Okay so this is my first attempt at a semi-crack fic! I hope you like it! It's rather errr... something...
revised again! trying to make sasu a less sissy!
When He Doesn't Say I Love You
blah blah blah... the letter she's writing
Women are said to be more emotional and more open to their feelings and I have to say that I agree with that. You hear women saying emotional poems, singing songs, confessing their feelings, but the male side of the couplet…not so much.
They, the males, think it's unmanly of them to open up so much. It's not like we women want them to burst out in sonnets, or sing songs, but a simple I love you or a flattering word every day would suffice.
Sadly, most men think that would degrade them to a level of sissiness that they consider to be "unmanly."
No matter the nagging or the yelling or the fake crocodile tears us women shed, they still refuse to say those three binding words for just no reason.
Sure if they want something, they go and say "I love you." They mean it but would it kill them to just say those three words that make our hearts sing just because they want to?
Apparently it does.
What do you do when he doesn't say I love you? Many women go through this with their boyfriends or husbands so I'm going to tell you how to get him to do so.
I was going to make him say the three sacred words more often.
So, the problem with men is that they don't say I love you often enough, and I'm going to help you solve that problem.
I was scribbling a few words in my notebook waiting for my dearly beloved to come back home.
The door opened.
What do you do to solve this problem? I say we should tie them up. You know? Torture?
I knew it was him. After all, who else would dare come into the household owned by the Uchiha?
Not just tie them up, they should be dangling from a tree, bound by their wrist.
I heard him taking off his shoes and I couldn't help but giggle at my writing.
The rope should be made of wire, inflicting one hundredth the pain we women feel when not told the three big words.
He was now walking towards the living room where I was situated.
They should be forced to watch all the sappy movies like A Walk To Remember, forced to listen to all the emotional talk we chat about, the talk the men try and avoid by saying they're doing something stupid as fishing.
I could now sense him walking to the kitchen. Drat him for taking a detour. I scribbled on further.
Teasing them about their sexuality doesn't seem like a bad idea at all. We could pretty much tease them about worrying about their looks. I know my Sasu-kins hogs the mirror secretly at night.
I could hear the water running from the faucet.
What is with them and thinking that emotions are to girly? Sexist Bastards! Maybe we should change that.
He was walking out now and was close to the sofa I was situated at – the sofa we had made out on more times than I had bones.
Yes, we girls should change that. Simple enough really. While we are pleasuring them during our err… intercourse…yes that would be the perfect time to change their sexism thoughts.
He went to go grab a blanket. Aww… he was cold! I found that to be adorable.
So when they are about to umm… you know, tinkle their little swimmers, we stop them and just move away.
Hmm… this was really sounding like a good plan now.
Oh! We are to keep a knife by our sides so we can use it at this moment.
He came back carrying the blue blanket, not the pink. Sheesh! What a sexist pretty boy. He's in no position to be a sexist. He's far more beautiful, yes I will admit that, than me.
So right when we stop their little swimmers, take that knife and with a quick whack, chop that pretty sucker off.
I loved being a woman.
That will take care of the sexist part, oh but do remember to heal their probably bleeding testes, you wouldn't want that blood seeping into your sheets.
This plan had better work.
Hmm… what should you do with it? Well, you should be wearing gloves, so you should take that sucker and boil it.
I nearly gagged at that thought. My Sasu-kins without his beloved manhood?! I would never allow that.
When it looks boiled, take it out with tongs you will never use again, and in front of your tied up, yes he should be tied up by now, man, feed it to your dog. Watch your man squirm uncomfortably as he takes in the sight of his manhood being chewed by your innocent doggie.
The mind is a powerful creative tool. Sasuke-kun approached our sofa and sat next to me, readying himself to lay his head in my lap.
Now he should be more feminine and ready to say those beloved words we would love to hear.
"Done!" I exclaimed to the head that was now in my lap. Oh his pretty pretty head! I was happy to be with such a man who held such great looks.
He hn-ed as usual, you know being the man of few words.
He opened his dark penetrating eyes and glared at the nickname.
Naturally, you would think after a few years, I was unfazed and continued on ignoring the silly little glare that sent many others running the opposite direction.
I placed a kiss on his forehead, that gorgeous unblemished forehead.
"You know men really having talking problems..."
Oh I could hear his brain groaning, 'here we go again, talking about the useless crap women do.'
"...and i think it's time to change that, No of course I'm not talking about you Sasu-chan!" Of course I was.
He really didn't care, I could sense that, but I continued anyways, "…so I wrote this little note in hopes of helping out women in this non-talking relationship problem!"
I was really hoping he would be half tempted to read it, but being a stupid spoiled bratty (Hot, sexy, pretty) Uchiha kept him from being slightly interested in my note.
"Sasu-kins? I think you should read it! I need a male opinion."
Of course he doesn't want to share his opinion so he just ignores me, well he did open his eye to glare at me. I dunno why, I kinda thought his nickname was kind of adorable.
"Fine Sasu-kun! I will read it out loud!" This should be interesting…
"So, the problem with men is that they don't say I love you often enough…" I began. I could hear him yawning, but then I mentioned the whole tying those fickle men with wire. He tensed slightly.
OOooo! This was fun to watch! The big bad I-don't-get-scared-Uchiha was nearly squirming.
"Sasuke-kun you seem rather uncomfortable, would you rather read it to yourself?"
He nodded and took the paper out of my arms.
His eyes widened slightly at the my little letter and I giggled sadistically.
He looked at me with disbelieving eyes.
"So...," I began in a voice that was meant to be cute and adorable, "what do you think?" I had mastered the art of innocence a long time ago.
"You can't be serious." He just stated that! How could he just state that!? So unbelievable!
"Of course I am! Why not? I mean I'm pretty sure you men value your lovely penis, I don't know why I mean they are kind of ugly, just dangling there you know?"
He guffawed and muttered something along the lines of "I know you enjoy it too Sakura..."
"Of course I do! I just think they're kind of ugly and after seeing more than one you just kind of get sick of them!"
He looked up suddenly and he had a questioning look on his face.
"Awww...Sasuke-kun, jealousy doesn't look pretty on you (he mumbled "I'm not pretty), but rest assured, I think your penis is the prettiest one I have seen in my whole life, so don't worry!"
He glared at me. Why was he glaring at me? I just complimented his manhood!
I didn't stop there, "and if women followed the letter, than there would be less penises for me to have to look at when I'm doing a check up!"
He was fuming.
"Sasuke-kun quit being a baby and just finish reading the letter!"
He looked at me as if saying "I'm the baby? Take a look at yourself before you say that." Ugh. Stupid stupid arrogant petty boy.
I rolled my eyes, men truly are babies.
He went back to reading my precious letter.
I could totally tell he was in shock though he didn't show it, just the slightest raise of his eyebrow and the twitch of his eye gave it away.
He wasn't called a prodigy for no reason, so I knew his big egotistic brain was making the connection between my letter and his lack of saying I love you.
Ah...fear of losing something precious does get to you doesn't it?
"Sakura, did I tell you that I love you?"
Aaahhh… Mission accomplished.
Ta-duh! what did you think!
ReVIEw? revised once again!