A/N: Once again, my apologies for this excessively-late chapter; I've been really busy lately (I know, that's always my excuse), but more than that, I've been severely uninspired in the field of Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. This stems largely in part from the fact that most of my readers (and my fans on deviantART) only seem to care about my Phineas and Ferb stuff to the exclusion of all else that I've done. So, if you've got the time, please at least check out some of my other fanfictions on this site, or, even better, my original comic series "Madness in a Box", which you can find here if you remove the spaces: illustrious-crackpot . deviantart . com / gallery / #Madness-In-A-Box
At any rate, this is a "culmination" chapter, since, as I've exhausted my current supply of characters (I'm nowhere near inspired enough to tackle the grandparents just yet, and I haven't yet found a satisfactory amount of information about the various Fireside Girls), I decided to revisit all the pairs I've already written before moving on to new combinations. There's an approximately equal amount of each group scattered throughout here, and I picked which "number" theme would belong to which character set via a random-number generator before I randomly-generated the theme phrases, if anyone was at all interested.
I may or may not be putting this series on an indefinite hiatus; we shall see.
1. Multiply By Eight (Vanessa and Charlene)
For the past eight or so generations, every woman throughout their maternal line has been born brown-haired and monotone. Translation: for the past eight or so generations in that family, mothers and daughters have driven each other crazy.
2. Establish (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
"Okay, OKAY!" squeaked Dr. Doofenshmirtz as he lay sprawled face-down on the floor, his voice heading up another octave as Perry twisted the villain's arm even further behind his back. "You've asserted your dominance ENOUGH already!"
3. Compress (Phineas and Ferb)
For the past morning they had been working on compressing digital versions of all of their plans onto compact discs, and, three whole discs into the process, were barely even halfway through. And at that moment each thought it was simply amazing that the other had that much data compressed in his brain.
4. Trickle (Candace and Jeremy)
She didn't know how it had happened, but the moment Jeremy came up behind her, the insignificant dribbles of liquid from the water fountain exploded into a roaring tidal wave, completely soaking the boy. But he just laughed it off and patted her kindly on the shoulder, after which she swore that never again would she use any water fountain besides that one.
5. Wound (Candace and Jeremy)
Ugly as it was, Candace couldn't help but adore that little white scar on her arm; back when she'd gotten that wound by falling off her bike, he had put the band-aid on it.
6. Essence (Phineas and Ferb)
"Hmm," stated Phineas simply, staring at the bowl his brother was holding. "Perhaps isolating the 'essence of chocolate' isn't as easy as it sounds."
7. Diminish (Baljeet and Buford)
Baljeet was a pretty small kid. But Buford knew exactly how to make him feel even smaller.
8. Devote Oneself (Monogram and Karl)
Much as he knew that loyalty to an employer was extremely important to the process of getting a raise, Karl resented the fact that Monogram often referred to him as "a pawn whose sole purpose is to die for the king".
9. Crinkle (Monogram and Karl)
There was only one bag of Crispy Crinkle Chips left. You could cut the tension with a knife.
10. Gracious (Candace and Jeremy)
Stacey just stared at the two teenagers across the street, absolutely amazed. For the past ten minutes after Jeremy had taken her home from that dance, he and Candace had just been standing outside her house, trading off lengthy "thank-you"s.
11. Resilient (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
Though he did occasionally feel a bizarre urge to save his nemesis from painful situations, he was generally content to let the doctor suffer such punishment on his own; no matter what happened, he knew the man would always bounce back.
12. Expel (Candace and Jeremy)
Jeremy frowned. That was the third time this week Candace had done a spit-take when their eyes met. She was also flushing bright red around him a lot lately...he hoped she wasn't sick...
13. Disband (Phineas and Ferb)
Avid music-lovers (and skilled musicians) that they were, very often they felt the burning desire to reunite "Phineas and the Ferb-Tones" for good. However, staunch and honest promise-keepers that they were, they refused to compromise the group's integrity as a one-hit wonder through such blatantly selfish revivals. So instead, the following years saw the emergence of "Ferb and the Phinny-Tones", "Tone-y Phineas and Ferb", "Two Brothers With Tones Who Know How To Use Them"...
14. Repetition (Linda and Lawrence)
No matter how many times he repeated it, Linda just couldn't get the hang of it, and told him so each time he made the attempt. But still Lawrence never lost faith in the idea that someday he would teach his wife how to properly pronounce "Worcestershire".
15. Scar (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
Perry rolled his eyes. No matter how many times they watched that movie, Heinz always burst into tears when the virtuous Simba sent his evil uncle tumbling to his doom.
16. Interminate (Phineas and Ferb)
With them, it was always summer.
17. Molt (Baljeet and Buford)
Frankly speaking, he didn't really want to know how, in this day and age, Buford had gotten himself tarred and feathered. Nevertheless, he spent all afternoon pulling out the plumes, gaining secret pleasure from the sight of his antagonist so humiliated.
18. Fame (Linda and Lawrence)
Okay—sometimes she did care that very few people would ever remember her as the pop star Lindana. But just one thought back to the man who loved her as Linda was enough to dispel all regret.
19. Believed (Candace and Jeremy)
Finally Candace trailed off, head in her hands, mortified that she had just spilled her guts about her brothers' crazy plans again, ranting on and on about something that no one else would ever see, would ever know, because all this was so ridiculous that she was obviously just crazy.
But then she found a hand on her shoulder, and his warm, comforting smile when she looked up again. "I believe you."
20. Abandoned (Candace and Jeremy)
Apparently they could never, ever be alone—first Phineas and Ferb had implemented their "Candace's Televised Perfect Date!" strategy, then Suzie had followed them to the movie theater, and...now Stacey wanted to double-date?
21. Introductory (Monogram and Karl)
If only the Major had made a bigger deal about it, Karl might have actually laughed at the "oh-no-you-pulled-off-my-hand" gag during their first-ever handshake. But all he'd done was stand there, staring blankly as Karl gripped the fake detached hand, then shrug and say "Well, I guess that's it then."
22. Poverty (Monogram and Karl)
Budget cuts were tough, even for the most seasoned secret agent dispatchers. So Major Monogram sucked it up and put on a brave face for his employee, resolving not to tell him that he had taken the bulk of the cuts from Karl's salary.
23. Niceties (Vanessa and Charlene)
"What dost thou wish of me, mother dearest?" intoned Vanessa dully, not even bothering to look up from the television. Obviously her mother's comment about her "lacking in etiquette" had prompted her to drag the issue out to its irritating fullest. "Shalt I anoint thy form with oils, or throw roses upon thy feet?"
24. Cream (Linda and Lawrence)
It had been cute when he'd used his spoon to gently scrape the stray puff of whipped cream off her cheek, until he had then proceeded to totally ruin the moment by popping it into his mouth and violently choking.
25. Fighter (Linda and Lawrence)
She would swear that there was never a sillier sight in this world than Lawrence Fletcher, stripped to his skivvies and drowning in gloves ten times as big as his skinny fists, facing Grandma Betty Jo in the boxing ring.
26. Beaker (Baljeet and Buford)
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" screeched Baljeet as he bolted from the chemistry classroom, Buford in hot pursuit with a vial of mysterious liquid.
27. Contraction (Vanessa and Charlene)
To appease her mother, if nothing else, Vanessa would tolerate just about any topic of conversation Charlene decided to bring up. But when it came to recounting the graphic stories of her birthing process...well, that's when Vanessa just had to get up and leave the room.
28. Presence (Buford and Baljeet)
The bully was in a complete and total panic, running frantically around the schoolyard, head snapping back and forth in search of—in search of his sanity. He was almost down to his last nerve when he finally spotted Baljeet sitting on the swingset, and, for reasons unknown even to him, the boy breathed a huge sigh of relief.
29. Ramify (Linda and Lawrence)
"Okay, so before we can all go out to dinner, one of us needs to pick up Phineas and Ferb at the Mountaintop Village Cheese Festival, and the other has to pick up Candace at the 'Valley of the Nile' clothing store," Linda informed her husband as they both walked to their cars. "If you don't mind, I'll take the high road and you take the low road."
She couldn't help but smile as Lawrence finished with the inevitable, badly-warbled "And I'll get to Scotland afore ye!"
30. Moneybags (Candace and Jeremy)
Jeremy blinked, a little surprised. That girl certainly took her Monopoly seriously.
31. Recreant (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
It was one of the only times the platypus was actually terrified of his enemy, scampering wildly about from hiding place to hiding place in unspeakable horror of what might happen if the man caught up to him. But who could blame him? Dr. Doofenshmirtz was trying to give him a bath!
32. Wayward (Vanessa and Charlene)
Each night it seemed that Vanessa came home later and later, snapping violently whenever asked for an explanation and storming off to her bedroom. And her mother would just drop herself into her armchair and feel herself filled with an overwhelming terror as she began to pray fervently that the day would never arrive that Vanessa didn't come home at all.
33. Battlefield (Linda and Lawrence)
When they'd first moved into the house, they'd agreed that they'd alternate the chore of organizing the bills from month to month. Unfortunately, he organized them in alphabetical order while she organized them in order of importance, so every month each would be forced to completely reshuffle the other's previous piles into the order of their own liking, a point which, though bitterly seethed over, they never seemed to discuss with one another...
34. Pest (Vanessa and Charlene)
It didn't take much to get either of them fed up with the other. But still, they were always together again by the end of the day.
35. Formulate (Phineas and Ferb)
Coming up with a plan was easy. Coming up with a perfect plan was harder—but ultimately more fun.
36. Tight (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
"Oh, me and Perry the Platypus?" Heinz breezed as he held up his hand, displaying two crossed fingers. "We're like that."
And all the other supervillains at his table just stared at him weirdly.
37. Sordid (Monogram and Karl)
It wasn't that Major Monogram didn't like the boy. Really, he did. The only problem was that he was so...revolting.
38. Liable (Baljeet and Buford)
All of a sudden, Buford pulled a stack of papers out of his pocket, pushing a pair of horn-rimmed glasses up his nose as his victim stared bemusedly up at him. "I hope yer insurance c'n cover this."
39. Respectable (Linda and Lawrence)
Since they didn't get invited to many big formal occasions, every so often they'd spend an entire day in their fancy dress clothes, just as an excuse to use them.
40. Accusation (Vanessa and Charlene)
When Vanessa called her mother and said that she was at the police station, Charlene completely flipped her lid. She was already in her car and zooming towards the building before Vanessa could finish her sentence—and so she was simultaneously shocked and relieved that her daughter was there for the policeman's ball.
41. Similar (Baljeet and Buford)
"We ain't nothin' alike," insisted Buford angrily, his fists already dangerously close to Baljeet's face...but that still didn't change the fact that he was wearing a white short-sleeved shirt and blue denim overalls.
42. Opposition (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
It didn't even matter if he ever threw a punch, or so much as glared in his enemy's direction; just so long as he knew his enemy was there, that he had an enemy, was enough to fill the little platypus with a calm satisfaction.
43. Submission (Baljeet and Buford)
Not that he would ever admit it, but he hated when the boy gave in too easily. That's why, the more the timid one tried to appease him, the more threats and insults he would toss back, trying desperately to get the rise out of the boy that he desperately craved.
44. Friend (Vanessa and Charlene)
Charlene didn't know any of Vanessa's friends. And if Vanessa had anything to say about it, it was going to stay that way.
45. Roughness (Monogram and Karl)
Major Monogram spent the rest of the day wheezing and groaning, unable to sit down or even stand without flinching in unimaginable pain. That was the absolute last time he asked Karl to be his masseuse.
46. Bloody (Phineas and Ferb)
Shocked beyond belief at seeing his normally-stoic brother so hysterical, actually shedding tears, Phineas dropped the charade instantly, leaping up and wrapping his ketchup-soaked arms around the green-haired boy, promising fervently that never again would he ever fake his own death, even for an April Fools prank.
47. Settle (Phineas and Ferb)
"So, imagine we got married someday," Isabella began hurriedly, rushing to finish her question before Phineas had time to realize the implication, "would you want to live in a big house or a small house?"
The redheaded boy blinked, cocking his head. "A big house, I guess," he replied. "I mean, we'd have to have room for Ferb, wouldn't we?"
48. Guardianship (Monogram and Karl)
Karl sweated heavily under the penetrating gaze of the school principal, who was looking over both himself and the obliviously-grinning Major with a sharpness generally reserved for airline security officers. If only he'd just told his parents about the principal's summons...aaaargh, WHY had he let Major Monogram pretend to be his father??
49. Prevail (Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
His base was in ruins, his robots had been destroyed, and still the lanky man stood there staring up at the sky, even a full hour after his nemesis had departed. Then suddenly his spine snapped straight, and he shook his fists vigorously. "Well, NUTS TO YOU, Perry the Platypus! I won in SPIRIT!"
50. Paste (OVERALL)
Be they each rubber or glue, no matter how much bouncing around occurs beforehand, they'll all stick together in the end. And that's the truth.