Disclaimer: I don't own anything Psych and I am not making any profits off of this story. It all belongs to the Steve Franks and USA network and whatnot so, please don't sue and please don't be offended by the language or situations the characters find themselves in.
Author's note: This is not a continuation of my other Shassie story, this is a different story. I still have not decided what to do with Emptiness Assuaged with an Answer.
So Easy to Shatter, So hard to Rebuilt
The Sun was slowly setting, painting the sky in a vibrant array of reds, oranges, yellows, blues and purples as day began giving way to night.
The ocean deep blue and calm, lapped lazily at the base of one of the many rock cliffs that jutted out towards the water.
At the very top of this cliff, flat and draped over with the soft green of grass, a lone figure sat atop a smooth gray colored boulder that rested near the middle of the flat top.
Dressed in a white button-up shirt a few sizes too large for him and faded baggy blue jeans, sat staring out at the calm, unending blue and the richly painted sky.
A warm, salty breeze softly blew over the cliff top, gently rustling through the green grass and spiky, light brown hair.
The beauty of this place and the tranquility it portrayed would've made anyone smile and feel content in the serenity.
However, that was not the case for this lone young man sitting on the boulder.
The beauty of this place did not resonate through him. The colors of the evening sky held no brilliance to him, they were all blurred into one sodden, murky hue, ugly and opaque.
As he sat there, Shawn Spencer looked out towards the horizon where earth met sky with green eyes dulled, seemingly extinguished of their fiery spark.
The calm blue waters did not bring him a sense of peace like they would have someone else.
No, the deep, dark blue hue of the water served only to cause a dull ache to develop in his chest and steadily intensify with each passing beat of his heart and remind him of a pair of eyes tinted in this same shade of blue.
The eyes of the man he loved, this dark shade of blue the pigment of fury and disgust.
The eyes of the man Shawn believed had loved him back.
Shawn swallowed thickly against the large lump that had lodged in his throat and blinked his eyes furiously as they burned.
If anyone asked, he say it was the saltiness of the sea air, not the bitter despair he was feeling inside himself.
In near stifling desolation, Shawn sat staring unseeing at the ocean, his mind drifting off unbidden to the day when he'd seen the blue eyes in all their angry darkness along with several others glaring back at him, the day that had by far been the worst day of his life.
" Mr. Spencer, your actions today were inexcusable, 25,000 dollars in damages to police property. Two brand new squad cars now nothing more than scrap metal. What the hell were you thinking?!" Yelled Chief Karen Vick, eyes blazing with unbridled rage as she glared at the man standing before her desk.
Shawn Spencer stood before the chief, feeling the glares of the three other people in the room all burning holes into the back of his head.
All three of them were just as pissed off at him for what he'd done. Even Gus, though he hadn't been an active participant in the stunt itself.
Two brand new squad cars totaled because he'd used them to set up an impromptu roadblock to stop a rather lengthy car chase.
The plow had worked to stop the fleeing suspect, a man accused of kidnapping three little kids, toddlers stolen right out of their own bedroom.
Twin girls who'd just turned three and a 2 year old little boy. They were just babies, and some monster had taken them with intention of doing God knows what to them.
The Roadblock had worked, it had brought an end to the car chase but, it now seemed like it had all been in vain because the kids hadn't been found in the car once the man behind the wheel of the car that had crashed into the squad cars had been dragged out of the car and arrested.
Now it seemed that the man had nothing to do with the crime and had simply run out of fear.
It seemed without a shadow of a doubt that Shawn Spencer had screwed up, royally so this time.
But, in his heart Shawn knew that the man that had been arrested was guilty, he just knew.
But, back to the present scene, Shawn waited for the anvil to drop.
And drop, it did.
" Mr. Spencer, seeing as to how you have been a great help to the department, I will not have you charged for anything even though there are ground to such action. It has been suggested to me by some people that there is only one other form of punishment I can dole out. Though you and Mr. Guster's input have been valuable asset to this department in helping us solve cases, your actions today simply cannot be ignored. Yes, the suspect was important and he was apprehended but, if using police equipment in such a reckless manner is your way of helping than I have no choice but to relieve you of your employment with this department."
It was like glass was shattering around him.
The shards falling were his life.
As he stood there, Shawn felt his mind light up as the chief's words registered.
Sure, he realized now that he'd just been axed but, it was Vick's words that some people had suggested the action to her that had Shawn's heart coming to a dead halt in his chest.
As though on auto-pilot, Shawn turned and zeroed in on the three people in the room.
Gus and Juliet stared at him with eyes wide in shock, clearly having not anticipated what had just happened.
Lassiter stared at him with eyes still a deep dark shade of blue with anger but it wasn't until Shawn looked closer and caught the other emotion swirling around inside their depths.
Oh God it was him.
The man he'd been secretly in a relationship with for nearly seven months. The man he cared for, deeply. The man he knew he loved and believed loved him back.
Lassiter had been the one to suggest firing him.
In the distance he could hear that Juliet was saying something to Vick, but it was so muffled because his ears simply weren't able to function properly in his current state.
Swallowing back his own fury and hurt at this harsh betrayed, Shawn spoke.
" Well, I guess you're just thrilled now aren't you Detective? We're out of your hair for good. Guess you got your wish." He had to bite his lip to keep angry tears from leaking out of his eyes.
He watched as a slightly taken aback look spread over Lassiter's face before the man spoke.
" What, Spencer no! I didn't, Shawn that's not what I-" Began Lassiter shaking his head vehemently, trying to explain when Shawn cut him off.
" Save it." Spat Shawn.
" Just save it, Carlton. After all this time I thought you knew us better than that. I guess the spirits lied to me." Said Shawn with a hollow, mocking laugh.
Then shaking his head in disgust, Shawn stalked away as fast as he could with Gus following after him.
As he all but ran ignoring the few other glares thrown his way by other members of the SBPD as he passed, Shawn couldn't help but think on what he hadn't said.
" After all this time I thought you knew me better. After all this time I thought you loved me. Hell, I know I felt something, felt it enough to wanna finally tell you the truth. God, I'm such an idiot."
The day only grew worse when, once they'd fled the station, Gus had let his own anger be known.
" Goddammit Shawn. We are so lucky they didn't arrest us both. And besides that, it wasn't even my fault cause you're the one who went and stole those cop cars. Look at what a fine mess that had turned out to be. Shawn, I told you to stand back and let the police handle it, you yourself said that you weren't feeling so hot this morning, that you'd puked your guts out. I told you to take it easy Shawn but, did you listen? Do you ever listen to a word of what I tell you? No you just go barging in and causing a full blown mess. And now look what's happened, you went cost the department thousands of dollars, could've gotten yourself killed and got us fired!"
Gus had dropped him off at his apartment and then sped of with clear instructions that he was not to call him for anything, that he wasn't speaking to him as of right then.
After he'd watched Gus's car disappear around a corner, Shawn all but fled into his apartment building, feeling himself break with each passing second. Once he was inside his apartment, Shawn barreled towards the bathroom and all but dove inside as his body upchucked what little food he had in his stomach.
Once he was done expelling bile and stomach content, Shawn breathed deep in an effort to calm himself down.
He pushed himself up from kneeling before the porcelain throne and rinsed out the foul taste of vomit from his mouth.
Then, he shot out of the bathroom and pulled out his cell-phone to make some necessary calls.
Once that was all done with, Shawn switched off his phone and hurriedly made his way down the hall to his bedroom.
All but ripping the closet door off it's hinges, Shawn pulled out a large black duffel bag and proceeded to stuff it with clothes, his laptop and it's charger, toiletries, and other such item.
Enough to hold him over for a very, very long time.
He'd just stuffed one of his t-shirts into the bag when a full body wrenching sob wracked through him, almost sending him to his knees.
Trembling from his very bones outwards, Shawn gasped as he choked back his despair.
After teetering precariously on the edge of shattering completely, Shawn remembered everything that had happened.
He remembered the one who had betrayed him. Made a fool out of his trust and his love.
With a low growl, despair was replaced with seething fury, Shawn stood up straight and held his head high as he went about and finished packing up his bag.
When he could stuff it no more, Shawn pulled on his worn, brown leather jacket and hoisted the strap of the duffel over his shoulder.
Then, Shawn was all but pounding over the wooden floorboards of his apartment, pausing to take one final look at what had been home and the place where many times he and Lassiter had shared passionate nights and happy, quiet moments together.
All of that had been shattered in one single moment.
Then he turned and walked out the door without a second backward glance, closing it behind him with a sharp slam.
Shawn came out of his revere when the pungent smell of sea salt filled his nostrils.
Another soft breeze from the sea had blown right into his face.
With a soft sigh Shawn bowed his head, feeling warm liquid spill past the seam of his eyelid.
Straightening back up, Shawn reached up and slowly wiped the warm saline away from his cheek.
He may not have cried that day but, over the last three and a half months since he'd left Santa Barbara a broken soul and come here to Bandon, Oregon, he'd let his tears run rampant throughout the days that passed by.
And having to go through yet another life altering event just two weeks after he got here only added to this entire taxing ordeal.
Shawn uncurled his legs until his boot covered feet were firmly on the ground. He shifted forward until most of his weight was being borne by his feet and he was no longer sitting on the boulder, just leaning on it.
He stared out at the ocean for a moment before he turned his gaze inward, towards himself.
Shawn couldn't help it as he stared down at his midsection.
He may have been wearing a large baggy large shirt that hid it well from the rest of the world but, the article of clothing could not do anything to hide it from Shawn himself.
Shawn couldn't help it as he felt his eyes burn with saline, making his vision swim once again as he reached up with lightly shaking hands and gently pressed them to his stomach.
Tenderly cradling the lightly protruding bump hidden beneath the loose cotton of his button up shirt.
Shawn breath hitched softly as he gently and reverently rubbed his hands over the small bump.
Tears spilled free from his eyes, carving bitter trails down his pale cheeks till the dripped off the sides of his jaw.
After several trails had been carved, glistening in the dimming sunlight Shawn reached up with one hand and wiped the wetness from his face yet again.
Then, Shawn lightly pushed himself off the rock and stood.
Seeing as to how the sun was nearly submerged all the way into the horizon, Shawn decided that he'd stayed out long enough, it was time to head back to the bed and breakfast.
The place he... and the baby inside of him called home at the moment.
Shawn Spencer hadn't been the only one betrayed and hurt that day.