Title: Wish I Was Her

Author: Kelly Rowe

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The Chronicles of Narnia Characters are the properties of their creator, writers and all who have worked on them. I am simply playing with them for my own amusement and make no profit from them – trust me on this.

Summary: AU. Susan wants Caspian, but Caspian wants…

Spoilers: The Chronicles of Narnia Series – The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe & Prince Caspian (movieverse).

Distribution: My site (eventually). Wherever else I put it. Anyone else want it, just ask and you shall receive.

Pairing/s: Susan Pevensie/Prince Caspian

Notes: This is an AU fic, events of the movie all took place except that Aslan let them stay and they never returned home.

Susan Pevensie was a girl who knew what she required, but was as always indecisive as to how to achieve her desired resolution. In the three years since she and her siblings – alongside with the many courageous Narnians – had helped to re-establish the then Prince Caspian (and now King) to his throne, peace and prosperity were returning to the once distinguished country. Ever since then – by decree of Aslan - she and her siblings had ruled in cooperation with Caspian and it was there the concerns began for her.

A component of the problem was that she was in love with Caspian. That she had been wildly in love with the handsome Telmarine King since the actual second she had laid eyes on him in the Shuddering Woods. The remainder was that two days earlier – during a meeting of the Lord's Council - the palace advisors had proclaimed that it was time for the elder three rulers to find appropriate spouses – if at all possible they should ally themselves with someone who carried an adequate amount of influence to be of aid to Narnia.

Ever since that instant she had expected the most unpleasant occasion to transpire. That Caspian would walk into the Throne Room, look all of the Pevensies in the eye and announce his betrothal to some ridiculous, appealing little thing from a neighbouring kingdom and that she would never have the chance to tell him of her feelings. This was her foremost problem, how could she stop him from being happy when that was what she wanted for him?

So she simply stood out there on the terrace adjacent to the library, the one that overlooked the city beneath and endeavoured to discharge her thoughts, to focus on moving on and past her highly unsolicited feelings. Instead her reverie was shattered by the recipient of most of her thoughts and all of her affections strolling out to join her. He smiled in greeting and she nodded her head decorously in acknowledgement before she returned to her brooding.

Moments later she became aware that Caspian was now standing beside her. With all of the balcony area to stand, he had situated himself so close by that he was very nearly touching her shoulder with his own and she heaved a sigh in dissatisfaction at being so close and yet so far. To preserve her common sense, she went to move away and found herself stopped by her secret love.

"Queen Susan, may I have a moment of your time?"

Meeting his enigmatic onyx eyes with her translucent blue ones she nodded her consent, "Of course, my King."

She made her way over to the bench that Peter had placed out there for both herself and Lucy to sit on at an earlier time in the summer and waited impatiently for Caspian to speak. However as an alternative to speaking, he began to pace the length of the balcony, as if he were apprehensive about something.

"King Caspian, are you all right?" she asked him concerned at his unorthodox behaviour.

He stopped his pacing and looked at her, "No, my Queen. I do not think that I am."

"Is it anything that I could help you with?"

"I believe so," he began sensitively. "I am in love."

Susan's heart clenched and then shattered into a million fragments at those four unadorned words. Somehow through the pain she managed to find her voice to reply, "With whom?"

"That does not matter," he replied. "All that does is that since our advisors informed us that we must marry…"

"How may I be of help?" she asked hiding – or at least attempting to hide – her feelings for him and about what he had told her.

A frown appeared on his handsome face and also a furrow between his brows as he contemplated her enquiry. "I do not wish to make a fool of myself… How can I tell if she feels the same for me?"

"I cannot envisage any woman daring to turn you down."

"She is not just any woman. She is… extraordinary."

Susan nodded, "Of course."

Caspian sat down next to her and continued, "She is the absolute opposite of what I have been brought up to believe a King – a Telmarine – needs in a wife. However I cannot envisage my life without her now and all that came before I met her seems like a bad dream. Am I making any sense, Queen Susan?"

Pushing her despondency aside at Caspian's earnestness, she did something very incongruous to her customary behaviour in his companionship. She placed her right hand over his left and looked him in the eye, "She – whoever she is – is a very fortunate woman. My counsel to you is simply this… Tell her how you feel about her. If you wait… you may never get the opportunity again and she may slip through your fingers." Lingering a few seconds longer than was necessary she removed her hand and stood up, breaking their eye contact, "If you will excuse me, King Caspian?"

"Of course, Queen Susan. I bid you good day."

She nodded her acknowledgement and walked swiftly from the terraced area towards her suite of rooms. Ignoring Lucy and Edmund as she passed them in one of the countless corridors of her journey, she made it to her chambers moments before she broke down in tears. Sitting down on her bed, she berated herself for being so imprudent, for waiting so long to tell him and for giving him advice on what to say to this woman who had won his love. Resigning herself to her destiny and to meeting this epitome that Caspian was preparing to betroth himself too, she simply sat there until one of the many palace maids came to collect her for dinner.

As she entered the dining hall, she saw that only Lucy and Edmund were there which was tremendously abnormal because Peter continuously made certain to be there first – whether it was because he wished to be served first or because he just wanted to beat Caspian there she did not know. Bewildered, she simply took her accustomed seat, to the right of where her elder brother habitually sat and waited, listening only half-heartedly to the conversation her two younger siblings were indulging in.

At the sound of male amusement and voices she looked up to see both High Kings – Caspian and Peter – enter the room, simultaneously for once. They sat down at the table, but this time they had swapped seats placing Caspian right next to her all the way through the meal. It was torturous, sitting next to him while pretending nothing was wrong and having to choke down the food that had been so solicitously prepared for them. All she could think about was Caspian's woman and who she might be, there were just so many beautiful women in the surrounding kingdoms.

The first opportunity that arose she excused herself and left the table. Needing some time alone she headed out into the garden that Caspian had been adamant that they plant. She felt that it was a idealistic gesture, as it was virtually indistinguishable to the one his father had commissioned for his mother after her death. The pastel blooms in the colours of pink, yellow and lavender shone in the moonlight and as she touched one of the fragile blooms with her gentle fingers she at last felt at peace for the first time in days.

"Queen Susan?"

She jumped at the sound of Caspian's voice, as it was unexpected and she had thought that she was alone. "King Caspian?"

"I wished to tell you that I have spoken to her family and gained approval to pursue my future Queen."

"That's astonishing, Caspian," she told him. They stood there in silence for a few moments before out of the blue Susan asked, "What is she like?"

"She is everything… The sun and the moon in the heavens, the stars that glimmer on us at this very moment and the explanation for why my heart is beating. I have loved her from the moment our eyes initially met and I will love her long after I have crossed over into Aslan's country. My love is intelligent, courageous, steadfast and gentle, but she is also intense and strong willed. She is simply… perfect!"

Taking a deep breath she replied, "She does sound wonderful…"

He moved towards her, "Have you not yet guessed who she is?"

"Princess Amara of Archenland?"

He shook his head and stepped yet closer, "Try again."

"Lady Namarari of…"


Susan threw her hands up into the air, "I don't know."

"One more guess," he encouraged stopping right in front of her.


He laughed, "As much as I am fond of and think highly of the little Queen, she is not the Pevensie I am in love with."

Optimism blossomed in her heart as it began to restore itself, but she could not help but respond in a certain manner. "It's not Peter is it?"

"Peter is not a woman."

"He could be," Susan smirked. "After all I don't know what goes on behind his closed doors."


She reached up and caressed his face with her hand, "You are my everything too."

He placed his hand over hers and stared into her brilliant blue eyes, "I love you, Queen Susan. Will you be my Queen?"

"Yes," she replied her lips inching towards his.

Their lips were barely inches from each others when he pulled back, "Haven't you forgotten something?"

"Like what?"

"I say I love you and you say…"

She smiled as she pulled his head back down towards her own, "I love you… Now kiss me already!"

"Your wish is my command," he answered mere moments before their lips fused together. When they at length broke apart, he smiled, "I believe that for once King Peter was correct."

"About what?"

"When he approached the advisors and suggested that it was time that we all should marry."

"That was Peter's idea?"

"Yes… Why?"

Susan tried to hold back her amusement but could not, "He is unbelievable."

"Susan, what is going on?"

"Peter arranged this," she told him. "He obviously figured out that we loved each other and were not about to act on the feelings just yet and so he created a situation to force one or both of us to admit our love to the other."

"That is so…"


"Yes," he answered. "So… should we thank him?"

Susan pressed a fleeting kiss to her beloved's lips, "Not right now. I can think of much better things that we could be doing rather than that."

Caspian smiled in return, "So can I."

As their lips met once again the world surrounding the twosome slipped away and they under no circumstances observed the three figures watching them from the entrance to the garden. High King Peter, King Edmund and Queen Lucy all smiled at each other and at the couple in front of them. It had been a monumental endeavour to get those two to acknowledge their feelings and stop dancing around each other, but in the end it was worth it to maintain their happy home for now and for the future.