Disclaimer: Total Drama Island is copyright to Tom McGillis and Jennifer Pertsch. Team Fortress 2 and its content is copyright the Valve corporation.
The scene pans quickly through a vibrant Canadian forest on a dingy little island somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario. Two rustic little cabins, a mess hall, a communal shower; all the basic comforts of a torturous summer camp reality show competition. Waiting on the makeshift boat dock is a familiar idol figure awaiting his cue.
"'Sup!" he says to the camera with a rock-out sign posed. "Welcome to Total Drama Island, the newest, most intensely dramatic reality show/competition in all of Canada. As of today, we've seen some pretty intense stuff happen, but nothing will be able to prepare you for what's in store for-"
"Psst! Chris!" someone whispered from out of shot. Chris got annoyed and slapped his forehead.
"What, dude? I'm introducing the show here!" Chris yelled back. A hand holding a piece of paper slid into frame. Chris took the paper and the hand moved away. He flash read it and threw it behind him.
"Never mind! Total Drama Island will no longer be seen at this time. Instead, I'm proud to bring you the first-ever collaborative effort between the producers of Reality Televison and the Washington-based game company Valve! This is Total. Drama. TEAM FORTRESS!"Insert song break here…and return now to a train depot somewhere in the American Southwest. Awaiting the arrival of the contestants to be is a long bus with one whole side painted blue, and the other red. Chris McClean, host of the show, stood awaiting the first arrival in a blue tuxedo next to a large, gruff looking black man wearing a black suit with a red shirt underneath.
"Right," Chris started in his charasmatic way, "welcome back ,again, to the show. Joining me is Mr. Chef H, leader and announcer of the Red Team." Chef crossed his arms and gave a short smirk to the camera. "And I, Chris McClean, am acting leader and announcer for the Blue Team. Once the contestants arrive, we'll start the process of dividing them up appropriately." A long passenger train started rolling slowly into station. Within, all 22 contestants sat and waited to exit with enthusiastic faces…well, most of them did.
The train doors hissed open and the boys and girls of Camp Wawanakwa started walking out with luggage in hand.
"Wow," said a sarcastic gothic girl, "this is a huge improvement…"
"Well," started a blonde-haired girl in conversation, "at least there aren't any bears out here. Or bugs…or sharks. Unless sharks can swing on land."
"Well, don't you worry toots" a male voice said from behind the blonde girl. "If any sharks try to eat you, I'll just show 'em my wicked kung-fu skills!" The boy in the track suit started making a mockery of anything martial artistic and eventually ended with an accidental split to the ground. The blonde girl giggled shyly and helped him up.
"Oh Tyler" she said dreamily.
"Okay, great!" Chris said happily. "Now that everyone's back again, I can tell you about your new, exciting substitution lives!" No one said anything or visibly responded. A hand was raised from a large young man who Chris pointed at in response. "Owen, question?"
"Yeah, uh," Owen started as he fidgeted with his hands, "are we gonna have food in this new life of ours?"
"Of course dude" Chris responded positively. Owen pumped his arm triumphantly. Another camper raised a hand, this time it was the Goth girl. "Gwen?"
"Is this going to be some lame, half-baked competition where the audience gets to watch as we all slowly destroy each other over a few weeks and ruin each other's personal lives, or will this be a good show?"
Chris chuckled amusedly at the probing question and shook his head. "Of course not! We're not so evil as to put you on two consecutive programs like that…for now" Gwen raised an eyebrow and kept her arms crossed suspiciously. Another hand raised, this time it was a pretty young Asian woman. "Heather?"
"What's the prize for this show?"
"A valid question" Chris pointed out. "The winners will receive a 300,000 dollar cash prize, after taxes, and will be given a lifetime or less of international celebrity status. Anything else?" Everybody seemed happy at the prospects of victory and kept quiet. "Great! Now, let's get you separated into your teams." Chris pulled out a clipboard with a check list and began reading.
"When I call your name, please board the Blue side of the bus over there. Ahem…:
The Blue Side awaits!"
"Hey, wait," Heather's voice chimed out. "This is the exact same team as last time! The 'Screaming Gophers!'"
"No," Chris corrected, "You're the 'Blue Team'. And besides, why change a good thing?" Most of the young people shrugged it off and walked over to the bus. Lindsay took a moment too look back at Tyler as she left. The remaining people were left in the care of the scary looking chaperone, Mr. H.
"Okay, the rest of you,
welcome to the Red Team. Go over to the Red Side of the bus, double time!" With that, the Red team rushed off as well into the opposite side of the Blue Team. Soon after all the younger people were boarded and seated, Mr. H came aboard and sat behind the steering wheel.
From the front, Chris pushed a button on the panel in front of his seat and a divider closed up directly down the middle of the walkway, separating the two teams even further from each other. Chris stood up from his seat at the front of the bus and turned around.
"It'll be a little while until we get to where we're going, so just relax an reacquaint with each other until then, okay?" Chris explained.
"Actually" Noah started as he stood up to face Chris, "I still have some questions. Like for instance, just what-" Chris leaned back and pressed another button, this time bringing up a divider between his seat and the rest of the seats behind him. Noah stared for a second and sat back down at length. "Okay, fine. Whatever."
In the very back of the Blue side, Gwen sat against her seat and stared out the moving desert scenery. Trent sat beside her, acting as cool as he pleased.
"So," he started at length, "what do you think they'll make us do this time?"
"Who knows?" Gwen responded, still gazing out the window. "Probably some stupid boot camp knock off or seomthing."
"Well," Trent started, "at least we're still on the same team, right?" She gave a shy, blushing smile away from him and giggled lightly.
Ahead of the two lovebirds sat Izzy and Leshawna.
"So wassup, girl?" Leshawna started at Izzy. "How've you been?"
"Well," Izzy began, "I escaped the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) and started this novelty mug company, but then I was being pursued by the Feds because I was accused of evading taxes, which I totally wasn't, so I hopped on a train that took me up to Alaska where I joined a crew of crab fishers, but we got shipwrecked and then a helicopter came and picked me up and dropped me off at the studio and they said I was being forced to compete in a deathmatch style show to earn my freedom from the government guns and then I got on the train and…well, it's been about normal. How've you been?" The crazy girl's rant had left Leshawna totally dumbstruck for a few seconds.
"Oh," she started calmly, "about the same, I guess. How was Alaska?"
"Cold" Izzy said plainly. "Really cold. Like, if you licked anything that wasn't already hot, you're tongue would freeze, and I should know cause it happened to me a lot!"
In the next seat up, because listening to those two would take up an entire episode, Heather sat begrudgingly next to Cody.
"So, uh, what you been up to?" Cody said with all the raw confidence he could. Heather pouted away from him and turned quickly to spit out
"Cram it, dweeb." Cody winced away and shrugged it of, then leaned over to the seat in front of him occupied by Justin and Owen. Owen was sitting happily, occasionally glancing over at Justin for a split moment. "So, what's up with you guys?"
"Just hangin'" Justin said casually.
"Yeah!" Owen said excitedly. "Hangin' like true buds. He-heh, right man?"
"Sure dude." Justin said with a brilliant smile. Owen smiled happily and Cody just looked over at him curiously.
Lindsay sat swinging her legs from her seat alongside Beth, who was looking excitedly out the window. "Wow!" Beth said excitedly. "Look at those rock formations!" Lindsay scooted across the seat and peered out the window.
"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed. "That one looks like a…rock formation of some kind, and that one looks like a mountain!"
"I know" Beth snorted. Noah, sitting alone near the front of the bus, was calmly reading pamphlet that he found on the floor. The front was titled Team Fortress 2 for Dummies. He occasionally chuckled and scribbled something in it with a pen from his pocket.
"This'll be easy…" Noah said in a gloating manner. He raised himself up and looked back through the narrow alley at his teammates as they swooned, cheered and babbled on incoherently. "…or not" he finished as he sat back down.
Over on the Red side, everyone was conversing as normally as they could. In the far back, Bridgette and Geoff were flirting in their harmless way with each other.
"So, how're the waves on the coast?" Geoff smoothly inquired. Bridgette tittered at his attempts of romantic conversation.
"I only surfed for a little while" she explained. "I've gotten more into snowboarding now, actually. It's like surfing, but with more frozen water. I'm getting pretty good at it too."
"That's cool" Geoff added. "At least you can't get pruned in the snow. Heh."
"No," she replied. "Just frozen." They both smiled casually at each other and drifted off again about the other's activities. Ahead of them, DJ and Harold were sitting.
"Really?" DJ said astonished. "You beat up all 23 of 'em?" Harold sniffed and replied with an articulate
"yup". DJ was even further excited.
"And you weren't even scared? Fighting off 23 rabid badgers like that with just some sticks?"
"Well," Harold began modestly, "I also used my shoelace to make some nunchuks, but yeah, it was kinda scary."
Sadie and Katie were talking at light speed over each other in the next seat down, while Eva cringed angrily over their noise in her ear one seat ahead of them. She covered her ears and laid down across the expanse of the seat. Ahead of her, Courtney was observing things warily with Duncan smiling out the window.
"Where do you think we're going? It certainly doesn't look like anywhere in Canada, does it?" Courtney probed. Duncan chuckled under his breath and shrugged casually. "Hello? Isn't this worrying to you at all?"
"I don't worry about nothing, sweetie" Duncan replied. "Besides, I know exactly where we're going." Courtney looked suspiciously at the young man gazing out the window and looked away for a moment.
If Duncan isn't angry and he knows where we're going, it can't be a good place…But just what's going- She spotted something on the floor under her feet. A pamphlet titled 'Team Fortress 2 for Dummies'. Courtney picked it up, eyed the front over, and opened it.
Tyler sighed heavily near the front of the bus. He would occasionally look over at the metal barrier sadly and drift off about his girlfriend on the other side. Once or twice during these moments, he would slip from his hand and knock head-first into the wall. Ezekial beside him just watched the scenery pass by and picked his nose occasionally.
"Well," Chris started into a camera, "it'll take us a while to get there safely, so why don't you folks just sit back and relax a while? We'll be back after this!" He pointed enthusiastically with both hands at the camera, which went to a title screen afterwards. And now, commercials…