Things that Hp Characters wouldn't do or say

Disclaimer:Please note that I do not own any of the Characters relating to Harry Potter. They all belong to Jk Rowling.

First off let's start with things that Harry Potter wouldn't do or say.


Harry Potter was doing something really naughty, he was selling out porn magazines to the boys in Gryffindor.

"Come on fellas, get your porn magazines here, plenty of naked ladies to drool over" he called out when the boys went for them. "Hey your right" said Ron "there are some very hot girls in this". he drools.

"Roll up, roll up, come on gents, these porno magazines are going fast" he called out. Pretty soon, all the magazines were gone but Harry got to keep one for himself.

"You know something Ron, I'm so glad that these went down really fast" Harry told his red headed buddy.

"Why is that?" Ron asked. "Because, I nicked them from my Uncle Vernon and decideed to sell them" replied Harry with a big smirk on his face.


"Hey Harry, you coming to hang about on the grounds with me and Hermione?" Ron asked that morning.

"No" replied Harry "I don't want to be yours or Hermione's friend anymore, I've got a new friend and we've decided to spent some quality time together". Ron was puzzled, Harry didn't want to be his mate anymore, what was going on?.

"Well, who is your new friend then?" Ron asked.

"He's right here" said Harry "come out so Ron can meet you". Ron watched as Harry's new best friend entered."Ahhhhhhhh, it's You-know-who, he's your friend?". Harry nodded and so did Voldemort.

"Shit, how could you harry after everything we did together" said ron in shock. "You gotta move on dude, go and find some new mates. Come on Volds, let's go torture some house elfs" replied Harry, laughing evilly.

"Harry, come back" said Ron in monotone.


Snape was marching down the corridors when he bumped into Harry Potter.

"Are you snooping about Potter?" he asked suspisciously. "No, you great big babboon's backside" retaliated Harry. Snape looked gobsmacked and extremely angry at the same time.

"How dare you insult me with such insults" he replied in his cold, cruel amd dark tone. "Shut up snivelly, I shall insult you whether you like it or not, fat ass, pig face, bastard from planet of the bastards" Harry spat at a rapid pace.

"Right" said Snape calmly "Detention for you little rap scallion". Harry shook his head. "Sorry dude, I'm off, laters" and he waltzed off.Snape was stood on the spot looking dumbfounded.


Today, Harry was spending some quality time with his new pal, Voldemort. Today, Harry was teaching Voldemort a new dance.

"And then you do this" said harry, shaking his bum. "Like this?" asked Voldemort, doing the same. "That's it, now you've got it" said Harry feeling pleased.Voldemort then started doing the whole dance routine that Harry had taught him.

"hey, I think I've got it" said Voldemort as he went through the routine a second time. Harry was clapping. "That's it, you've definatly got it" he said to his new friend. After a while, Voldemort got tired of dancing.

"You know, I don't know why we I even tried to kill you, you're awesome" he told Harry. "yeah" replied Harry.


That morning in Potions, Harry decided to enter dressed up as Batman.

"Mr Potter, take that ridiculas outfit off this minute" Snape barked. "No, I'm Batman" replied Harry in a rasping voice. Snape sighed nad rubbed his forehead.

"Potter, I'm not in the mood for your childish games, now sit down right now". Harry didn't move, he stayed rooted on the spot instead."I was sent here to arrest you for harsh detentions" said Harry, snapping a pair of Bat-cuffs on Snape's wrist.

"Look, I don't want to play potions master gets arrested by a giant bat game, now sit down" snape ordered. "I'm Batman" replied Harry "and this isn't a game. You are under arrest" and he marched Snape out of the classroom.

"Youa re so going to get a detention" Snape said in a sinister tone. "Silience" Harry barked "you're coming to the Batcave and staying there until I say when you can go" Harry replied in his rasping voice. Snape rolled his eyes and sighed. The Batcave was situated in a basic cave in the forbidden forest.

"You do know that stundets arn't allowed in here" barked Snape but Harry pushed him into the cave. "You will stay here until you agree to stop giving poor defenseless students in this school harsh detentions, especially ones who know the correct answers to your questions, like Hermione Granger" and he walked away.

"Argh, that Potter is going to get one big detention when I get out of here. How dare he dress up as a bat and arrest me" said Snape in a cold dark voice.

To be continued...


Sorry I only got up to wednesday, I ran out of ideas for thursday and friday but when I do think of some, I'll add them in the next chapter. Anyway, what do you reckon. I wrote a story like this ages ago but I accidently deleted it so I've decided to put it up again but it might be a little different from the old one. So, if you've read this then please leave a review , maybe giving me so ideas on who I could do next or just your opinion. The second chapter will include what Harry wouldn't do or say on Thursday and friday. So I'll put that one up when I've come up with some ideas or you could give me some hints if you decide to review.