The 15 Faces of Jyuushirou Ukitake

By

PND

Face 4

Loneliness


Living so long with no one to share it with seems like such a waste of time. How could you be happy by yourself? What could you achieve alone? Does your existence even matter if you don't have anyone worth existing for?

Ukitake Jyuushirou did not often think of things like that. There were too many other things to worry about. The Seireitei, his friends, his health. Did he really need anything else to cause anxiety? No, he didn't.

What good would having someone to share his life with bring? Love? A sense of accomplishment? Happiness? Someone to protect?

Children?

He didn't need any of those things.

Heaven only knew how much he wanted them.

Such beautiful distractions to have.

He'd grown up in a large family. Loneliness was never as issue. He'd always enjoyed the warm exchanges and familiarity.

Now…there was none of that. He rarely even got to see his family any more.

Work kept him much too busy for frivolities.

And when he wasn't too busy…he was too sick to go.

If he had someone here to take care of him, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but he'd rather live with his loneliness than put someone he cared for in danger. He'd seen too many friends die for loved ones to do it to someone else. He'd felt the pain of losing friends more times than he cared to remember.

It wasn't just that. He didn't want to be taken care of. He should be the caretaker. No other way should exist. It was his duty to protect and provide. Not the other way around. He didn't want to burden anyone because he was too weak.

He would keep his weakness to himself and be lonely. Did he really need anything more? As long as he was lonely, he'd be aware. He'd have goals.

Where were your goals when you had everything you wanted?


End.

AN: Wow, short. Blame DelMarch for the bringing the subject up. I'd write more, but it's almost 4am and I'm tired.