Of Aliens and Captains
Written for the NFA Community Area 51 Challenge
Disclaimer: Torchwood and NCIS are not mine; I've just borrowed them
Parings: None, really, nothing more than you'd see on either show
Characters: NCIS team, Torchwood crew, etc
Genres: Sci-Fi, Gen, Humour, Fun, Fluff (well, not romantic fluff, but fun fluff)
Warnings: None of concern, really . . . set sometime pre-Judgement Day for NCIS and somewhere in season two, pre-Exit Wounds for Torchwood
Word Count: 3,790 words
Summary: A dead Navy captain in Cardiff, Wales proves to be the weirdest case the team has ever faced. NCIS/Torchwood crossover.
A/N This is a crossover between NCIS and Torchwood for an alien challenge on NFA. It was rather fun to write. Enjoy.
"Ah, Wales, famous for its choirboys, its rugby and the home of the leprechaun," Tony announced gleefully, looking excited to be away from Washington. He tripped as he stumbled out of the car the NCIS team had been travelling in, but quickly righted himself.
He gestured to the sky as McGee cut in with an exasperated look, "Uh, Tony, leprechauns are Irish, not Welsh." He followed Tony out of the car with a little more grace.
Tony shrugged. "Meh, same difference. But still, Probie, it's not Washington, so that's gotta count for something."
The team had arrived in Cardiff, Wales approximately an hour ago. After their hurried check through customs, they'd been whisked away by a police escort and taken to the site of a murdered US Navy captain.
"Gibbs," Ziva muttered through clenched teeth as she slammed the door of the car with more force than necessary, "is it really necessary that we all attend this crime scene. I am sure I could have worked it from Washington, yes?"
"Tough, David," Gibbs replied curtly, already out of the car and heading towards the police officer stationed at the edge of the murder site. "Deal with it."
Ziva shot Gibbs' back a murderous look, but grudgingly followed behind Gibbs, with Tony and McGee bringing up the rear, still bickering about leprechauns and faeries.
"Gibbs, NCIS." Gibbs reached the officer guarding the site and flashed the young officer his badge. "Naval Criminal . . ."
"Investigative Service, I know," PC Andy finished.
Gibbs nodded. "Good. You can tell your men to clear out." He gestured to the few plainclothes detectives and forensic technicians. "It is our jurisdiction now."
"But, sir," PC Andy tried, but was silenced with a glare from Gibbs. "Right away, sir."
Gibbs nodded again and shooed PC Andy away to convince the lead detective to pack up and leave. "Oh, tell the ME that we will need him later," he called after PC Andy and received an awkward backwards wave thing from the constable, which Gibbs took as an affirmative.
He turned back to his team and sighed. Tony looked absolutely cheerful, McGee looked a little bewildered and indifferent, and Ziva looked as if she wished she were anywhere but here. "Right you lot. Once they have cleared out, I want DiNozzo to shoot and sketch, Ziva and McGee, you comb for evidence.
"On it, boss."
There was a moment of blissful silence before Tony spoke up, "Did you know that the 1956 film, Moby Dick, was partly filmed here in Wales . . ."
Ziva groaned, McGee ran his hand through his hair and Gibbs snapped, "Shut up, DiNozzo."
"Well, sor-ry for trying to make our first overseas excursion a little more informative," Tony replied, sarcastically defensive.
Ziva snorted. "I would hardly call that informative."
"What would you know, Zee-vah?" Tony retorted.
"I, at least, have set foot in Wales before; whereas it is clearly obvious you have not," Ziva replied smoothly, remembering her last mission for Mossad and the fact that it had brought her to Cardiff for two weeks.
"So . . .?" Tony sounded like a little child arguing with his sister. Gibbs shot the squabbling pair a deadly look as PC Andy trotted back up to their little group.
"They're all leaving, sir." Gibbs winced at being called sir. PC Andy continued, looking a little nervous, "When I say all, sir, I mean metro is leaving." He looked at Gibbs. "You see, the detectives have, well, called a special ops team, sir."
"Uh, yeah," PC Andy confirmed, "Torch . . ."
PC Andy never got to finish his sentence as a black SUV skidded to a halt about twenty metres away from the agents. At once, four doors opened and five confident looking figures stepped out. The man who'd exited the driver's seat was wearing period military clothes and a long, grey coat, and was clearly the leader as he strolled purposely towards the Americans, coat flapping, and was trailed by the rest of his team.
"Let me guess." Gibbs looked severely unimpressed by the flashy arrival. "Special ops."
PC Andy nodded. "Yep." He made a move to leave. "Good luck." He hurried away to join his fellow officers just as Jack reached Gibbs and the team.
"Captain Jack Harkness." Jack flashed the NCIS team a dazzling smile. "Torchwood." He stuck out his hand for Gibbs to shake. If Gibbs was surprised by the man's American accent, he hid it perfectly.
"Torchwood?" Gibbs ignored the hand and turned to Ziva, who shrugged in annoyance.
"You think because I am Mossad that I know of every special ops organisation," Ziva replied. "I do not know of this Torchwood."
"Good. Because I'd hate to have to retcon someone as gorgeous as you," Jack smiled flirtatiously.
Ziva returned Jack's smile with a patronising look that clearly said 'don't mess with me'. Instinctively, Tony stepped a little closer to his Israeli teammate.
Gibbs shook his head. "I don't care who you are or what you are; this man is an American citizen and a member of the US Navy. I think this falls under our jurisdiction."
"Actually, I think you will find, Agent . . ." Jack replied pleasantly.
"Agent Gibbs," Jack repeated and then continued smoothly, "that this is now Torchwood's jurisdiction."
"On whose orders?" Gibbs countered.
"Mine," Jack answered haughtily.
"Yours? Really?" Gibbs feigned a look of shock and Jack nodded.
"Well," Gibbs said and smiled tightly. "I do not take orders from this Torchwood." He turned to Tony, Ziva and McGee. "Get to work," he ordered.
"Stop," Jack called as the NCIS team started to move out. "I would advise not continuing any further if you do not want to end up in contempt."
The three agents stopped in their tracks and looked to Gibbs for guidance.
"Go," he ordered and Ziva, McGee and Tony obliged blindly.
"Stop," Jack repeated and the agents stopped.
Gibbs glared at Jack. "You three, you do not take orders from anyone else other than me. I have told you to process the scene and I expect you to do it."
"I wouldn't if I were you," Jack said lightly, in an almost sing-song voice.
The team looked back and forth between Gibbs and Jack before Tony spoke up and said, "You know, this reminds me of when my parents were divorcing. Mum would tell me one thing, father would tell me no." Tony looked boldly at Ziva and McGee. "I don't think you need another divorce on your belt, boss." The moment he'd said it, Tony knew he'd made a huge mistake.
Gibbs glowered at Tony so fiercely that it made the younger agent flinch. Jack, on the other hand, looked thoroughly amused.
"Sorry, boss." Tony looked at the ground as Ziva smirked, clearly enjoying it as much as Jack was.
"David . . ." Gibbs started warningly and the smirk immediately fell from Ziva's face.
Gibbs turned back to Jack and said gruffly, "Harkness, with me." He stared the other man down, but surprisingly (and to Gibbs' satisfaction) he did not break the hold. Gibbs nodded slightly.
"Ziva, DiNozzo, McGee, I want you to process the scene," he ordered, studying the captain's face.
"Jack . . ." the Welsh female stepped forward and spoke up, but Jack raised a hand to silence her.
"It's okay, Gwen." He turned to face her and mouthed to the rest of his team, "Watch them very, very carefully. Don't let them touch or do anything dangerous." Ianto offered a look that confirmed that they understood.
Jack turned back to Gibbs and grinned charmingly. "So Agent Gibbs, your place or mine?"
In actual fact, the two men found themselves standing defiantly behind Torchwood's SUV. Jack was leaning casually against the backseat door as Gibbs's eyes flickered over the vehicle.
"A bit over the top, don't you think?" Gibbs looked bored. "Not very inconspicuous for a secret organisation."
"With a leader like me, how can anything be inconspicuous?" Jack flirted. "And who said anything about a secret organisation?"
Gibbs gave Jack a withering glance. "You're telling me you're not a secret organisation?"
Jack threw Gibbs a grin. "Point taken."
Gibbs sighed. "Look, I don't want to have to fight for jurisdiction . . ."
"Good," Jack cut in, "because I don't want to either."
"But this man is an American citizen and part of the US Navy, and he deserves a proper and thorough investigation into his death," Gibbs finished.
"I agree." Jack nodded. "As a former serviceman myself, I have great respect for all men who serve their countries, but I still have to decline and order in the nicest way possible that you and you team clear out and leave the scene to Torchwood." Jack smiled assertively.
Gibbs narrowed his eyes. "Well, I must tastefully say that that is not happening."
"Oh, but it will. Even if I have to drag you off myself." Jack seemed vaguely eager at the prospect of forcing Gibbs and his team from the murder site.
"You don't want to make an enemy out of me, Captain Harkness," Gibbs growled in a low voice, giving him a deadly look.
"I am sure I can think of much better things to make out of you . . ." Jack winked.
Gibbs faltered for a split second. Was this man really trying to hit on him? But then he recovered with a shake of his head and said abruptly, "I think, Captain Harkness, that I will return to my crime scene and my team."
Jack sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Look, honestly, this has nothing to do with jurisdiction. If it were any other case, I would gladly let you have it."
"Then why don't you?" Gibbs retorted.
"You wouldn't believe me," Jack replied with a knowing look.
Jack sighed again and looked a little annoyed. "Okay, fine. Your Navy captain is dead because an alien possessed his body, killed him, and then tried to kill his entire base," Jack deadpanned.
"You're right, I don't believe you," Gibbs snapped and looked at Jack strangely, almost as if he were trying to assess whether or not this man belonged in a mental institution.
"I told you so," Jack said, kinda smugly and shrugged. "But it's the truth. You twenty-first century humans are so closed minded." He looked downcast.
Gibbs blinked. "What's with the twenty-first century human thing?" He sent Jack a patronising look. "You're telling me you're an alien?" Gibbs rolled his eyes in a manner that suggested that he was less than amused.
"Oh, I am as human as you are," Jack grinned. "Just a little bit older. And don't I look good?"
Gibbs groaned internally. Now he was wishing that he shared Ziva's sentiment and was back in DC, and not here in Cardiff with the potentially-not-human-not-alien.
"I do not care what you are, what Torchwood represents, I just want to take my captain home." Gibbs turned abruptly and stormed off, back in the direction of the crime scene.
Jack waited for a few seconds before following Gibbs, and was about to yell out to him as a loud scream echoed in his ears.
While Gibbs and Jack had been battling over jurisdiction, the remainder of his team had set to work processing the crime scene, with Tony designating himself as the temporary boss. After all, he'd done it before.
"You heard what Gibbs said," Tony ordered as he held the crime scene tape up for McGee and Ziva. "Ziva, you start bagging and tagging. Probie, you start shooting."
"Who made you boss?" Ziva muttered instantly.
McGee said at the same time, "I thought shooting was your job, Tony?"
"Well, Zee-vah, I am senior field agent, and the only one with experience in leading this team of mine," Tony countered with a smile.
"I thought we were Gibbs' team," Ziva snapped. She had had enough of Wales and longed to be back in DC.
"Gibbs', mine, same difference," Tony shrugged. "And, McGeek, as I am senior field agent and temporarily team leader, it is my job to liaise with the natives."
"Oi," one of the Torchwood operatives spoke up, male. "Natives? I'll have you know . . ."
Tony waved his hand to shut up the man. "Ziva, Probie, get to it."
Ziva sighed and rolled her eyes, but complied nonetheless. Tony smiled as he watched his team pull out gloves and cameras, and then turned to the Torchwood team.
"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo." He shot the team one of his smiles. "And who are you and why the hell are you invading our crime scene?"
The Welshwoman stepped forward. "I'm Gwen Cooper." She smiled sweetly and extended her hand.
"Nice to meet you, Ms. Cooper," Tony replied, ever his flirty self. He took her hand and shook it gently. "And to think I thought this assignment couldn't get any better . . ." Tony grinned. "Say, once we've finished up here, what's say we . . ."
Owen rolled his eyes. "Enough with the flirting. And she's married, Agent DiNozzo." Tony face fell a little, but he shrugged it off.
"And you are?"
"Doctor Owen Harper," he replied briskly.
"Doctor, hey, like a medical examiner?" Tony asked lightly.
"Something like that." Owen turned to Gwen and Ianto and gestured for them to keep an eye on McGee and Ziva who were now processing the scene.
Gwen looked a little put out at being ordered around by Owen, but complied, followed by Ianto. Now that Gwen was gone, Tony turned his attention to the attractive Asian. It was just his luck that this Torchwood team was rather good looking.
"Anthony DiNozzo, but you can call me Tony," he offered, smiling at Tosh.
"Toshiko Sato, Tosh," Tosh replied, slightly flustered. After all, Tony was rather good looking.
"Well, Tosh," Tony started, "would you care to fill me in as to why this Torchwood is invading our crime scene?"
Tosh and Owen shared a look. "It's complicated," Tosh replied.
Tony looked up. "It's always complicated," Tony muttered and then said loudly, "Complicated or not, this is our crime scene and I would like it if your people did not mess with our evidence."
"I would suggest that your people take it easy around the body," Owen countered in the exact same tone of voice. "You never know what might happen."
"It's a body." Tony looked bored. "I've dealt with hundreds of bodies. I think I know what I'm doing."
Owen snorted and Tosh elbowed him in the hip. "Forgive him," she said diplomatically. "He hasn't had his morning coffee. What he's saying is that you should just take care and not touch anything that looks out of the ordinary."
"It's a dead body. Dead. Gone. Not alive. I don't see what could be dangerous about that?" Tony said.
"You'd be surprised," Owen muttered darkly, remembering many of his encounters with dead bodies that turned into less than cheerful events.
"Don't worry." Tony gave the Torchwood pair a reassuring smile. "We're NCIS. We're trained for this kind of thing . . ." Owen and Tosh exchanged looks.
"I don't exactly think you're trained for this," Tosh put gently.
Tony looked confused. "Trained for what?"
"You wouldn't understand," Owen sighed.
"You ever dealt with an alien before?" Owen asked nonchalantly.
"Well, sure, I mean I am a seasoned NCIS agent . . ." Tony trailed off as he realised what Owen had just said. "Alien!?"
Owen shrugged. "I told you so," he smirked as Tosh looked apologetic.
"No way," Tony breathed, looking back and forth between the body and Torchwood. "There is no such thing as aliens," he confirmed.
"That's what you think."
Meanwhile, Gwen and Ianto had joined McGee and Ziva who were combing the far left side of the crime scene.
"Hi, I'm Gwen Cooper, and that's Ianto Jones," Gwen smiled brightly at the two NCIS agents.
Ziva looked at the pair warily, but McGee replied warmly, "I'm Tim McGee and my partner is Ziva David."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Tim," Gwen said sweetly.
Ziva rolled her eyes. "Can we just get on with the job, McGee? The sooner we finish the assignment, the sooner we can be on our way back to DC."
"So you're from Washington, yeah," Gwen said conversationally. "American, like Jack."
"Yep," McGee confirmed, and then said to Ziva, "Look." He pointed to something on the ground. "Can you bag that?"
Ziva looked annoyed, but did it anyway. At the same time, Ianto spoke up, "Ziva, that's not a common name."
"No, it is not," Ziva replied without looking up.
"It's . . ." Ianto looked thoughtful. ". . . Jewish, right."
"Correct." Ziva looked up and studied the man with mild interest. "And you know this how?"
"I know everything," Ianto replied as if it were the most normal reply on the earth. "And you're not American. Israeli, right?" Ziva gave a slight nod.
"Mossad?" Ianto asked cautiously.
"Yes," Ziva replied without hesitation.
"Mossad?" Gwen questioned.
"Israeli intelligence agency," Ianto replied knowingly. "Kinda like the CIA."
"Oh." Gwen looked at Ziva apprehensively, ironic because she worked for an organisation even more outside the government and secret than Mossad.
"Yeah, so I wouldn't get her angry," McGee advised.
"Her being a Mossad ninja and all," Tony noted loudly as he, Owen and Tosh joined the others.
"Is there something you wanted, Tony?" Ziva asked through gritted teeth.
"Nope," he replied casually. "Just checking to see how you're going."
"You could help, you know, Tony," McGee suggested, but received a rather good Gibbs glare impersonation from Tony. "Or not."
"I am liaising, Probie," Tony replied.
"So that is what it is called now," Ziva smiled innocently, reaching down to remove a piece of evidence from the dead captain.
"No!" Owen shouted, knowing that touching the body was a bad idea.
There was a flash of light, followed by a scream, and nothing.
At the sound of the scream that Gibbs recognised as Ziva's, he took off at a run.
"Ziva!" he yelled as he rounded the corner. The comment that Jack had made about the aliens, though he wouldn't admit it, had unnerved him, and now something might have happened to his team.
"Ziva!" he called again. "Tony! McGee?" Jack noted the pure worry in Gibbs' voice as he hurried along behind him.
Gibbs finally spotted his team and to his relief, managed to see all of his team standing, though looking somewhat bewildered. He skidded to a halt in front of them.
"Ziva?" He reached over and placed a hand on Ziva's arm. Ziva was covered in some kind of sticky substance, and despite looking a little shocked, looked more disgusted than anything else.
She cursed in Hebrew as Gibbs took in the sight of Tony and McGee pointing their guns wildly back and forth between the body and the Torchwood team, while the Torchwood team stood there with an amused look on their faces.
"You okay, Ziva?" Gibbs asked gently.
Ziva shook off Gibbs' hand. "I am fine, Gibbs," she huffed, pulling at the sticky black substance on her arm. "Well, mostly."
"What on earth?" McGee looked more upset than Ziva did, and she was the one covered in the alien substance.
"Oh, I think it's alien, Probie," Tony said casually, as if his scepticalness had vanished. He and McGee lowered their weapons and holstered them.
"Alien?" McGee looked very unconvinced. "It's not alien, Tony. There is a perfectly logical and scientific answer."
"Oh, I assure you it is very much alien," Jack said cheerfully. "One hundred percent alien. Well, the stuff on, Ziva was it, is, though your captain is very much human."
"What?" Tony asked and it was clear McGee and Ziva shared this sentiment.
"We're Torchwood," Jack explained, "outside the government, beyond the police. We track down alien life on earth and arm the human race against the future. After all, the twenty-first century is when everything changes, and you have to be ready." His little Torchwood introduction was met with absolute silence.
"You are serious?" Ziva looked at the Torchwood team warily. "As Tony would say, that sounds as if it comes from a badly written science fiction movie."
"No, I'd actually say that this is so Men in Black." Tony looked around and grinned. "You know, with Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. You're the Welsh version of MIB!" Tony looked excited.
Gibbs rolled his eyes and slapped the back of Tony's head. "Can it, DiNozzo." Jack looked amused by this action.
"Boss, I was just saying . . ."
"I don't care, DiNozzo," Gibbs growled and shot Tony a looked that made him shut his mouth.
"And really, Ianto's the only one who wears a suit," Jack added, ignoring the look he got from Gibbs for encouraging Tony. "And I have to say, he's looking rather fine today."
Jack grinned and Ianto blushed. McGee looked at them all as if they were crazy and Tony just looked excited. Gibbs still looked sceptical and Ziva just looked purely annoyed.
"Uh, hello, do you think that perhaps you could stop talking about this Men in Black business and think of a way to get this alien blood, or whatever, off me?" Ziva snapped, trying to shake the strong sticking substance off her body.
"Aw, I think it suits you, Zee-vah," Tony chimed, grinning. "It really brings out your eyes."
"You are so dead, DiNozzo," Ziva growled and looked deadly.
"What? I was paying you a . . ."
"Do not even finish that sentence," Ziva hissed and turned to Gibbs. "Gibbs," she nearly whined, "get this stuff off me."
"I . . ." Gibbs wasn't sure if a simple shower would do the trick.
"We have facilities back at our base," Ianto offered, stepping forward.
"You even have a secret base." Tony glowed with happiness. "Abby is so going to be kicking herself for missing this."
"Our forensic scientist," Tony replied. "She loves this stuff."
"I am sure you can tell her all about it when we get back, DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed, knowing that Abby really would be upset for missing out on meeting alien hunters.
"Or not," Jack added under his breath. Then he said loudly and matched it with a charming grin, "You up for a field trip, kids?" He looked at the NCIS team. "We have decontamination showers. And the best coffee this side of Wales."
The team looked at Gibbs, who shrugged. "It's not as though this day could get any weirder."
"Oh," Jack grinned, "did I mention we also have a pterodactyl?"