Once upon a time, DIS got bored and entered the Game section on FF.N. As she looked upon the fandoms, she was bemused to find that Solitaire was a fandom. So bored was this authoress that she clicked on 'Solitaire' and entered a strange world where she got inspiration for this story.
Title: An Intervention Among Cards
Summary: The Jack of Hearts has been looking a bit...strange...lately. The other face cards decide that it is time to have an intervention. Totally random and senseless. Drabble.
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own anything.
An Intervention Among Cards
Lately, the King of Hearts had been noticing that the Jack of Hearts would go missing whenever it was time to play Solitaire. In fact, he was sure that the Jack of his Suit was wandering away to Minesweeper. The other cards of his Suit had told him they had seen him sliding past Internet Hearts, past Internet Reversi, and past Internet Checkers to land on Minesweeper.
The King of Hearts knew what that smiley face did when people weren't looking. It was the reason he was always smiling and why when you clicked on a blank square, he had a shocked expression on his face. It was no wonder the Jack of Hearts' mustache was looking a bit bushier than usual lately. His curly hair had been looking a bit tangled, too. He truly was not taking care of himself adequately.
The King of Hearts called for an intervention, and the face cards, he found, agreed with him wholly.
They settled at a table, with the Jack of Hearts at the head. He looked politely puzzled, clearly wondering what was going on. "Where are the tacos, King?" He asked the King of Hearts, having been promised free tacos. "You know how hungry I get."
"Jack, my boy, we need to have a talk," he said with a sigh.
"Yes, Jack," the King of Spades agreed, "we must speak of this problem you have developed."
"You are hurting all of us, not just yourself," the Queen of Diamonds added.
"And we wish you would stop," the Queen of Hearts said with a sad look.
"I don't know what you are talking about!" The Jack of Hearts said frantically. "I haven't been doing anything wrong!"
"You've been hanging around that smiley face on Minesweeper," the King of Hearts told him gravely.
"Oh, so I can't make friends anymore, can I? Maybe I want to have a different conversation except for what us boring cards talk about! All we have to say is go over all the games in Solitaire or how things are going at Freecell. I just thought I would go and see how things are doing there with the smiley face and you all think I'm doing something bad!"
"Get the Aces in here," he ordered. The Jack of Clubs nodded and toddled to the door and the Aces came in with a bag. They dumped a bunch of gray bricks on the table. The Jack of Hearts stared at it. "You've been smoking blocks with the smiley face. This was found in your room."
"I don't know what this is," the Jack said. "Where did this come from? Not from my room, that's for sure! It couldn't have." He glanced away quickly. "Dunno why you think it's mine."
"Jack, you have to confess to your sins."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know that you've been smoking blocks with the smiley face. We tried to protect you, but you broke through our protection."
"The smiley face is nice...He..." His eyes flickered to the blocks and then he jumped on the table, snarling and rolling around in the blocks. The other face cards stared, horrified at him to see where his addiction had gotten him. "MINE, MINE, MINE! MY BLOCKS, MY BLOCKS!" He lit one and put a straw in the side, smoking from it. "Ah, yes...That's just what I needed."
"Jack, I'm sorry," the King of Hearts sighed as the Aces and other Jacks dragged him kicking and screaming from the blocks. "We're going to have to put you in Paint."
"NO!! NOT IN PAINT! AT LEAST PUT ME IN FIREWORKS! IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS PHOTOSHOP, BUT IT'S NOT AS BAD AS PAINT!"
"Maybe you will learn not to smoke gray blocks and stay away from the smiley face. Remember this, Jack: your fellow face cards are always right."
DIS: Someone is going to look at this and wonder, "W...T...F?" just as I did when I read my first Solitaire fic. Please leave a review on your way out, even if it is criticism. Ciao!