A/N: Yeah, I know... not an "If Only" update. I'm blocked because the new episodes put all kinds of ideas in my head... so I've brought you this to clear my brain. This is spoiler free. Takes place at the end of this week's episode, Never Been Marcused.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass or Blair Waldorf... I just like to put words in their mouths and knock sense into their stubborn heads.
The Shape of My Heart
Chuck was standing in the kitchen when he heard his step-sister's trademark giggle and he knew that she not alone. Closing the refrigerator door, he turned toward the approaching pair of nightgown clad girls, prepared to leave. He really didn't need a stand off with Blair tonight and by focusing on Serena's face he hoped he could make a quick escape.
It was Blair's voice requesting a second to speak with him that drew his eyes to her and his suspicions were immediately confirmed; looking at her was a mistake. Even in sleep wear, she was a brunette goddess in satin. The pale blue fabric accented her summer tan, bunching underneath her breasts, and he could practically feel how the material would slide against his fingers if he removed it. Like an intensely vivid dream that could only be a premonition of something to come.
So real a vision that his eyes couldn't tear themselves from Blair's, at least not until Serena pulled the glass of orange juice he'd just poured from his hands and excused herself.
He attempted to regain his mental footing, knowing that this conversation was probably about his sabotage of her 'relationship,' and approached Blair where she now stood against the counter. After forcing his heart to keep calm and his eyes to meet her doe-eyed gaze, he asked cockily, "Did you enjoy meeting Duchess Beaton?"
"I did." The satisfied smile on her face would've jump-started his pulse again, but the sugar sweet tone to her voice caused his blood to run cold.
Somehow something in his meticulous planning must have gone wrong.
Confusion regrettably colored his voice as he questioned what he already knew; "That's not sarcasm in your voice, it's..."
"Victory," she finished his thought and shrugged her shoulders with a smile, "I know." Blair's innocent act dropped as she continued, "Your plan to ruin me totally backfired. Turns out Marcus's mommy is even sicker than you are." That gloating smirk was back on her pink tinged lips as she insulted him and he couldn't help but fight a smile himself. She was so proud for outwitting him and he strangely was too.
The awe he felt for her ability to thwart him bled into his voiced reply: "You got along great."
"I think she recognized part of herself in me... or rather I recognized someone in her."
He shook his head, "I don't follow." Now he was confused again; what was she doing to him? Obviously she had information that he didn't. And why did knowing that she was capable of out-witting him make her even more desirable?
"All you need to know is that you lost," her words were firm and clear, but her expression was not. Especially when she added, "But don't be too hard on yourself... it was a solid effort," with a tone to her voice that he'd only heard a few times.
Mostly she used it when she was challenging him... especially when there would be a reward for meeting said challenge.
"Tomorrow's another day," he replied, trying to keep excitement about any rewards from his expression, only a small smile slipping through.
To his surprise she met his smile with one of her own and whispered sultrily, "Goodnight, Chuck."
Her eyes stayed on his as she began to walk backwards and she only turned after he reciprocated, "Night, Blair."
The cut of her nightgown left her back bare to his gaze and he knew that the piece of clothing had been chosen for him. Chuck watched her as she slowly made her exit from his family's kitchen and caught the coy smile she threw over her shoulder while twisting her hair. She was toying with him and thoroughly enjoying that he was as wrapped around her manicured finger as that lock of hair was.
Shaking his head at himself, trying to break the spell that she'd put him under just now, he stared in her direction long after she'd disappeared. The whole conversation was a little unnerving, now that he thought about it. Wasn't she supposed to be throwing herself at Marcus? The Blair that just left him wasn't acting like a devoted girlfriend; he knew she would be faithful if this was a situation she was taking seriously.
From the smiles, to the tone of her voice, to her body language it was clear that she'd been blatantly flirting with him. It was extremely sexy knowing that she was still attracted to him, too.
Gone were the manipulations, venomous insults and ultimatums she'd hidden behind since returning from France... Where did her resolve from last night go?
Did she think he'd back off now that she had sufficiently put him in his place? Or that he wouldn't make any plays for her with a doting boyfriend at her side?
Either way, she was wrong. If anything, he was even more determined to crack her facade. Once he could prove to her that they were the same, that they belonged together, there would be no separating them.
He was sure of it.
Heaving a sigh, he followed the hall she'd walked down, making a detour to pass Serena's bedroom door before heading to his own. Once the entrance to his step-sister's room was in view, however, he spotted the brunette that occupied his thoughts. She was standing outside her friend's door, hand on the knob to open it, but seemingly unable to turn it.
Blair was still trying to catch her breath.
Outside of Serena's door, her heart pounding in her chest from the restraint she'd struggled to maintain around Chuck, breathing deeply was all she could do. His face had been so close, his lips so inviting, his voice so low and sexy that it had caused her pain to keep up her act.
She should be congratulating herself on a job well done, but all she could think about was how close she'd come to giving it all up for one kiss from him.
Too bad just one wouldn't cure her, though.
What was sad about the whole situation was how the mere thought of a kiss from him got her more riled up than fifty actual ones from Marcus. A terrible shame, yet one that made perfect sense. She felt nothing but idol-worship for Marcus; Chuck had embedded himself in her blood.
He could have had her yesterday if he'd just told her what she already knew; she wished he'd just complied. If he'd confessed his feelings, right now she would be...
She couldn't be thinking in 'if's' right now; not when she'd allowed her triumph to make her cocky enough to face him and flirt. That had been stupid of her and she'd been lucky enough to escape.
Now all she had to do was calm herself enough to face her best friend without giving the plot away.
Another deep breath was interrupted by question in a deeper voice, "Waiting for something?" She couldn't stop the gasp from her lips at the throaty question. "The night isn't getting any younger."
Taking a deep breath, she didn't lift her eyes from the doorknob to ask, "Would you believe the door is locked?" The lie was so bad that she couldn't look at him; he would see right through her as it is.
His voice grew louder as his steps brought him closer, "I don't believe that my sister would do that, knowing that you were going to follow her." The feel of warm breath on her bare shoulder made her shiver slightly. "Unless..." his voice trailed off before driving his point home, "Unless she was sure you'd give in."
Spinning to stare him down, she spat, "Give in? To what? There's nothing here for me."
"Blair..." the sound was a sigh, lips leaning in towards hers and stopping inches away."Can't you see? You're only fooling yourself."
Feeling very exposed, she crossed her arms over her chest; "I have no idea what you're talking about."
His eyes drilled into hers and she felt him take her hands as he'd done the day before, "Don't you, though? It must be tiring, keeping up the charade of being interested in Marcus when you obviously want me."
"You're such an egotistical ass, Chuck." No matter how hard she steeled herself for the next line, she couldn't stop her voice from softening, "Can't you accept that there is someone on this planet that doesn't want to sleep with you?"
"I can," he whispered, fingers massaging circles into her palms, "but that person isn't you... and no one else matters."
The words weren't lost on her; she knew weighted words that held hidden feelings she heard them. She still couldn't give in, though. They weren't the words she'd demanded and she had to stick to her original demand.
There was no way she was letting him win by backing down. If she was ever going back to him again, it had to be on her terms and he knew what those were.
She couldn't state her requirement again; to be let down two days in a row would be too much. Her heart was still crushed from yesterday's trampling, despite her victory-induced good mood.
When she opened her mouth to protest his assertion, he pulled her body flush with his, revealing her affect on him. Her sharp retort turned to a sighed, "Just give up, Chuck."
He mouthed along her jaw to her ear before breathing, "No." Taking the lobe between his teeth, she stifled a moan as he nibbled and sucked the skin.
How she got backed up against the hallway wall was a mystery, but he was still attached to her neck so she blamed him. "Stop," she breathed and pushed him away.
The lust in his eyes was unmistakable, as was the confusion in his tone. "Why? Give me the real reason and I'll gladly back off."
Sighing, "I can't," was all she could manage. It was too hard trying to resist him; it took too much energy and effort for her to sound convincing.
"That's..." he buried his head in her hair, "that's not a reason, Blair."
Staring at the wall across from her, feeling him so near, the words slipped through her lips easier than any denial: "Are you the only one allowed to be scared?" She leaned her head against his shoulder, giving in to the need to hold him closer as she continued, "You sent me to a foreign country. Alone. If anything, I have more reason to hesitate than you do." Breathing deeply, her words came out a little shaky, "All I asked for was assurance that you cared. Proof that you weren't going to push me away again. I don't think that's too much, not when I'm willing to put myself in danger of being hurt again."
"I know what you want..." his breath warmed her ear as he spoke, "I just can't give you that." Sighing, he amended, "Not yet."
That wasn't helpful at all; it held no new information, nothing justifying her confession just now. It made her a little angry, so she brought her arm up around his back, grabbed his hair, and pulled his head back to make him meet her eyes. "What does, 'not yet' mean, Chuck?!"
"Exactly what it sounds like!" He yanked his head from her grip and rubbed the back of his head with his hand, "Dammit, Blair!"
She shoved him away, "That's not the explanation that I need and you know it." Why did he have to choose now to be so stubborn?
"Whatever I say won't be enough, so why should I bother?" His voice was pure ire, "It's never enough."
Placing her hands on her hips, she met his furious gaze with an irritated one of her own, "Try being honest for once; they say the truth will set you free." Honesty would be a nice change for them; they're always trying to keep up appearances, even with each other. If they're truthful about this thing between them, maybe she'll be able to finally give up this whole act.
Softly seething, he asked, "You want the truth, Blair?" His hands were clenched at his sides, like he was trying not to punch a wall.
When her answer to his question was a nod, he marched the few steps between them and grabbed her shoulders in his hands when she attempted to back away. The strength of his grip should've scared her, but there was something about the surrender now brimming in his eyes that made her feel safe. "That's what I need, Chuck," she whispered. It would be such a relief to finally know.
His touch softened, fingers tracing from her shoulders to thread themselves through her hair as he spoke, "I'm..." He took a deep breath, "I'm not sure I've hit the ground yet. I only know that I'm falling." Dark eyes waited for her reaction and she was speechless at the desperation in their depths, "Let that be enough."
There was a warmth spreading from her heart as she raised her hands to cup his cheeks. The stubble, rough on her palms, reminded her that this was real, that he was waiting for her response because he'd finally told her that he felt. She wasn't the only one.
Enough? Right now it felt like those were the most perfect words he could have spoken; they were the truth. He cared, he wanted her, he wasn't giving up...
She pulled his face down to attack his lips with her own.
Baby, please try to forgive me. Stay here; don't put out the glow. Hold me now...
You can save me from the man that I've become.
A/N: Well, there's part one... hopefully it won't take me long to finish part two for you. Please let me know what you thought!