~~' as the real Eiji stood still at the baseline, watching his partner's every move. Against them played Momoshirou (who hissed and gladly performed the snake shot) and Kaidoh, who desperately tried (and failed) to act nonchalant.
Sensing that a single packet of Advil wouldn't be enough to cure his growing headache, Tezuka tried to contain himself. He had to… he was the captain… he couldn't possibly…
But no one listed to him. Of course they wouldn't; Fuji's feminine voice was at loudest a whisper. Losing his temper, Tezuka thought of his single and last resort: act like Fuji, act sadistically. His jaw twitched uncontrollably on the side as he pictured himself smirking evilly like his smaller team mate. He pronounced one word.
And everybody had their full attention on him.
~To Be Continued~
A/N: You can't possibly imagine the fun I had when I wrote this. I solely thank Kuroi and Shiroi, Addicted to dreams and xxasianicexx for helping me with the muse! I have enough ideas for maybe two more chapters... I'll see the outcome after that.
Reviews and criticism fill my soul! So please tell me if you found this really confusing! I promise that the next chapter will be much more comprehensible, with less italics and such!