Title: To Be Loved
Summary: Harry is twenty two. The war is over. He's in a dingy bar in Knockturn Alley, drowning his sorrows in firewhiskey. He goes to eth cemetery, and someone unexpected finds him there.
Warnings: SLASH! THIS MEANS MALE/MALE! Don't like, don't read. YOU WERE WARNED. ALSO, talk of past self harm. Mentions of attempted suicide. Slightly Dark!Harry.
Disclaimer: Hello! I'm Edge's muse. I have no name, because Edge won't get off her lazy ass and name me…sighB I live a tragic life…let me tell you…went I was a baby—
Me: DON"T OWN! (Trust me, when my muse gets going, no one can stop her)
All those dead, because of him.
His parents. Sirius. Remus. Severus. Albus. Fred, and George now (even though everyone said it wasn't Harry's fault that he off-ed himself). Cedric Diggory. Charlie Weasley. Luna Lovegood. Kinglsey Shacklebolt. Tonks. Mad Eye.
Numerous Order members he didn't know.
And all the Death Eaters that had died too.
And, Lord Voldemort, or Tom Marvello Riddle.
Harry drew a shuddering breath. Then downed some more firewhiskey.
He was usually alone now. No one needed him to save them anymore, so no one really bothered him much.
Hermione would pop in every now and then, making sure he wasn't depressed enough to kill himself, although she never seemed to notice the numerous scars on his wrists and arms.
Ron came with her almost every time. They had a baby now. Harry couldn't recall its name or gender. He had only heard of it, never seen it for himself.
Sometimes Ginny and Neville came over to deliver food, always saying Ginny cooked too much. Harry knew that they were just making sure he ate. Not that he did very often. Ginny was expecting, her belly huge and round. She said she hoped it wasn't twins.
The elders Weasley's some time visited him, around the holiday season. More food and some new clothes. Harry wondered if he really seemed so far gone that he needed all the charity.
He chugged more firewhiskey. Then ordered another.
He heard the door open, and saw a head of blonde hair enter. It wasn't Draco Malfoy. It wasn't anyone Harry knew. But the blonde hair made his heart hurt again. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of any of the Malfoy's for a good few years.
He drank his new bottle of whiskey in four large swallows, and then decided it was time to get gone. He stood up, placing money on the bar. He didn't listen when the bartender said it was too much. He just left.
He never stumbled or slurred his words when he was drunk. And unless he consumed his own body weight, or close to it, in whiskey, he never forgot what he was supposed to forget.
He looked around, and found himself in a cemetery. In front of Sirius's grave. He fell to his knees, and smacked the ground as a sobbed ripped through his throat.
He started crying, and then started cursing Sirius and Remus for leaving him alone.
He felt gentle hands on his shoulders. Then he was being lifted up, into a strong embrace. He didn't know who it was that held him, only that he felt safe.
They Apparated somewhere, and he looked around, noticing lush furniture. He looked up to the face of the one holding him, but he didn't recognize the blonde hair or the silvery eyes.
He felt himself being laid down in a bed. His vision was suddenly blurry. And then he was unconscious.
When Harry woke up, he realized three things very quickly.
One: He didn't have a hangover, which was good.
Two: He didn't have his glasses, which could be either good or bad.
Three: He was not in his own bed, no did he recognize the dark silk sheets. Which was bad.
He felt around himself, and was relieved to find he was alone in the large bed. He found eth reason it was so dark around him; he was in a canopy bed wit think hangings.
Sudden light made him cover his head with the silk sheets around him. He heard a chuckle.
"You're awake. That's good." Said a silky voice he thought he recognized.
"Draco?" He asked.
"Yeah, its me. Here, put these on." He said, and Harry felt his glasses handed to him. He put them on, and Draco's face became clear.
He was even more handsome than he had been. His blonde hair fell to just past his ears, and his silver eyes were intense on Harry's face.
"Why am I here?" Harry asked.
Draco looked away. "I don't know. I was coming home last night and saw you in a cemetery. You were drunk, so I brought you here." He said. Then he stretched, and his back popped. "And damn, I need a new couch." He said, smiling wryly.
Harry felt bad for making Draco sleep on the couch.
"How have you been…since it all ended?" Harry asked softly.
Draco sighed. "I've been…well, I've been managing just fine. My father was put away in Azkaban for life, and they're still going down the list of Death Eaters to give the Dementor's Kiss to. He's not far along that list at all. And my mother…she killed herself. After rewriting her will saying that everything went to me, whenever I wanted it. How about you? Must have been a wild party that got you so drunk." Draco said venomously.
Harry shook his head. "Nah. No one throws me parties anymore. Why should they? I'm a glorified killer. They don't need me anymore, so they don't praise me anymore. They leave me alone now. Everyone does." Harry said, whispering by the end.
Draco snorted. "What about the Weasley's? They all but adopted you into their clan. And then there's Granger as well. And all your Gryffindor followers." He said, pain and loneliness coloring his own voice.
Harry sighed. "Ron and Hermione got married. They come every known and then to make sure I haven't killed myself one way or another."
"They think you so incompetent on your own?" Draco asked.
Harry shook his head, and looked Draco in the eye. "No. They think I'd kill myself, as in suicide Draco." Draco's silver eyes suddenly flew to Harry's scarred wrists. And then up his scarred arms. It was only then that Harry noticed he was shirtless. He could almost feel the blonde's eyes traveling over the long, deep scars on his chest.
"Why…" Draco whispered, eyes wide.
Harry scowled. "Because I killed people. Because people followed me blindly, and ended up dead. Because I've nothing to live for anyway. Because…because it lets out my pain." He said, silent tears falling down his face.
Draco frowned. "Causing yourself pain…stops the pain?" He asked, confused.
Harry shook his head. "No…not exactly. Its…when I do that, when I hurt myself, it blanks my mind out. Its like muggles and drugs." He said softly, looking away.
Draco reach out a hand and wiped Harry's tears away. It was so tender...so gentle a caress that Harry almost started bawling.
"What about the girl Weasley? I thought she loved you." Draco murmured, pulling Harry a little closer.
Harry barked a hard, bitter laugh that held no humor. "Love me? No. She loved the idea of being with me. Of being the Savior's girlfriend. She did it for attention, even if it wasn't intentional. She ended up marrying Neville." He said.
Draco looked into Harry's eyes. "That's wrong. This is wrong. You shouldn't feel so much pain. You shouldn't have felt so much pain." He whispered into Harry's ear.
"Yeah? Well it was also wrong for a man to kill muggles and muggleborns, wasn't it? And it was wrong for the same man to ty to kill a babe. And it was wrong for an entire world to place their standards and obligations on an eleven year old boy. It was also wrong for the boy's guardians to beat him and starve him, wasn't it? The world is not a nice, right place, Draco." Harry said angrily.
Draco placed his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "I know. I know the world's an awful place. I kno, and I'm sorry because I can't fix it for you and make it a wonderful, carefree place where you can be happy." He said sadly.
Harry pulled away and glared at Draco. "Since when do you care if I'm happy or not? I seem to remember you tormenting me in school." He said sharply.
Draco winced. "I know. But…I liked you back in school and was terrified that if I told you or showed you, my father would hurt us both. And…I still like you." He said, watching Harry for a response.
Harry was shocked into silence for a moment, then glared daggers at Draco.
"You have, the absolute cruelest sense of humor, Malfoy." Harry said, getting up suddenly. In the back of his mind he noted that he was in some pajama pants.
"It wasn't a joke Harry." Draco said, watching as Harry looked around the room for his clothes.
"Right. You expect me to believe that my school-time enemy actually harbored feelings for me? And still does? What next? I suppose you'll tell me that Snape was rather pleasant, and that Blaise Zabini was in love with Ron!" He said, still looking around for his clothes. He finally spotted them, sitting on top of a dresser.
He pulled his shirt on angrily.
Draco shook his head. "Blaise and Weasley? That's laughable. Snape was a good person you know. And I'm not joking." He said, his voice almost pleading at the end.
"Okay. You love me. Thanks for sharing!" Harry spat sarcastically.
Draco closed his eyes as if in pain.
Then he was suddenly standing up, and Harry was in his arms again.
Draco looked close to tears. And angry. Very hurt as well.
"I do love you." Draco said softly, sincerely.
Then he kissed Harry's open mouth.
Harry was shocked at first, and then he kissed back, slowly. He was…afraid now, that Draco was joking, that he would laugh and say 'got you, you idiot' when they broke apart.
But when they broke apart, Draco rested his forehead against Harry's.
"Now do you believe me?" He asked.
Harry swallowed past the lump in his throat at the realization that someone loved him.
"Y-yeah." Harry said softly, his voice cracking.
"What's wrong?" Draco asked, running a hand through Harry's hair.
"I…I'm happy that I'm n-not alone a-anymore." Harry said, sobbing a little.
Draco wrapped his arms around Harry. Holding his securely.
"Never again. You'll never feel alone again." Draco said. Harry broke down then, crying into Draco's silken dress shirt.
Draco just rubbing his back soothingly. Eventually Harry calmed down, and his sobs subsided into soft hiccups before disappearing.
"Would you like some breakfast Harry?" Draco asked after a long moment of comfortable silence.
Harry nodded slowly. "That sounds wonderful…" He said, letting the blonde help him to stand.
"Good." Draco said, kissing him gently before leading him down to the kitchen.
Harry smiled to himself. It felt good, he decided. It felt good to be loved.
A/N I know, I have
stories to write! Go ahead and throw rocks at me. Okay no! I didn't
mean it! AH!!
un-named muse takes place as I was knocked unconscious Hello! Un-named Muse here! Anyway, sicne you KNOCKED HER OUT, I have to take her place and say 'please review! We're starving over here! Please!' that is all.