one shot but follows the other "postxxx" posts.
"Ianto ! Dinner this evening. I'll pick you up at seven."
That was the only warning Ianto got, no explanation and no chance to decline.
The evening had gone well. They'd gone to a little Italian restaurant at walking distance from Ianto's place.
They both enjoyed it, they discussed Mary and Tosh. They talked about Owen and Gwen.
Jack almost forgot this was not about spending a good time with a good friend but that he was here to see why Ianto thought his pain would never end.
If Ianto was still suffering he made a good job of hiding it.
Ianto didn't ask why Jack had invited him and Jack didn't want to break the mood when things were going so well, so they talked till after dessert. After which Ianto invited Jack over for coffee at his place.
Once there Jack told some outrageous stories about alien species he apparently met and Ianto told some of his childhood, his first week at Torchwood one.
But at some point Jack had to ask. No matter how much fun they were having. Jack needed to know if Ianto was OK. Apart from the obvious loss of Lisa of course. So he told Ianto what Tosh had overheard while wearing the pendant.
Ianto stood up, looking confused and caught out. He loved Tosh, he considered her one of the kindest persons to work for Torchwood 3. He wished she would have asked him, in stead of running to Jack. He walked over to the window.
"It's not what you think" Ianto finally said "I do remember thinking that, but It was a snapshot Jack, a bad moment in time."
"Then tell me Ianto, what should I think?" Jack asked while joining Ianto by the window "You look fine to me, but I know you're capable of hiding much more than your feelings. I just want to know if I should be worried."
"You don't need to worry Jack. It's just..." Ianto stopped talking. Why was it so hard to say it out loud.
"My life is empty now and lonely. Do you feel lonely Jack?"
Jack looked over at Ianto's face lit by the dimmed light in the room. He understood loneliness, more than Ianto could ever imagine.
"I mean it's not shameful to be lonely. It's just that Lisa was such a big part of my life. I had to think of her all the time, make sure she was OK, make sure you didn't find out. Find a way to cure her. Since she's gone there's not much left. Of course there's my job at Torchwood. And then there's you. And every time you touch me Jack it reminds me of how it used to feel, not being alone. Being wanted." Ianto turned to look at Jack "You do want me, don't you Jack?".
Ianto's honesty surprised him but if Ianto wanted an honest question and answer session who was he to refuse.
"Yes, I do want you. Since the first time in the woods I've wanted you" Jack knew he needed to be honest, Ianto had become too good a friend to mess around with. "I can't commit Ianto. If you're looking for someone to break the loneliness, I'll be very glad to oblige because I've been lonely too. But I won't stick around. I want you to know that. It's very possible that one day I'll leave. I've been waiting for someone to come and make me better and when that person comes, I'll go. Do you understand that Ianto? I'll go and you'll be alone again."
He felt Ianto's hand on his arm, sliding up all the way to his cheek where it rested, soft and warm against Jack's skin.
"Touch me Jack."
"Ianto did you hear what I just said? I won't be your happily ever after."
"I don't expected you to be" was the only reply Jack got before Ianto closed in on him.
Jack slid his hands under Ianto's Jacket and let his hand wander up to Ianto's shoulders.
He moved his hands further up, slowly caressing Ianto's neck and face, they were so close Ianto could feel Jack's breath on his lips.
"Never kissed a man before" Ianto said with a husk voice.
"Not that much different" Jack whispered before pressing his lips on Ianto's. He kissed Ianto very carefully. Wanting to give him enough opportunity to change his mind.
But Ianto deepened the kiss and it wasn't long before they were kissing passionately.
All Ianto's loneliness dissolved in that kiss.
Jack understood the feeling of need after loss, he knew just how empty life could be when you'd lost something that dominated your life as much as Lisa's care must have dominated Ianto's.
He knew that this wasn't about love or feelings, for both of them it was about feeling needed and wanted. About sharing something not just with anyone, like Jack had so often done in the past but about being with someone who knew you well, someone who could understand.
There was no way back, they both knew where this was leading.
And for both of them this seemed like the only way to go.
I don't know about this one. :-)