A/N: Written for pexylexy 's prompt, 'Memories have left you broken / And the scars have never healed / But your mistakes do not define you now / They tell you who you are not', at jpex .
Title: smoke tangled with blue
Rating: light r
Words: 1 510 words
Disclaimer: They're not mine, never were. I didn't create them, I don't own them, and I didn't write the series, Meyer did. I just sort of take all the angst my muses throw at me for them.
. smoke tangled with blue .
Jasper's made a lot of mistakes, and he knows what they are. That's one of the problems with being a vampire, with having such a sharp mind; you remember every little detail about your undead life that has ever happened. So the mistakes he's made are painted in sharp relief and in bright red. He has the scars that only serve to painfully remind him of all the wrongs that he's committed.
It's that which makes everything, for him, so hard and painful to deal with.
Watching the others, his supposed family, Jasper still feels like an outsider. It's a feeling that, even after over fifty years with them, he still hasn't been able to leave behind him; like he did almost everything else. There's something inside of him that's eating at him, and he hasn't quite been able to get over that yet.
Sometimes, there are days where he imagines, subconsciously, that his scars are burning; just like they had when he first received them over a hundred years ago. Often, he wonders whether or not he'll ever escape from the constant overhang of what he's done.
But there's more to it then that.
With Edward, there's peace and confidence, and just the slightest hint of the despair and pain that Jasper feels inside, and he knows; he knows that Edward understands him like no one else on the planet. Alice may have been the one to find him and help him find this place, but they will never be what Emmett and Rosalie are too each other; Esme and Carlisle.
Alice is spontaneous, very much like the day, who goes after things when she wants them. In her own way, she's stubborn and tenacious, but she's the one open to change. He sees her as being that first ray of light that showed him the way out of the darkness that he'd been lost in and closer to the light that he had been looking for, without even knowing that's what he was searching for.
Then there's Edward.
Edward is everything that Alice is not. He's traditional in his own way, and secretive too. In him, Jasper sees a young gentleman, someone who had yet to see the horrors of the world. But he knows better, he knows that Edward is far from innocent, but there are parts to him that radiate innocence. He hasn't seen as much of the world as Jasper has, but he's the only one who understands.
However there's some sort of barrier, or wall, between them, and Jasper can't help but think that he's already made a mistake; that his dark and bloody past is what is driving this knife between them. All he wants is a chance, one single chance, at the comfort that he can feel would be waiting with Edward.
But it's as if whenever Jasper makes one single move, Edward is taking one step back. It's almost like a dance that they take part in, with one trying to coax the other into following. Edward has a sorrow hanging around him, and it's one that Jasper notices is most acute whenever Alice is around; more specifically, when Alice is around himself. It's like Edward is upset that the two of them spend time together, but he can't be sure.
Emotions are never as sure as minds, there's always that margin of error; that chance that you might be wrong in your interpretation of what you're sensing. So Jasper actually isn't too sure on what it is that is causing that black melancholy that he sometimes felt from the younger vampire. All he knows is that something within him aches to try and fix that, to replace that melancholy with something else; love, perhaps.
So he watches Edward closer, keeps his powers focused on him to the point where he can almost exclude anyone else from his empathy. After a while, he's become so in tune with Edward, that he can predict with almost uncanny accuracy how the younger man will react to any given situation. And he's closer to the answer about the sorrow.
Soon, he has his answer.
"What's it like?" Edward asked on that fateful hunting trip. It was just the two of them, rarity, seeing as Emmett's almost constant overbearing presence usually dissuades any conversation between the three of them. "To find that one person who you know, subconsciously, that you will spend eternity with."
There's a wistful look in Edward's eyes as he looked out over the trees, and there's a pained quality to his voice that Jasper has grown used to hearing; he can detect even the slightest variations in Edward's voice now. And there was an almost anguished resignation rolling off of him in waves, Jasper could feel his own heart threatening to break in response.
"I don't know." That's all that Jasper could think of to respond with, and there's a pang in him, has Edward found someone? He hoped not, Jasper has too deep of an attachment and deep love for the younger vampire to give him up to someone unless they're so much better for him then anything he could give him.
"You and Alice though..." His voice trailed off, and that pain that Jasper had become to accustomed to was back, and now he realized just what was causing it.
Edward thought that he and Alice were lovers, that they were going to spend eternity together.
"And you're an idiot." There was a tiny smile on Jasper's face as he suddenly was standing in front of a startled Edward. This was the pivotal point of their relationship, one misstep and it could have fallen apart on them; but Jasper wasn't going to let that happen, he wouldn't be letting go of Edward any time soon.
He took Edward's confused face in both his hands with a smirk, and then swooped down, pressing his cold lips against the ice that was Edward's.
'Why don't we find out just how that feels?'
And there was nothing else that needed to be said.
With a soft moan, Edward practically melted into Jasper's stone embrace, arms wrapping snuggly around the other's shoulders and pulling him closer. The confidence that he normally exuded was gone, replaced by a yearning for reassurance; that this was real, this was happening, some form of confirmation.
Smirking against the lips pressed so fervently against his own, Jasper's hand slipped up Edward's shirt, casually flicking a nipple as his tongue lightly traced the other's lips. The sharp gasp that the younger vampire gave off at the unexpected ministration.
It was surprising, to say the least, once all their clothes were off and every barrier between them was gone, just how well they fit together. Like two pieces of a puzzle, their intricacies make them perfect for each other and they just fit together so well that it's shocking. As hopelessly romantic as it sounds, they are perfect for each other; two parts of one whole.
But when their naked flesh presses in a frantic need for more, more contact, more love, more passion; they didn't care about that, about anything going on in the world around them. Their entire existence was focused on the other, on the contact between them and that growing love that was slowly being fostered between them that would not be broken easily.
When Jasper thrust forward into the tightness that was Edward's body, both breathed heavily, it wasn't from the exertion, but from the pure exhilaration and a sense of rightness that they wouldn't find anywhere else. Then, when Jasper started to move, in and out, at a slow almost leisurely pace that set a slow burning passion in them that would burn until the end; whatever and whenever that happened to be. They are so attuned to each other that there's no need for vocal communication, there was a connection between where they just know what the other was thinking, feeling.
During that one moment, Jasper felt a sort of revelation settle over him. He had made his mistakes, made many of them, but he couldn't let them rule him, control him. They were there, always lurking in the background of his thoughts and mind; but he refused to let them rule him now, he would be strong and his own person for Edward.
'Let me feel all of you Edward.'
Edward would make the effort for him, to change and be strong for him; he had been trying that in a way that he thought would be best for him, for Jasper. The younger vampire was completely willing to cause himself emotional pain if there was a way that it could make Jasper happy. He couldn't overlook such a willingness to sacrifice, Jasper would extend the same sentiments to Edward's.
Stars exploded behind their eyes as they came with an explosion, breathy cries slipping past pale lips as ice cold marble skin pushes firmly together. Jasper collapsed down onto Edward, and the two gathered each other into their arms and just lay like that for several long moments; neither willing to detach themselves from the other and come back down to reality.
In the silence that hung, Edward finally broke it, "Thank you."
You give me a review and I'll give you all a very nice, lengthy, angst-ridden one-shot, yes? Anyways, just enjoy it. I'm going to publish the damn one-shot even if you don't, so really, just tell me what you thought.
Everyone loves Jaspard, don't they?