This is the only way I could see it happening on the show. Enjoy and I love reviews. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING


Thirteen was leaned over a crossword puzzle. She didn't really like them, but she was so bored, she was ready to gouge out her own eyes just to give herself something to do. A slow day at the hospital, an event rarer than Haley's Comet or House being civil, caused usually-so-busy doctors to accumulate in offices or break-rooms in little knots of boredom. They were no different. Kutner was playing a PSP in the corner- hopefully not House's or there'd be a bloodbath-, Foreman was reading through a magazine for the second time, and Taub was reading what looked like a medical journal across the table from her. Even Wilson was in there with them, dozing in a chair in House's office. Thirteen could hear the sound of video games coming from House's desk. There was a polite tap on the door. She looked up. Cameron strolled in.

"Now, I can't believe the ER is slow," Thirteen said.

"No, I'm off-shift. I'm waiting for Chase to get out. But the ER was slower than usual," Cameron answered, dumping herself into a seat next to Foreman. She sat there momentarily, but soon her eyes began wandering forlornly to Thirteen's crossword.

"If you don't have something to trade for this, you have a better chance at getting pictures of House in bed with Wilson," Thirteen muttered. Cameron sighed and sat back.

"Do you really think they're gay?" Kutner asked distractedly. Thirteen looked up with an exasperated sigh.

"How bored are you?" she asked.

"Extremely. And I'm curious," Kutner replied.

"He's sitting right there, ask him," Cameron whispered conspiratorially .

"No!"

"Oh my God, I'm leaving!" Foreman grumbled, heading for the door. Thirteen kind of shrugged and continued the conversation.

"I'll admit, they're always together. House was never married, not to mention that he's proclaimed he'll sleep with anything that says yes," Thirteen said with a shrug.

"Ew," Taub mumbled.

"And Wilson's multi-divorced. Come on, he has to be getting something out of it, considering the abuse House subjects him to," Kutner said, quietly, an eye on Wilson.

"Oh, this isn't fair. You can't talk about them behind their backs when they're right there!" Cameron hissed.

"I think Kutner has a point," Taub said. "But then…" He motioned at Cameron.

"Oh God," Cameron groaned. "Why does everyone automatically assume that I slept with him?"

"Well House could be…" Thirteen began, but didn't finish her sentence. Everyone raised their eyebrows at her. Kutner let out an ill-supressed giggle.

"Well, you can't eliminate it; it kind of comes with the willingness to sleep with anything that moves. And no, it's not like I can smell my own. It's not like they'd tell us if they were," Thirteen finished, finally.

"Tell you what?" Wilson asked from the door. Conversation came to a screeching halt.

"Nothing!" Kutner blurted. Wilson swept a puzzled eye over everyone watching him.

"They think we're gay, Jimmy," House said from behind him. The silence was suddenly deafening.

"Excuse me?" Wilson gasped. Everyone's eyes darted to the floor.

"Makes sense, doesn't it? They even said it: we're always together, you handle my abuse well, we lived together for a while, even," House said, casting an eye over the others.

"We're best friends. That doesn't mean we're gay," Wilson said.

"Maybe we just don't know it," House quipped. He turned, grabbed Wilson and slammed his mouth against his. There was a collective gasp in the room and Thirteen was sure she saw House's tongue. Wilson gave a muffled shout and shoved at House's shoulders, but House was stronger than he was and wouldn't let go. The room sat in shock, slack-jawed and conpletely silent. House finally pulled away, patted Wilson on the back and gave a thoughtful look.

"Hmmm…" he said, glancing at Wilson, who was violently wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"You are vile!" Wilson snapped.

"Oh, my! No cuddles for me!" House said, walking back into his office and shutting the door. Wilson gave an angry glance at everyone in the room and stormed out, nearly knocking over Cuddy, who had been standing in the hall in shock.

"Did I just…What…" she gasped at Wilson as he passed her. He ignored her and fairly ran back to his own office.

"What the hell was that? I come in to tell Cameron that Chase is going to be late and…Oh, God, that was so bizarre, I don't even have words," Cuddy stammered as she shut the door. No one answered. Kutner was actually still sitting with his mouth open. Shaking her head, Cuddy went to House's office.

"I can't even begin."

"They thought I was gay. I wanted to be sure. And the look on Wilson's face was rather priceless," House said.

"You know this will have everyone talking tomorrow, right? Not to mention it could be construed as sexual harassment," Cuddy said.

"I'm hoping that all the nurses will be like 'oh, he'll turn around with the right woman'."

"And then there's Wilson, who will probably never speak to you again,"

"Oh, he will. He'll get over it. And don't worry, if Wilson hasn't sued me yet, he never will."

"Why did you do that? Even if he doesn't sue you, kill you, or beat the hell out of you, he's going to be angry!" Cuddy exclaimed.

"If you must know, I wanted to know. Just in case. If the door swung both ways, think of how much more porn suddenly opens to me," House chuckled. She gave him a disgusted look.

"And Wilson will get over it. Hey, I could practically taste what he had for breakfast three days ago, and he didn't even bite me. Think about that, Cuddy!" he added. Cuddy threw her hands in the air and walked out. House sat back in his chair and smiled. Oh, he knew he was straight and was pretty sure about Wilson, but it was fun to make everyone wonder.