I read something a bit disturbing today, but I thought it might be funny to use it in a fic. So... enjoy?

It's unbeta'd and english is not my first language so please be so kind as to point out any mistakes I made.


When Ron came in the Dining Hall he saw Harry already there. He walked over, sat down next to him and immediately started gobbling down food. "Mowing, Harry" he attempted to say with a mouthful of food. When after a while Harry still didn't respond he looked up. Finding that Harry was staring at something he followed his line of vision. Seeing Malfoy he wondered what he was doing that held Harry's attention. After some observation he concluded that he wasn't doing anything but spreading a thin layer of mayonaise over his bread.

"Why are you staring at Malfoy?" he asked Harry. Harry finally snapped out of his daze and looked at Ron questionably. "Why were you staring at Malfoy?" he repeated. Harry just shrugged and finished eating.

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to Ron again. "Didn't Hermione come down with you?" Ron shook his head no. "Where is she then?" he asked. Ron mumbled something that sounded much like "Library" but he couldn't be sure by the way he food almost flew out of Ron's mouth. Harry stood up. "Well then, I'm going to look for her because I need to ask her something, and if I need to wait for you, I will be here for another hour." Ron let out something that sounded like a growl and glared at him. Harry laughed. "I'm just teasing you Ron," he grinned and poked Ron's stomach "Though you must admit you have a huge black hole in your stomach." Harry quickly darted away before Ron could smack him and left the hall. Ron kept glaring at Harry's till he passed through the doors and disappeared out of sight. Looking over at Malfoy he again wondered again why Harry was staring at him. Shrugging he thought it must be one of the mysteries of life and went back to his food.


When Ron woke up it was just past midnight. Feeling the need to take a leak he slipped on a robe and left for the bathroom. When he approached the door he noticed the light coming from the crack under the door. Hearing soft grunting noises he was afraid of what he might find, but like they say, curiosity killed the cat. Slowly pushing down the handle he opened the door. Momentarily blinded by the light he blinked a couple of times. When his vision cleared he saw Harry's naked back, his hand making pumping motions in front of him. "Harry," he asked tentatively. "what are you doing? Are you..."

Harry looked over his shoulder and held up an half empty jar. He grinned. "I'm making mayonaise." When it finally clicked his eyes widened in shock before he prompty fainted.


Waking up in his bed he wiped the sweat from his forehead realising it had all been a bad dream. Noticing everyone had already left he went to the bathroom to do his morning business and then went down to eat.

When he arrivered in the Dining Hall he saw Harry already there and staring at Malfoy again. Sitting down next to him Ron once again asked him why he was staring at him. Harry just grinned and kept staring. Looking over at Malfoy he saw him spreading a thin layer of mayonaise over his bread.

Needless to say, Ron fainted... again...


So uhmm.. Rate and Review? xD