DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of S.Meyer. This is her creation. Her playground. I just like to play in the sandbox sometimes. Also a first try at something more adult in nature. Please be gentle...
This was going to be the most nerve-wrecking experience of my existence.
As I step out onto the white sand of the beach, I see the waves lapping against the shore. I feel the salty wind in my hair, clinging particles of sand as I walk, humanly, to the large, twisting palm tree. I can't believe that I'm here, now, in this moment. This indescribably perfect moment with Bella.
Saying that word, that single familiar term in my mouth excites me. She IS my wife now. And I'm her husband. And this is the night of our honeymoon.
And I'm a vampire.
How can I do this? I recalled the afternoon in Carlisle's office upstairs of our home, asking those all-too-important questions. And, strangely enough, a little embarrassing. Carlisle had given me the best advice, as I had consented it to be. I told him about the bargain I made with Bella about her terms of my marriage proposal. He blanched, slightly.
"Do you really think that is wise, Edward? There are many things that could go wrong, especially trying to be as... intimate... as you will be. It's a bit different as a vampire than as a human," he said, leaning forward, catching my gaze. I absentmindedly had drifted to the wooden floorboards. I was never one to be embarrassed, but here I was, sitting in Carlisle's office, having "The Talk" with him.
Of course, he told me that physical love was a very strong and powerful form of love, the consummation of a couple. I understood the mechanics easily enough; that wasn't it. It was the experience itself that I had no human, or vampire, recollection for. I was, as I had explained to Bella, as completely spotless as she was in that section of my existence.
Not that I hadn't had my close encounters. I was never attracted to any female before until Bella came along. The desire may have been there, but I was utterly repulsed with who I was that I could never fathom someone loving me. But this experience, this moment of bliss, would need to be cautious and planned.
I asked Jasper and Emmett about it, explaining my own inexperienced thoughts about it. Emmett snorted and Jasper rolled his eyes.
"You think you can be romantic with her and PLAN your wedding night?" Emmett joked, punching my arm. I neatly dodged it.
"Edward, really, that takes all the... fun... out of the moment," Jasper, agreeing with Emmett.
"What is it like?" I asked, timidly. I had never been so forthright about this area of my life, but with wedding looming closer, I had to figure out a few things.
"It's a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood, little brother," Emmett said, his eyes shining. I then heard his mental thoughts grimaced. Emmett and his, ahem, adventures, with Rosalie were hardly tame by any terms.
Jasper nodded in agreement. "There is nothing like it, besides drinking the blood of a human. No greater passionate embrace can top it," he said, and I could feel the emotion he rolled out, the adoration he had for Alice.
More subtle than Emmett.
So here I was on this beach, this island of Carlisle and Esme's many anniversaries, and I had no idea what I was going to do. A midnight swim would be best. The temperature of the water was slightly warmer than Bella's human temperature. Surely that would help this.
I breathed deeply and took the next step. Removing my clothes and placing them over the tree, I walked slowly out into the ocean. I had never been nude in the water before, and strangely it was liberating. And the water was very warm to me...
As I walked through the ocean, feeling every single stone beneath my feet, I listened to the sound of the sea, the ocean breeze, and for Bella. She was freshening up, I supposed, in the bathroom. Then, I heard the shower running. She was showering? I swallowed back the venom pooling in my mouth angrily. I could not allow myself to be overtaken by the monster tonight. I have waited over ninety years to be with the woman I loved and nothing was going to stop me from at least trying this act with her.
Nothing except myself, of course.
I tried calming myself by tuning out all other sounds besides the pattern of the waves splashing against the shore, retreating back into the sea. That soft slosh of saltwater reminded me of another moment, over a year ago. When I stayed that first night with Bella, awake and warm in my arms. She was asking questions, delaying something she really wanted to ask, I could tell.
I never dreamed of the question she would ask. She asked, honestly, if this moment could ever happen between us, if we could share such an intimacy, as only a husband and wife could share. I had laughed and rumpled her hair, answering in the most non-threatening way... I may not be human, but I am a man...
Distracted as I was, I couldn't deny the feelings stirring in me. Feelings, more like urges, to the point of nearly pain, flared up within me, coiling in my abdomen. I knew what it was, as I had felt like this many times over in Bella's presence. Yes, in this respect, I could be called a man. The tight coiling would only be relieved soon enough.
The soft sound made me want to turn, but I wanted to prolong the moment. I heard terry cloth, a towel maybe? I didn't look, flap against the tree where my clothes were and I swallowed convulsively again. This time, there was no venom. Just pure nerves.
I thought over everything I had ever read about this, about what I would need to do to please her. She was the only woman I had ever been with, or would want to be with, and I wanted everything to be perfect. Thorough.
The little waves from her body lapped at my hips and I heard her breath catch, ever so slightly.
"Beautiful," she said, her hand resting lightly on mine, like a feather. The electricity that normally shot through me at her touch was exponential. I doubted if a man, vampire or human, could ever love a woman this much. But her accusation to the scene before us, the vast ocean, the moonlight coating us in a silvery glow, was nothing compared to what I turned to see before me.
How many times had I had thoughts about Bella like this? I swore every time that it was completely improper of me to think of her like this. I was no better than the likes of Mike Newton. But you're a married man now, Edward, I said to myself. She was my wife, I was her husband. I made a promise to her and I would follow through, no matter how fraught with peril it could be. I loved her.
"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful," I said, smirking. I twisted my hand so that our fingers were laced together, watching her expression. Those melted pools of chocolate that were her eyes stared into mine with such, ferocity, was it? "Not with you standing here in comparison."
Was I imagining that she wanted me as much as I wanted her? Right now? This moment? I took in every curve of her body, from her pale neck to her soft hips. She was breathtaking. More beautiful than anything else in the entire world. Then Bella placed her warm little hand over my heart, where I could have sworn it had begun to beat again. The coil in my stomach tightened and the desire for her flamed to a delicious new height.
"I promised we would try," I said, working hard to regulate my own breathing, to control myself. If I was going to make love to her, I had to be in complete and total control, no matter how I felt. Forget the the way her hips curved into me, the way her scent was growing stronger as her breath came faster. Forget how the moon bathed her in light, casting silver shadows over her features, her bare torso...
"If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you," I said, making her hear the urgency in my tone. "you must tell me at once."
She nodded, her face burying on my stone chest. Again, my muscles tightened, ready to take her exactly as I wanted, but holding every restraint possible. She was so precious, so innocent. Like I was. But I was something much more menacing to her. Would we make it out of alive after this?
"Don't be afraid," she murmured. "We belong together." Like I could be afraid of her! Her! But I wasn't afraid, exactly. I didn't want to hurt her, to harm her in any way. I knew I would a little; it was part of the experience. But I had to keep every muscle, every cell, every fiber of my being in check. I couldn't let myself go...
Very delicately, I wrapped my arms around her, resting my hands on her bare back. I reveled in this; nothing in my ninety years could compare this moment. It was absolute perfection. Desire, lust, and over it all, deep love rested in me.
"Forever," I agreed. I was, and would be, all the man she wished me to be this evening. With that, I pulled us gently into the deeper waters of the ocean. I stared into her eyes for a long moment, after swimming out until I was nearly neck deep. I held her close, her eyes watching me. There was nothing but love there.
Carefully, as the inexperienced man I was, I placed kisses along her collarbone, the very thrill of each contact of my lips with her supple skin was like a shot to my core. Her breathing sped furiously as we began the dance.
I made a mistake. This was the best night of my entire existence.