Canis Canem Venture

This is my first ever attempt at a Venture Brothers fic. Please be honest with your comments!

Judging by the title you can probably guess where I'm going with this story. Well that is if you know where I'm getting "Canis Canem" from. The story takes place in an AU after the Season 3 Finale so this is like my own personal continuation of the story. But like a crossover of sorts.

The Venture Bros. is an action-adventure-comedy animated series that airs as part of Cartoon Network's adult-themed programming called Adult Swim and does not belong to me in anyway. The creators are Doc Hammer and Jason Publick and they get all the money.


The day wore on. A heavy feeling of finality hung over the Venture compound with the cruelly iconic feeling of total normality speared right through the middle. A day in the life... A pungent stink of blood and burn flesh hung in the autumn air and it wouldn't be wrong to say that this particular day at the Venture Compound was a bad day for everyone. Being mere hours since the insane and unsightly massacre right in their front lawn, the going about of cleaning the battle field was a daunting process that Dr. Venture did not in any way look forward to. Not that he ever did. General Traester at least was generous enough to carry the O.S.I.'s dead off the property, along with their ex-bodyguard, Brock Samson, who the last he had seen was hanging onto life by a string. But the Monarch knew no such courtesy of war and crawled back to the cocoon before anyone had known he had gone.

"Well it looks like I'm heading out to the O.S.I. to see what I can do to better serve mankind." Sargent Hatred slapped Dr. Venture heartily on the back, almost causing him to fall over a dead henchman.

"Thanks to this pinnacle moment I think I've seen the light, Dr. Venture. Hell maybe I can help find out what to do with maniacs like that crazy s.o.b Monarch who's always buggin you." Sargent Hatred seemed in fine spirits after the whole ordeal, surviving what had to be one of the craziest and probably most uncalled for clashes of Guild and O.S.I. history, his spirits were high and his blood still boiled after the battle. " This feels like a whole new chapter for me! Think about Sargent Hatred! A good guy now?"

"Yes yes that's wonderful." said Rusty in fake joy as he dragged the burnt decapitated corpse of a no name henchman to a pile of several dozen similar henches unlucky enough to meet their end early that morning. "Hey are you just going to parade around on my lawn like a stuffed peacock or are you going to help clean up this mess?" Dr. Venture made a sweeping gesture with his arm over the henchman's bodies still sprawled over the area.

"Uuuh well I would give a hand but..." the Sgt. Then noticed two O.S.I officers coming up behind him. Neither looking too pleased. "Sgt. Hatred you are under arrest."

Dean was caught delightfully by surprise when he saw a taxi pull up to the compound's front drive way and see Triana step out the passenger side. She looked ravishing, decked out in a new flattering outfit bought during her vacation in France.

"Um, uh. Hi Triana! Nice to see you back!" Dean waved with enthusiasm.

"Hey Dean." was all the teenager responded with as she walked up the steps. A short answer. But the smile accenting her face, aimed directly at him, made his heart flutter.

A few hours later Orpheus was in the kitchen with Dr. Venture discussing non important things. Or least as far as Thaddeus was concerned about Orpheus' vacation.

"- I swear I had the most bizarre of dreams the night before. Visions of bodies falling to the ground washing it with blood!(he made sure to leave out his visions of naked boys just to be safe)and on this compounds very lawn! I say it felt almost real. That certainly wasn't a pleasant flight back. But I'm glad to see that everything is perfectly fine. My imagination can sometimes get the better of me."

The Necromancer paused to sniff the air. " Besides this extremely rank smell that... Have you been burning something?" Orpheus failed to catch Rusty's reaction to the awkward question when he saw Hank walking by the kitchen door.

" Hello, Hank! I hope that you and your brother are doing well?" Hank looked up from the carpet to Orpheus, the pained look on his face deepened as he looked down again and kept walking, leaving Orpheus at a loss."Did I say something wrong?"

Rusty groaned internally. "I'm surprised you haven't figured it out but it looks like I've got some explaining to do."

Dean peered inside the bedroom door to see see Hank sitting on the table gazing out their single window. He had been doing that consistently for the past two weeks...that day. Dean knew what was troubling his brother but didn't want to try again at comforting him. His aggravated punches hurt! By this time he figured it useless. Hank was going to stay by that window like that poor dog in that one episode of Futurama that never stopped waiting for Fry.

But in the back of his mind Dean remembered that day, how the resolve was set in Brock's jaw to leave them for saner pastures. Dean realized he couldn't blame him but...poor Hank. Dean gathered some courage in a breath. "Hey Hank I think dinners ready. Pop said I should come up and-"

"I'm not eating anything tonight." Hank's voice was flat and stubborn. Not much different from how he sounded when he was "The Bat" but it trembled at the end. Dean already knew he was in for a fight. "But pop said-"

"What about what he said? When has anything he said ever done me any good?" It sounded more like a statement than a question and it stung Dean deeper than Hank probably meant it to. Hopefully. "Come on, Hank. Why won't you come down?"

"Because I'm not HUNGRY,dofus, why else wouldn't I come down. Geeze! Could you just leave me alone."

"Hank please." Dean pleaded.

"I don't feel good." Hank's already slumped posture against the window cill slumped even more. He looked uncomfortable there.

"Probably because you're turning into a hermit up here!"

Hank jumped from the window to face Dean full on who was still at the door. "Say one more thing and I'm kicking you down the stairs! Now leave me alone!"

"Pop, Hanks not coming down for dinner. Says he's not feeling well." Dean stated lamely as he sat down at the dinner table. It looked like another night of just him and his father and a pair of TV dinners. But this time Dr. Orpheus was sitting at the table too. Dean couldn't make up his mind if this was a good thing or not. Maybe if Triana showed up...

"Hello Dean. I hope you don't mind, but I've requested to dine with your family this evening". My pumpkin is still resting from the trip and I haven't had time to prepare my own meal."

Or at least his banter would be a change. The dinner table was quiet since Brock left. Dean smiled politely. "It's fine, sir." He sat down and looked at his pre made dinner...

Even quieter since his bother decided he'd hold himself up in the bed room to try and starve himself. As if that would make things go back to normal. Stupid Hank. Dean dug into his odd tasting mashed potatoes with no formalities. Dr. Venture looked peeved over the absence and stood up from his place at the table, shouting at the ceiling above. "Hank I want you to come down here right now! I'm not having you skip out on another meal and I'm tired of you sneaking food in the middle of the night."

Hank's muted voice floated above their heads but it was clear enough. "Nnnoo! Leave me alone!I'm not hungry!"

"Boy do what your father tells you! Come down here and eat with your family!"

"What family? There isn't any family!" Hank's reply brought a barely audible gasp from Dr. Orpheus. "Hank!" Dean yelled up at the ceiling. Not believing what he just heard. His dad was enraged.

"Henry Allen Venture if you don't get down here. In the NEXT 10 seconds. I'm going to go up and-"

"A-a-a Dr. Venture! Dr. Venture, please!" Orpheus stood and held his hands up as if to hold the yelling man in place.

"Having lived here for quite some time now I don't think yelling is the right course of action to take when it comes to your son. I think maybe-"

"Think WHAT , dammit, Orpheus I don't need one of your convoluted philosophical parenthood lectures right now."

"I can bring Hank down here if that is what you wish. It will require no man handling on your part."

"Fine. fine. Honestly I don't get what it is with these kids today not listening to their parents." Dr. Venture loosely waved the go ahead and Orpheus pressed his slender fingers against his temples, closing his eyes in concentration.

Hank was getting up from the window cill to go the bathroom. At least he didn't have to go downstairs for that. But he'd have to wait till later tonight to sneak any food. Just as he was reaching for the bathroom's door knob he felt a vice clamp in the back of his mind. It didn't hurt but it still felt weird. His body froze, stiff as a board, and before he knew it his legs were moving without his permission! "Woah whats going on!" For a split second Hank thought he could wriggle himself out of the strange predicament, trying to move his legs on his own. It didn't work. Down in the kitchen Dean heard a 'thump' followed by a muted but very angry "godDAMMIT!"

"Ok I've got him now...hmmm he's not coming willingly. Being very difficult..." Dr. O mused to himself. But it wouldn't be difficult. Hank just did not posses the will power to resist his body control spell. He'd have the boy down in no time.

"Ack!" thud "Stop it!" thunk "Let me go!" The cursing got louder as Hank, jousting for control of his limbs, was pulled down the stairs via Orpheus' mental chain. It was like trying to drag a pit-bull into the vet's office for its cut job. The most violent and desperate display Dean had ever seen Hank put on. Seriously it had never been this bad before! Prone to stubbornness yes but why was Hank acting out like this? He was eventually dragged into the kitchen on his butt, too tired to fight anymore by the end of it. Rusty glared daggers at him, hands on his hips in his usual show of total and absolute disapproval. Dean just felt embarrassed. He didn't like it when his family was...well...like this in front of Dr. Orpheus. What if he passed word to Triana?

Stay away from Dean, pumpkin. His brother is a bad influence. I shall not have him sway you towards his defiant ways! Dean shivered when that thought bubble popped.


Months passed in a very uneventful way. Dean woke one morning rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes. Looking out the window he realized he had over slept for the third time that week. Not that he had a reason to be up early anyway, besides the semi-frequent trips the family took around the world most of his life unfolded and revolved around the compound. But even their travels had been drastically cut short.

"Not enough jet fuel or for frivolous trips around the world" his father would say. Dean hopped out of bed and set Mr. Richi lovingly on the pillow after fixing the sheets. Turning, he saw that Hank's bed was empty and scarily enough the sheets were made up. Weird. Hank never made his bed which either meant H.E.L.P.e.R did it or Hank didn't go to bed last night. Unfortunately Helper's head was now grafted onto the body of the mantis eye, making it impossible for him to even enter the house. Very strange.

Heading downstairs to the quiet living room, Dean thought about what he could do throughout the day to pass the time.

"Hmm I could go out and play catch with...no wait. I could race around the compound a few times with...well. Guess not." It was pretty obvious that without his brother around there wasn't much he could do for fun on his own. There was the latest edition of the Giant Boy Detective books he could read again but he wasn't in the mood. In fact ever since Brock left the compound felt deserted.

"Well there's pop but he's probably holed up in the lab by now and doesn't want to be disturbed." Dean walked over to the lab entrance from the den and peaking through the small window, saw something he wasn't expecting to see.

"Dr. Venture I know that you are busy but please if I can just have one moment of your time."

"Well then go away and come back when I'm NOT busy."

"Please Dr. Venture this is very important."

Dean couldn't hear the conversation but he was curious to see a woman standing in his father's lab, dressed in a black business suit with a suitcase in hand looking down at his dad's legs which stuck out from under one of his old laid aside inventions. Huh. He didn't know his dad was trying to fix the Joy Can.

Dr. Venture slid out from under the machine and stood up, wiping his hands clean of oil on an old cloth. "I don't know what it is you're trying to sell me but I don't do charities, I don't give donations and I don't buy raffle tickets. So if you'd kindly excuse yourself from the premises I'll show you the door."

"This is about your sons, Dr. Venture" the lady, very clean and pointy looking, like a bird. She didn't move and her voice, soft originally became stern. "And Venture Industries itself."

"What about it?" said Dr. Venture irritably.

"Sir my name is Elizabeth Crane. I represent O.S.I s department of " Personnel protection"

"Ah so you're with the O.S.I." If this was supposed to relax Dr. Venture it didn't. "So what business do you have here? It already took forever to clean up after your last fiasco on my property and I'd rather not go through that again."

"Well despite the failure of your previous bodyguard to give proper reports, it has come to our attention that you have an illegal clone farm in your possession is that right?" This caused the man to pause, faltering over his pre-made rebuttal.

"You know that cloning research is illegal in all 50 states..." Craine stated. The silence strained between the two adults.

"Discovery of fruition of any such research must be destroyed."

"Well it was destroyed. There are none left" said Dr. Venture, holding his arms out in exasperation.

"The current animations must be disposed of too."

"W-what?" Dr. Venture looked like he had seen a ghost. "You can't be serious!" She was bluffing, he knew she was.

"This is very serious." Crane stated in a grave tone. "Your children no longer belonged to you after you cloned them. By law the government has the right to take Venture Industries away from you. As far behind in bills as you are.. you're lucky we've decided to handle the matter before news reaches them."

The professor leaned against a table and massaged his temples in slow agitation, trying to take in all of this without exploding into peels of unprofessional anger. Wondering how the whole thing could have denigrated into this.

"Unlike our government,the O.S.I. understands your pain and would like to offer you a compromise." Crane opened her briefcase.

"Why would you bother helping me?" Dr. Venture looked like he was ready to toss Crane out on the lawn but listened anyway.

"You're father's research in cloning is invaluable. And the cloning of your sons has proved that his theories were true. In exchange for the cloning notes and the equipment we'll pay you handsomely. Enough to pay off all your bills, make repairs to the compound and then some, give you a staff of trained interns to help finish your experiments and help level the work load. There will be no need for you to pay them.

"And if I don't?" Dr. Venture crossed his arms.

"We have done everything in our power to keep this out of the Capitol's ear. But eventually they will find out and everything will be taken away from you. They appreciate science only when it benefits their pockets but are still too close minded to appreciate things such as this."

Dr. Venture scowled but Crane could see him wavering. She was breaking through!

"Give us the cloning equipment and notes and we will put your financial life back in order. You can start all over again without any regrets."

Papers were read, contracts were signed. Everything looked in good order. "I'm glad we have come to an agreement Dr. Venture I promise you will not be disappointed. Just relax and we will take care of everything from here."

Rusty put his hands on his hips. "Well I'm glad to finally have all this settled. But another thing. When am I supposed to get a new body guard?"

Crane looked thoughtful as if thinking about some past event. "Due to a few uprising-a- inconveniences in the field, bodyguards are... in short supply. We have been directing our resources elsewhere."

Dr. Venture didn't looked impressed. "Well what does that have to do with me? There's a maniac trying to burst through my roof every other week and I need somebody who can handle them."

"Yes certainly sir and we will provide but at the moment it just cannot be done which brings up another question."

"Whaaaat?" bemoaned the doctor. Damn why did he have to open his mouth? He wanted this to end so he could get back to work on the Joy Can!

"Your two boys. I take it that they are home schooled, yes?"

"Yes they are, why?"

"Well apparently there were several clones of them ready to be activated whenever the current animations died. But now that all of the slugs have been destroyed well...until we can find you a new bodyguard."

Dr. Venture arched a brow. He didn't like where this was going and it showed in his voice. "Are you implying I send them into hiding or something"

"No no nothing like that." Crane shook her head. "More like..." she shuffled through her brief case to pull out a single brochure to hand to the doctor. Venture took it and skimmed over it before looking at Crane with an unreadable expression. "Send them away to boarding school?"

"At the moment getting them away from Venture Industries might be the best course of action until a new bodyguard can be assigned. Things may get hazardous." she paused. Dr. Venture knew where she was going.

"If they should perish again you may never get them back. The O.S.I can guarantee a higher degree of safety if they are temporarily relocated. No one from the Guild seems to have it out for them but the risk might be too great."

"You make it sound as if I'll never get a new bodyguard." the doctor complained.

"At least consider it." Crane slid a business card across the table to him. "If you decide to concede, call this number.." Venture took the card, squinting at the number as if he didn't quite trust it. Crane turned to leave and saw a face peeking through the small window of the door.

"Whoops!" Dean ducked in surprise. His cover blown, he felt an odd tingling sensation in his stomach. Excitement? "Something tells me I should leave." And he did just that.

Time passed: One week.

"Hank? Hank where are you?" Dean was finding it harder and harder to find his brother. He'd suddenly vanish when nobody was paying him any mind. Dean would sometimes find himself circling around the compound several times, making sure to check all the good hiding spots, but never see Hank until he seemed to walk into him from out of nowhere. As if he was only letting himself be found. With no where else to look, Dean found himself in the abandoned manufacturing wing. It felt colder and eerier than usual without Hank next to him to explore it with. "Hank...you in here?" his shout now a sparse whisper as he wandered the halls.

"Gosh I don't like this place." he admitted to himself just before he heard a heavy door slam. "Aah! Hank?" he put the flashlight on hi beam hoping the light would reveal his brother but he saw nothing. It stayed quiet for a while until he heard more noise behind him. Like something crashing to the ground. Dean jumped and turned, swinging the flash light around to a pile of boxes, their contents strewn over the floor where he had been standing not long ago. Dean swallowed and straightened himself. "Hank I'm not in the mood for any games. Especially not here!" Then he heard footsteps. Garishly loud in a running gate coming straight at him. But there was no one in front of him! "Who's there? W-wait a minute!" the loud footsteps were right on top of him and before he knew it he felt a large mass tackle into him, knocking him off balance and to the floor. Before he could righten himself from the attack he heard the scrape of metal against the cold floor a few feet behind his head. "How dare you enter here. Leave this place!"

Dean saw a giant wrench hoist into the air on its own and float towards him. He tried to get up but the impact had knocked the wind out of him. He panicked as the heavy wrench lifted above his head and the angry voice shouted again. "Leave this place or DIE!" Dean finally found the air to scream like a siren "DEMON WRENCH LAB GHOST!" as he ran desperately away from the haunted object. "WE'RE BEING HAUNTED! SOMEBODY HELP!" Dean ran as fast as he could down the dark hallway.

"DEAN VENTURE, YOU WILL DIIIIEEEeeee-eeheheh...ahahahaha Ha Ha Ha!" Dean tripped over his foot in mid stride and fell flat on his face. The laugh echoed down the hall directly to him and it was incredibly recognizable.

"Hank?" Dean pushed himself on two unsteady legs, holding a nose he thought might be broken though there was no blood. "Is...that you?" He walked over to the wrench that was still floating but now no longer trying to kill him and before his eyes his brother somehow phased in right in front of him. He was quite surprised. "That was you the whole time?"

Hank was laughing so hard that he sank to his knees, yet still trying to hold up the wrench in a menacing manner.

"Aha ahahaha ! Man you should have seen the look on your face." Hank's voice dissolved into a raw fit of giggles but Dean didn't see what was so funny. "That wasn't funny, Hank. You know as often stuff like that happens it's usually real! I thought you were a ghost. What if I did something you'd regret?"

"Um...like...pass out or something?" Hank was still giggling liberally. "You looked like you were about to die for a second there!"

"It's not funny, Hank. I've been looking all over the compound for you because something important is happening today."

"Um. What's happening?" asked Hank with a shrug.

"Something about the O.S.I and some of dad's equipment. I think they need it for important business." Dean said. "Oh well. What are they taking.?" Hank was curious.

"He didn't say. But he said he wanted us to be where he can see us."

"Like...our room?"

"Yeah I guess" Dean rubbed the back of his head, his way of showing he felt bad about about certain things. He didn't want to be holed up in the bedroom for the rest of the day! Or at least depending on how long the O.S.I took to do their business.

"Aw, why?Can't we just hang outside until its over I don't want to go back up there now. Nothing to do. We can't touch anything while outside anyway..."

Dean arched a brow. "Yet you were in here. What were you doing in here anyway? Just waiting for me to show up so you could scare me to death?" Instinctively Hank whipped his arms behind his back and looked sheepish. "I never got a good look at this place so I thought I'd just come down and..ya know. Explore a little." His brother didn't look convened. "What are you hiding behind your back?" he asked in a deadpan voice.

"Nothing!" Hank's voice sounded more desperate than it needed to be, like a child caught with cookie crumbs on his face, a dead give away that he was hiding something. "Come to think of it...how DID you just appear like that? Like out of thin air, were you...heeey. You've been messing with Pop's inventions again? What is it this time?" At this Hank stood and revealed a watch it was black instead of blue and a had a noticeably different interface. Dean ogled at it for a second before he started berating again. "You know we're not supposed to be messing around with dad's inventions! You might break it." Hank pulled it away, thinking that Dean my try and pull it off his wrist. "Its not pop's its something that belonged to grandpa. And I found it in a box in the very back of the lab. Dusty as hell..."

"Well how do you know its grandpa's invention?" asked Dean.

"Would pop throw a watch that can turn you invisible in a box at the very back of the lab? He'd like, try and sell it or something. Glad I found it first." Hank pushed a button and turned invisible. Then pushed again and reappeared, grinning with satisfaction.

"It's like you're just leaving home altogether." Dean said. Hank crossed his arms in a stand offish manner. "That's for me to know." Dean opened his mouth to say something but closed shut and rolled his eyes. "Fine whatever,Henry Allen. You've been acting really weird lately. Excuse me for showing concern."

Hank yawned and stretched as he left Dean behind to go outside. Clearly ignoring the use of his hated real name. "Nothing fun left to do here. Guess I'll catch a nap or something." But Dean knew it was 5 in the afternoon. Where in the world had he been all day?