A/N: This actually happened to me. I just had to write it down! I hope you find it funny and infuriating at the same time :) This is all in Bella's POV. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or it's characters. I only drive them insane!
Today was one of those days where I seriously wished that I was a vampire. The wedding was in just a couple of weeks. Charlie knew about it . . . hell, everyone in Forks knew about it. That was the talk of the town. The Cullen/Swan wedding was the main topic of conversation on the entire Olympic Peninsula - thanks to Alice sending an invitation to everyone on the planet. Of course, no one knew that Edward would change me during our honeymoon, so my time to sparkle in the sun was coming. But I wanted it now.
I was sick today.
I would cough every time that I bothered to take a breath, I was shaky and clammy and had a fever, I couldn't even breath out of my nose anymore. It was so congested that I sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West whenever I spoke. It was extremely embarrassing. Especially whenever I spoke with Emmett in earshot.
Edward and the rest of his family were leaning towards bronchitis. I was going along with that as well with the way my lungs felt like they were on fire. Normally, if something hurt or whenever I idiotically burned myself while cooking, I would ask Edward to put his hand on it. His ice cold marble touch was usually the cure for everything. But it's not like I could ask him to stick his hand down my throat to cure the burning-lung effect.
Unfortunately, Edward's father - and my favorite doctor - was at a Port Angeles hospital for a seminar. Therefore, to my extreme disappointment, he was unavailable. Of all the days to get sick, I thought bitterly, punishing myself for my stupid immune system.
"Dr. Gerandy is free around 9:00. Get yourself ready, Bella," Alice chirped as she skipped into Edward's room.
Puzzled, I cocked my head to the side. "Dr. Gerandy works the night shift. He doesn't come in during the daytime hours," I said.
Alice smirked. "He does now."
I stared after her. "How does she do it?" I asked Edward who was just getting up from the bed.
He chuckled darkly. "Don't ask me. She may be small, but she is quite irritating. She probably annoyed Dr. Gerandy into insanity. I wouldn't be surprised it he works the daytime hours for the rest of his life."
I coughed and Edward shot me an apologetic look. I pretended I didn't notice it and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. "I don't want to go to the doctor's. You've been to medical school. Diagnose me."
He laughed. "But I don't have the authority to prescribe you anything if you need medication."
I rolled my eyes. "You've broken the law many times before this. Only this time, I'm telling you to. You have my full permission to break the law. So, give me some drugs, doc."
"I think you have gotten so sick that now you are delirious. You're beyond my help, Bella," he said with a playful smile.
"Dang it," I muttered. He laughed and helped me stand up. I groaned once I was completely vertical. "Being sick is such a pain." My head began to spin and pound. Little dots covered my vision as the blood drained from my head, making me dizzy. I had been lying down for a full day, never moving; now the dizziness was more intense than it had been originally. Ugh, it was utter misery.
"I'm sorry, Bella. You'll be at the doctor's soon enough," he replied with a smirk. He scooped me up in his arms, so quickly that I missed the swift movement. Or maybe I was just too tired to notice.
We were downstairs in a millisecond. My head spun around more severely than a minute ago. I groaned as I felt my heart thump painfully in my ears. Or maybe it was my brain; like a clock ticking inside of it just before it would explode inside of my skull. He set me down on my feet; my head continued to spin and I swayed, nearly falling over.
Edward sighed. "I'm carrying you to the car."
"No, I can walk," I croaked. He ignored me. He picked me up into his arms as if I was as light as a feather, and stepped out into the rain. I looked down and realized I was still in my pajamas.
I gasped, completely mortified, and Edward panicked. "What's wrong?" he asked, frantic.
"I'm in my pajamas! I can't go out in public like this!"
He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. "You scared me. I thought it was something important." He glanced sideways at me, his expression playful. "Bella, you're sick. You can go into a doctor's office wearing pajamas. Carlisle sees his patients do it all the time."
"I look terrible!" I exclaimed. My teeth weren't brushed, my hair was in a huge and tangled mess, I was in beaten up sweats. I was definitely a sight to see.
Edward opened the passenger's side door and set me down in the seat. He buckled my seatbelt for me and kissed me on the cheek. "I think you look beautiful."
I felt my cheeks turn hot with the blush. "Gee, thanks," I muttered. He laughed and got into the driver's side. And then he drove off.
Once we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, I sighed, really regretting even letting him carry me down the stairs. As I thought about it, I hardly argued when Alice said I had a doctor's appointment. I rolled my eyes, internally scolding myself; maybe Edward was right. I was delirious.
"Do you need me to carry you into the doctor's office, too?" Edward asked. His tone was mocking, but I knew that if I asked him to, then he would have no problem with it.
I shook my head. "I think I'll be okay." I opened the car door for myself and stood up. I swayed as my head pounded again. Edward was standing next to me with an amused expression on his face.
I blushed. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt," I said as I held my hands up like a child ready to be picked up. He laughed and lifted me up in his arms again. I yawned hugely and laid my head on his shoulder. The cold from his skin helped my head quite a lot, even though I wasn't even directly touching him. He carried me into the waiting room, and at this point, I didn't care if people stared at me.
He sat down in a chair with me on his lap.
I shivered as a chill ran up my spine. I wasn't cold, in fact, I was burning up. But Edward thought it was his fault. He got ready to set me down on the seat next to him, but I grabbed onto his shirt. "I'm not cold. I'm just sick."
He sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's my weak immune systems fault. Stupid immune system," I muttered. That cheered him up. He laughed.
It took maybe two minutes for a doctor to come into the room and say my name. I was so relieved. I just wanted to get this over with. We were led into a small room with sea foam green walls. A salmon pink examining table was set against the west wall. It smelled of alcohol and rubber gloves. The fact that I could smell anything at all with my stuffy nose was amazing. The smells were very strong; they burned my eyes.
I sat down on the exam table while Edward took a seat in a chair on the other end of the room. And then, a lady walked in the room holding a clipboard. Edward looked just as confused as I was. Last time I checked, Dr. Gerandy was a man.
This woman was very thin. She was in a soft pink colored sweater that hung over her black dress pants perfectly. Her hair was a light brown and was very thin as well. It was straighter than mine, and I didn't even know that was possible.
"Where is Dr. Gerandy?" Edward asked in a perfectly polite tone.
The woman smiled in his direction. "He couldn't come in to see her. He let me take over for him." The lady held her hand out to me. "Hello, my name is Dr. Umbridge. And I am a resident here a Forks Hospital."
Edward looked bewildered as she spoke. I didn't know how I felt about a doctor in training examining me. I didn't think Edward was too happy about it either. Hesitantly, I took her hand and she shook it up and down. What a rocky hand shake. Then she dropped my hand, and wiped her fingers on her pants. I felt one blush blend into the next. My clammy hands.
"So, what may I ask is wrong with you?" she asked, coming over with a thermometer in her hand. She patted my cheek and I opened my mouth. She stuck the cold plastic stick under my tongue while Edward spoke up.
"She is extremely congested, she has a sore throat, a headache, a fever that has gone up to about 100.5, and -" Dr. Umbridge held up her hand, silencing him. The thermometer still hadn't beeped, which kept me from speaking up.
"Excuse me, but are you the patient?" the doctor asked.
Edward's eyebrows rose as he took in her stern tone. "You asked her what was wrong while she had a thermometer in her mouth. I think it's kind of hard for her to talk with that thing under her tongue."
Dr. Umbridge put her hands on her hips. "Watch that attitude of yours, young man. Or I might just have to ask you to leave," she warned.
Edward opened his mouth to argue with this crazy lady, but I faked a cough to shut them both up.
"Are you all right?" Edward asked, his full attention on me. I nodded, the thermometer bouncing up and down in my mouth. Then, finally it beeped.
Dr. Umbridge took it out and clicked her tongue in disapproval. "Almost 102." Then, she sighed. "So, what are your symptoms?" I heard Edward take a deep breath from his frustration.
I cleared my throat. "Everything he said was right."
Dr. Umbridge shrugged and began pacing around the room with her hands behind her back. This woman was insane.
"How's your flow?" the doctor blurted out. Edward buried his face in his hands and began to shake. With laughter? I didn't even know what this lady meant.
"Menstruation," she explained. I know that I turned a deep scarlet color, even with my fever. Edward wouldn't look up at me as he heard the silence. I did see that his lips were pressed tight together. I suppressed a groan. He was trying not to laugh at me!
"N-Normal," I stuttered.
The doctor walked up to me and began checking my arms. She ran her hands up and down my shoulders, poking and prodding. What the hell? When you feel this bad, you would want a doctor to come in, say you have some virus, and then give you meds to fix it. Not feel you up.
That wasn't the case with this lunatic woman.
"You sure do bruise easily," Dr. Umbridge commented.
"I fall a lot," I confessed.
Then, the doctor took a step back with a serious expression. "Honey, I think you might be anemic."
Edward wasn't laughing anymore. He looked furious. He stood up in his chair, making it knock up against the wall. "Are you saying that she is coughing, she has a fever, and she is congested because she has anemia?"
"Of course there is more than that!" Dr. Umbridge exclaimed. She shook her head in disbelief as she turned back to me. She took out her stethoscope and began sliding it up and down my back. I took deep breaths when she asked me to. Then, without my permission, she lifted my shirt right over my head and threw it to the side. I was so mortified that I couldn't even look at Edward. I was in pajamas and didn't bother wearing a bra. I was half-naked in front of this strange and unusual lady. How embarrassing . . .
She continued to listen to my breathing from the front of my chest for almost a full minute. Then, she threw my sweat shirt back to me. I yanked it over my head as soon as possible.
"Have you ever had any issues in Gym?" she asked.
"Not too much. I fall down a lot, but that's it."
The doctor sniffed and straighted her pink sweater. "Well, I think you have allergy-induced asthma."
"I don't have asthma," I argued. "I don't smoke, I'm never even around smoke, and my allergies don't normally bother me like this. That's why I am here." I said each word very slowly, hoping that somehow, someway, this lady would get what we were trying to get across to her.
"Well, your allergies are bothering you now. It's allergy-induced."
Edward dropped his head into his hands while my jaw proceeded to hang open. Then, he sighed, and I bit my lip, hoping nothing bad would happen. "Alright. I think this visit is over," he said in a cool, but still somehow polite, voice.
Dr. Umbridge straightened up, her chin jutting out arrogantly. "I'm not through with her examination. You can't go anywhere while I am in the middle of it."
I shook my head, my jaw still hanging open. What was wrong with this woman? She was absolutely insane.
And I just wanted to go home.
To hell with a little virus. This was worse and more humiliating that nearly coughing up a lung with everyone staring at you.
Compared to this, I could learn to live with coughing.
A/N: Yes, this did actually happen to me. And it gets worse! But I hope you enjoyed! Review!