A Thousand Words
Summary: Ikuto must leave Amu after a deadly encounter with Easter, promising he'll come back to her. But it's been three years, and all that Amu holds in her heart now are the thousand words Ikuto will never hear. One-shot.
Author's Note: Listening to "1000 words" in the Final Fantasy game was my serious inspiration for this fic. I've seen many "Ikuto leaves" fanfics, but when a fic demands to be written, it's impossible to be stopped. XD It helps seriously listening to the song. The true meaning of the song really made me think of Ikuto and Amu in that position, and how heartbreaking it really would be. So hope you enjoy. :) For the ending.. you can make of it what you like, whether Ikuto came back, or if he died. The latter would kill me, but in my mind, I'm not sure how I wanted it to end so I just left it at that. I'm also sorry if it wasn't good because I was just writing a drabble as opposed to a fic orchestrated with a lot of thoughts and drawn out situations. It was meant to be short and sweet. Well, not really sweet, but... XD
Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara.
"Cause a thousand words,
call out through the ages.
They'll fly to you, and even though I can't see,
I know they're reaching you.
Suspended on silver wings."
- 1000 words
Ikuto had been acting strange that whole past week.
His usually tired mood became even more defined, and he left my room at night to head home much earlier than he'd ever done. When ever he held me, his embrace was strong, and yet I felt his heart wasn't really in it. When ever I gazed into his eyes, they were blank and lifeless; hopeless and despairing. And worst of all, he'd gone into periods of just staring at the walls, seemingly not hearing me when I spoke to him but spoke as if there was nothing wrong. I tried to keep my worries from showing on my face and letting him see how worried and scared for him I was. I knew he was thinking of things I had no knowledge of, things I didn't know about.
But when he spoke to me, he spoke in a quiet, frightened voice. "It'll be okay, Amu." He said. "I promise, everything will be okay." I never once questioned or knew what he was talking about. I knew that scared voice could only mean he was in trouble. That alerted my senses, and told me something was wrong. He was hiding things. But the whole time before he left, all he told me was that he loved me and that everything would be okay. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe his words. But like dreams, the disguised happy places that are the very darkness of nightmares, they could never fool me. And neither could Ikuto.
I yearned to comfort him, tell him he could talk to me, let him know I would support him and love him no matter what. Even so, against my better judgement, I became distant from him, without meaning to. It was as if a barrier had risen between us, cutting us off from each other. Emotionally. Physically, he was still there. Mentally, he was not. My Ikuto was not with me. He was gone somewhere far away, somewhere I could not reach him.
And little did I know that the next night, he would be physically gone as well to a place I could never reach him.
That night he came to see me like any other; I awoke to him calling my name gently, but in a hurried voice. He was kneeling at the foot of my bed, midnight eyes dead. He was wearing the same High school uniform he'd worn for the past week. Yet, he smelled clean, so I knew he'd at least washed up. That comforted me slightly.
"Amu." He spoke again. "I have to leave. For good. I have to leave you."
It took my heart maybe half-a-second to break in half and then into pieces, the little shards crushing into almost non-existant particles of glass. "W-what?" I asked stupidly. "Ikuto, what are you..?"
"Listen to me, Amu." He seized both of my arms and stared into the depths of my eyes. I could only stare confusedly back. "Easter's done with me. They're out to kill me. I can't let them hurt you. I have to leave before they can track both of us down and then kill you for something that was my fault." Before I could say anything, he wrapped his arms around me in a quick, and warm embrace, his arms holding me tightly, as if he were afraid to let me go. "Please remember that I love you, Amu. Please don't ever forget me.. or that I always will love you, no matter where I am."
I felt the tears threatening to overcome me, but I hid them and swallowed the lump in my throat as he finally pulled away, his face sheilded by his hair. His body shook slightly. Abruptly, he turned and pulled open my bedroom door, and I sat too frozen to stop him. He stopped in the door way, his head to the ground. "Don't cry, Amu, because I'll come back. I promise." He whispered, and he closed the door as he left my room for possibly the last time. This was the last time I would ever see him ever walk through my door.
The tears fell rapidly down my cheeks, but I did not run after him. I knew what ever battles he needed to face, he'd fight them far from me, where harm could not reach me. I knew he loved me. I knew he spoke the truth when he promised he'd come back. Still, I had doubt. Doubt, not of him, but if Easter would let him come back to me alive. I knew in my heart that they wouldn't, that Ikuto would never return to me. Far too easily, he'd been ripped from me. And far too easily, I'd allowed it to happen.
It's been three years since then.
Three years to turn back the pages to a happier time, to a time when he was here, in both mind and body, to a time when I thought I'd always have him with me like a shadow, a time that is now so easily gone. I wonder, sitting in my room now, staring absently at the door, as if hoping you'll walk through it one more time, what would have happened had I cried my eyes out and begged you not to leave, Ikuto. Would you have agreed, or listened? Would you have departed any way, knowing it was for my own good?
Back then, I couldn't say what was in my heart. I'd been too young to know. Too afraid. But now.. I'm not afraid to tell you, if you were here, Ikuto, what's in my heart for you.
A thousand words.
The words that have never been spoken. The words I couldn't bring myself to say, even as I saw you for the very last time..
They'll fly to you and even though I can't see them, I know somewhere out there, they're reaching you.
A thousand embraces.
They'll cradle you, my arms holding you forever. I want my arms to be enough to take all of the pain away, Ikuto. Make it all seem far away, letting you see brighter and happier days like the ones inside my mind.
These thousand words... will carry you home and back into my arms.
In my heart, that hope - that fantasy - is enough. Enough to get me through the day, without you here.
And yet, I know. I've known all along..
These are a thousand words you'll never hear.