Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of its characters.
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Clearly I was losing my mind; I was over thinking every possible situation. I had a gut feeling I did not; I say I did not sleep with Jacob Black in that way. Yes we woke up in the same bed, but wouldn't I realize if I had sex with him or not? But then there was always that tiny little fear that the asshole took advantage of me in my drunken state. But I was afraid to know, I didn't want to know. I had avoided any phone call from Seth; he didn't bother to leave a voicemail. I felt so ashamed to face Edward, if I told him there was a chance I slept with another man would he even look at me the same? The plane ride from Phoenix to New York was bearable, but once we met up with Rosalie and Jasper, it was all downhill from there. I had to share a row with Jasper since the other two wanted some 'alone' time. I don't know how you would get alone time on an airplane, but I didn't really want to think about that.
Jasper knew something was up, just from the way I had been acting. He looked up from his magazine and over to me as I gazed out the window, "Bella, are you okay? You've been acting really weird since we left New York.. And we still have.." he looked down at his watch then back up at me, "6 hours"
Great, we had only been on the plane for 2 hours. And of course we had all been on a plane longer than that from our original destinations. "Great" I muttered and continued to look out the window.
"Seriously Bella, what is wrong? You know you can talk to me. I mean I'm not Alice or Rose.. Or even Edward, but I have been told I can be a pretty great listener"
I knew he was just trying to help, "Can I ask you a question?" I turned and looked at him.
"Of course you can.." he gave me a quick smile, "ask away"
"Okay" I took a deep breath; I couldn't very well tell him exactly what happened. But I could somehow ask his advice, "Say something happened, and you don't know exactly what happened. But it could be either good or bad.. You think it's more of the good one, but there's always the chance it's the bad one.. You yourself rather not know but there's someone else that it could affect as well and you don't know if you should tell them because it could be the good factor and you'd rather not freak them out"
Jasper just stared at me, I felt like I might have confused him. He narrowed his eyes and nodded then leaned back on his headrest and ran his hands through his hair, "Oh wow.. Umm that's a tough situation… do you mind telling me what happened?"
"Oh nothing! It's a hypothetical question" I tried to give my most believable smile.
"Ah, I see… well…" he scratched the side of his face, "if it was me and the person it could affect would be Alice, I would tell her… I mean in a way when I was looking for colleges it was both bad and good.. I wanted to go to a good school, but I didn't want to leave Alice. Now I'm going to be half way across the United States, but she understands and is so supportive" he then turned and looked at me again, "Are you worried about colleges? And yours and Edward's choices?"
"You caught me" I laughed slightly. "Edward wants to go to either Dartmouth or NYU… I really would love to go to Sarah Lawrence. But I don't want him to go to NYU just because I want to go to Sarah Lawrence"
Jasper reached over and took my hand in his, "Bella NYU is a great school. If Edward chose it because you were going to Sarah Lawrence he would only be gaining not losing"
I nodded, "Thanks Jazz that means a lot"
He smirked and put his hands behind his head, "Hey what are friends for.. Now please try to stop worrying and enjoy the trip. We're going to Italy!"
6 hours later we finally landed in Rome, Italy. It would be an understatement if I said Edward was not excited to see me. He scooped me up in his arms and basically just swung me around. I felt terrible. I was the world's worst girlfriend. I didn't even know what to say, 'Edward I love you, but I got very drunk and woke up next to a very naked Jacob Black'. That was NOT going to cut it. I tried to enjoy the first day while my mind tried to work out what exactly to do. Carlisle and Esme took us all this this fabulous restaurant not to far from the hotel. They figured we'd be starving after an 8 hour long flight. I was quite hungry but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to eat at all.
"This restaurant is apparently really good my parents say" Edward whispered in my ear as we stepped into the place. I just smiled and nodded, "Bella love is something wrong?"
I nodded, "Just tired Edward, just tired"
"We could skip getting food and go take a nap at the hotel if you want?" he asked almost hopeful.
"No it's fine, we should eat. Besides I want to see a bit of Rome today" I said with a force smiled.
He seemed satisfied with my answer and brought me over to a seat. He pulled it out and pushed it in once I sat down. When he sat down he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, "I've missed you so much"
"I've missed you too.. More than you will ever know" I whispered softly. I looked around the table, everyone looked happy, not a worry in the world. I envied them.
After eating we went and got our luggage situated then all split off into couples and explored the city. Edward was beyond excited to show me all the things. And I tried very hard to show enthusiasm, I was just so lost and confused. I was hoping, no praying I would be able to figure out what to do by the end of the trip.
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A week in and I had still yet to tell Edward what may or may not happen. I knew I was being selfish, I knew I was making things worse. I was just so afraid he would leave me. He knew something was up; I had become so distant from everyone, especially him. It was a rainy day so we all went off to do our own things once again. I choose to stay in bed; it didn't make Edward feel any better over what was going on with me. Edward leaned over my body and started to leave soft kisses on my neck, we had not been intimate once she arrived in Italy. He had tried, and I yearned for his touches, but I just couldn't. I hated myself, I hated everything about myself. When I didn't respond he groaned and fell back against the bed.
"Bella love, please talk to me" he was laying on the other side of me, fully dressed while I was still in my pajamas.
"About what?" I muttered trying to hide my face and the fact I was crying. Thankfully I had my back to him so he couldn't very well see.
"You've been so distant" I heard him sigh softly, "I'm worried.. Did something happen in Phoenix that you are afraid to tell me?"
I quickly wiped my tears and turned to him, "Why would you assume something happened in Phoenix?" I didn't mean to get as snappy as I did.
He just stared at me, "because clearly something is wrong Isabella and you won't tell me.. And I have noticed that Seth keeps calling an awful lot and you keep ignoring his phone calls. Please tell me what happened, I promise I won't be mad. Please don't shut me out"
"It's nothing! Stop asking" I climbed out of bed and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I didn't understand why I was being so childish over the whole thing. Maybe I was afraid that something did happen. Would that be considered rape? I couldn't even think about it!
I wasn't sure how long I was in the shower for, but I decided to get out when the water started to run cold. When I came out of the bathroom Edward was nowhere to be found. But there was a note left on the bed.
I love you. Please don't shut me out. You've been so distant for the last week.. I went out with Emmett and Jasper to clear my head. I'm sorry I tried to push you.. Alice and Rose are in Alice's room if you want go to see them.. I love you always.
I took a deep breath and hugged the letter to my towel clad body. I needed to talk to someone; I needed to talk to my best friends. I quickly got dressed and made my way over to Alice's room. As soon as I walked in I knew Edward must have told them about my little storm off into the bathroom. They both looked worried and yet sympathetic over whatever it might be that was bothering me.
"Bella, we are worried about you" Rose started as she patted the spot on the bed next to her. I smiled softly and went and sat down, "You've been so distant toward all of us, especially Edward…"
"It's true Bella" Alice said with a small smile.
Rose nodded before continuing, "Emmett said you started acting weird the last few days of being in Phoenix.. After Seth's party…" I took a deep breath and just nodded, "He told me you got very drunk, he wasn't sure why…"
"Jacob showed up"
Both of their eyes widened, "He did? Emmett didn't tell me…."
"I don't think Emmett knew.. I didn't go and find him when Jacob first came in, I didn't want to ruin his night"
"Don't be ridiculous! Emmett would want to make sure you were safe before he had fun you know that"
I just shrugged, "I guess"
"Don't worry Edward doesn't know you drank that night.. I figure it was the night none of us could get a hold of you" Alice said as she took my hand in hers. I just nodded, "I see… Bella what happened?"
I took a deep breath, it was now or never… "There's a chance that I may or may not have slept with Jacob" I swear their eyes bulged out of their heads, but they didn't say a word. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, "I knew I shouldn't have said anything"
"Shouldn't have said anything! Bella you should've told us right after it happened!" Alice basically screamed.
"Alice you are only going to make it worse" Rose sent me a sympathetic smile, "when you say you may have or may not have?"
"Well I remember Emmett putting me to bed in Seth's room and then when I woke up the next morning Jacob was there… naked… like naked.. And I mean I was still dressed. Well my pants were off, but they were covered in vomit so I'm not sure.. I had like a crazy dream, like stuff was going on around me, but I wasn't partaking… ugh!"
"Bella.. I know you hate him. Heck we all do. But have you talked to Jacob to ask him what actually happened? Or even Seth I mean he might know more then we do"
I shook my head, "I've ignored all of Seth's phone calls"
"Are you crazy! Why haven't you answered?"
I climbed off of the bed and started to pace the room, "because… because"
"Because what?" they asked at the same time.
"Because" I turned to them, "because I don't know what to do. What if it did happen? What am I going to say? 'HEY EDWARD I HAD SEX WITH JACOB BLACK!'" I sighed and noticed Alice and Rose's eyes widened once again, but they weren't looking at me but passed me. When I turned on my heel there in the doorway stood Jasper, Emmett, but most of all Edward.
"I uh…." Edward cleared his throat; I could see the pain in his face, "Umm maybe we should talk…."
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We walked around in silence for I don't even know how long, all that was heard was the chatter of the people walking by us. Edward's face was blank; I didn't even know what he was thinking. I took a deep breath, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking.. I'm thinking you need to tell me the truth"
"Edward.. I don't know if I slept with Jacob.. When I woke up…" I explained the whole situation to him and he just stared at me. I swear his eyes had gone black, "Say something?"
"So you got drunk, and woke up with Jacob? He was naked? But you don't know if you had sex with him?" I nodded, "And Seth had continually tried to call you to possibly tell you and you've ignored it?"
"Yes, basically…" I looked down at my feet; we had stopped walking midway through my story.
"I see…" he pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up at the sky, "You.. We… Bella you need to find out! Why would you not want to know?"
"Because I'm scared you'll be mad at me"
He shook his head and just chuckled, "oh Bella.. I am mad at you.. But not because of that.." I could see tears start to form in his eyes, "But because you felt the need to lie to me… to hide this from me… where you ever going to tell me?"
I just shrugged, "I didn't want to hurt you"
He put his hands on my shoulders and just stared at me, "This is hurting me! You feeling the need to hide things from me! What about trust Bella!"
He let got my shoulders and backed away. I could see the hurt in his face, "Bella what if it did happen. That would be he took advantage of you! And you don't deserve that. That dog.. That pitiful dog…" he walked a few steps away and ran his hands through his hair and basically started to tug on it, "I don't even know what to say about this whole situation"
"If it did happen, would you still love me?"
He turned and just looked at me, "I would never not love you for something like that.. But hiding stuff from me, that's…. that scares me" he sighed sadly and walked back over to me, "Would you be upset with me if I kept something like this from you? The possibly that I had slept with someone else"
"Yes" I admitted sadly as the tears rolled down my cheek, "I'd feel like you didn't trust me"
"Now you know how I feel…." He took my hands in his and brought them to his lips. The tears he was trying so hard to hold back finally escaping, "I need to think.. I need you to think… Trust is very important in a relationship. Truth is very important…. You need to find out the truth"
"But what if it hurts us?"
He shook his head, "it won't.. But I do really need to think Bella.. I love you. Don't think I don't…. but if you…" he let go of my hands and turned to start walking away.
"Edward!" he stopped and looked back at me, "what are you doing?"
"We both need to think about things Bella…" he sighed, "All I know is I could've loved you forever… Now you need to decide if you feel the same" he turned away and headed through the crowds.
I just watched him disappear; I loved him more than anything. Why was I such a fool? My phone started to vibrate; I pulled it out and groaned. Seth. I answered it, "What do you want Seth?"
"Bella! Oh my god I've been trying to get a hold of you for a week! Please tell me you are not mad at me! I mean when I walked in and found Jacob and Carrie having sex with you still asleep in the bed! I kicked her out and then Jacob wouldn't budge and when I came back in to talk to you and apologize you just stormed out. Please tell me you aren't mad at me!"
"Wait… what?" did I hear him right, "Jacob had sex with Carrie while I was in the same bed?"
"Yes, didn't you know? I mean you stormed out of there I figured you woke up during it…" I didn't respond I didn't know what to say. Why didn't I just stay and listen to what Seth had to say. "Are you mad at me?"
"No Seth.. I… I.. I have to go" I closed my phone and clutched it to my chest. I did not have sex with Jacob Black, but I may have lost Edward forever…
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A/N: Okay! So Bella did not sleep with Jacob. But she should have stayed and listened to what Seth had to say. But come on if you woke up in that situation you are telling me you wouldn't freak out? I totally had that happen in a way. I totally had a friend have sex in the same bed I was asleep in knocked out on cold medicine, I woke up right after when they were discussing it ha ha. But don't worry things shall get better. But then we always have that awesome cousin to look forward too. Anyone have any idea who it could be? Hmm. Hmm. Thank you for ALL the reviews, that was a lot. I even got some angry ones, I am sorry if I upset you. Hopefully you still don't want to strangle me. Read & review.