Disclaimer: KnM doesn't belong to mr.
Author's Note: This was inspired by Arigatou Sheitarou's one-shot "Cheerful and Stupid", a NanoFate fic from Fate's POV. Thus, all credit for the original idea goes to her.
Ignorance is Bliss
At a relatively early age Kurusugawa Himeko learned that as long as she smiled and acted like a nice girl and kept her thoughts to herself, no one would bother her. The lesson came to her because she lived with a foster family that didn't really want her or like her much, and to be frankly honest she didn't like them either, and it was just easier for all involved to keep her head down and her thoughts to herself, and to have a small smile pasted on her face at all times, even if it wasn't always a happy smile.
Old habits die hard, so even when Himeko turned sixteen and entered high school she kept a smile on her face and her thoughts to herself. She knew ignorance was bliss and pulled the act well, deafening herself to things she didn't want to hear.
So it was safe to say when she fell in love with one Himemiya Chikane, it would be an understatement to say she was thrown for a loop.
It wasn't one of those stupid things where she just woke up one day and thought 'Y'know, Chikane-chan is really very pretty, maybe I'll fall in love with her!' and then by the end of the day she'd more or less figured out that her feelings would only be returned when they were all slurping snow cones in Hell, so she'd given up on it to find something better.
Problem was, it wasn't that simple.
Because if it had just been about Chikane's beauty, Himeko could have gotten over it quickly. Not to say Chikane wasn't beautiful; the girl was the most gorgeous person Himeko had ever seen. But there was also the way she always had a small, self-content smile on her face, like she knew some joke that no one else did. There was her presence—always soothing, calming, a gentle touch and kind words. Maybe it also had to do with the fact that she would willingly die for the people she loved, and she was the only person Himeko knew who had eyes that shade of blue.
But if you wanted to keep it simple, it was just that Chikane was beautiful.
"I didn't know you were good with numbers, Himeko."
Chikane's soft voice badly jarred the golden-haired girl's concentration, and she blinked owlishly as she looked up at her companion; the beloved princess of the school was leaning over her shoulder, quietly reading her math homework. "Oh." She swallowed, wondering why her stomach was suddenly alive with butterflies. "I'm not that good, Chikane-chan. I was just helping Mako-chan out last night, and it took so long that I didn't have a chance to finish."
Chikane gave her a blank look. "You just answered those questions in ten minutes. I was timing you. It takes me at least half an hour to finish what you breezed through."
Scratch that, her stomach was alive with butterflies wielding tiny scythes.
"I beg your pardon?"
Chikane shrugged, effortlessly brushing a loose strand of hair out of her eyes and back behind her ear with her hand. "I'm not good with math," she admitted calmly. "I never have been. You're a genius at it. So tutor me?"
"Ah, Chikane-chan, I'm not—"
"What's the answer to that question there? I can't figure it out."
Himeko blinked, thrown off, before looking back at her paper; frustrated with Chikane's quick dodge around her protest, she rattled the answer off in a few minutes and froze as a triumphant smirk curved Chikane's lips. "Chikane-chan, that doesn't prove anything."
She gave up; sighing, Himeko closed her eyes and chuckled. "All right, you win. I'll tutor you."
It happened fast; warm, strong arms wrapped around Himeko's neck as Chikane hugged her from behind. Himeko's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat, hammering against her ribs wildly as she felt the blood rush into her face. "Thank you, Himeko," Chikane whispered, and her breath was warm against the golden-haired girl's hair.
"Aaahhh… m-my pleasure."
Problem: Himeko was in love with Chikane.
Bigger problem: She wasn't about to fall out of love with her anytime soon.
Which really freakin' sucked, when she took a moment to stop and think about it. Himeko knew she wasn't the most popular girl in school, but her confidence had grown to a point where she knew she was definitely one of the prettier ones, and given the chance she could always find someone.
But nope, she was in love with her friend.
Which really freakin' sucked, since last she checked, girls weren't supposed to fall in love with other girls. But then again…
"I didn't see anything!"
"U-um, Kurusugawa-san, I'm r-really sorry!"
"I didn't see anything!"
It was an awkward moment to say the least and left Himeko more than a little scarred, but at least now she knew that she wasn't the only one in love with a person of the same—
Point blank, it was awkward and Himeko was never really the same again. Thankfully the shrine was a large place and the school contained numerous empty hallways, so she never chanced upon the two going at it again.
Not that it mattered, since Himeko really had nothing against the pair. Love was love in any form, and Souma and Yukihito seemed very happy together.
"Yo Himeko, what's that you're reading? Oh… oh…"
"Give it back!"
"My goodness! I didn't know you liked that kind of stuff, Himeko!"
"Give it back, Mako-chan!"
"But seriously, girl, confess to Miya-sama 'cause a book like this can only give you so much relief…"
So. Makoto supported her cause; she supported her wholeheartedly in fact, and never missed an opportunity to urge her shy friend into considering a confession to the dark-haired star.
Personally, Himeko figured Makoto herself was in such a good mood because she'd finally scored with whoever she'd set her sights on—it hadn't escaped the golden-haired girl's attention that the track star's usual bickering with Izumi had almost taken on a flirtatious edge.
And Himeko was happy for her.
No, really, she was.
Even if she was alone, pining for someone she could never have while two of her best friends pursued their own chances at happiness.
She was happy for both of them.
Sometimes Himeko believed that she could confess to Chikane; there were times when the words flew into her throat and her heart ached so painfully that she feared it would burst if she didn't say something, anything, to the other girl about her feelings.
But in the end, she never did it.
It would have been easier, somehow, if Chikane had at least been somewhat aware of Himeko's affections. At least then the clear-eyed girl could have taken a cue from her, could observe her behavior and make a decision. If her feelings were known and accepted, well, that was grand. If they were known and rejected, on the other hand…
Simply put, if Chikane was even partially aware of Himeko's one-sided love for her, it would have somehow been easier to confess. Problem was, while Chikane could do everything under the sun and ace it perfectly (math being the one exception), she was dumb as a doornail when it came to the emotions of the people around her.
Okay, 'dumb as a doornail' was harsh and not partially true. It wasn't so much that Chikane was a bumbling idiot when it came to being aware of other people's emotions, it was just that she had been showered with affection for so long that she'd perfected the art of deafening herself to others. She'd long ago accepted the fact that people would love and adore her, so she'd worked to build a shield so it wouldn't bother her. As such, the young heir of Himemiya had remained untouched and unscathed by the hearts of those around her, able to be the princess everyone expected her to be without being dragged down by feelings.
Fortunately, this kept her sanity intact.
Unfortunately, she failed to notice that the one person she did love also loved her back.
"Himeko? Hello, Earth to Himeko, come in Himeko…"
Himeko blinked, her eyes clearing; satisfied, Chikane leaned back, her lips curved in an amused smile. "You went far away," the dark-haired girl informed her friend. "Far, far away. What were you thinking about? I didn't think you were coming back."
For a moment Himeko looked uncertainly at the other girl; the words rushed into her throat again, her heart leapt and pounded against her ribs like a caged animal, and she opened her mouth.
But at the last moment she subdued her thoughts, and she smiled quietly.
"Nothing important, Chikane-chan."
I haven't written anything KnM in forever, so I wanted to see if I could still do it. That Souma/Yukihito bit was also my first attempt at a yaoi... so yeah.
Read and review, please!