Contents: Alternative Timeline. Highly advised to avoid eating or/and drinking while reading this chapter. :P
Warnings: Narusasu…? Sort of. Oh. And although I joked about it, I definitely hate ItaSasu. Thank you.
"AAAAAAAAAARGH! I hate Sasuke-bastard!" An outraged howl echoed while many people placed their hands on their ears, trying to salvage their ability of hearing.
"There there Naruto…just…drink some beer." Shikamaru offered another cup while he grumbled about troublesome friends and troublesome beer.
"But…but…how is that gonna help me with all this?" Naruto whined, swallowing the beverage quickly. "I…I…that….AAaaaaaarghhhhhh…" The groan was followed with violent noises of bumping head on the table. Nobody moved an inch to help the blond nin though, they were aware of his extraordinary healing abilities. "I really really hate Sasuke. I hope he dies, for all I care."
Everyone grunted carelessly in response.
"No…I…" Gigantic, fat droplets of tears were gathering around the cerulean eyes and he sniffed (quite noisily) "I don wanna tchu make Sasukee diiieesss…" He hiccupped again. "Becooooouse…Sasuke ish soooooooo importaaaan to meeee…" He giggled (everyone quirked their eyebrows) and rested his reddened face on the counter.
"So I can see that Naruto is a moody bitch when he's drunk." Shikamaru concluded.
"Are you crazy? Naruto is always moody even when he's not drunk! The only difference here is that he's gone bipolar!" Kiba grunted. "From hyperactive to careless but now is brooding to passionate, grinning like some love-sick puppy moron!"
"So what should we do? I don't like the brooding Naruto, but the love-sick puppy…" Shikamaru murmured.
"Yeah…the love-sick…" Kiba sighed. "Here, Naruto, more beer."
"Yay!" Naruto accepted it and turned it down with one gulp, shifting his expression one more time. "That's why I fucking hate Sasuke! Making me feeling those…feelings!" His friends rolled their eyes. "I should'va left 'im rot in Aktchuki hideout. THAT BASTARD!" Another loud shout generating another wince from everybody. Maybe they should start using earplugs before they'd redeem deaf.
Naruto calmly rested the mug on the table while he still wore the usual goofy grin, everybody looking at the blond with wary eyes. Suddenly, he inhaled a good amount of air and sighed forlornly, sobbing again.
"What shou I doo…? I can't…can't have this kind of feelings…Sasuke will hate me! I dunn wanna see Sasuke rejecting me…he's my best frieeeend tchuuu…my brothaaaa…" Naruto took some time to make some pitiful gurgling noises until he raised his head into a thoughtful expression. "Hey, do yuu think he's in tchu incest? Thzat will hellpp me a loooooot."
Oh my god, they're going to need some brain bleach after hearing that.
"So troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.
"I guess that Naruto should be happy that Itachi's dead, otherwise, if Sasuke really is into incest, they're going to have some heavy problems of rivalry." Kakashi smirked impishly.
"Oh god, stop saying those kinds of things! I think I'm almost barfing right now. The image is burning my brain and corrupting my innocent mind!" Kiba grunted, shaking violently his head.
"Now that Naruto's totally smashed…" All of his friends looked at the drunk blond slumped on a seat haphazardly. "What should we do about this?"
"I know. We should call for Sasuke." Kakashi happily explained.
Everybody stared with disbelieving eyes. How is Sasuke's presence is going to improve Naruto's current problem?
"And even if by calling Sasuke will be any of help, what's the guarantee that he'd agree on coming here to a bar? Sasuke's one of the most anti-social people I've ever met in Konoha." Shikamaru mumbled to the grey-haired jounin.
"Oh. But I only have to use the 'magical word'. You'll see." Kakashi grinned mischievously.
"Where's the dumbass Naruto and what happened to him to drink so much this night?" Arrived afterwards a brunet with spiky hair and brooding tendencies.
Nobody vocally answered Sasuke, opting to simply point at the drunken Naruto, who at this moment was gleefully giggling while he sipped another bottle of beer.
"Dobe! Stop drinking needlessly alcohol and let's go!" Sasuke pushed relentlessly the unmoving body of his friend, but Naruto stayed rooted at his side.
"No! You bunch of crappy friends, I dunn wanna go away with a black chicken! Thiz black shicken is glaaaaarrring at me!"
"Naruto, look how you're totally drunk you dumbass! I'm Sasuke, not some kind of crazy lunacy that you're inventing now!" Sasuke snarled.
"Whaaaaaaa? The chicken has the stchuuupid bashtardish voice! Just like Shyashuke!" Naruto grinned happily while he fumbled over the dark locks. "I like this chiicken! Can I have it? His feather is sooooft!"
Sasuke quickly slapped the tanned hand away from his black hair and snarled. "Retarded dobe, I'm human dumbass!" He almost emitted a squeak when two arms tightly locked into an endearing hug.
"Awww…this chicken is as tall and pweeety just like Sasuke-teme!" His whiskered cheeks began snuggling closely to the pale ones that was rapidly gathering a red color. "This chicken also haz smooth skin jush like Sasuke-teme." Then, he sniffed loudly at the crook of Sasuke's neck and mumbled happily. "He also has Sasuke-teme's nice smell. Zenzei, iz thiz chicken yours? I wanna!" His tanned hands were securely holding Sasuke's shirt into a tight grip while all of the observers were trying to muffle some chuckles.
It took some reasonable minutes to Sasuke wake up from his stupor (that he was unabashedly being complimented by his best friend) then he returned to his glaring self.
"Usuratonkachi, you're an idiot. And you're drunk. For fuck sake's, let's go!" He yanked the spiky golden hair to move Naruto further away from him but was rewarded with a childish slap on his head.
"Yeah, and this chicken is as asshole as Sasuke-teme. And bothersome! Icy-prick aaaaaaaand…B-A-S-T-A-R-D! I hate this chicken!"
That did it. "Dobe, I'm not waiting anymore, come with me NOW!" Sasuke angrily shouted while he grabbed Naruto's stomach to drag him out of the bar.
"Nooo! I hate the black chicken, I dunn wanna be raped by him!"
"There's no black chicken here you dumbass, let's go!"
"Nooo…shickennnn?" Naruto tilted his head to the side and his bleary eyes slowly dawned into comprehension. "Sasuke-teme, whyre ya here? You just arrived now?"
Rolling his graphite eyes, knowing that he surely didn't want to argue with a drunken moron, Sasuke retorted. "Yeah yeah, can we just go now? You're too drunk."
"'m not…Just happy! Happy, happy happy…"The blond sang tunelessly. "Hey Kiba, gimme shum more!" Naruto opened his arms to cheerfully receive another round of beer, but Sasuke slapped away with a Glare aimed at Kiba too.
"Enough. Stop drinking carelessly and go back to your home, usuratonkachi!" Sasuke pushed his friend to temporarily dislodge his position off the chair.
"Nooo…I wan' moar beer! Asshole!" Naruto sat again petulantly, grabbing some nearby beverage. "Grrrr…" They started have a tug-war with the poor cup, one trying to outwit the other, but in the end Sasuke (the sober one) won the contest.
"Hah! Idiotic usuratonkachi."
Naruto obviously sulked in return, and shouted with full lungs.
"You Bastard, I hate you!"
Ignoring the heavy pang inside his heart, Sasuke growled back, yanking again the tanned wrist. "Whatever stupid dobe, now stop being childish and let's go!"
"NO!" Pouted the blond.
"Let's…" Sasuke tried to drag out his drunken friend. "Goooooo!"
"Noooo! I hate you, Bakasuke!" (Baka+Sasuke)
"Moron! I definitely hate you more, since you're a bothersome dobe!"
"Well, I hate you twice!" Retorted Naruto.
"I hate you thrice!" Snapped the Uchiha.
"I hate you five times!"
"I hate you ten times!" Ah…what a wonderful display of friendship and care…
"I hate you fifty times!"
"I infinitely hate you more!" And at some distant point of Sasuke's brain, some tiny rational side was nibbling that maybe this wasn't exactly how a mature and sensible discussion should engage normally.
"Screw you, Bastard! I hate you more because I have tons of reasons to hate, more than you!"
"Hah! Unbelievable!" Sasuke snorted haughtily. "How is it possible that a dumbass, dead last, brash, impulsive and hyperactive usuratonkachi has bigger reasons to hate than me?"
"Starting now! You're an arrogant jerk!"
"You're arrogant too!"
"But your ego is so inflated that you could cover the entire Hokage Mountain! And you're an emo asshole too!"
"I'm not! Better than you, explosive and moronic dobe!"
"See? I hate that you keep giving smart-ass comebacks! I hate your snotty ticks, I hate your stupid smug smirk!"
"I hate your retarded grin!"
"I hate your body, it's all so muscled and lean! Not to mention your skin! How the fuck you've managed to be so soft and pale when any ninja would get a tan from daily missions?"
"What the hell are you talking about dobe? You're crazy!"
"I hate the fact that you're nice to me and worries about me! I hate that you make me open myself only to you!"
"I'm not nice!" The Uchiha in denial kicked in.
"I hate to see that only you would understand me, you're my most important bond and my best friend!"
Bewildered, the brunet couldn't reply the drunken outburst, as Sasuke slowly understood that something was going out of control.
"I hate to realize that I can't live without you, that I'm becoming obsessed over you, I can't get you out of my head!"
"W—Wh—?" For the first time in this night, Sasuke was completely speechless.
"I hate wanting to be next to you, I hate this weird cravings to do something weird to you, I hate the weird feelings that I have on you!"
Sasuke just stared back, completely befuddled. Naruto continued his endless ranting, as he approached menacingly and finally grabbed the pale face with one last yell:
"I HATE THE FACT THAT I LOVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!" And without wasting any more second, whiskered face moved forward and proceeded to molest his friend.
Too dumbfounded to avoid him, Sasuke just allowed his friend assault his thin lips, inhaling the strong smell of beer, making him light-headed. His jaw was slightly slack, a fact that Naruto thoroughly took advantage of, invading Sasuke's mouth with his tongue and drawing a strangled grunt from the brunet.
Staring at the unfolded events with nonchalant amusement, all onlookers including Naruto's friends simply congratulated the couple with mild clap of hands and unimpressed 'ooooh's while they continued to kiss.
It didn't take long for Sasuke to hesitantly return the kiss, closing his eyes to savor better Naruto's plump lips and eagerly contributing with the kissing some seconds later. And damn, for someone completely drunk out of his sockets, Naruto surely was a great kisser.
However, after some more minutes of groping and moaning, Naruto was the first one to detach, out of breath, staring with foggy eyes.
Sasuke gazed at his best friend, now fully realizing this situation and desperately not trying to panic under any circumstance. His feelings were in turmoil, many unnamed emotions were bursting out of his heart, as he timidly mumbled, unsure how he should address this situation:
However, Naruto turned green and:
Emptied his stomach on Sasuke's lap.
The brunet madly twitched his left eye.
Naruto, the number one unpredictable ninja indeed.
Author notes: wow…and to think it's the same confession done by the same person in III…XD weird.