Author's note: This is the next installment in SAWS (Spanky A Week Summer). :) Before you read, you should know that this story is set in a world where Teyla and Ronon are married or live together in a cabin on the mainland and Cadman and Carson are also together/married. Enjoy!
WARNING: I am one of the girls who makes the Bone Rice fan films on YouTube. ;)
The Dinner Party
Teyla's face scrunched up as she stood on her tippy toes, her arm outstretched, reaching for the cupboard. She sighed as she flopped her arm to her side, gazing upwards. She furrowed her brow as she jumped for the handle, her fingertips just brushing the bottom of the cupboard door.
"Need a little help there shorty?" Ronon said as he walked up behind her. Teyla looked over her shoulder at him.
"I am fine." She returned to her struggling, jumping up and swatting at the handles. Ronon chuckled as he walked up beside her.
"I knew I should've built these cupboards shorter." Ronon smirked as he quickly reached up and opened the door.
Teyla scowled at him as a she put her hands on her hips. "Are you saying I am short?"
Ronon smiled and handed their package of dry spaghetti noodles. "No I am just saying I should have built this house better for all of us."
"No, this house is perfect." She smiled over her shoulder at him. "But this dinner party is not going to be if this spaghetti isn't ready in..." She looked up to the clock and gasped. "A half hour! Oh my – I have to get the spaghetti made, the table set, and our house clean!" Telya ran over to the stove and quickly ripped the noodle package open and dumped the noodles into the pot of boiling water. Ronon laughed as he shut the cupboard and walked up to her.
"Teyla, relax, its only Sheppard, Carson and Laura – it's not big deal." Telya raised her brows as she viscously began to stir the noodles into the water.
"To you it may be just some friends coming over, but this is all about presentation and flavor." Teyla hurried over to another pot and began to sprinkle spices and seasonings into the tomato sauce.
"Teyla, they're our friends – they won't care."
"Ronon, you see, that is where you are wrong." He furrowed his brow at her. "They might act like they don not care, but secretly every bite they take they are analyzing every taste and they are thinking of ways to make their food better when it is their turn to have a dinner party."
Ronon stared at her with a confused look on his face. "Is that what you do every time we eat dinner at Cadman's?"
Teyla paused her stirring and looked over at him. "Well no but..."
"And besides, do you really think Sheppard would have something like this?"
"I don't know Ronon, just… go set the table or something…" Teyla sighed and quickly turned off the heat to the stove, glancing up at the clock nervously. Ronon walked over to the drawer and began grabbing several sets of silverware and carrying it to the table. Teyla grabbed the pot of boiled noodles and hurried with it over to the sink and dumped them into the colander. She looked over at him and furrowed her brow. "Ronon what are you doing?"
Ronon slowly rested the knife down on the table and looked over at her. "Setting…the table…" He said in a low tone.
Teyla stared at him then hurried over. "This is supposed to go here!" She quickly moved the fork to the other side of the knife. "And oh my, these napkins need to be folded Ronon, folded!" Teyla sighed and looked about the table then at the cowering Ronon. "This is all wrong Ronon, just leave it! Go sit and… wait for the guests to arrive you can open the door."
Ronon sighed and sadly stumbled over to the seat by the fireplace. Teyla returned to her cooking and began to mix the noodles with the sauce, pull the baking garlic bread from the oven, and toss a large salad filled with tomatoes, peppers, and candied walnuts. Ten minutes passed as Telya finished preparing the dinner and Ronon still sat in the armchair pouting.
Teyla let out a deep breath as she looked about the kitchen. She had just managed to wash up all the dirty pots and counter tops when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Ronon almost jumped from his seat as he looked over to the door.
"Oh my goodness! They are here!" Teyla exclaimed as Ronon excitedly got up and launched for the door but was cut off as Teyla hurried by in front of him and reached for the door handle and quickly pulled it open. "Laura, Carson, how nice to see you!" Teyla smiled as she greeted the Scottish man and the blonde.
"That was my job…" Ronon mumbled as he lowered his head in disappointment and sighed, resting his hand in his pocket as he walked back to his chair.
"Hey there!" Cadman slowly leaned her head forward into the doorway and took in large deep breaths through her nose. "It smells delicious in there!"
Carson bent in and took a whiff. "Oh…" He slowly took another, closing his eyes. "It sure does…"
"Teyla! He's Sniffing!!" Ronon suddenly screamed from inside the house. Carson abruptly stopped smelling and looked over to Ronon who was peering out from behind the armchair in the house.
"Ronon!" Teyla snapped as she glared in at him. He disappeared as he slowly slid deeper into the chair.
Carson's eyes grew wide as he looked back to the two women. "Oh I'm sorry! I just, it smells so good and you see, I have been working all day and missed breakfast and lunch…"
"Carson, don not worry about it, sniff all you want, it is perfectly FINE." Telya sighed as she shook her head and walked into the house, the couple following her.
Cadman walked over to the food on the countertop and sniffed the air above it. "Mmm…Teyla what do you put in this…?"
Ronon quickly whipped his head around and starred at Cadman.
"Yummy stuff." Telya smiled as she began to toss the salad around more.
"Pssst…." Telya slowly turned her head around and looked at Ronon as he peered around the chair at her. "Pssst!"
"What is it?" Telya asked as Ronon began gesturing with his hand for her to come. Teyla sighed as she watched the Satedan slink behind the arm rest as she approached him. Cadman furrowed her brow and gave Carson an amused look as he slowly popped an olive into his mouth.
"Teyla… I think… she's trying to steal your recipes! Remember? And Carson, too!" Ronon whispered loudly to Teyla as she knelt beside him. Telya chuckled and stood up, shaking her head in amusement. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" he shouted in a whisper as she walked away from him and over to the guests.
Teyla got a large bottle of wine from one of the cupboards and began to pour it into several glasses and they all began to discuss their days' work as they drank. After a few minutes, Ronon sat up from his seat and stretched and yawned very loudly, causing the three of them to glanced over. He casually made his way over to them and grabbed the prongs to the salad and began to toss it, looking over at Cadman.
"See? I can cook too." He smiled smugly at her as she smirked at him and sipped her wine, nodding her head. The four of them were chatting excitedly when there was another knock at the door. "I'll get it!" Ronon yelled as he bolted through them, nearly knocking over Carson who had to catch his fall on the counter. Ronon hurriedly opened the door and grinned at Sheppard who was waiting on the doorstep with a large blueberry pie in hand.
"Hey there buddy." Sheppard smiled as he patted Ronon on the shoulder with his free hand.
"It's my job to open the door, aren't you jealous?" Ronon looked smug as Sheppard slowly nodded his head in agreement.
"Hi Sheppard!" Teyla yelled from inside, waving at him. He smiled back and followed the Satedan inside.
Cadman looked over to the approaching Sheppard and smiled at him then gasped and looked over to Teyla. "Teyla, you didn't tell me we were supposed to bring a dish!"
They two women looked over to Sheppard who stopped a few feet away from them. "Uh… well, I didn't know if I was supposed to or not… so I made a pie just to be on the safe side." Shepard awkwardly stepped up to Telya and handed it to her.
"This is wonderful, Sheppard, thank you very much." She smiled and set it on the counter behind her.
"Great, now I feel like the greedy cow that just came for the free spaghetti." Cadman sighed as she looked over at Sheppard who shrugged.
"That's because you are one." Ronon chuckled as Cadman glared at him and hit him on the shoulder.
The four of them all took their seats at the table as Teyla brought over the large bowls and plates of food. She took a seat in between Sheppard and Ronon and they all began to fill their plates with the pasta and salad. They happily began eating and talking about their lives, sharing humorous things.
"And then this morning when I was in the cafeteria I saw McKay in line for food, and I watched him silently just grab the last cup of jello basically from Lorne's hand and he ran away as fast as he could!"
They all laughed, except for Teyla. "Oh my goodness, I forgot to invite Rodney!"
Cadman snorted as she took a bite of pasta and began chuckling as she looked over to Teyla. "I don't think he would care." Cadman laughed through a mouth full of food.
"Yeah, Teyla, he isn't exactly a party animal," Sheppard said as he sipped his wine and looked over at Teyla.
"But still…" Teyla sighed and began to twirl around her spaghetti.
"Who cares? More food for me!" Ronon yelled as lunged from his seat and reached for the large serving spoon that sat in the pasta and began heavily loading his plate with noodles.
"Easy there big guy," Sheppard said as he watched the Satedan with amusement.
"Ronon, you need to save some pasta for everyone else… be polite…" Teyla grumbled under her breath as she stared him down.
"Anyone else want any?" Ronon offered as he spun the large spoon covered with noodles around the table.
"Nah, I gotta save some room for that pie." Sheppard leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach.
"All right." Ronon quickly scraped up the last of the noodles from the bowl and quickly began to eat them.
Cadman chuckled and began talking to Teyla.
"Hey Sheppard guess what?" Ronon said.
Sheppard took a bite of his salad and looked over curiously. "What?"
"I learned how to sing!" Ronon said proudly as he suddenly stopped eating and stared at Sheppard. "Pthuuut!" Suddenly Ronon farted very loudly and Sheppard quickly pulled his shirt up over his nose.
"Oh my god that's disgusting!"
Teyla and Cadman suddenly looked over to him and couldn't help but laugh.
"Ronon!" Teyla yelled as she glared at him, trying to hide her smile.
"What, you don't appreciate my lovely voic – oh my god, look!" Ronon suddenly screamed as a horrified look grew upon his face. All four of them quickly looked to the window that Ronon was so violently pointing at. Ronon furrowed his brow at the empty window. "What… I just saw a man… and now… he's gone…" He slowly lowered his hand and looked around the table as everyone stared at him.
"It's ok Ronon… everybody farts… you don't need to try to make something up in order to change the subject…" Sheppard gently patted him on the back and slumped back into his seat.
"Well anyways…" Telya smiled as she looked around the table.
"Teyla this food… it's unbelievable…" Cadman said as she chewed her last bite of salad.
"Aye, it really is, this sauce in magnificent!" Carson added.
Telya smiled at the couple. "Well, thank you very much."
"Teyla…" Ronon said quietly, leaning over to her. Telya sighed and slowly looked over at him. "Teyla… they are going to steal your-" Telya suddenly kicked at Ronon but was shocked as Sheppard quickly jumped from his seat and yelped. Ronon gasped and looked over him.
"Oh… Sheppard… are you…" Telya looked at him in concern.
"Yeah… I'm…fine…" He waved a hand at her and nodded, letting her know he knew it was a mistake. Telya sighed and quickly drank the rest of her wine.
"Sheppard how about that pie?" Cadman asked excitedly as she outstretched her arms.
"Yeah, I guess that couldn't HARM us." Sheppard said as he skeptically looked over to Teyla. Sheppard slowly got up and limped over to the countertop and suddenly stopped and gasped.
"Oh my god!" He screamed and pointed, causing the rest of them to stare in shock as well. The window was slowly opening as an arm reached in, patting around on the countertop. Sheppard slowly reached into his back pocket for his knife and silently pulled it out. They all watched as the arm continued to reach about when suddenly General Landry's head appeared through the window and he gasped and quickly looked over at the pie.
"What the hell…" Sheppard said as the man quickly looked around in surprise then lunged for the pie when suddenly a beam of light appeared through the roof and down onto the pie. Sheppard jumped back, recognizing it as a beam from the Daedalus and stared as the pie was quickly sucked into the air and disappeared. Everyone else jumped out their eats and hurried over, when suddenly they all paused as they heard an echoing shout from outside.
"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Gotta love your antioxidants!!" They all stared in shock at one another, and Sheppard quickly looked back to the window and heard crunching leaves as Landry hurried away.
"What the bloody hell just happ-"
"HOOOOOOOOO!! Wait a minute whose gonna bake more of these pies? HOOOOOOOO!" Suddenly another beam of light appeared into the kitchen and all five of them were quickly sucked up into Caldwell's beam and shot up to his ship.
"HOOOOOOOOOO what ya gonna do when a Caldwell comes for you, Hungry Man, Hungry Man!!" The ship quickly flew away from the house and over the trees and meadows, where in one of the large meadows, a man named Marthan ran in a long blue dress, throwing flower petals about.
"I like Chilies!!" Marthan yelled with glee as he jumped about and then was run over by naked Draco Malfoy driving a red convertible.