Ok so…first off, I know, it's been AGES. Way, way too long. But I was caught up with work, then with school, then with lots of personal problems, and I kind of got on to writing a few other things for awhile but nothing really steadily, but I just haven't been in the right mood/frame of mind to work on this.
But I think I'm getting back into it. and though technically I was going to write the next chapter for To Love and Protect next, I had to do this one…because it had to be ready to be a birthday surprise for someone. :D
One of my best friends turns 22 today, so happy birthday Nikki! I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I wanted to have it for you for your birthday. :D I lovfe you! ^^
I have not written Twilight in soooo long, and I really need to read the books again, so if I'm rusty on this I'm so very very sorry.
I had slept, apparently, for a couple of hours. It felt like much longer. I had dreamed of the vision again, and when I woke I jerked, residual nerves making me jumpy. I could see the worry in Jasper's eyes, and I blinked quickly, smiling for him. "Hey. Wasn't out too long was I?"
"…no. Alice, are you sure you're-"
"Jasper?" We both looked up at the sound of Edward's voice. He was leaning against the wall across the room, a seriousness in his eyes I hadn't seen before. "Mind if I borrow her for a little bit?"
"She's not feeling well, I don't know if-"
"It's fine, Jasper, I'm ok now, really. It was just a headache." I smiled for him again, pushed gently against his chest to pull away and sit up fully on the couch. "I'll be right back, ok?" Whatever Edward wanted to talk to me about, he certainly looked like it was important. My heart jolted erratically, and I swallowed hard. Maybe he was going to tell me.
"We'll be right back." He spoke to Jasper without turning to face him, already leading me into the next room and out the back door. "Take a walk with me?" his voice was calm, barely questioning.
"Sure." I took a deep breath, worked on calming my nerves again. Every other time I had felt so comfortable with Edward, but this time I was a nervous wreck. It was all my doing of course. Keeping a secret of this magnitude was nerve wracking, but how on earth could I tell them I knew? Being…being what they were it would make sense that nothing would seem weird to them, which might be why Jasper had believed me so easily. Or, that might just have been Jasper and my abilities might seem as impossible to them as their existence would seem to pretty much anyone.
"No, we would never discount your abilities. They're quite remarkable." We had come a ways from the house, now, and I jumped both at the sound breaking the silence and at his words. He faced me, his eyes calm and unreadable. "I know what you saw."
"What…what I saw?" Even if it seemed like he knew, somehow, I wasn't going to tell him anything he might not know.
"Very careful of you, but then I imagine you've had to be." He looked away, eyes scanning the trees. "I saw your vision, because I can read your mind." He looked at me then, to see how I was taking it. "I can read everyone's mind."
It was too much information to process, so I didn't even try. Instead, I let my brain skip over the impossibility of it, relate it to the other impossible things I already knew. "That's how you knew to stop him, in my vision. You knew he wanted…" I swallowed, unable to finish. He had wanted the boy's blood. It was obvious, but I couldn't say it.
Edward sighed, heavy. "Yes and no. It is how I knew but you aren't entirely right about what he wanted." He held up his hand, warding off my confused questions. "And there are things it isn't my place to explain. Jasper will tell you everything, if you tell him what you know. And you have no choice, Alice, what happened in your vision…" he shook his head, mouth set in a grim line.
"No! No, of course it won't, I wouldn't let it, I was going to stop him, stop all of you from going out there."
"So you're going to tell him tonight?"
My stomach twisted, pained at the thought. "I…no." I shook my head, avoiding Edward's gaze. "It's just, I can't yet. I'm just sorting it all out for myself, and I don't know what I'd say. How I'd start. But I'll make sure he's not there Monday when it happens."
"And how are you going to do that, if you don't tell him what you've seen?"
This part I already had figured out, and I was fairly certain of my answer. "I'm going to ask him to trust me." I said it evenly, but I didn't feel as calm as I was trying to pretend to be, at least not about that. I trusted him, more than I ever had anyone. I knew he loved me, knew that we were destined to be together but what I didn't know was how much he trusted me at this point. He hadn't told me everything, and it was either because he was afraid, or because he didn't trust me with the information. I hoped desperately he had just been afraid.
"Oh, he trusts you. You are his…" He tilted his head, thinking his words over. "Our…kind are very different from yours, in many ways. When we find our mate, no one else matters more than them. They become the center of our world, of all our thought. You are, quite literally, everything to Jasper."
Everything in me warmed at the thought, and I was suddenly impatient to be back with him again. To be lucky enough to be his everything…
"You're taking this very well, you know. I have to say, I'm shocked. I knew from what I had seen in your mind when I met you that you would accept him, accept us, but I didn't know you'd do it so calmly." His lips quirked into a smile, his eyes faraway. "And here I always thought Bella had had some sort of problem, not being afraid."
"Bella was…she was…"
I waited, hoping he'd elaborate. No such luck. "I guess…I'm not afraid, because I already knew the outcome. Or at least, parts of it. I know I'm meant to be with him…everything else is just details."
He laughed once, soft. "You're remarkable you know."
"I don't think so."
"You're wrong." He slid an arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. "Come on. Let's get you back before Jasper decides to come looking for us. It won't be long." I nodded, fell in step easily beside him. His movements were so fluid, just like Jasper's…a trait of their…race, I was sure. "You know, Alice if…if for some reason Jasper doesn't listen to you, I will have to interfere. Under no circumstances can he be anywhere near that accident." I nodded. Yes, of course. "And you need to tell him what you know. Soon."
That was going to be harder. "I don't want him to…panic. To think it's a problem for me, to think…"
"There are things he needs to tell you. Things you need to know. He should know, Alice." His words were gentle, but I could hear the slight reproach in them.
"Did you tell Bella right away?"
"No." I could hear the humor in his voice, even on the short, single word. His eyes lit up whenever he spoke about her. "She told me."
He hesitated, laughing once more. "Jasper will take it better, I assure you."
In the end, I hadn't asked him about Monday that night. He would have been more than smart enough it related to the vision I had had while I was with him, and I didn't want him being any more curious about that than he already was. Still, he would probably assume they were related anyway…but it wasn't quite as obvious, this way.
I hadn't seen him all day on Sunday, and I called him that afternoon. He answered after the first ring.
"I miss you."
Alone in my room I grinned like an idiot, curled up against a big pillow on my bed. "Miss you too. How's your day been?"
"Lonely." I heard him shift the phone, whisper something quickly to someone else in the room. "Sorry. Are you feeling alright? No more headaches?"
His concern was as touching as it always was. Even when my family had loved me, no one had ever loved me like this. "No, headache's been gone. I'm fine." I tugged at a thread on my comforter absently, gathering my nerve. "Jasper…if…if I asked you do something, and told you it was important, would you trust me?"
"Absolutely." He hadn't skipped a beat, hadn't even hesitated. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." It tasted so much like a lie it was hard to keep myself from apologizing, and for a moment I bit my tongue. "It's just, we can't be outside at lunch tomorrow. Actually, we can't be anywhere near there. Or the others. Can we just…go somewhere in the building? Please? I know it sounds crazy but I-"
"No, it doesn't sound crazy." His tone changed, his earnestness shining through. "Alice, honey, I told you, I believe you. Whatever you've seen, I believe you." He paused, and when he spoke again I could hear the hurt in his voice. "I just wish you'd tell me what's going on."
I shut my eyes, took a deep breath. "I know, and I will, but right now, can you just trust me?"
"Of course. Of course I can."
Even having thought he would trust me, the relief of actually knowing he did was overwhelming. To be trusted, really, fully, wholeheartedly trusted for the first time in my life… "Thank you, Jasper."
"Of course." There was silence for a moment and I could tell he was still desperately wanting to question me. "I just wish I knew what you were afraid of. You're not in danger are you?"
I shook my head, even though he couldn't see. "No. Nothing like that. It's just…I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry. But I will. Soon. Is…that ok?"
"It's ok." I could hear the stress in his voice and I hated it, but I wasn't ready to have this conversation. Certainly not over the phone.
But it was going to have to happen, and to plan it, I was going to need time to think. I bit my lip, hating the thought of getting off the phone. "Hey…I'm sorry, but there's something I've gotta work on for tomorrow…"
"It's ok." Of course it wasn't. "Can I pick you up tomorrow?"
I laughed, surprised that he had asked. "I thought I told you you could always pick me up?"
His laughter was warm, real. I could almost picture him. "You did. Just making sure I'm still that lucky."
"I love you."
"Love you too. Goodnight, sweetheart."
I hung up slowly, let the phone slide from my hand down the blankets. It was still all so surreal. I was still processing, really. Not even processing. Absorbing. Processing involved thought, and I hadn't gone into any of that, yet. But now…
I had known, of course, that there was something different about him. About all of them. But I had had no name for it, hadn't even tried to consider what it might be. But vampires? Honestly, after what I knew I was capable of I was fairly certain nothing could really shock me, at this point. Still it was…what was the word? Startling, maybe. Not unbelievable that they could exist, but surprising that I would ever encounter them, much less fall in love with one.
Loving a vampire…it sounded insane, on the surface. Incredibly dangerous, at the least. And that was the other thing…I had not for one moment felt in danger with Jasper. And if I knew anything about the way my visions worked(and I knew very little), they seemed to show me major events, or at least minor events related to major ones. I had been able to sense Billy's impending death, so wouldn't I have been even more likely to have a vision about my own, if it were coming? If he was going to kill me, wouldn't I have seen it? I had to believe that, based off of what I knew about the way those things worked. And if that was the case, it would mean he was really no danger to me. Just as I felt he wasn't. Counter to every vampire legend I had ever heard, it seemed unlikely he was after my blood.
Was he different or was I lucky? And if he was different, how? More likely, I was lucky, as weird as that thought might be. For reasons I'd probably never understand, he loved me. And maybe that was enough to keep him from wanting my blood. Could I handle that, being with someone who killed on a frequent basis?
It wasn't even really a question worth considering. I could see Jasper in my mind, could feel everything I had felt in the moment I had had that first vision. He was my soulmate, my everything. I could withstand whatever I had to withstand to be at his side. No matter what that might be.
But how to tell him that…
I took Jasper's offered hand, let him twine his fingers gently through mine. His cool skin was becoming more and more familiar, yet the feel of it never ceased to effect me any less. My heart jumped, pounding for more than one reason. He was doing what I'd asked, walking with me in the opposite direction we should have been going, heading instead down an empty hallway. He was going to ask for an explanation now, I was sure. Of course he would, he had every right to.
And I was no more sure of what I was going to say than I had been before. I had fallen asleep last night thinking it over but still nothing sounded just right. Nothing sounded infallible. Above all else, I didn't want to scare him away. A shot of fear came with the thought, shaking me to the core. I had just found him; I would not lose him.
He stopped me gently, hands coming up to cup my face in his hands. "Alice. Tell me what's wrong. I know you're frightened."
"I…no. I'm fine."
"You're lying." His eyes were dark, worried, and there was an edge to them I didn't recognize that frightened me even more. "What did you see?"
"It was nothing, just…just something easy to prevent, that's all. I just-"
"What was it that was easy to prevent?"
His voice grew more insistent every time he spoke, and I could feel my adrenaline rising. What could I say? How did I even begin? "I saw something that…could have been dangerous."
He stepped back, eyes darkening. "Dangerous how?" I didn't answer him, desperately grasping at straws for ideas. "Alice, answer me. Please."
"Did I hurt you?" He cut me off, the look in his eyes matching the frantic tilt to his words. "Did I-"
"No, no it wasn't like that! It was just…"
He was pacing, agitated, and even though I knew the wild look in his eyes wasn't aimed at me, I couldn't help but be awed by it. And…a little afraid. He was muttering to himself one moment, and the next he whirled to face me, snapping. "Just what? What the hell did I do?"
I swallowed hard, took a step back. "Nothing! I mean, you…" Shit, this wasn't working. His panic had destroyed any plan I might have had, and I was going to have to just spit it out. "I know what you are." The words were quiet, soft, and they tumbled from my lips without any thought. It wasn't all that direct of a statement, but I knew he understood.
He froze, for a moment more utterly still than I would have imagined anyone or anything could be. "Alice." His voice was quiet, calm. Far too calm. "Tell me what I did."
"There was…an accident. In the courtyard. A boy fell, and he hit his head, and he was bleeding and you…" The noise he made was closer to a hiss than anything human, and for the first time he truly looked the part of a vampire. He turned away from me, shoulders hunched, tense. "Edward grabbed you! You couldn't get to him. But then everything got blurry and I don't know what that means, it's never happened before and-"
"It wasn't him." His voice was pained, laced with horror, the anger mostly gone. "it was you." It dropped off then, his tone hoarse. "It wasn't him; it was you. Dear God, I actually would have done it." I could tell he was talking to himself more than me, now. "I would have really gone through with it. Even now…"
No matter how much his anger had taken me off guard a moment before, seeing him hurting was more than enough to break the spell. I darted forward, took his arm and held on even when he flinched. "But you didn't. You hadn't."
"Or I did, and that's why it was blurry, that's why you…" he cut off, teeth grinding together as he pulled away from me. "Don't. Don't…comfort me for this."
I could feel my hands go cold, terrified by the disgust in his voice. This was going even worse than I had imagined. "Or it was blurry because…" I thought quick, searching for an explanation. "Because the future was uncertain. I never see anything that isn't concrete, or at least, it is at the time I see it. but if there was something uncertain about what happened, maybe it could have gone in two directions or something…I don't know, Jasper, but I know that it doesn't scare me."
He shook his head, his eyes squeezed shut, and he moved deftly away from my reaching hands without ever opening them.
"Jasper…I trust you."
He laughed, short and harsh. "How the hell can you? I wouldn't trust me. I don't trust myself, but if I was you I certainly wouldn't."
"Yes, you would." This, at least, I could say with confidence. "You say you love me, and I believe you."
"I do love you. But-"
"Wait." I circled in front of him, though there wasn't much room left between him and the wall at this point. "You love me. You trust me, I know. You proved that today. And I think you love me enough that you would trust me even if the stakes had been different."
His eyes opened, narrow. "That isn't the point. You aren't likely to kill me."
"And you aren't going to kill me, Jasper. I would have seen it."
"You don't see everything."
"I see the important things."
"Alice…" He shook his head, took one small step forward….and it was then that I recognized the scene, the place, even the shirt he was wearing. My head spun with the revelation, and I gasped.
"I always see the important things. And I've seen this. It's what I saw, the day I met you. And I didn't know why it was important until now. I saw this the day I met you. And I knew…about us." I met his eyes, saw that at least something in them had softened. "I knew I was yours." I held out my hand to him, willing him to take it. He didn't, but he stepped in close, resting one arm against the wall beside my head.
"This is wrong." He whispered it softly, close enough that I could feel his breath. "Alice, you don't understand, your blood-"
"I don't care."
"And you don't want me, I'm-"
"This can't be right for you. You're-"
"I love you."
"You have to understand, I want…" he swallowed hard, and I could see the pain displayed in his eyes, in every feature. "I want to kill you. Right now."
It might have been more unnerving, if I hadn't already known that wasn't what was going to happen. My heart was pounding for entirely different reasons, body buzzing with anticipation for the kiss that I knew was coming. "I understand. But I've seen this. I know you'll resist."
"This time, maybe."
"Maybe that's enough." I took a chance, reached up and lay a hand against his cheek. "Whatever the risk is, being with you…I'm willing to take it. And you don't need to worry because if there's danger, I'll see it, and we'll change it. And we can get through this together. I promise."
He shook his head, his frame still tense. "It isn't that simple."
"I think it is." I stroked his cheek, watched the way the muscle in his jaw jumped when I did. "Jasper, I love you. I already know that. I know I belong with you. And I've known it ever since I saw this moment. And what happens next."
He sighed, eyes still closed. "What happens next, Alice?"
My heart jolted, hands almost trembling. "Kiss me."
He laughed once, short. "I'm not sure that's a good idea right now. I don't think the control I need for that would be…possible, at the moment."
"You'll be fine, I promise." I slid my arm around his waist, felt him let me pull him just a little bit closer. "You trust me, remember?"
"Yes. Yes, I trust you." I could hardly hear the words, he whispered them so softly. His eyes were open now, and the look in them was everything I had seen in my vision. Leftover predatory anger, and the tenderness I had seen his eyes every time he had looked at me since we'd been together.
"Then kiss me."
I could see the exact moment he gave in. Something changed in his beautiful amber eyes and he took a last step closer that brought him fully up against me, his hand coming up to cradle my head as he kissed me hungrily. There was none of the restraint he had had before. This was in way carefully controlled…and I could not get enough. The taste of his tongue against mine was unimaginably sweet, and the responding, primal noise he made when I slid a hand to his neck made me shiver. Incredible as those facts alone were, this was far beyond the physical. There was fear and desperation, but more than that, overwhelming love. Love so strong it felt like more than my own…more than my heart and soul together could have been big enough to bear. As if it was both of ours, and yet greater than either of us as the same time. It was incredible, dizzying, and though we broke to take a breath I pulled him back quickly, my grip changing to hold his face in my hands as he pressed closer, trapping me more forcefully between his cool body and the hard metal of the lockers behind me.
It was absolute magic, altering beyond anything I had even anticipated after seeing it. Feel this from a distance could not begin to cover the emotion, the intensity of the moment. I could think of nothing but him, and he was, it seemed, similarly distracted.
"Jasper!" It was Edward, but I had never heard him like this. He sounded…furious.
Jasper sprang back smoothly, breathing heavily. I stumbled slightly, reeling a little from his sudden departure, and his hand shot out to grab my arm and steady me. "Edward. I-"
Edward didn't look in a mood to be reasoned with. "Come with me. Now."
And I know that's a cliffhanger, but I really am going to be doing my best to getting back to updating this frequently. ^^
It's been so long since I wrote Twilight, so I really really hope this wasn't too rusty. It felt it, in the beginning, but then I think I slipped into it better later…I hope that's true.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! (Especially Nik and Beth…you two have been beyond patient. ^^)