Post 'Adam' season two.
Concrete Coloured Sky
48 hours. 48 hours gone as if it never existed. 2 days where he had no recollection what so ever of his actions, his thoughts or his words. What had happened that could have been so bad that they were required to forget? It irked Ianto, like an itch he couldn't scratch. He lay there in the dim light of Jack's bunk staring at the ceiling, desperately trying to engage his brain into recall. Nothing would come. The new formula Retcon had even worked on Gwen. Ianto was niggled, enough to be kept awake inspite of his physical exhaustion and a pounding headache gnawing at his temple like a bucket full of scarabs. Jack had done his level best to distract and reassure him with loving kisses and very rough sex. But Ianto hadn't felt remotely comforted. Jack had dropped into a deep sleep his arms tight around Ianto's body his head on Ianto's chest, the rare moments when Jack actually looked peaceful and almost childlike. Normally that alone would be enough to ease Ianto's woes. He tried to lose himself in the rhythm of Jack's gentle breathing and lull himself to sleep. But it completely evaded him. He wanted to move. Actually he felt the need to run and keep running until collapse, but he lay still making sure that Jack rested even if he couldn't. Very carefully he ran his fingers through Jack's soft hair, inhaling Jack as deeply as he could but the familiar calmness was nowhere in sight. What the hell had happened to them?
Jack had said to let it drop. They had so efficiently cleaned their own records; even a page from his own diary had been ripped out. Ianto couldn't let it go though. His gut was telling him he had done something terrible, but he had no idea what. Was Jack protecting him from something? Had Torchwood done something? He needed the answers as each hour passed the need became greater, consuming and overwhelming because for the first time in his life Ianto was truly terrified that he had had done something unforgivable. He had no reason to think that he had, none of the team appeared to be ill or injured. Nothing in the Hub was missing or damaged. Nothing showed up in the local police/news or UNIT reports for those 2 days. So what the hell was he worrying himself to death about?
It was just his instincts telling him that something was amiss; of course it had to be otherwise why obliterate the memories? But it was more fundamental than even that. Ianto just knew that he had done something bad and nothing would convince him other wise.
Jack stirred against him, lifting his head and smiling at Ianto.
"You should be sleeping." He murmured.
Ianto kissed his forehead. "So should you. Put your head back down and rest."
Jack moved himself so he could look at his lover properly. There was a deep frown across Ianto's brow.
"Stop fretting Yan. There's nothing we can do about the lost time. You need to let it go."
"I know Jack. Don't worry I'll be fine."
Jack did not look convinced, but instead of saying anything he kissed Ianto tenderly on the lips. Without thinking Ianto responded by pulling Jack on top of him deepening the kiss needful of anything that would drown his doubts.
He stood in the doorway of the tourist office waiting for the lunch delivery. Ianto had recently found a new place that did a proper international menu and it had turned out to be ideal, catering for everyone's tastes. Owen with his 'proper' Italian pizza's, Gwen's nachos, Jack just ate anything and Ianto had discovered a liking for sushi (Thanks to Tosh). It made a change, as their diets were all pretty bad Ianto made sure everything came packed with salads and fresh fruit as well. It was another dank day. The sky, concrete coloured and the air nipped by a North Easterly breeze bringing the threat of rain, a typical, late winter day for Cardiff. There would normally be something comforting in that. It was rare for Ianto not to be grounded by the sight of his home. Today it just felt wrong. Today everything felt wrong.
The delivery girl came. They exchanged a few pleasantries as her eyes lingered over his body rather longer than was polite; Ianto blushed. He always did. Even being with Jack had not erased his habitual shyness. Jack found that endearing, so he had once told him. Ianto just found it made him feel awkward and clumsy and totally failed to figure out what could be attractive about it. He locked up the office and carried the box of snacks down to the boardroom to his awaiting colleagues. They sat together quite often, or whenever Torchwood allowed and today Owen was the subject of much discussion because of his hangover and a new sports car that he'd recently purchased. The girls were cooing over it and Jack was telling him he should have gone for an Aston Martin instead. Ianto remained silent, trying to keep a mildly amused look on his face as he followed the light banter. But Jack noticed, as he always did that something was still not right with his lover. After lunch, Jack literally hauled the young Welshman into his office and closed the door behind them.
"All the time I've known you, after everything we've been through, I have never seen you this distressed before. You're scaring me Ianto. I've already told you, let it go." Jack's voice was firm, but not without compassion.
All it did was serve to heighten Ianto's fears.
"Do you know something?"
"I wish I did, if only so that I can reassure you. Ianto don't let this eat you up. Its just two days damn it. I lost a whole two years once and I've never got that back. Pulling yourself apart trying to remember just doesn't work. It's gone, move on." Jack grasped his shoulders and pulled him into a tight embrace, running his hands over Ianto's back and kissing his hair.
Ianto lost himself in the moment; he'd spend the rest of his life enfolded in those arms if he could. Finally he relaxed his body snaking his arms around Jack and resting his head against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Jack. We were all just vulnerable. Really serious damage could've been done."
"I know. I'm also pretty certain that no serious damage was done. We're all here and everything is right with the world." Jack eased him self back a pace and lifted Ianto's chin so that he was looking into his eyes, beautiful blue. Ianto's eyes, just an ocean you could drown in.
"Don't be afraid of the 'maybe' or 'what ifs', you live with that kind of fear and it will consume you. Trust me I know."
Ianto held his gaze. And managed a weak smile. "What would I do with out you?"
The moment passed.
"I should get back to work. Otherwise Owen will be complaining about us again."
Jack nodded. "Are we still on for dinner tonight?"
"With the usual provisos, yeah."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "How you haven't died from a caffeine over dose yet, I will never know."
Dinner was cancelled in exchange for a weevil hunt. Ianto and Jack settled themselves into the SUV, Jack at the steering wheel. Ianto loved Jack's insane driving, it always gave him a rush and got him psyched up for the chase. Slamming on the breaks they pulled up at the docks and stepped out into the cold night. The two of them moved as one. Knowing one another so well, they just fell into the hunt like a well-rehearsed dance. It was deadly dangerous, they both knew, especially for Ianto, but he thrived on these moments. They made him feel alive, the same as when he came inside Jack, the two things equally dangerous in Ianto's view. They were completely silent as they made their way into the black between two warehouses. Ianto taking a brief look at his scanner as they moved forward. He indicated with his hand to Jack. A cat screeched ahead of then and a bin was knocked over.
Then it started to rain. A sudden deluge of freezing rain; it appeared to be almost luminesant in the faint light. Jack kept moving ignoring it. Ianto was paralysed, the scanner clattering from his grip. The sound caused Jack to halt; losing his focus he turned to see what had happened, it wasn't like Ianto to be so clumsy. He was about to curse. A blur of movement and the feel of a breeze and suddenly Ianto was thrown to the wet ground a Weevil clawing at him. Jack emptied his gun of bullets and the animal crumpled after the fifth shot, sagging over Ianto's inert form. Jack bolted and threw the weevil aside.
He looked down into wide-open blank eyes. Ianto's coat was torn and ugly gashes criss- crossed his torso, but the injury certainly wasn't life threatening.
There was no response. Jack retrieved the fallen scanner and gathered his lover in his arms and carried him back to the SUV, talking to Owen over his coms as he went.
Later that night and 52 stitches later and Ianto was perched on the edge of the exam couch in the autopsy bay. Owen was tidying away his equipment and Jack was hovering worriedly at Ianto's side.
"Owen?" Jack was holding Ianto's left hand in his right oblivious to the fact Ianto would prefer him not to in front of their medic.
Owen faced them pulling off his lab coat.
"He's fine Jack, apart from a slightly elevated blood pressure, he's fine, but I would like to keep an eye him for a couple of days."
Ianto was becoming annoyed. "He is in the room you know."
Jack squeezed his fingers.
"So you've no idea why I blacked out?"
"Best guess a side effect of the Retcon, you react to Paracetamol or too much coffee, I imagine a bit of Retcon in your system was probably like a full on rave. It's not an uncommon reaction. We've seen it before."
Ianto wasn't convinced.
"The rain started it. As soon as the rain began to fall…….Shit. Jack I'm so sorry, you could've been killed."
Jack hugged him. "More to the point YOU could've been killed. Until I'm sure this isn't going to happen again you're off field assignments."
Owen nodded his approval. "For now, get some rest, those stitches are going to hurt like hell when the anaesthetic wears off."
"Don't worry. I'll make sure he does."
"That includes no sex Jack. I'll run some comparison tests in the morning just to be sure."
Ianto nodded. "Thanks Owen."
Jack had given up his bed for the night so that Ianto could lie flat on his back to avoid irritating the stitched wounds across his chest. Annoyingly Jack had found a chair placed it right next to where Ianto was lying and sat there feet propped up on the edge of the bed. Ianto was trying to decide whether or not he was grateful for the fuss, but decided he was after a fashion. It was comforting to know that Jack cared enough to do it what ever his reasons. Ianto stared at the ceiling again realising he hadn't slept in over 36 hours. No wonder he was blacking out. He relaxed back against the pillows loaded with the scent of his lover, and closed his eyes allowing himself to drift. The image of the rain refusing to leave him, he could feel himself falling with it into sleep.
Two hours later he awoke sobbing because he had remembered what he'd done.