The Musings of a Rat

Arthor Notes/Disclaimer- Just a little plot bunny, featuring the thoughts of everyone's favorite rat. Takes place after the third book. Also, I do not own Harry Potter.

They say that the best way to know someones character is by the choices they make. But is that entirely true? Could one mistake ruin everything? I pondered as I sat there beside our lake. It's not like I set out to be a traitor, it just happened. I had no idea of what possessed me to tell You-Know-Who about the Potter's location. Fear I guess. Even as a child I have never been really brave. Imagine my surprise when I got sorted into Gryffindor. The ones known for their bravery and selflessness. Qualities I don't have, instead I am a coward who betrayed one of my closest friends. One of the very few who befriended me when I was a timid first year. The same ones who were the most popular boys in our year. They could have been friends with anyone, but they choose me. And how do I repay them? By killing one of them and his wife. Imprisoning another, and leaving the third one to loneliness. I know that they didn't deserve it, but yet a part of me thinks they did.

I remember when we were back at school. James, Sirius, and Remus were the type all the girls wanted to date , and all the guys wanted to be like. And why not, they were all charming and good looking, while I've been described as being average to cute. Not to mention that James and Sirius were from old wizarding families worth thousands of gallons. And while Remus didn't share the same status as the other two, he was an enigma. While I was a half blood from a middle class family, and not at all mysterious. While James and Sirius were popular with the girls, I got tongue tied around them, and then usually ended up making a fool of myself. There was this one time I did get a date, I was so excited to tell them. Surely they'll be happy for me right? Wrong, instead I spent the night comforting Sirius, over his Oh-So-Evil parents. I mean my parents aren't perfect either, but do you see me complain?

All three were also brilliant. while not stupid I still had to study hard while , it came easy for them. I remember the first time I got an O on my Transfiguration paper. It was shortly after I've first became an animagus. I thought they would be happy for me.But were they? No, instead Sirius and Remus were comforting James. Why, you may ask? Because she went to Hogsmend with Severus. And I knew for a fact that they just went as friends.

There was also the time I found out that my parents were getting divorced. As I motioned earlier my parents were far from perfect. But I thought that I came from a fairly happy home. My parents doted my older sibling and I. True, my two older siblings overshadowed me a bit, one being head girl and the other one caption of the Hufflepuff Quidditchteam, while I was one of the most popular kids at school. Or at least friends with the most popular kids at school, even if we've spent most of our time in detention. But at least I was a part of something. Or so I though. I remember being distressed about it, ready to cry, and what happens next? Remus and his furry little problem. I mean, I do feel sorry for him. It must be hard being a werewolf. But for once I wanted comfort, instead I ended up having to comfort Remus who was afraid that Severus was going to tell the whole school about his furry little problem. So what if he is a werewolf? He still is the same person.

Shortly after the divorce I begain to separate myself from my friends. While Sirius and Remus were still angry with each other over the "Wooping Willow incident" James was too busy trying to woo Lily to notice me. Then the next year when he finally got her, Sirius and Remus were friends again, and the three of them were busy planning their future. James was going to marry Lily and become an Auror alongside Sirius, while Remus was still trying to find employment for a werewolf . I don't think they even noticed me most of the time. Not that it mattered. To them, I was just "good ol' Peter." I was their friend yes, but they had their own little problems, who cared about mine?

This went on even after we graduated Hogwarts. I remember while watching James' and Lily's wedding a knot forming in my stomach. How could they be so happy, I thought, while I am suffering inside? The next thing I knew I apparted away and ended up meeting Crouch Jr. and the next thing I knew I was a spy. It took awhile for him to convince me to join the Dealth Eaters, but finally sealed the deal mentioning my not-being-very-good-friends, friends. I felt guilty yes, but what could I do? It's not like they ever really noticed me. It wasn't like I wanted to get anyone hurt, I just wanted to save my own skin. Who wouldn't? I instantly felt guilty when James and Sirius made me secret keeper. They trusted me, not knowing that I was the spy on orders to find out where the Potter's were hiding. As soon as I reveled the location I felt guilty. I guess a part of me thought that You-Know-Who was just going to kill Harry, and leave James and Lily alone. How wrong I was.

Then the next day I was confronted by Sirius. And what did I do? Kill a dozen muggles and going into hiding in my rat form. I wasn't even man enough to admit my mistake and go to Azakaban like a man. Instead I let an innocent man, who would never betray away to take my punishment. I then spent the next twelve years in hiding, as a pet rat for the Weasley family. Imagine my shock when he escaped, and when I found out my other old friend was teaching at Hogwarts. I remember hearing that Remus now had possession of our old map, and that he'll find out. When the truth was finally reveled the and the two made up I my fate was inevitable. And the sad thing was, I knew I deserved it. It was lucky for me that it was the night of the full moon, and that "Moony" forgot to take his wolfsbane potion that night, or else I would have been dead. Instead, I was able to escape, and Sirius is still on the run. Know that Remus and Harry and his friends know about me I am also in hiding. Maybe someday I'll come out of hiding and be the Gryffindor, I know I can be.

A/N- This is my first time attempting to write a fic about Peter and why he did what he did, so I hope I did his character justice by showing both his bitter and insecure side as well as his remorse. I think that he was a vauled member of the Marauders, but sometimes a bit shifted by the others and their own problems , which I blame on just being self-centered teenagers. Please Review.