A/N: I saw the canon name for the toaster and-- I'm sorry, Hasbro, but "Ejector"? Seriously, would some imagination kill you? I think I'll stick with the name that I came up with, thank you very much.
Disclaimer: Transformers is property of HasTak and some other companies whose names elude me.
Sam was beginning to wish that he had never told his parents about the Autobots.
Well, his dad was taking the whole thing fairly well; barring the moments when he would suddenly stop whatever he was doing and stare off into space for a minute or two. It was like Ron Witwicky was slowly digesting the idea of his son being friends with several giant, transforming robots from outer space. He had taken alright to the introduction to Bumblebee; after his initial: "OH JESUS CHRIST!! WHERE'S THE RAKE?!!?"
Judy had her baseball bat.
Ron had his rake.
In retrospect, Sam figured that he should have introduced LG first. The six inches of transforming cell phone was considerably less imposing than all eighteen feet of Bumblebee.
As for Judy... Well, Sam wondered if telling his mother about the Autobots had even been a good idea in the first place.
Especially after telling her that the Autobots were the ones who wrecked her roses. She had been less concerned by the fact her son was friends with giant robots and more fixated on the fact that said giant robots had squished her poor, defenseless flowers.
Sam had briefly entertained an image of his mother chasing around Optimus with that baseball bat of hers, whacking at his ankles.
But when it had come to telling his parents about it, Sam hadn't been all that worried (he claimed). He'd had an idea of how his parents were going to take the news; being well acquainted with their respective tempers and general outlook on life. Truthfully, they had taken it a lot better than he had thought they would. Naturally, they had freaked out a bit and had dragged him aside to talk to him, but other than that, things had settled down pretty quickly.
So when it came to telling Mikaela's dad...
After the incident in the dining room, Judy had been quick to whisk dinner off the table and Ron had been just as quick to whisk Roland back to the living room for a shot of something from the locked cabinet. Roland had looked awfully shaky after the quick explanation that his daughter had given him and no doubt that shot of something would help with those nerves.
Sam had whisked his girlfriend upstairs to ask her if this was really a good idea.
"Well, we don't have a choice now!" Mikaela pointed out. "He saw your little AllSpark spawn go running through the dining room! Can't exactly deny it!"
"They're not my little AllSpark spawn!-- Hold still you little cretin!" Sam hissed at the struggling toaster he had tucked under his arm. "Mikaela, my parents freaked out when they saw Bee and that was like, a category three freak-out. Your dad saw LG and this little slagger and he had like, a category two freak-out! How do we know we aren't going to get Mount St. Banes when he sees Bumblebee?"
"Sam, do you know the reason we can't tell my mom?" Mikaela wondered. "It's because my mom is a woman of facts. She likes things that she can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Solid, undeniable, rational proof."
"Bumblebee's a fact." Sam said defensively on the behalf of his car.
"Let me rephrase that: She likes things that she can understand. Things she can believe in. Bumblebee is an alien and she doesn't believe in aliens." Mikaela explained. "Even if the proof comes in the form of one of those chest-busters from Alien, she won't believe it. She'll call it heartburn right before she dies. Trust me, that's what she would do."
"But your dad--"
"My parents have never seen eye-to-eye and I think that's one of the big reasons they divorced in the first place. Like I said, my dad is pretty easy-going and once he calms down, we'll take him up to the Lookout and show him Bee."
She patted him comfortingly on the shoulder and headed back downstairs to make sure that her father hadn't exploded yet. In her absence, Sam turned to the transformed toaster under his arm.
"And you." he said to it. "Exactly how long have you been hiding?"
The toaster bleeped at him. It didn't sound very polite.
"I'm taking you to see Ratchet after we're done with Mikaela's dad." Sam threatened.
It was close to dark when Roland was finally up to following his daughter and her boyfriend up to the Lookout in his truck. He had flat refused to get in the shiny Camaro if Sam was going to bring that toaster from hell with him and no one really blamed him. The Witwicky parents opted to remain behind on this one (Sam suspected that his parents were just going to avoid all the Autobots until they were given no choice in the matter).
The Lookout had long since been known as a make-out point, but today's teen couples weren't interested in parking their cars in scrub grass and dirt and shagging like rabbits. They did have a weird fascination with the backs of movie theaters and behind the public library, but not the Lookout. Plus, the rumor about roaming "ghost cars" that had no drivers had effectively driven off anyone else. So the overlook was blissfully empty when the teen couple and the trailing father arrived.
"Okay, I'll bite. What are we doing up here?" Roland asked, looking around the empty cliff side.
"Dad, don't freak out." Mikaela requested. "But Sam's toaster and his cell phone... It doesn't stop there."
"Meaning what?" Roland raised an eyebrow.
Behind the two teens, the yellow Camaro let out a noise not unlike the clicking of gears and then the metal plates began to peel back and the car took on a brand-new form. Roland just stared openmouthed at the -- robot that stood up behind his daughter (who wasn't even batting an eye). He staggered back against his truck. He opened his mouth like he was going to scream but all semblance of incoherent (or coherent) speech got lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth. He didn't make a sound.
"Dad, this is Bumblebee." Mikaela said, gesturing to the eighteen-foot robot.
For another moment, Roland was silent and unmoving. Then he reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose in an overwhelmed gesture and shut his eyes.
"The 'military-commandeering-my-car' story was a lie, wasn't it." he said to Sam.
Mikaela gave her boyfriend a look as if to say 'I told you so.'
"Yeah..." Sam gave a weak laugh. "We didn't really expect that we would have to tell you. At least, not -- tonight."
Roland heaved a sigh.
"Explain this to me; one of you."
"They're giant alien robots, Dad--"
"I can see that, but what are they doing here?"
"Well, there's two factions: Autobots and Decepticons and they've been at war--" Sam started to explain.
"There's the Neutrals too." Bumblebee interrupted and just about scaring the pants off of Roland, albeit very unintentionally.
Sam blinked. "The what?"
"The Neutrals. They sort of the unofficial third faction, but they also have a tendency to -- die. Fast." The yellow scout shrugged.
"Anyways, they've been at war and they had this thing -- the Cube -- it was called the AllSpark. It was the source of their life and it -- kind got destroyed in the final battle against Megatron, who was like the harbinger of death. He's the leader of the Decepticons. Anyways, he was after the AllSpark because he wanted to use it to convert Earth's technology and make himself a new army. But he didn't because I kind of -- shoved the AllSpark into his spark. The patterns got burned onto my hands. Look at my hands; see the sort of red marks?" Sam showed his hands to his girlfriend's father. "Ratchet -- that's their doctor -- thinks that some of the AllSpark energy leaked into my hands when it was getting destroyed and I can kind of -- bring machines to life now."
Roland looked between Mikaela and Sam, expertly skipping over Bumblebee, and then down to the toaster that Sam was still restraining under his arm.
"You mean to say -- there's more of these things?" he asked, making a vague gesture in Bee's general direction.
"A couple." Sam said. Mikaela elbowed him in the side.
"More than just 'a couple'." she corrected. "Dad, you can't tell anyone about this. We're taking a risk just by telling you ourselves. If word gets out--" She fished around for the right words. "It's national security! You just can't tell anyone!"
Despite Roland's horribly confused expression, he knew somewhat instinctively that spreading word of apparent alien occupation on Earth was going to cause his daughter no small amount of distress. He also had to ask himself: 'Who the hell was going to believe him?'
"Dad--" Mikaela prompted.
"Miki." Roland quickly held up a hand to stave off any questions or comments. "Can I get a day or two to think about this?"
And then he was back in his truck, driving away. The group waited until even the flashing red tail-lights had vanished into the darkness before speaking again.
"Well... Guess you right." Sam admitted. "He took that pretty well, considering."
"Of course he did. He had time to think about it." Mikaela pointed out. "You just threw Bumblebee at your parents!"
"Sam doesn't have the sufficient muscle mass to--" Bee started, spotting what he thought was a badly-worded phrase.
"I-- eased them into it the best I could!" Sam protested, interrupting the robot. "C'mon! How are you supposed to go around telling your parents that you know giant alien robots? There's no way to do it nicely. Anyways, your dad had my parents to talk to about this. My parents had to talk to me."
"And that was horrible?"
"Yes! Yes it was! I was freaking out! I didn't know what to tell them!"
"And the reason you were able to get through the explanation with my dad was because you've done it once before." Mikaela pointed out.
"That still didn't make it easy." Sam pointed back. He ran his free hand through his hair. "Y'know what, never mind. We told him. He believes us, right?"
"We threw Bee at him. There was no way he couldn't believe us." Mikaela said.
"Excuse me, but I don't think--" Bee stopped and actually thought about what they were saying. He would have thought that after five years on this planet, he would have understood some of the weirder things that humans said, but knowledge and experience were two very different things.
Both the teens were looking at him questioningly.
"Actually, never mind." Bee decided.
Five years on and humans still didn't make any sense to him.