A/N: Yay Update. So ya this all just came out. I really don't know where it came from.
Enjoy, though it's a little sad in the middle.
Disclaimer: No, Twilight is not mine. Though a girl can dream though.
What was I thinking? What was I thinking? What was I thinking?
Maybe if I repeated it enough times I could come up with an answer that actually made sense to me.
I mean what possessed me to kiss Edward Cullen… THE Edward Cullen?
I don't even think you could have counted it as a kiss. It was more like an attack, by me – shy, plain, boring, Bella Swan.
It was incomprehensible.
But even now, as I was driving home, the memory of the kiss, his flesh searing into mine, gave me that warm tingly feeling at the pit of my stomach. All I could smell was his wonderful scent, a mixture of cologne and something sweet. I could still taste him on my lips. I felt like I was drunk off this sensation.
I wonder. If I got pulled over, would I get arrested for intoxication?
It wouldn't matter. I would do it all over again anyway.
I still couldn't believe that it was really Edward. Sure, I had just moved back into the city a couple of weeks ago, but to see both Cullen brothers in one night. It was almost too much.
And Edward hadn't even recognized me, even if his brother had.
I was ambivalent about this fact. Yes, I was happy, because I was proud of how I looked these days, after years of work, and I could tell from Edwards little reaction back at the gym, that he wasn't exactly complaining. It was bittersweet that the hottest boy from high school was now panting after me like a dog.
But, that was the other side of the argument too.
I had to admit that I was a little miffed. I mean, you expect someone who tormented you everyday back in high school to at least recognize you. Maybe he just didn't recognize me without internal pain etched into my face.
I though back to the last time I saw Edward Cullen and how life had brought me here since then.
It was two weeks before graduation. Prom seemed to be the only thing on everyone's mind. I was getting pretty sick of it all.
Angela was absent that day, so I opted for getting my lunch and retreating to the library for some peace and quiet. I was still pretty much a hermit even after all this time.
Once there, I grabbed my favorite plush seat in the corner and a copy of "Brave New World".
I nearly jumped out of my seat when I felt a warm hand lightly touch my shoulder. I took a second in my startled silence to look at his beauty.
Yes, Edward Cullen was an asshole, but damn, he was a good-looking one. I never let my eyes glaze over at the sight of him.
I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
I may hate his shitty attitude, but a girl could enjoy the view for a minute before putting her guard back up.
"What do you want Cullen?" I nearly hissed at him.
Since the incident with my wrist, things really hadn't gotten any better. It was a constant stream of nasty rumors, whispers, and the occasional crude nickname. Not too many elaborate schemes, but I knew that Edward was a big part of the little things that added up to break me down. So, needless to say, our relationship was less than cordial. I had no clue why he wanted to talk to me now.
"Are you going to prom with anyone?"
Whoa, back it up. What? There is no way that Edward is asking me what it seems like he is. His comment seriously knocked me for a loop.
"Because no one thought that you would get a date," he continued. Now, that sounded more like him.
The fury I was feeling must have been portrayed in my features because he immediately tried to mollify me.
"No, what I meant was… I mean… The thing is…" He seemed a bit flustered, but I figured he was afraid I would hit him again. Him pissing me off in the library seemed to be a pattern for us.
"Just shut it, Edward. For your information, I have a date who would love to go with me. And he's not like all of you stuck-up, arrogant asses here. So you can tell that to 'everyone'," I told him snidely.
I really did have a date. I had asked Jacob Black. He was a good friend of the family and lived over on the Indian Reservation. We had become close since I had moved into town, so it only seemed right to ask him to prom. We were both very excited.
Back in the present, I still had to smile at the memory of Jacob. We ended up going to the same college there at Western Washington College. We tried dating for a while. I actually lost my virginity to him. But eventually we realized we just weren't right for each other. We were more like siblings than anything else.
He fell in love with a girl named Renesme. Everyone just called her Nessie. They were now married with a kid on the way. She was such a sweet girl and I couldn't ask for better for my best friend. It takes a lot to get along with someone who is that close to your husband, at least without getting jealous.
But anyway, back to high school.
Edward seemed to get an undecipherable expression on his face.
He seemed to mutter something under his breath about a "cousin."
"You know what? I don't need to put up with this crap." I said angrily, while gathering my belongings. In reality, I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes and I would not cry in front of him.
"Bella, wait." He tried to put a hand on my shoulder as I walked away but I wasn't putting up with any of that.
"Goodbye Edward," I told him firmly, and shrugged him off, leaving him standing there alone.
The next few days flew by - the same old, same old. Angela came back the next day, everyone was still talking about prom, and I still avoided Edward as much as possible.
Once, I caught him staring at me in class, but when our eyes met, he looked away. I sat there for a second, contemplating why, but when nothing came to me, I pushed it out of my mind.
Angela and I went dress shopping in Port Angeles. She found a beautiful lavender dress that framed her perfectly and I found a blue strapless. There wasn't much to choose from in general, let alone in my size. But all in all I was satisfied with my choice.
Everything was perfect and all thoughts of Edward were pushed out of my mind.
Finally, Saturday rolled around and I was getting myself all dolled up.
Jake was supposed to be picking me up at eight and then we were going for dinner at The Lodge, much like most of Forks high school.
I put on my dress and a matching pair of flats – as clumsy as I was I wasn't even going to attempt wearing heels. I only wore a little eye-shadow to match my dress and some mascara to really make my eyes "pop."
In the end I was contented. It was as good as it was going to get.
I may not have been completely into the whole prom thing, but I couldn't help but get nervous as I stood in front of my mirror in the bathroom, still fiddling with the thick curls that were cascading down my back. I was terrified that the omnipresent rain of Forks would strike again, ruining them.
I wasn't stuck-up, but this was my only prom.
Finally, at seven fifty-nine, I stood at the top of the stairs, ready to go. Charlie stood at the bottom, still staring into the other room, trying to catch the score of the baseball game that was on. He was enjoying his weekend off from his monotonous job at the Forks energy plant.
I'll never forget now, and I couldn't help but laugh at then, his reaction as he excitedly yelled at the T.V., "It's going… it's going… it's gone!"
My small giggles brought his attention to the stairs, where I was halfway descended. He looked up at me like such a… a father. I couldn't help it as tears began to sting at my eyes.
"Oh, Sweetie, you look so beautiful. Come on you don't want to mess up that make-up," he told me when he held out his hand to help me down the last few steps. I had to laugh because he knew how clumsy I could be.
"Thanks, Dad." I smiled up at him.
Right on time, there was a knock on the front door. We both turned towards the front of the house, but as we did Charlie suddenly grabbed his left arm in pain. He hissed in a sharp breath.
"Are you alright there, dad?" I tried to keep my tone light, but I was sure that my concern shone through in my eyes.
"Yeah, it's nothing. Now, let's go let that boy in so you two kids can get on your way." He put a smile on but I could tell from the way his brow was furrowed that he was still in pain.
I let it go. And that haunts me.
Jake was standing at the door with a beautiful corsage for me. I was touched and let him put it on my wrist. We didn't want to miss our reservations on such a busy night so we left almost immediately, especially since Charlie already knew Jake - we didn't have to go through the tough father act.
I got in the passenger seat of Jake's rebuilt VW Rabbit, still worried about Charlie, who hadn't relaxed his tense, pained posture since Jake arrived. I figured it was a father-letting-your daughter-grow-up thing.
I rolled down the window to wave goodbye as we pulled out of the driveway. Charlie stood on the dimly lit porch, leaning against the railing. I turned in my seat to keep him in my sight for longer as we began down the street.
I screamed as he collapsed.
Charlie did that night of a heart attack, at age fifty-seven.
I sat all night in the hospital, in my useless prom dress, completely numb. Not one tear fell from my eye. I just sat staring at the off-white color of the hospital wall. Eventually Jake, who had been there silently the entire night, quietly made me stand up and led me to the car and took me home.
I think I was in shock. So, when Jake had to rush home for a few minutes to take care of his own father, I went out. I left a note so he wouldn't worry too much when he came back, but I just really needed to get out.
At some point I had changed into a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I drove my old truck into town and to Carl's Convenience store. I was craving some Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Like I said, I was still numb, it hadn't sunk in.
The little bell above the door was deafening at six-thirty in the morning. It was too early for anyone to be there. Or at least I thought.
I would've recognized the unruly head of bronze hair from anywhere, even there sticking in the ice cream section of the freezer.
As I approached he pulled himself out, along with a pint of ice cream. He seemed quite surprised when he finally saw me. I kept my face emotionless.
I didn't have enough sanity to deal with this.
He politely moved out of my way, but not far enough for my liking. I sighed as I opened the chilled glass door.
"Hey, Bella. I… uh… didn't see you there last night."
"Huh." I tried to tune him out, almost rudely as I searched for my own pint of deliciousness.
"You know, at prom? You said you were going, with a friend." He kept pushing the subject.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah, about that. I had some family issues." I became exasperated in my search for Cherry Garcia and instead grabbed Chunky Monkey. I pulled it out and closed the display door. I turned to Edward.
Of course he had the last Cherry Garcia in his hand.
He tried to make a joke. "You know Bella, if you didn't have a date, you didn't have to come up with a story. You're grandmother dying only works if you hadn't already mentioned that they were both dead."
I don't know what broke in me in that moment, but it sure hurt a lot.
Death. Charlie was dead.
All of a sudden, my entire frame began to shake. I tried to take in air, but it didn't seem to be enough. The container fell from my hands as I stared blankly, eyes wide, at Edward.
I saw his mouth move but I didn't hear a single word that he said. Concern laced his features, but that didn't matter to me. Instead, I calmly, with the exception of my unsteady breathing, walked straight past him and out the door.
I walked straight past my truck and continued down the road, towards home. Edward really must've been shocked at my reaction because it took him a few minutes before his car pulled up beside me – on the wrong side of the road.
"Bella. Bella!" he really sounded concerned now. I just kept walking. "What's the matter? What's wrong?"
As I walked I focused on getting enough air that I wouldn't pass out. At one point, a car passed going the other direction and had to swerve to avoid hitting Edward. The driver honked and flipped him he bird. Normally, I would've smiled, but I just wasn't in the mood.
It was a long three miles. Sometimes Edward was quiet and sometimes he was begging me to tell him what was wrong. I could tell he was getting more exasperated by the minute.
Finally, we were in front of my house. Edward didn't turn to drive up the driveway where Jake's car was parked.
"Bella…" he tried one last time. I wasn't exactly sure why either, all he ever caused was pain.
"Goodbye Edward." My voice was still shaky and I was slightly surprised at how weak my voice sounded. As confrontational as I usually was, I couldn't bring myself to look Edward in the eyes.
I turned and walked inside.
As soon as the door shut behind me, a very worry looking Jake immediately rushed to me.
"Bella, are you hurt?" I knew what he meant but as I took stock of my physical being, I couldn't concentrate over the hurt in my heart.
"I miss my daddy."
I cried. Oh, how I cried.
That was the last time I saw Edward Cullen, or most of my classmates for that matter.
I didn't go to graduation. I had my diploma mailed to me in Phoenix, where I was staying with my mother. It's also where we had Charlie's service, because most of his small family lived near there.
The doctors eventually told us that his heart attack was caused by being exposed to harmful chemicals at his place of employment, but that it was added to by a family history of high cholesterol and an unhealthy weight.
After I mourned the death of my father, I took it as a kick in the butt of my own. I started exercising, eating right, and just taking better care of myself in general.
Just that summer, I shedded pounds like I did clothes. I was proud of myself and the progress that I made. I still stayed to myself most of the time, taking time to make peace with what happened and reconnect with Renee.
Finally, fall rolled around, and I knew it was time to get back to the real world. It didn't take more than a few suitcases to pack all of my clothes back up. A few tears were shed, as I got on a plane and headed back to Washington.
This time I had a new destination: College.
A majored in Creative Writing and minored in Classical Literature.
I had the time of my life. I learned a few things, came out of my shell some and made a couple of great friends. I couldn't ask for more out of the experience.
After graduation, I had moved across the country to Washington, DC, for a year and a half before returning to the rain. I decided we had a love-hate relationship.
And that's how I had ended up attacking Edward Cullen. I was still a little iffy on the why's but…
Edward and I, I had decided, had a love-hate relationship in high school. I had secretly been in love with him, or at least his looks, and Edward hated that I didn't instantly fall all over him.
Now, that was a thought.
Yes, I had come to terms with everything a long time ago, and, in my own way, sort of forgiven him. But that didn't mean I couldn't have a little well-earned, good-natured revenge now.
I smiled to myself as I pulled into the parking garage next to my apartment.
This might be fun, and I may need some help.
A/N: So ya this is like Bella's entire history. Like I said, it kinda just all came out. I do have to say I teared up a little at the Charlie part. Sad. And some ppl have been begging for some revenge and now, you know it's coming. Lol Sorry for any mistakes. I'm definitely typing this in the back of a dark car on my way to NC for a soccer tourney, not that I get to play, freaking ankle ugh, but anywho, I hope I made up for mistakes with an extra long chapter. : ) Hope you liked. REVIEW!