Transcription Number 1139886 of 4567732

By Shakespeare's Girl

A/N: Just something that popped into my head. Off a challenge my sister gave me to write something with the quote "What would you do if I wasn't here?" "I'd do a happy little dance" from Third Rock From The Sun. I'd been ignoring it for weeks, when suddenly, this bashed it's way into existence while I was watching "Medium." So, just so we're clear here, and because I know I don't do this half as often as I should, I don't own Angel, the Series, or Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, or Third Rock From The Sun. Neither do I write for them (duh, all off the air now) or have I written for them, etc etc, in perpituity and so on and so forth or whatever the heck you're supposed to say in disclaimers. And oh yeah, this is kinda kinky, in a very non-explicit way. But still, kinky. Which makes me inexplicably happy.

Transcription of Mr. Angel's personal listening devices, set up in his office, transcription number 1139886 of 4567732. Transcriptionist would like it noted that she is not sure about a few of the sounds found on the audio, and has transcribed them according to the best of her knowledge and abilities. Transcriptionist would also like to be told if it is necessary to transcribe fights between certain vampires, as these fights always end up somewhere the transcriptionist would rather not go.

Transcription as follows:

Angel: Why are you here, Spike?

Spike: Why shouldn't I be here? Hidin' something?

Angel: No, but you still aren't supposed to be here.

Spike: Oh come on Angel. You know you love me.

Angel: Snort I love you like I love being beaten to a bloody pulp and tossed into the sunshine.

Spike: See, told you ya loved me.

Angel: Spike--

Spike: Come on, Angel! Loosen up a little.

Angel: Why are you here?

Spike: Because some wanker named Angelus decided to teach his pet Drusilla how to turn vampires, and she took a shine to yours truly, and somehow I've managed to escape being dusted long enough to--

Angel: That's not what I mean, Spike! Why are you here right now, in my office, on a SUNDAY, when I'm trying to catch up on paperwork, and instead find myself assaulted by you?

Spike: Because I got bored.

Angel: You're always bored! Why me?

Spike: Because you're convienent. Sides, I'm not always here.

Angel: Yes! Yes you are, Spike! You're always here! That's part of the problem!

Spike: pause What would you do if I wasn't here?

Angel: I'd do a happy little dance.

Spike: snorfle You'd--

Angel: Smack! Shut up, Spike.

Spike: giggle

Undetermined: hiss of leather on fabric Noise of a belt being tested against a palm rip!

Spike: Oi! Those were my favorite jeans, Peaches!

Undetermined: THWACK

Spike: Oi! What's the bloody idea? Why're you--

Undetermined: THWACK!

Spike: Oh God, Angel! Don't--sm--uh!--please?

Angel: Please who, Spike?

Spike: Please--frantic panting--Please Sire!

Angel: somehow satisfied pause, the transcriptionist would like to note that she could almost hear a cold and cruel smile, although softened a bit by the fact that this is NOT Angelus Good boy. THWACK, THWACK, THWACK

Spike: whimper Thought you said--?

Angel: Said you had to ask me, didn't say I'd stop smacking your ass with my belt if you did.

Spike: whimper

Undetermined: THWACK!

End

Transcriptionist would like it noted for the record that she does not quite understand the sound that was made at this point, and that it sounded something like the word "Snorfle" hence it's designation as such.