A/N: Okay, so I've been reading more and more of these types of stories lately, probably because I like the emotion that needs to go into them. Plus, I like the way they're written. But as I was, I started thinking about how closed up Near is and about what might happen if he just needed to finally crack. Who would he go to? Well, who else? Mello of course! … wow that doesn't seem as obvious as I thought it might.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, sadly. Ugh, it's like they just want to rub salt in the wounds by making us repeat that.
Summary: After shutting himself away from everyone around him, how can he be expected to call out to someone for help after a traumatic experience? Especially when the only person left is his rival? Rape, eventual MelloxNear
Title: Broken Pride
Chapter 1: The Act
Life has become quite repetitive and predictable nowadays. And yet to some degree there is a sense of spontaneous action to them.
So I wasn't surprised when Roger came to my room early in the afternoon and told me that L wished to have a meeting with me. I didn't say anything to him, but simply stood and followed him out of my room and down to the front door where I was to be handed off to Watari who would take me to wherever L was.
Apparently since L wasn't working on any cases at the present time he was staying in England until something came up. I figured that one of the only reasons why L was staying somewhere other than here was because of these little… meetings.
"Good morning, Near." Watari said to me before he turned to Roger and spoke about when L said he expected me to be returning.
When they finished I was led out of the building and into the bracing cold of the late November weather. Snow was beginning to fall from the overcast sky to the ground that was already littered with the white of snow from last night.
I felt more like an object, being traded off from Roger to Watari for the day, and in some sense I suppose I was nothing more than that anymore.
The drive into the city was silent, I sat in the back silently wishing that the car would crash. That some drunken idiot would fly past a red light and hit our car, just so I didn't have to go to this 'meeting'. I didn't even care whether or not I survived such a crash so long as I didn't have to reach our destination.
Unfortunately the car was finally parallel-parked in front of one of the fancier hotels in the city. I vaguely remembered this place from last month. It was one of the first places I had been brought to for these 'meetings'.
I went inside and was led to the elevator; as we stood there waiting I tried not to look at my reflection in the silver doors. I couldn't bear to see the person that would stare back at me.
Because no matter how much my logic said it was me, the better half of my brain told me that wasn't me. I didn't know those hollow, emotionless eyes that were excessively blocking out the rest of the world; or even the white flesh of my face that had somehow grown even whiter over the month. Probably from malnutrition seeing as I had a hard time eating anything nowadays.
I no longer knew the fingers that unconsciously raised and twirled a lock of my white hair between them. They didn't move in the same way they did as I tried to scrutinize over anything at all. Now they simply seemed to perform the action out of habit alone.
Finally the door opened and we walked in. Unless the elevator crashed on our way up there was little that could happen to hinder me from reaching the ultimate destination.
When we reached the fifth floor Watari led me down the long, brightly lit hallway over to a door that had a gold plate on the side that read, '535'.
He knocked lightly on the dark wood door before opening it and leading me into the large room that was void of any lights. I stepped in with Watari and tried not to let my nerves show.
"I've brought, Near as you requested, sir." He said.
I couldn't fight it, I never could, my eye moved on their own over to the darkened couch that sat near the center of the room where a computer emitted the only light within the entire hotel room. I somehow kept myself from stepping back as my eyes landed on him.
L, my idol.
"Thank you Watari, please return back in an hour for him." He said, turning only slightly; not enough for even one of his eyes to be shown.
"Yes." The elder then moved back to the door and left once again.
This left only L and myself within the room. I felt my nerves picking up; my heart slammed in my chest hard enough I was sure my ribs would be bruised.
"How are you doing today, Near?" He asked me.
I stepped forward, knowing he'd want me to sooner or later. "Fine." I said simply. The more I continued to move to where he was the more I finally saw of him.
He looked just as he always did, his black mess of hair sat as it always did with strands before his large, coal black eyes that could be nearly hypnotizing to anyone who hadn't looked into them a hundred times or more. And of course he sat in his normal crouched position.
"That's good to hear." His eyes diverted away from me to the screen before him that displayed the L logo for a long moment before he stood up and turned his gaze back to me.
He walked closer to me and despite what I most wanted I stayed glued in place, knowing that if I made even the slightest of movements it would come back to haunt me later.
His cold, spidery hand reached up, tracing my jaw and my neck as his eyes looked over my entirety with no clear expression on his features; though I could just barely see the look of wanting in his gaze that churned my stomach.
"You haven't said anything to anyone about these meetings, have you?" He asked with his dark eyes meeting my own.
I shook my head effortlessly.
"That's good." He leaned down just enough to touch his lips to my own and held them there for a long moment. Just the feeling of him and knowing in the back of my mind what was coming next sent a wave of nausea through me but I held myself at bay.
He finally pulled back and watched me again for any sort of action, but I couldn't show him anything without risking him seeing the disgust I felt.
"Come with me." He ordered, then leaving where he had been standing in front of me in order to walk to the only door in the hotel room; to a bedroom no doubt.
I followed like I was told, feeling my heart accelerate once again as he closed the door. I faintly heard the sound of the lock being turned into place.
I stood by the side of the bed, in the place I knew he'd want me out. He walked over to me and again pressed his lips to mine; this time with more force behind them.
My eyes squeezed shut as I was forced down on my back on the mattress and he climbed over me. The whole time he never ceased the firm kiss, his tongue forced its way past my lips without any fight on my part and urged my own tongue into participation.
I tried to lay as numb and lifeless as I could and still make him think I was trying to please him.
The feeling of him over me, the taste of his tongue against mine and feeling his hands press against my body made me want to be sick. I wanted nothing more than to escape this situation any way I could, but there was no way I could.
Suddenly he pulled back and before I could even force my eyes open his hand slapped me hard across the face, "do you want to be my successor or not, Near?" He asked forcefully. His ability to keep his voice firm and leveled without shouting made him even more frightening to me, minus the deadly look that had consumed him.
"Yes." I said barely over a whisper.
"Then I suggest you work harder for it. From what you're showing me now you must not want it that badly."
"I do." I said, my eyes closing once again.
"Prove it." He was closer to me this time.
I felt so disgusted with myself, even now, as I forced myself up to press my lips to his and moved more into the touch of his hands that were still on my covered flesh.
The worst hadn't even come yet and I already wanted to gag. Why, oh why did my desire to be L's successor have to prevent me from even looking for any way to escape?
After a few moments he took control once again, shoving his tongue inside my mouth again till it was nearly down my throat. Then he moved away, pressing forceful kisses to my jaw then down to my neck as his hands worked on my shirt.
The buttons must have gotten old quickly as his hands suddenly ripped it open. I heard a few of the plastic buttons hit the wall and fall to the floor. Great, another shirt destroyed.
But as his hands forcefully pressed against my chest and moved down to the brim of my pants I soon forgot all of that. L's mouth continued to ravage my neck, his teeth biting at my skin hard enough to draw out a mark and his tongue rubbing forcefully over it in order to make it more noticeable.
He then moved his lips down my chest as his hands toyed with the elastic of my pants, his tongue moving to my left nipple. My eyes clenched closed, hands grasping onto the material of the bedspread in order to hold back the groan unwillingly brought up.
His teeth bit down and I let out a small cry of pain.
"Don't pretend like you don't like this."
I didn't, I hated it, I hated the disgusting feeling his touch left on my body and the nausea he left inside of me.
I felt tears form at the corner of my eyes but I remained silent even still.
L paused only momentarily, "fine," he said, "I'll make you enjoy it."
In the next moment the remainder of my clothes were ripped away from me and I lay motionless on the mattress, too paralyzed by disgust to do anything but watch as he lowered his own pants.
He lowered himself to me, and before I could look down to see what he was doing he took my length into his mouth whole, his tongue moving up and down my shaft as he moved. I forced myself to let out a single moan for him, idealistically hoping it'd be enough to convince him I enjoyed this.
It wasn't that hard to get myself erect, even after the month and a half of these actions my body still isn't convinced that I'm disgusted, and revolted by these actions like my mind is. It still responds to touch as though its wanted despite the reality of the situation.
So when his unwelcomed mouth was replaced by his hand that continued pumping me and he moved back up to me, his lips pressing to mine within a few moments my body somehow found the ability to come. Another moan broke from my lips as I did and the tears finally fell from my closed eyes.
He spared no time and said nothing to me as he continued to kiss me and yet pushed my legs farther open and moved his fingers to my entrance, "n-no!" I tried, breaking away from him.
"Shut up, Near, you had your chance to have this easy." He told me before kissing down to the side of my neck that didn't already have a mark on it.
A sudden finger penetrated into me and a pained scream escaped my lips as a fire erupted through me. It hurt every time he did this; I knew it was because I fought it so much but there was no way to make myself relax in this situation.
To my scream he inserted another two fingers and moved them, only drawing out another pained scream from me, the tears streaming down my cheeks now. I hated letting them fall and showing him what he did to me, but like making myself relax it was impossible to fight them.
He cut my off by locking our lips once, "if you scream I'll make this even more painful." He promised. I could only guess at what he was thinking this time: hitting me? Cutting me with a hidden blade? The list only went on.
Yet somehow I forced myself silent as he withdrew his fingers from me. He moved my legs to give himself better access then looked back at me after breaking our lips. The fire and deviance in his eyes churned my stomach and made me want to look away. It made me wish I was nowhere near here. Anywhere else was better than here. I would even take Hell over this.
The feeling of him pushing inside of me, none too slowly, was what brought me back to this awful reality. My hands clenched onto the bed sheets even tighter, till I swore I was cutting through the fabric and into my own hands.
The fire of pain grew exponentially, I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood but forced out another moan to hold back the scream. It hurt so badly…
He gave me no time to adjust to him, just began thrusting into me time and time again and each time I held back the different feelings inside me. Part of me wanted to hurl, another part wanted me to scream in pain, the other part told me to give in to the pleasure my body felt. It convinced me that it was the only source of pleasure I would ever get, no matter how unwanted it was. That part told me that no one would ever want me now, not after this.
The stream of tears broke into a flood from a mixture of all the parts and my sight was blurred from the tears.
L's thrusts slowed down for a moment and he leaned down closer to me, his voice in a firm murmur, "tell me what I want to hear."
My eyes squeezed shut, "L…" It was so humiliating, I hated having to plead for something I didn't want.
"Tell me what you want." I could just imagine the deviant grin on his face as he spoke.
"Please." I arched myself up to him, rubbing myself against him.
He barely chuckled before his hand took me again and brought me back to full erect. "You're so desperate, Near."
I didn't say anything, just felt as his hand and his thrusts moved more and more in synch and I was forced to moan for his own pleasures. With one final forced moan that was mixed with a scream I felt myself come first in his hand and him follow after inside me.
He was still; I listened as he breathed hard for a moment before leaning down to me. His lips moved to my jaw and then pressed once to my lips.
He pulled out of me finally and redressed himself. "Stay here if you want, I'll call Watari to come get you." He said. But then as he turned to leave he suddenly looked back at me, "oh, get one of the shirts from the dresser to replace yours." Then he left.
I didn't want to stay in this room, it felt and smelled of our actions now. But I also didn't want to be in the same room as L, it would only provoke him into taking advantage of me again.
So I lie there motionless on the bed, finding the strength to only pull myself up to redress as best I could, reluctantly taking one of his shirts from the dresser; then let myself sit on the side of the bed and once again lapsing back into complete stillness and silence.
I felt disgusting; all I wanted was a shower to try and get rid of this sickening feeling that was consuming me. But this routine had been going on for a month and a half and not once had I ever come close to ever getting the feeling off of me, no matter how many showers I took, so I doubted this one would be any different.
I reluctantly sat and waited, trying not to let myself know that this same thing would happen again in only a couple of days.
A/N: Ugh, that was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be. Being a L fan and a Near fan, and making L rape Near… it just doesn't fit. But I'm also a NearxMello fan so I need it to work I guess. I was writing it going, 'this is so not like L' but I knew there wasn't much else I could do to change it. Yeah, so it didn't help that this is the first lemon for this category I've ever written. (Definitely not the first I thought about though).
Anyway, next chapter soon!