That's it... the very last chapter :)

Might get a sequel some day, but for now it's the end. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! You always make my day ;)

Without further ado, the last one:


"67 bottles of beer on the wall,

67 bottles of beer!

Take one down, pass it around

66 bottles of beer on the wall!

66 bottles of beer on the wall-"

"Stop it already!" Rose screamed, cutting the Doctor off before he was able to sing yet another line. Ten minutes, they were walking down the stairs and they seem to have no end... The whole situation really began to unnerve her. Jack vanished, the Doctor no help at all but more of a hindrance and she had no idea, what they were dealing with. What if this whole situation was too much for her and she wouldn't be able to help Jack? What if he was already... But, no. Rose couldn't think like that. Like her friends, her normal friends, she had to keep her head cool... Not easy to do that when the last of the Time Lords is making faces at you, though.

"Oh, cut it out, you big baby!"


It took them another five minutes until they finally saw the end of the stairs and heard noises. Rather strange noises...

Rose heard whimpers, laughs, cries and singing along with thuds and rustling chains. Not knowing what awaited them, she indicated to the Doctor, who had his hands on places, she would have to slap him later for, to be quiet and slowly went down the last stairs. When they reached the end, she looked carefully around the corner and her eyes widened at the sight.

Countless cells lined a long corridor, containing hundreds of prisoners, one stranger than the other. Some of them sang songs, others had a heated argument, stood starkers in the cell and shook their bodies to the songs or cried loudly, blaming everyone and everything for their situation.

Signs on the doors, described the cells with 'shy to forward', 'monks to exhibitionists' and 'optimists to pessimists' among other things.

Seeing all these different 'people' (only a few looked human) like this, Rose suddenly knew what this was all about. For whatever reason, people who got changed personalities like the Doctor and Jack were captured and brought here.

"Rose, Doctor! I'm here!" Jack waved from out of a cell with the sign 'pervert to monk'... a more than accurate description like Rose thought. "Look how many friends I found!" He sat amidst five other heavy dressed 'men' (two looked human, the other three had yellow and green skin) who seemed to discuss the art of hiding your body or something like that.

"Jack! Thank God!" Rose was more than relieved to see him. Judging by her bad luck lately, she half inspected him to be either in a cell on the far end of the corridor or not there at all. After going to his cell, she reached even out to hug him through the bars but was stopped by the look of dismay on his and his friends' faces. "No touching. Right. Sorry."

Rose looked at the cell's lock and realised with delight that the sonic screwdriver should be able to take care of it. All the other locks seemed to be the same, too.

"Doctor, can you open the cells for me? We have to free the prisoners before anyone captures us..." Rose sighed heavily when she looked behind her and he wasn't there any more. "No wandering off... why does no one ever listen to me?" She never noticed the irony of her statement.

Rose found him five cells down the corridor, obviously trying to sell just the thing she needed right now. A man stood behind the iron bars, looking eagerly at the sonic device. A sign on the door read 'cheapskate to shopping addict'.

"Over eight thousand settings," she heard him say. "The only sonic device with that many. Unique in the whole universe! For two hundred thousand credits, it's yours!"

"I'll give you five hundred thousand!" the man said greedily and Rose resisted the urge to slap her forehead. It still hurt from last time...

"Alright, you two. That's enough!" She finally stepped in and took the sonic screwdriver out of the Doctor's hand. "How can you even think about selling it?"

"But we could buy a house with the money! We wouldn't even have to rely on your mother. I don't think, she would object, though... She is such a lovely person!"

Rose really asked herself what she did to deserve this. "What setting to open locks, Doctor?"

"Dunno. That thing is way too complicated... I don't like to think about it," he said and picked his nose, immediately losing all the dignity, he had left.

"Get a grip on yourself, will you?! We have to free Jack!"

Now, he looked at her... or more like stared at her. "W-What?" she asked him, feeling a little unnerved by his intensive gaze.

"Are we... gonna shag?"

Now she stared at him. "What?!"

"When that dimwit is free... do we shag? I'm getting tired of all this running about... Don't really want to do anything without getting something in return."

Rose felt her face flush at his words. "I told you, we will if you still want to after being normal again."

"I don't think I believe you."

"What?" she asked perplexed. "Why?"

"Dunno. I just... it's like I suddenly don't trust you any more. Don't know why now, but I just... don't."

Feeling crushed by his words, tears began to form in Rose's eyes. It had to be the venom... couldn't be anything else. He trusted her from the very beginning. Even when she saved her father and nearly ended the world in the process, he did. Yes, the venom has to be spreading. There was no other explanation.

"Doctor, that's not you speaking, but what changed you. You can trust me. Please, just... just try to alright?" she said and did the only thing, she thought could help to counteract the OOC Syndrome: she took his head inside her hands and pressed her lips against his. The Doctor responded immediately and pressed her body against the wall between the cells. Feeling his tongue invading her mouth, Rose decided for once to melt into the kiss. Who knew, if she would ever be able to kiss him again?

Some prisoners began to hoot while others (like Jack and his 'gang') complained loudly about such insolence.

Although knowing, she would regret it the very second her lips left his, Rose pulled back after a few (very intense) minutes. "As much as I hate stopping, we have some work to do, Doctor. We will end this in the TARDIS..."

"We better will..." the Time Lord growled. "You and your teasing nearly drives me insane. Can't say what I would do, if you are lying to me, Rose Tyler."

Rose felt a spark of fear, when he looked at her. Right now, he reminded her more of an animal than a person.

"We have to hurry," she said suddenly, not wanting to think about how much the syndrome could really change him. "Be a good little Time Lord, take the sonic screwdriver and open the cells, will you? All of them. You are faster than me and-"

"That won't be happening, I fear." Rose whirled around when she heard another voice behind her.


In front of her stood the very person, who sent them to the other planet. The one, Rose trusted immediately in her jeopardy friendly way... the old lady from the stall.

Cackling evilly, she pointed a gun at Rose and the Doctor, who cowered behind his companion and shivered with fear.

"I had enough victims when you three reached my stall," the old woman said, just like any foe who thought he had to reveal his great plan to the heroes. "'What do you want with three other humans? When one isn't even affected?' I thought. It made no sense... But I just couldn't resist when I saw your little friend over there-" She pointed at Jack. "-sat so defenceless and alone on the side of the road. And now, I see how much he is really worth... because you brought him here." Looking directly at the Doctor, she continued greedily, "A Time Lord! Oh, I'm going to get so much money for him! And his ship... when I get his ship..."

"How do you know about Time Lords? And what do you want with all these people?" Rose asked, trying to buy them some time and fighting down the sudden guild rising inside of her. If the old hag did something to the Doctor... it would be her fault.

"Time Lords are legendary on our planet, my dear. There have been stories of thousands of years concerning the Lords of Time. And the people? Hah! What do you think? Experiments, of course. Hanceldonishian flies... nothing else affects the body like their venom. No one ever managed to look behind the mystery... but I am going to solve it! And get rich in the process."

Rose flinched, when she saw the evil look inside her eyes. How could she ever have trusted that woman?

"Did you do all of this alone?" Rose, holding the screwdriver still in her hand, tried to look around without her noticing. There has to be something here that could save them... anything! "All of these people... you captured them?"

"'Course I did. I won't share my money with anyone! The only one beside us in this building is the guard... and it seems like I will have to sack him." She sighed heavily. "It's really a shame... he was so cheap."

"For a reason," Rose muttered, remembering their easy entry.

"Yes, yes. But all of this is unimportant now. I'm sorry, but you are an obstacle to my plan, damsel in distress." Out of the corner of her eyes, Rose saw the prisoners of the cell to her left rise at the woman's last words. The sign on the door read 'cowards to heroes'. "Any last words, my dear?"

Knowing suddenly what she had to do, Rose grinned at her. "Actually, yes!" She pointed the sonic screwdriver at the left cell, praying it had the right setting. The door flew open with a loud bang. "Help!"

The 'heroes' jumped out at once.

"A damsel in distress calling for help!" "And she is blond!" "Geronimo!" they yelled and lunged at the old woman.

Rose winced. "Uh, that gotta hurt..." she exclaimed, watching the 'heroes' at work. "Ouch! Uh, glad that's not me... well, that was rather unnecessa-... O-Oh, dear."

When the men went off the poor woman, she lay unconscious on the floor.

One of them went over to Rose, took her hand and kissed it. "No need to thank us, Miss. It is the duty of every man to defend a defenceless woman," he said pompously.

"Yes. Right. Wasn't going to anyway," she muttered. "Kicking and punching a poor old woman... you should be ashamed of yourselves." The 'heroes' looked completely crushed at this and Rose fought the urge to pat her shoulder. At least, she was able to have some fun in this whole situation.

"Doctor, catch!" She threw the screwdriver to him, who he let it drop to the floor. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Free everyone else for me, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded and without another word, began his task. Rose raised an eyebrow in wonder. Since when was he that obedient?

When some of the prisoners (especially Jack and his friends) complained about being freed because they liked it in their cells, the Doctor and some former saints, now thugs, had to convince them to leave. Rubbing the hurting parts of their bodies, they too left the dungeon.

The 'heroes', still embarrassed about their too rough approach, carried the old woman and Rose, being the only sane person right now, led the group up the stairs and out of the castle. The guard only shrugged, when the mass of people went out of the building and followed them after realising, he just lose his job.

It was a rather disturbing walk back to the village... especially because some of the crazier ones decided to take a bath in one of the numerous swamps on the planet. After saving those (the perverts were more than ready to do Rose's every bidding and helped), others decided to pray to the plant gods and hugged some trees (naturally, Jack had to join in). All in all, they took about ten times longer than they took to walk there.

Rose nearly fell to her knees and kissed the ground, when she saw the edge of the village. A few villager jogged over to them, when they spotted the huge group of people.

"Oh my... what happened?"

After explaining everything, someone called the police and the old woman got arrested for kidnapping. The victims were rounded up and taken to the nearest hospital.

When someone asked her if they should take her friends with them, Rose declined. While watching them leave, she suddenly remembered the reason for being in the mountains in the first place.

"The herbs!" she exclaimed in sheer desperation. "Oh no... we have to go back."

One of the villagers, an old man, heard her and went over to ask, "Herbs? Do you happen to mean the remedy for their disease?" He pointed at the Doctor who tried to take Jack's clothes away, the former conman previously left in the mountains and now wanted to wear again. Jack obviously didn't want so many people to see his naked arms...

"Yes... they are rare and only grow deep in the mountains, yeah?"

"Actually... no," the man answered Rose's question. "They are quite common and grow in shady places. There are some of them, see?" He pointed at some lilac plants on the side of the road and Rose's mouth dropped open.

"All this time... all this time, they grew right there and..."

Her frustrated scream could be heard all over the planet.


A few minutes later, the Doctor, Jack and Rose safely entered the TARDIS. Rose let herself drop onto the jump seat, put her head into her hands and groaned loudly.

The Doctor and Jack looked at her with raised eyebrows and the latter asked, "Something wrong? Shall I prey for you? My friends told me about some very amazing Gods and-"

"No," Rose growled, her head still hidden. "-just shut up and eat the damn herbs in the bag."

The old man advised her not to give them the remedy in the village because they would immediately lose consciousness and need time to wake up. He said, she should put them to bed first... but frankly, Rose wasn't in the mood for that now.

Jack would never let her enter his bedroom and if she got the Doctor anywhere near a bed, he wouldn't want to lay down in his clothes and especially not without her... which would led to a very embarrassing situation, when he was normal again.

Seeing neither of them move, she glared at them and whispered in a threatening voice even she was scared of, "Do. It."

She never saw them move faster... Sure enough, both men fell to the grating as soon as the herbs went down their throats.

After checking them for life signs, Rose sat down on the jump seat again and began to read her favourite alien magazine, not bothering further for their well being. She went through enough because of them that a little back ache surely wouldn't hurt...

Nearly ten minutes later, the Doctor stirred and slowly stood up, holding his throbbing head. "What the... did someone hit me?"

Rose put her magazine away and slowly went over to him. "Are you... alright? Normal?"

"What question is that?" the Doctor answered, grinning at her despite his headache. "Have I ever been what you consider as 'normal'."

"Guess not," Rose muttered. "Did it work then? What do you remember?" She honestly didn't know if she wanted him to remember everything or not.

"Sorry, but I can barely think straight... My head is killing me. Did you hit me with a baseball bat or something?"

Rose wanted just to tell him that she was tempered a few times but was interrupted by a moaning Jack.

"I swear, I'm never gonna drink again," he managed to get out and tried to stand up but was hindered by his mass of clothes. "What the hell...?"

Seeing him squirm on the ground, Rose sighed and went over to help him.

"Thanks, Rosie," Jack said, grinning charmingly at her. "And now, be honest." He put both of his hands on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. "These clothes... do I look fat in them?"

Rose laughed heartedly and threw her arms around him. "Glad to have you back!"

"Glad to be normal again. Must have been pretty hard on you, huh?"

"You have no idea," Rose answered, still grinning from ear to ear.

Then she turned to the Doctor. "What about you? Remember anything?"

"Yes... I would rather forget it, though," he answered darkly and Rose felt her heart sink. "Most humiliating time in my life..."

Jack clapped his hands together. "Well, I think we could all need some tea."


"I can't believe I did those things..." Jack said after they spoke about everything that happened. "I mean, of course I can wear anything and still look good in it, but that was a little too much."

"You even wanted to become a monk," Rose mentioned, grinning widely.

Jack groaned. "Don't remind me... I remember, how you wanted to undress in front of me, though..." he said winking and Rose blushed furiously.

The Doctor choked on his tea. "W-What?"

"I only did it to check your reaction," Rose defended herself. "Had to find out what was wrong with you two..."

"Check my reaction now," Jack said, grinning suggestively at her and she swatted his arm.

"Oh, stop it. Be glad I figured it out... Otherwise, you would probably be part of the Wanker Order or something."

"That's were I would fit best in, if I decided to live without sex," he muttered and sipped on his tea.

"But you weren't bad either, Doc. I caught you snogging Rose quite a few times."

The Doctor glared at him. "I don't even want to think about that... Throwing bananas away, loving Jackie and her food, becoming a couch potato and utterly domestic... Not to mention, that I acted like a horny human and wanted to shag Rose all the time! Terrible!" Noticing neither Rose's sad face, nor Jack's hand gestures which told him to stop, he continued. "I would rather forget everything."

Rose, now having tears inside her eyes, quickly stood up and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the Doctor utterly bewildered. "W-What's wrong with her?"

"For being the smartest man in the universe, you tend to be utterly stupid at times, Doc. Think about what you said... You just told her that the thought of shagging her is utterly repulsive."

The Time Lord's eyes widened. "But it's not! I don't think Rose is repulsive at all!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me that but her! Hurry up and follow her!"

The Doctor jumped up, threw his chair over in the process and ran after Rose.

Jack sighed. "Maybe in another three hundred years, he will finally understand a woman's heart... Although... nah, probably not."


The Doctor nearly searched the whole TARDIS (which meant something) until he found her in the LIBRARY.

Rose sat in one of the comfortable arm chairs and hugged her knees. Not knowing if she was crying or not, the Doctor said tentatively, "Rose?"

"What do you want?" she asked and he sighed in relief. At least her voice sounded normal.

"What I said just now, I didn't-"

"I don't want to talk about it," she interrupted him.


"I don't want to talk about it," Rose repeated. "I'm only going to feel like a stupid ape again..."

"Rose, look at me."


"Rose!" The Doctor took hold of her shoulders and pressed her into the chair, forcing her head to leave the hiding place between her knees. Her face was now in front of him but she still refused to look into his eyes. "Look at me!" the Doctor repeated and like the oncoming storm he was, Rose was unable to refuse his demand. Glaring, she looked into his eyes but her anger vanished at once when she saw the hurt in them.

"I didn't mean it like that," the Time Lord said in an anguished voice. "What I meant was, that the change I went through was terrible. It was like my body acted on his own account and I couldn't do anything about it."

"You didn't want to kiss me..." Rose whispered, looking at her lap again.

"No! I mean yes, I didn't but..." The Doctor groaned in frustration. "Why does this emotional stuff have to be so complicated?!"

When Rose neither said something nor moved, he continued, "I cornered you, Rose. In a way, I forced myself on you... I don't even want to imagine, what would have happened, if the venom spread further... Right before we freed the prisoners, I threatened you. Of course, I didn't want to do that. I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so, so sorry."

Now, she looked up and smiled weakly at him. Her eyes were still shining with tears. "Don't apologise. I'm the one who should be sorry... You were being influence, I still... I didn't resist enough. It must have been terrible for you... kissing a friend, you aren't even attracted to."

The Doctor gaped at her. "You really think that?!" He groaned loudly, stepped back from the chair and turned around.

Pacing up and down in front of her, he muttered, "Stupid little humans... so complicated... Why can't they just... Arg!"

He stopped to looked into her eyes and went over to her.

"Just one way you understand..." He took her face in both of his hands and leaned down to put his lips to hers.

Rose's eyes widened in shock, when he kissed her but quickly melt into the kiss. The Doctor's tongue pleaded entrance to her mouth and Rose was more than happy to grant it. They kissed several minutes until Rose broke the kiss.

"So... you don't find me repulsive?" she asked after catching her breath.

The Doctor grinned manically. "If you still have to ask, I should probably find another way to convince you." He moved his head to her ear and whispered, "I remember everything and you wanted to give it a try... more than a try. Not to forget the promise, you gave me... We are back inside the TARDIS and I think, we have something to finish."

Rose blushed, but grinned at him, tongue between her teeth. "I'm always one to keep my promises... You trust me then?"



Several hours later...

"Rose, I know you are in there!" Jack said, knocking at the Doctor's bedroom. When he got no answer, he continued, "Look, I found the place, where you hid my... toys and there are a few things missing."

He sighed, when he heard a buzzing sound and giggling out of the room. "Alright, already. But don't forget to clean the Shagmaster 5000! He is pretty sensitive! Oh, and if you also use the Nookie Nine, don't press the-" Hearing suddenly a loud groan, Jack shook his head. "Nevermind, then. Carry on!"

He went to his own room and thought that at least for tonight, he might have to join the Order of the Wanker.


Thanks for reading :)