Chapter 1


I know you're probably at home hating me right now. In fact I'm not even sure you're even reading this, you probably burnt the letter to a crisp when you saw it was from me. But I'm going to write it anyway.

The way I left was unforgivable I know that. But I had to come here, for me. I didn't do it to hurt you, in fact that is the last thing I ever wanted. It's weird being away from you, I'm not used to sleeping alone, especially in a dirty old sleeping bag.

Fighting with the Order really makes a difference, and right now I feel like I'm making a difference. I'm just sorry it takes me away from you for so long. That is pretty much all I have time for and all I can think of to say to you.

I miss you

I love you

Lily xx

James read the letter slowly. He knew she couldn't tell him where she was, it wasn't uncommon for letters to be intercepted these days. But she didn't even tell him how she was. Was she hurt? Tired? Scared? He wasn't even worth a half decent length of parchment.

She had hurt him badly, she hadn't even told him about the offer from the Order to go undercover for seven months. They had been having problems and arguing a lot. One night he had come home to find her packed and ready to go. She had never even apologised for it.

So James sat at home alone every night, in the dark wondering if his wife was still alive. His worst fear was Lily getting injured or worse before he could bring himself to forgive her for deserting him. He never replied to any of her letters.


"You're lucky this time," the Healer said.

Lily had only just managed to escape from a particularly bloody battle, luckily all she had to show for it was a broken leg and a few cuts.

"Yeah I know," Lily winced as the healer moved her leg. "Can you fix it?"

"I can fix anything," said the Healer.

"Good," said Lily. "Dumbledore won't let us fight until we get a certificate of health from you."

"I know," said the Healer. "We're losing enough good people without sending them out weak and injured."

"Alright," said Lily. "Fix me up and send me back out there."

"You've been in here a lot recently," the Healer mused. "Anything on your mind?"

"No, I'm fine," Lily lied.

"What about him?" she asking, tapping Lily's wedding rings with her quill.

"Him," said Lily sadly looking down at her rings. "He won't even write to me. We argued, I got this offer and I left. Never really said a proper goodbye."

"First love?"

"First and only," said Lily.

"It'll pass," said the Healer. "First love is the worst to get over."

"I don't want it to pass," said Lily sadly. "He's my husband."

"Uh…you're results are in," said the Healer. While they had been talking she had healed Lily's leg and drawn some blood to test. "It's not one hundred percent, I'll have to do confirmatory tests but…"

"But what?" asked Lily, this did not sound good.

"Your hormone levels…I think you're pregnant."

"No, I can't be," Lily dismissed. "We use the contraception charm, every time."

"You mean the charm that is only ninety five percent effective? There is still that five percent."

"Crap," Lily muttered. "You're not going to let me go back out there, are you?"

"No," said the Healer. "Lie down."

Lily lay down on the bed and gently lifted her top to expose her abdomen. The healer muttered under her breath and a sonogram bubble appeared above her stomach.

"Well that confirms it," said the Healer. "You're about three weeks along."

"The night before I left," Lily muttered. "Sounds about right."

"I can't let you fight while you're pregnant. Do you know you're options?"

"Yeah terminate and fight in this war, or have it and be stuck on a desk job."