Question 1: You Encounter a Woman in the Mall, Do You Follow Her Back to Take a Survey?

by

PND

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

AN: This is not Bleach.


"Get your hand out my pocket, you dumb chimp," Gojyo snapped, smacking the boy's offending appendage away. "I don't have any food in there for you to eat."

"Really, Goku," Hakkai's chiding tone was a little unnerving. "What did you expect to find in there?"

"Gojyo's always hiding food!" Goku snorted, "Aren't any of you guys hungry?"

"Of course we're hungry! We're just not advertising it to the whole world like you."

"Stupid Water Sprite," Goku glared at his companion. "It's not my fault I'm hungry!"

"Would you shut up?" Sanzo snapped, ready to pull out his banishing gun or paper fan.

"Excuse me, Sirs," a young woman stopped them in their tracks. "Are you interested in taking a short survey? In return we—"

"No," Sanzo brushed by her.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but we appear to be busy," Hakkai gave a smile and followed after the priest.

"I'm interested in anything you're interested in," Gojyo said, sidling up to her.

"Oh, so you like cats, too?" Her eyes were shining with hope.

"Sure do," Gojyo nodded. "Once had this cat named Betty and—"

"What do we get if we take the survey?" Goku asked curiously.

"Hmm?" The woman looked down at the boy. "A certificate for a free meal at—"

"Oh, Sanzo! Can we? Can we?" Goku bounded up to the monk. "I'm so hungry!"

"No," Sanzo scoffed.

"Please?"

"No."

"But I'm so hungry!" Goku whined.

"Fine!" Sanzo turned to face the young woman. "We'll take the stupid survey."

"Oh, wonderful!" She smiled, "My name is Seiran. The survey is about the use of violence in society. They are all 'Yes' and 'No' questions and aren't hard to figure out. Let me just get you some pencils..."

They waited patiently as Seiran passed out a card and pencil to everyone.

Gojyo chuckled at the questions and began to fill them out.

"Number one, 'a human is being terrorized by a demon. Do you walk on by?' We all obviously know the answer!"

Goku snickered and shoved his survey in Sanzo's face. "Did you see number seven? 'There is a bar brawl. Do you join in?'"

"That's nothing compared to this one," Hakkai laughed lightly. "'An old woman has just gotten mugged. Do you walk her across the street?' It sounds like one of those 'choose your own adventure' books."

"Well what happens when get across the street?" Gojyo snickered.

"I guess you turn to page 54 to find out," Hakkai chuckled.

"'A child offers to kill your friends. Do you accept?"

"What are you looking at me for?"

"'You see a girl stranded in the desert. She lives at the bottom of a deep canyon. Do you help her home?'"

"'You were a god in a previous life. Do you get along with your relatives?'"

"What happened to the violence aspect of this?"
"'A beautiful mermaid grants you three wishes. Do you accept?'"

"What is this?"

"'You're traveling to India.'"

"That's not even a question!"

"I can see you've finished your surveys," Seiran stepped forward. "I'll just grade them quickly and get your certificates for you."

"Take your time," Hakkai waved as she walked off. "Who thought that was a complete waste of time?"

"Why are you smiling?" Gojyo frowned. "Those were pointless. Who cares about old ladies and deserts?"

"I just wanted the food," Goku frowned. "I answered yes on all of them."

"So did I," Hakkai chuckled.

"I left one blank..." Gojyo shrugged. "The one with the old lady was creepy."

"Sanzo," Hakkai glanced at the monk. "I haven't heard anything from you in ages. How did you fill out the survey?"

"Sirs?" Seiran came back hesitantly. "About your scores...you all did really poorly."

"We did?" Goku looked surprised.

"Yes," Seiran nodded gravely. "Only Sanzo passed."

"How can you fail a survey?" Gojyo wondered.

"How did Sanzo pass? He's the most violent one of us!" Goku was surprised.

"I am a monk after all," Sanzo sighed, taking his certificate from the girl. "I have to have certain beliefs."

"I just want all of you to know that we offer counseling to those who get a less than appealing score..." Seiran handed out the other certificates. "It's actually quite helpful at achieving serenity."

"I think we'll just be going now..." Hakkai smiled again. They all began to slowly walk off.

"Hey, guys..." Gojyo frowned. "This certificate is for Chinese food..."

"Oh my," Hakkai frowned. "Goku, would you like mine?"

Sanzo dropped his on the ground. Goku picked it up.

"Can I have yours, too, Gojyo?"

"No, stupid monkey. It's mine."

"But you aren't going to use it!"

"Like I said. It's mine."

End...