Not one of my best Ash-Dad fics, but I haven't done one of these since...June, was it ? Somewhere around there. So...enjoy what humor there is, okay ? Okay. ;D
It was a sunny day in Pallet Town. Two teenagers were in the living room, sipping Pepsi leisurely as they sat by the phone.
" Ash, what the hell are you- "
" Shhhh, Misty. This is a delicate, delicate process. "
Misty scratched her head nervously. " What, dialing a phone ? I don't get you sometimes. "
" No, not that. "
" Then what ? "
Ash clapped his hands together. " We're crank calling. "
" WHAT ?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH- mmmph ! "
The fourteen year old boy clamped his hand over Misty's mouth. " Don't get Mom up. She's been p.o. 'd for a week now. I think it's because the Professor ruined the lawnmower by accidentally sucking up a rock in the motor. "
" So...we're crank calling the Professor ? "
" Noooo. Unfortunately, the Professor is in Eterna City in Sinnoh, studying weird types of pokemon and seeing if he can get over the fact that Mom will never date him. Ever. So, for funny reasons (and the fact that I'm caffeine-high), we're calling the one person in the world that thinks my bladder problem is the cause for my stupidity. Or so he says. "
Misty groaned. " Not your dad. "
" YEP ! "
Ash dialed a number on the phone. The phone started to ring for about four seconds before someone answered it. " Yeah, this is the Team Rocket Headquarters. My name is Mondo, and I will be your guide to evil...and evilness. "
" Uhhhh, who are you again ? " Ash inquired.
" Mondo. "
" Oh. Is this douche named Giovanni there ? "
" I dunno...Oh ! Yeah, he is ! Do you want me to hook you to him ? "
Ash nodded as he made a thumbs-up to Misty. " Sure, Mondo. Go ahead. Hook him up. "
The line went dead for a few minutes before a sharp voice answered it. " Who is this ?! " the voice demanded.
" Ohhhh, hiiii ! I'm from the telemarketing service ! " Ash cooed.
" Really ? "
" Yeah, really. Your name is Giovanni, right ? As in the weird name for bread ? "
-.- " No. That is not what my name stands for. "
" Oh, 'cause I've been wondering that for a while now. So has my assistant. "
Misty glared at Ash. " Don't get me involved, " she muttered.
" Eh. Anyway, Mr. Giovanni. Would you like to see if you can fit a shopping cart into your refrigerator ?..."
Ash tutted as he hung up the phone on the receiver. " Looks like Douchy Dad cannot take a joke well. Oh, and I peed my pants. "
" Again ?! "
" Yeah, again. Do you have a problem with that, Scrawny ? "
Misty's cheeks flared a bright red. " Scrawny ? Scrawny ?! I'll show you scrawny ! "
Ash flew ten feet forward into the nearest wall and groaned. In the process he knocked a few papers off of the table. " Ow. Damn it, Misty, can't you ever be more of a girl for once ?! "
Misty shook her head. " There's three things I do. Train water pokemon, make fun of my sisters' valley ditziness, and make your life miserable and happy at the same time. "
" Thanks. Thanks a lot. "
(Two hours later...)
Ash and Misty were on the floor in the living room, with black game controllers in their hands. Ash grinned. " I'm so glad I'm good at Pong. It's one of the few things I'm better than Gary at ! "
" Yeah, and your mom's still sleeping. Is this normal ? "
" I don't know. Like I said, she's been p.o.'d a lot, and when she's pissed off, she exercises. A lot. So she doesn't tire until two in the morning, and then she passes out on the couch or the kitchen table. I found her passed out sitting on the toilet last Wednesday. "
" Wow. That's why I admire her. "
" But for some reason she still has enough energy to ask if I've been changing my underwear every day, " Ash finished.
" Yeah, you're pretty forgetful. "
" HEY ! At least I don't try to take over the world ! "
" Maybe soon. You're also pretty compulsive, Ash. "
" I WILL DEFEND MUH HONOR ! "
Misty rolled her eyes. " What honor do you have ? Paul gave you a wedgie the day after Father's Day. "
" SHUT UP ! "
V.V " Yep. Same angry emotions as your dad. "
" AAAAAHHHHH ! "
" Whine all you want. You know I'm right. "
T.T " You're a bitch, Misty. "
" I know. Do you want to get your face punched in ?! "
" No. "
" Then SHUT THE HELL UP ! "
Ash nodded his head meekly. " Yes, Carrot-Head. "
" Huh. We better leave this argument alone, " Misty said. " Someone's knocking. "
" Yeah. I should answer it, before Mom wakes up on us. "
Ash crept to the door and opened it to revealed an angry Giovanni. The boy grinned broadly. " Hiya, Dad. Let me greet you properly. "
Giovanni glared at Ash. " How the hell did you come up with such a crappy prank phone call ?! "
O.O " How the heck did you know it was me ? "
T.T " Caller I.D., Ash. Please don't act stupid. "
Misty shook her head. " Too late, Mr. Ketchum. Ash already went through two pairs of underwear, and it's not even noon. "
" Gotdamn it, Ash ! I run a flippin' organization seven days a week, and all you do on your break time is piss your pants ?! "
" And eat food, " Ash added.
" I rest my case. Where's your mother ? "
" Why should I tell you ? " Ash inquired. " Are you her stalker or something along those lines ? "
" WHAT ?! You know very damn well I don't like your mother that way ! "
Ash's grin crept up into a sinister smile. " That's not what the white roses on the doorstep tells me..."
" IT WAS HER FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY ! "
" And the drunken conversation ? "
Giovanni paled and turned to Misty. " Misty, I don't care what you do, but could you please kick the crap out of him ? "
" Uh, he's your son..."
" Yeah, and you must forget I DON'T LIVE WITH HIM ! "
Ash winced. " Dad, I wouldn't try to yell at her. "
" Don't...say...a word. "
" Word. "
Misty tutted. " Why do you two have to fight with each other every time you two are in the same place ? "
" GO TO HELL, MISTY ! "
SMACK ! MALLET ! WHACK ! SHOE'D !
(Ash) " Ow. That hurted. "
" Whatever. You get zero sympathy. "
Giovanni stifled a snicker. " True love hurts, Ash, son. Remember that whenever you get married and your wife throws dishes at your head. "
Misty gasped. " Wow. Ash, your mom OWNS ! "
-.- " I wasn't talking about his mothe- "
" Wrong. "
Everyone turned around to see Delia in her nightwear with an angry expression painted on her face. Ash sweatdropped. " Hey, Mom. "
" Hi. Did you change your underwear ? "
" AAAAAHHHHH ! RUN BEFORE SHE HURTS YOUUUUU ! " Ash screamed as he ran out of the house in a flash.
Misty rubbed her forehead. " Yeah, Miss Ketchum...I better go after him before he destroys a town. "
" And...I have to destroy the world..." Giovanni trailed off.
T.T " Don't lie to me. We all know you dance to salsa music when you're completely alone. "
Ash panted as he wiped sweat from his eyebrows. " Damn, Mom can be scary sometimes. "
" You're telling me ! " Giovanni exclaimed. " I still remember what happens when you get her angry during her monthly ! I still have the stitches on my elbow when she pushed me into the bathtub. Horrible, horrible memories. "
Misty rolled her eyes. " Oh, it's not that bad. "
(Ash) " You wouldn't understand. You're a gi- "
" Ow. "
The three sat still for a moment on the ground before Ash snapped his fingers. " Hey, I know what to do ! "
" Play more Pong ? "
" No, not play more Pong, Misty. Gosh, I'm not that stupid. "
" The results differ. "
" DAD ! Don't ruin my reputation ! "
Giovanni smirked. " You don't have one. "
" DAH ! He's right ! All right, then. Time for Plan B ! LET'S ANNOY DAD ! "
Misty grinned. " Sure, that'll be fun ! "
The older man sweatdropped. " Wait a minute...NO ! Don't you dare, Ash...and...scrawny girl buddy. "
Ash cracked his knucles and smiled evilly. " Ohhhh, yes. "
(End of Day...)
" YAYS ! We had fun ! " Ash cried as he slammed the door behind him.
Delia gently smiled. " That's good. And I'm feeling better. "
" YAY ! Misty had to leave, though. "
" Oh, that sucks. Uh...where's your father ? "
Ash sweatdropped. " We kinda annoyed him to oblivion..."
" What's he doing now ? "
" Trying to burn Stephen's mailbox. "
The mother groaned. " Ash, why do you have to piss your father off so ? "
" Eh, 'cause I have nothing better to do. "
" Okay. Ash ? "
" What, Mom ? "
Delia's smile turned into an evil grin. " Throw a soiled pair of underwear at him. See what he does. "
" OKAY ! "
Ash went back out of his house. The single mother sighed as she finished sweeping the floor. " When Ash annoys his father, I'm happy the most. Everything works out. It's also funny. "