Summary: Naruto is going to be taught the Birds and the Bees at school and his parents are concerned about what he'll think of them. That should be the least of their concerns. KakaIru SasuNaru
Warning: BL but nothing major
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine but if found…. well, tough shit Masashi
HEY YOU!: Thought I should let you guys know, Naruto is at least 16 in this fic as well as Sasuke. I wasn't formally taught (like, by a teacher) the birds and the bees until high school which is when this takes place. (Though I got the talk when I was 7 in a "generic movie rental store" parking lot, but that is neight here nor there). Thank you and enjoy.
/The Bees and the Bees/
With one arm cradling mail and the other filled with books, Naruto skillfully opened the door with his feet and kicked it closed behind him as he entered his home.
"Mama! Papa! I'm home from school! And if you don't come down in 5 minutes, I'll assume that you're doing something immoral and I'll call Jiraiya over!" He shouted up the stairs while he dumped his things on the couch and tossed the mail on the kitchen counter.
Stomping and shuffling followed by curses could be heard above him and he smirked to himself. He grabbed a rectangular bag from the pantry and started boiling some water on the stove. Placing the bag on the table top, he plopped down into a seat waiting for his parents to join him in the kitchen to listen to him talk about his day as the routine went.
He saw his mama enter first, brunette hair let loose unlike normal, where it was pulled into a high pony tail. His papa entered shortly after, silver-grey hair glinting like a mountain peak, snowy and ice-capped. It was like their previous 'activities' could not even make it follow the laws of gravity.
"I'm glad that you could join me," he glanced at the clock, "and in record time too."
His parents looked proud of themselves. Ah, how he loved ruining the moment.
"But it seems that Iruka, you forgot to put you hair up and Kakashi, you forgot your shirt. So close, and yet so far away." He pushed back away from the table, enjoying the screech as it protested to move across the wood floor. Naruto snatched the bag, opening it and sliding the solid yet breakable mass of dry noodles into the, by then, boiling pot of water.
"Aw, drat." Iruka started messing with his hair, raking his fingers through it and eventually just throwing it up in its usual pony-tail.
"It's not all bad, at least you can look at my sexy chest for a bit longer, hm?" Kakashi wrapped his arms around his lover, huffing as the confined hair tickled his nose.
"Oh, would you look at that, the laundry is done… and there happens to be a shirt your size." Naruto flung the article of clothing at his father's head only to have it be caught in his grasp.
"I know you're too young, but you'll understand sooner or later that what papa and I do is special."
"Yeah, maybe I can get Jiraiya to set something up for you. Maybe then you'll appreciate the lengths I go to, to satisfy your mama here."
After that, let's just say that he wouldn't be able to see out of one of his eyes for a lengthy period of time. Iruka was none-too-happy about suggesting that his innocent little boy would be part of any sexual relationship any time soon.
"Hey, it's okay guys! Actually, tomorrow in health, we're going to go through Sex Ed! I'll know all sorts of stuff." Naruto had a look of deep thought on his face as he poured some of the water down the drain, leaving just enough in for the dry mix.
"Oh yeah! Papa said that once I find out about 'sex' I can figure out why the teme has been stalking me home lately."
"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?" Iruka boiled over, socking his older lover in the other eye.
"He said that sex is fun and it's like a game. Since Sasuke's my friend," he muttered a 'stupid teme friend' under his breath, "papa said that we should play together and he said it doesn't hurt, like most of the games I play with the teme."
There was another cry of pain from Kakashi as he doubled over, soothing his stomach. Naruto looked at him weirdly and then accusingly at Iruka only to find him whistling innocently.
"Well, anyway, I'll find out all about it and then I'll finally know where babies come from, the teacher said we'd learn that, so I can stop asking you guys. I'm gonna go eat my ramen in the living room. Join me when you hydrate yourselves."
As soon as Naruto left the room, Iruka went into a panic. "Kakashi! What are we going to do? He'll find out. He'll find out that we aren't his real parents. What are we going to do?" He worried out loud in a hushed voice.
"Well, I was hoping that genetics would be the class that led to that discovery, but I don't know, I think this might be good for him. At least he won't have to worry with the littlest Uchiha as far as babies go." Actually, all he got out was 'Bab-' before the fist came in contact with the old bruise on his eye.
"Whaaaat? You know it'll happen when he finds out how it works," Kakashi crept up behind Iruka and hugged his waist, "and how good it feels."
"That will never happen!" Iruka proclaimed indignantly.
"That's probably true; he'd end up being bottom for sure. But from how good it sounds from the way you scream, I'm sure he'd enjoy it just the same. But other than that, you need to not worry over Naru, he's a big boy and I'm sure he'll accept the fact that we adopted him fairly well. You shouldn't worry over things that you don't know will happen for certain. Now let's go see if we can't impregnate you yet!" The brunette glared at the stupid man before giving in and letting him drag him upstairs.
"Naru! I'm going upstairs to do something immoral to Iruka! See you in an hour!"
Naruto took this time to crank the volume up to drown out the noises.
-Dramatically: THE NEXT EVENING! -
The door of Naruto's house was viciously kicked open by said child in the family unit.
"IRUKA! KAKASHI! YOU LIARS!" He roared!
Iruka was down the stairs in a flash ready to explain everything, Kakashi following at his own lethargic pace.
"I'm soooooo sorry Naru! I wanted to tell you but I never thought that it'd be a good time. You were still too young and I-" The brunette stopped tumbling over his words when he looked at Naruto's slightly confused face. It looked like he was about to ask what he was talking about when Kakashi strolled in and Naruto glared, ready to pounce.
"You ASSHOLE! You said it didn't hurt!" Naruto kicked him in the shin and limped upstairs.
A curiously smirking littlest Uchiha followed him soon after.
I'M STUPID! :D
Stavi: Well, I hoped you liked it. I know it was short but I hope I made you laugh at least a little. It's what I live for.