Dedicated in memory of Eibbor, my hatsukoi.
Sorry for any errors/OOC-ness.. this is unedited. Mainly because it's the longest freaking thing I ever wrote.
DISCLAIMER: Pokemon is not mine.
The snow fell from the heavens, slowly descending on the ground. I only realized it was snowing when I lifted my head from the piece of paper you wrote to me. It was the first day of Winter. It was about... a year ago, when you died.
1 year ago...
I was newly hired in Kanto's National Hospital. I was pretty much a beginner so I didn't know anything. Then I got assigned to you- a new patient.
I think it was destiny, we were both new to our lifestyles. I was still a nurse back then. You were a patient, fighting Cancer by Chemotherapy.
I still remember our first day together, I was walking down the 5th floor's Upper Hall when I heard a door open. I quickly came to the place where I heard it. Then I saw you.
"Um, excuse me.. miss.. You can't go out of your room without a guardian or a nurse with you.. let me-"
Then suddenly you glared at me. Your eyes were still cold back then.
It pierced me. As if something sewed onto me was being ripped apart by a single glare.
I froze. It was pathetic of me- a nurse, losing to a patient. You withdrew your eyes and simply came back into your room as if nothing happened.
That was the beginning of our relationship as a nurse and as a patient.
The next day, I entered your room. As you slept, I heard you murmuring words unaudible to my ears. But, I think it was probably something about your family. You silently wept in your sleep. Then I panicked-
Should I wake her up?!
No- she might get mad.
I woke you up, despite of my worries. "Miss Waterflower... wake up, please..". You slowly whimpered in pain. I jumped back, afraid that I might've hurt you. I looked at your sleeping face carefully..
Your eyelashes were delicately covered in tears. Your cheeks were wet. Your mouth- trembling.
I saw the misery you were going through.
It suddenly hit me at that moment... Was this how patients felt? Do they really feel sadness that much? Somehow, it hurt my heart to see someone like you, who was barely 20, to suffer so much.
Suddenly, tears fell down my face.
That was the first time you made me cry, first of the many times you would make me cry.
The next day, I somehow bought pansies from the local flower store. I wanted to see your smiling face. I went to the 5th floor after checking my employee card in. The elevator was broken back then. So I had to climb 10 flights to reach you.
When I got to your room, you were casually reading a book. I remember, it was 'Koizora', wasn't it? You were crying again. I called out your name and you hurriedly hid the book. You were still uncomfortable around me.
"Hello, Ms. Waterflower."
You smiled reluctantly. "We meet again."
I placed the pansies- now in a vase, on the table next to your bed. You looked at me cautiously as if you were prepared if I suddenly attacked you or something.
"Say, can I trust you?" you asked, looking at me with your deep blue eyes.
My own eyes widened at your question. "Of course." I smiled. You smiled, showing your beautiful white teeth, I smiled back, positive that we were getting along.
You went back to reading your book. And I went back to the Hospital's kitchen, to get your dinner.
Misty, we were together everyday. I shared my stories to you as you listened to me attentively. I asked you once why you didn't talk much. I will never forget what you said..
"There isn't much to say when you're trapped inside a room to die."
Those words made me feel useless, as if my work as a nurse didn't push through. So, the next day.. I resolved to take you on a walk outside the Hospital.
You were ecstatic. It was the first time in months you've been outside. I personally thought it was good for a patient to get some fresh air once in a while.
You were always smiling when we went out of the hospital. You said that the outdoors have always fascinated you. I couldn't have agreed less. I loved the outdoors, too.
"Hey..." you started, slowly walking.
I turned to look at you. "Yes, Ms. Waterflower?". You suddenly laughed.
"Misty. Call me Misty." you smiled, looking at me with clear eyes. I felt my cheeks burn, intimidated by your power to change expressions so easily.
"Misty" I repeated, letting my lips get accustomed to it. Then you blushed.
"Don't say it too much..." you said, curling your hair behind your ear.
Then, you grabbed my arm.
"I wish I could be like the sky... I'd be so free.. and- the sky doesn't vanish, right?"
I nodded. It was a good choice, to be the sky.
The days that followed were filled with joy and happiness.
And memories of my first ever true love.
"Ash." you once said, making me stop in the middle of changing your pillows.
"Were you ever in love once?"
The question made me blush.
"Why such a question, Misty?"
You giggled and then looked at me again, with your powerful eyes.
"It's a secret."
Three words that you said had bothered me for over a month. But little did I know that I was 'a stupid thickheaded asshole'.
I was walking down the 5th floor hall with a wheelchair again. The doctor had just told me you had 3 months left.
This thought lingered around my head.
I wasn't going to see you again.
It stung my heart.
I desperately tried to abandon the thought as I entered your room.
You were there- sitting upright with a book on your hands, 'Socrates in Love'. You were deeply infatuated with Japanese books back then.
"Misty.. it's time for your Blood Pressure check-up.." I said.
You jumped in shock. You closed the book and put it away.
"Oh, hi Ash" you smiled, showing bright white teeth. My heart throbbed as I positioned the wheelchair to face you.
"C'mon.. " I said, offering my right hand to you as I held the wheelchair carefully with my left hand.
You slowly got out of the bed, letting your delicate feet linger an inch above the cold hospital floor.
You lifted your head.
Your eyes met mine. My heart was beating faster. I felt it everytime I saw your eyes.
"Ash..." you said, getting my hand and putting me out of your spell. I nodded. "Yes?"
You were on the floor now- at least 3 inches below me. You raised your head and tiptoed. Our lips met, letting me feel warmth on my lips. My eyes were wide open in shock. You pulled away and sat on the wheelchair.
I was left there standing. You looked at me with an impressive tomato face. "WHAT?! Hurry up, will you?!" you shouted, blushing furiously. I nodded and pushed the wheelchair out of the room.
The next day- I realized something as I checked my employee card in. It just struck me, like Isaac Newton discovering gravity.
I loved you.
I was always thinking about you, always seeing you, hearing you, dreaming about you. I raced upstairs to tell you. I really badly wanted to tell you.
After all- you only had a few months left. Not even a mere 100 days.
Your voice echoed in my head. Your smile seen in my eyes. Your presence- felt around me. I frantically pressed '5' on the elevator and pressed the 'Close Door' button. Tension rose as the navigation light lit up. G...2...3...4...
The doors opened and I rushed out, running to your room and getting scolded on the way.
I didn't care, I had to tell you. My confidence faded as your room number came in sight...
I felt cold sweat trickle down my forehead. I suddenly realized how stupid this was. Not getting your stats from the office, getting your lunch and managing to get scolded by a doctor. I walked back down the corridor, going back down to get your lunch and stats.
After getting the two essential things, I nervously knocked on your door. You were still reading 'Socrates in Love'... 'SekaChu', as you called it. I smiled again.
"Misty... here's your lunch."
This time- you shut your book calmly and sighed. I put the food on the table beside your bed and carefully arranged the detachable table near you. You moved back, letting me put it in place. Our eyes met for a second, you quickly turned away- it hurt me, somehow.
I got your food and placed it on the detachable table.
You nodded and smiled shyly.
The lost confidence was coming back.
You were just sitting there, letting the food run cold. I felt a pang of concern. "Misty?"
Tear-filled eyes stared at me. The world stopped for a second that moment.
"I'm going to die soon, aren't I?" you suddenly asked.
I didn't know what to say.
"No, you aren't." It was a bad reply.
You pushed the lunch away from you, letting it land on your blanket, like a messy toddler. My expression turned into a somwhat mixed expression of anger, confusion and worry. You pulled the blanket away from you and got up on your two feet. My heart was racing. I stood still, waiting for your next move.
"I am going to die soon, right?" you demanded in a frightening voice as tears fell to the ground.
You suddenly wailed and covered your face hurriedly with your hands.
"I... don't want to die, Ash..." you whimpered, wiping the sadness off your beautiful ocean-like eyes. You slid to the floor slowly, sobbing quite loudly.
My conscience stung. You were crying, but here I was- being useless again. I realized something at that moment, Misty- I really wasn't much of a use for you. Though you might protest- I truly once believed that I was. Just standing there.
I hugged you gently, afraid you might reject me.
You didn't, instead, you wrapped your arms around me and bawled on my uniform. It was truly a depressing sight.
Emotions dawned on me and I started to cry. It was pathetic of me- it wasn't my problem, yet I cried with you. You wrapped your arms tighter and I did the same- comforting each other in the bad times of your life.
The next day was a day-off, so she didn't expect to see me there. But I decided to surprise her. I was the first time I thought of someone else on my birthday.
I opened the door, dressed in normal clothes.
You immediately faced me, aware that I was absent that day. You mouth formed into a big 'O'.
"Ash!" you screamed in excitement.
I smiled timidly. "Hi..."
Yesterday's lost confidence was returning.
I definitely had to tell her.
"Isn't it your birthday?" you asked, delighted by my presence. My expression turned serious.
All those unsaid things cam tumbling out of me.
"I love you, I really truly love you."
Your face went blank.
There was a painfully awkward silence.
"I hope you feel the same towards me.." I continued, not being able to bear much more of the silence.
You picked up a pillow and threw it at me. "YOU STUPID THICKHEADED ASSHOLE!" you yelled, throwing it at me. I ducked and stared at you in amazement.
Why were you so frustrated?!
Tears streamed your face. "I HATE YOU! GET OUT!" you picked up yet another pillow and threw it at me. You missed, letting it land infront of the door's exit.
You broke down in the same matter as yesterday. A dumb inspiration of thought came across my mind that you loved to cry, which was anything but real.
"I... love you, too..."
Happiness swept inside of me. You were the first girl who had ever said that to me. I slowly sat beside you.
"I... don't know what to say.. I..."
You slapped me.
"ASK ME TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DAMMIT!"
I laughed. "How unlady-like of you".
That was the start of our relationship as two people- in love.
I remember passing everyday by a Church near the Hospital to pray for you to get well everyday. It was always like that. Asking for a miracle- for some world-renowned doctor to suddenly discover a cure for your damn horrid cancer, for you to somehow recover fully or for an alien from a high-tech planet to choose you to test a miracle cure on.
My imagination was truly vivid that time. How I wish that.. back then I knew how the real world was... and how imaginary things in dramas and TV shows didn't happen so easily.
But I still wanted to believe that our love would overcome any obstacle that came between us.
One of them was your disease.
Everyone was well aware of our relationship, the doctors, the other nurses, my friends, your friends.
You made sure that we would spend every hour, minute, second and moment together. This deeply touched me. You were the first girl who had made me feel so complete and fulfilled. Our love was different from others. We didn't go on dates, eat at fancy restaurants or even kiss. We'd just hold hands and everything would feel in place.
In my mind, I truly wanted to believe that you weren't dying. But somehow when I tried to, it'd always come back to me- haunting my thoughts about you.
After ranting at me, you didn't talk about death much. You said that you weren't thinking about dying.
I admired that, Misty.
But... our love had a deadline... a deadline we refused to believe.
That deadline was on December 14.
The doctor had predicted it as somewhere near Early December. We were quiet for a moment then we got fired up to spend as much time as possible.
Time was running out, I knew it. You couldn't get out of bed much and your skin was turning paler every time I saw you.
You were slowly decomposing and I couldn't do anything.
On December 11, you told me something.
"I will never forget you Ash, even if I do die... I'll always think of you."
Those words touched my heart yet I refused to cry infront of the girl I loved.
"Don't say things like that, Misty you're n-"
"I am going to die, Ash. We both know that very well and I don't have much time left, don't I?"
There was silence.
The sun was shining brightly outside.
"Let's take a walk." you suggested.
I nodded, fighting away my tears.
Even though you were frail, Misty. Your strength... was something that was something more powerful than mine.
I got your wheelchair and positioned it near you. You weakly sat up and moved your legs to the left side of the bed. You got out of the hospital bed and I helped you unto the wheelchair. You smiled and whispered a simple thanks.
I nodded and pushed you outside the room. My tears fell, now that you couldn't see me.
Outside the cramped Room 502, the fresh breeze greeted our sad faces.
We were experiencing everything Sadness, Happiness, Sorrow, Joy... everything.
I pushed you toward a secluded area. Our place.
We arrived at an Oak tree and I stopped the wheelchair and helped you out of the wheelchair.
We sat below the tree, sharing our love.
Below the tree, we looked at the sunset.
You moved closer to me and I draped my arm around you.
"Ash, will you ever forget me?"
I shook my head.
"Never. I'll never ever forget you, Misty."
You smiled and hugged me.
"Tell you what, Ash. Look up the sky."
I lifted my head upwards at the reddish-orange sky.
"When you get sad or angry.. just look at the sky... whether at sunset, sunrise or when it's fine, and remember the words I'm going to tell you."
She whispered something in my ear.
It was just simple and common.
It wasn't 'I love you'..
I burst out crying. All the feelings I hid came coming out.Four words that I bet wouldn't make you cry.
She smiled sadly and repeated it with a shaky voice.
"You are not alone."
My face was wet within 20 seconds. My cheeks were soaking wet and my eyelashes dripped in tears. My eyes were closed and I think my nose was red, my teeth were gritted and I was sobbing.
Come to think of it.. it was pretty embarassing.
"Stop crying you big baby! You're not the one who's going to die here!"
That made me cry more, though.
"Misty- I-I-I- really love you.. I'll never forget you! I promise! I'm not... going to... forget you..."
Snow began to fall.
You smiled and lifted your head and stuck out your tongue.
You caught a snowflake and it melted promptly as it landed on your tongue.
"You're so cute."
"Thanks." you stuck your tongue out again.
I did the same, tasting my first ever snowflake.
That was the last time we went outside the hospital.
I changed the Azaleas on your table. You looked at them dreamily and I grinned at you.
"They're pretty, aren't they?"
The snow was falling outside, so we couldn't go outside. It deeply depressed you, so I bought flowers.
"Ash" you started.
I immediately looked at youi.
"Here" you said, offering me one of your Japanese books.
"Koizora. Read it. It's good."
I nodded and put it inside my bag.
You smiled softly then you coughed, softly then quite loud. This alarmed me so I called a doctor. I got you on a wheelchair and sped to the Emergency Room.
Panic got the best of me.
I felt- at that time, that everything was going to disappear from me.
You were on the operating table for 6 hours.
I was outside the Emergency Room the whole time, pondering at the Red light about the white doors.
After 3 hours, I needed to get rid of the tension so I remembered the book you gave me, I went back to Room 502 to get it.
For the remaining 3 hours, I was reading the book you loved so much.
I was almost finished when the doctor came out of the Emergency Room.
He looked at me pitifully.
My stomach turned upside-down.
"She's in a coma."
My vision went blank. Cold sweat rolled down my face. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I couldn't move.
I was paralyzed.
"Ash... do you.. want to see her?"
I couldn't process what was happening.
It was doomed from the start.
I somehow found enough strength to nod.
He sighed and led me to a room.
She was connected to those machines that show how you breathed. Her hand was connected to a dextrose. Her body was still, unmoving. She would look dead if it weren't for the machine.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Did she have time left?
Could she leave me.. like this?
I approached her. My steps were shaky and I think I thought I was going to faint at that time.
Her face slowly came into view. It was expressionless. Yet, her beauty still shone through.
I couldn't accept it.
"Misty..." I whispered, sitting on the clood hospital floor below her bed, I held her hands and moved closer to her. So close that I could her breathing.
"Misty-" my voice choked up.
"Don't leave me.. I need you.." my breath was hot against the air. I sniffed, repressing my tears.
My tears fell on our hands.
Then, miracle happened.
She opened her eyes.
I have never felt so much joy before in my life.
You turned your head to me and smiled, overcome by fatigue.
I broke down crying on the floor, murmuring 'Thank God you're alive." countlessly.
You gripped my hands and I gripped back.
The doctor came up to you and asked about how you were feeling. You told him you were fine. Then he requested me to look after you for a while.
After he left, I said many things to you as I made an effort to speak properly.
You didn't talk much like then...
Because you were dying.
That was the truth I didn't want to believe.
The doctor told me you had about 5 days to live.
It was like a world-renowned fortune teller was telling you the world was going to end tomorrow.
Of course, I couldn't tell you that.
I was staring at the wax-polished white hospital corridor, balancing a lunch tray and a paperbag with my left arm. On my right, I was texting my Mom that I was going to be late today.
I opened the door leading inside your room.
You were still there, reading yet another Japanese Romance novel. This time, it was Renai Shashin.
I started to wonder why I wanted to cry everytime I saw you. It was pity and mercy, I think.
I just stood there, by the entrance. Trying to savor the last moments we were spending.
You noticed me.
'Oh, hi Ash" you closed the book gently and put it down on the bedside table.
I smiled and move towards you and arranged the detachable table on your bed and laid down the lunch tray after.
I faced you, sitting on a chair near your bed. "Hmm?"
"I was thinking what would have happened to me if I didn't meet you.."
My heart suddenly stung.
"Maybe, I wouldn't have regretted dying so much and leaving you, leaving so much kindness and love being offered to me."
You picked up your spoon and fumbled with the Mushroom Soup.
"But, if I hadn't met you.. I would have never experienced that kindness and love that you gave me.."
You took a sip.
"And, sometimes.. I wonder why were we fated to meet at such a crucial time in my life.. It would have been better if I met you when I was still healthy."
You took another sip and said nothing else.
I cleared my throat.
"You know, a friend once told me-"
Your attention averted to me.
"Fate isn't by chance.. it's by choice."
There was a pause. You slowly blushed.
"I chose to send my resume to this hospital. I chose to be a nurse."
There was another pause.
"But, you didn't choose to have.. cancer.You didn't choose to be a patient.."
"I think- I made this happen."
I took something from my pocket and placed it on your hand.
"I made us meet."
You looked at the thing I placed on your hand.
There was the note I wrote to you.
'I'm glad I met you.'
Your face crumpled, taking the note and hugging it to your heart.
"Ash... I don't want to.. cry anymore.."
"I don't..want to die.. sad ...I want to die.. happily..in-in your.. arms.." you withdrew your right hand and wiped your tears away.
I took another thing out of my paperbag.
You looked at me, a sudden flash greeted your eyes, making you shield them.
"I caught your red nose on cam!" I showed you the embarassing photo.
Your eyes widened.
"WHAT THE HELL! DELETE THIS!" You threw a pillow at me.
I laughed, ducking flying pillow away from you again.
You threw the last pillow behind you, it was successful, making me stagger to the floor.
I was laughing hysterically as I crashed down to the floor. You started to laugh, too.
"What's with your laugh?! You sound like a donkey!" you said, clutching your stomach.
I stopped laughing, giggling softly. "I'm not a donkey!"
Your face was suddenly near mine.
Then, you kissed me.
I didn't expect that, so it was normal for my eyes to bulge wide open and my lungs not to occupy air.
You parted after mere seconds.
"What is with your face, Ash?"
I felt my face. It was hot. I presume I was beet red.
I shook my head.
"Here." you said, getting something from behind your pillow and handing me it.
I looked with concern. "What is this?"
You shrugged. "You'll know. Don't open it yet. You'll know when to open it."
I nodded and tucked it in my pocket.
You breathed in oxygen and held my hand.
"Is it still snowing?"
You tried to get up.
I stopped you.
"I'll do it."
The window was quite hard to open and I struggled with the handle, which was gathering rust. It finally opened as I heaved it up with all my might. You started to laugh.
"What?" I asked, wiping perspiration out of my forehead.
"Your all red, Ash." you said.
I looked at one of the windowpanes.
I was red.
The snow was beautiful. I grinned.
You sighed. "It's so... white." you said dreamily, folding your hands below your jaw.
"Of course, it's white."
"The sky is beautiful, too."
I gazed at the sky. Then back to you.
The machine was making a long beep.
My heart pounded as I pressed the 'Help' button and started to perform CPR.
Your eyes were closed as I breathed into your mouth.
Sweat trickled down my forehead.
'Don't leave me.'
The emergency crew arrived and I allowed them to lift you unto the bed that would soon lead you to finally parting with me.
I remember, one day. I once swore.. that when you'd die... I would hold your hand.
I did but, it didn't make a difference.
I begged the doctor to let me hold your hand.
He allowed me, knowing the depth of my feelings.
I was holding your hand as they operated. I heled with wiping the sweat of Doctor Richwood's face.
But- it really didn't do anything to help you. I was just helping Doctor Richwood's face from getting soaked with his sweat.
I was staring at you the whole time, watching your breath fog at the oxygen mask and fade only to be seen again.
My conciousness kicked in when the mask didn't fog.
Doctor Richwood putt his scalpel down and removed his mask.
"I'm sorry... I failed."
The familiar long beeping sound was entering my ears for the last time.
Tears formed and dropped.
The nurses and the doctor left us. No, left me. With your lifeless body.
I was still holding your hand, trying to hold back my tears with emotionless eyes.
I finally found the strength to move and sat near you.
I saw your face and all my supressed tears came out.
You were gone. Forever.
On the Afternoon of December 14, the news was broken to your family and friends. They all cried, saying that you didn't deserve this and that Doctor Richwood was a coldhearted liar. Yet, I knew that they really knew Misty's condition. And that they just pinned the blame on someone because they were too afraid to admit it.
I was outside the Emergency Room, now.
That was the first time I was not with you in Kanto's Hospital.
I was still wearing yesterday's clothes. My tears had dried up, leaving stains on my face.
I was sitting there, motionless except of my breathing.
Thoughts surrounded my head.
'The 5 day deadline was today.'
'I should've never looked outside the window.'
I reached inside my pocket to bring out a handkerchief but I felt something smooth instead.
I took it out and stared at it.
It was your letter.
My tears didn't come. I was far too tired to cry now.
I opened it, aware that I will break down crying at your letter.
The letter did make me cry.
This is the first and last letter that I am going to send to you.
Okay, let me start by saying "Sorry" for all the times I ever worried/angered/made you cry. Well, you made me cry, too. That makes two of us. Next, "Thanks" for all the times you stood by me.. believed in me or ever did something nice to me. You might not know, but these things mean a lot to me. And lastly, uhhh...here's the last thing I'm going to tell you.
Keep on looking.. you know where.
Well, that isn't the last thing. I'm also am very sorry that I make such crappy letters.
This isn't goodbye.. we'll meet again someday.
I love you,
I was bawling and my eyes and my hands were shaking, I was struggling to say something corny back to you.
"I'll never forget...I'll keep on looking... and... you do make crappy letters..." I forced a smile, as if you were looking at me.
"I will... Misty... I'll never.. forget."
A week later, your funeral was held.
I didn't attend. I just couldn't bear to see your body be buried under 10 feet of soil. I just stayed in your old hospital room, talking to a new patient, who was also dying.
The only thing different was.. it wasn't her. And... it was a guy.
Misty, presently.. I've had over 20 patients assigned to me. I'm a Doctor now. I know, slap me. But I'm not lying.
The thing is.. no matter how many patients I have...
I will never forget the first patient I was assigned to.
I will also never forget the first and the last girl I fell in love with.
And now, as I look up at the snowing sky, that thing you told me that day will always be in my memory as long as I live.
I am not alone.
This is the longest and corniest thing I have ever wrote in my intire 12 year old life D:
PS. I am sorry for the lack of my medical vocabulary lol.